Fantasy With a Felon
by QueenBee03
Summary: Christian Grey is in prison for murder, Anastasia Steele is determined to change that.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I always say if a plot bunny doesn't go away after a few weeks, I have to write it...** **One PSA though: this is a work of fiction. I have twisted around some things for the benefit of this story. I know it doesn't quite work the way I have it. (But I mean y'all want Christian and Ana's HEA, right? ;)) Anyway I hope you enjoy my little trip down this dark road.**

 _I find you fascinating._

I read the last line of her letter over and over as if the words will transform into something different. As if they'll manifest into sounds and I'll be able to hear the sweet words from her precious mouth. The mouth of a woman that has changed my life, kept me going, kept me sane over the past few months.

 _I find you fascinating._

 _No, Anastasia Steele, it's I who find you fascinating._ Fascinated by your words, the vibe you emit, by the feelings you evoke from me when I read your words. She doesn't write in Times New Roman font when she writes me. _Why is that?_ I wonder. But Bradley Hand, or whatever that font is that looks like handwriting. It makes me feel like this is more personal. Like she's writing the words instead of typing them.

 _I find you fascinating._

I try to picture her as she writes these words except- I have no idea what she looks like. I have no idea what she looks like when she writes these words to me. _Does she wear glasses?_ Ones that sit down on the bridge of her nose as she types away on her laptop, or maybe her iphone? _Does Anastasia Steele have an iphone?_ Or maybe she doesn't have a smartphone. Maybe she's one of those people that are anti new-age technology. Maybe she's old- like really old. I like to picture Anastasia Steele young. Maybe my age. Or maybe mid twenties. Young, full of life, craving adventure. She certainly speaks as if she's wise beyond her years, and yet something about her leads me to believe that she's young. Very young.

I know that she's in grad school, studying social justice, with _no intention for law school-_ her words.

But I don't know much about her physical age. We haven't discussed that. Surely she knows my age. Everyone does. Everyone knows everything about me after all of the press releases, the articles, the spots in the _Seattle Times, USA Today, New York Times, Washington Post_ , you name it, my name has been there.

 _My name._

 _What happened._

 _What I did._

I was twenty seven when everything went down. And now here I am two years later, not moving. Not progressing, not doing anything except what it seems everyone in America wants me to do. _Rot._

It's been two years and nothing's changed. Despite the mitigating circumstances surrounding what happened, I'm here. Rotting. Like everyone wants me to. _Not Anastasia though._ She sees through the bullshit. I'll never forget her first letter that I got. I thought about tossing it to the side like the other "fan mail" I got. People looking for an interview, a scoop, journalists looking for their big break. I wasn't stupid. My case was intriguing, sexy even. Everyone wanted the scoop. The thing about murder is- it was sexy. Whether people wanted to admit it or not. They wanted to know the who's, the what's, the where's, the _how's._ They were disturbed but they wanted to feel the shiver down their spine. It's why serial killers were so popular.

I wasn't a serial killer though- far from it. I'd killed one person. _A crime of passion, they called it._

He deserved it.

He hurt her.

He destroyed her from the outside in. People often used the phrase from "the inside out". But he destroyed her outsides and then penetrated her insides, deeply. Darkly. Madly.

He'd done it for years and I hadn't known.

I hadn't seen the bruises, the scars. Hadn't seen the look in my little sister's eyes until the day I walked into her apartment to see her sprawled out in her bathroom having swallowed a whole bottle of pills. She was barely awake, half drugged as she croaked out the words that made my blood run cold.

 _Rape. Jack. Years._

Mia's stomach had been pumped freeing her from the poison she'd tried to put in her body for forty five minutes before I was on the move, looking for our step brother. _Jack Hyde._ An hour later, I'd shot him. Two hours later, I was in cuffs.

And now here I was serving a nine year sentence because self defense fell through- self defense as in acting on my sister Mia's behalf. I wouldn't plead insanity because I wasn't insane. I was a big brother and I would be damned if I would ever let Mia go through another second of his torture. So I went down.

 _And I'd do it again._

Mia testified but to an extent. She was traumatized, scared, petrified and I didn't want her going through it on the stand underneath the scrutiny of a judge, jury and the bullshit prosecution that tried to paint Mia and Jack's relationship as consensual.

 _Fuck that._

Mia and I spoke through plate glass after that, and she told me everything. I wish the police would have taken the conversation I know they were tapping more seriously. But I think they thought it was all for their benefit.

I sigh, rubbing my fingers over my forehead as I read her words again.

 _I find you fascinating._

I'd been in here six months before I got her letter. A white crisp envelope with my name across the front in that fancy calligraphy that's reserved for wedding invitations or secret society sex parties.

 _Christian Grey_

I opened it, at best hoping for a laugh. At least, hoping for a reason to go work my frustrations out at the gym. I never expected what was inside that perfectly creased envelope.

I held the note in my hand for hours, reading it over and over wondering if it was some type of joke. I had read letters before, but no one that wanted to help. No one that had put their name and a legitimate institution behind their name. No one that had used the word _exonerated._ A word that in its basic form meant "to free from blame."

I wrote her back the next day.

And thus began our year and a half chain of letters and after some time- email, when I was granted computer privileges. I wasn't in maximum security, but I did spend more of my day behind bars than in front of them which meant some days I couldn't talk to Miss Steele.

 _Those days bothered me._ In the year and a half that we had spoken back and forth, it had been mostly about my case, rarely did we talk about other things, rarely did I get a glimpse into the life of Anastasia Steele. _I wanted to change that._

I read over the last line of her letter one more time before I press my fingers into the keys of the ten year old computer in the library of the penitentiary.

 _I'd like to meet you._

* * *

 _ **Two weeks later**_

I don't know why I felt the need to spend more time in the gym today. I was the fittest I'd ever been in my life, a six pack that was growing firmer by the day, and arms that could bench press a Cadillac. I looked great. Physically I was in the best shape of my life. _Emotionally I was a wreck._

But I was meeting Anastasia today, and for some reason I wanted to look my best. I'd even asked if I could wear something besides the orange jumpsuit.

They laughed when I asked. So here I was sitting on the other side of a metal table, my hands chained together and my feet shackled as I wait for her to enter the room. There's a guard on the inside with us, his eyes staring daggers into my forehead. I wish I could tell him to back the fuck off, that I don't need him here. That she doesn't need him here. That I wouldn't hurt her. But my guess is, they won't exactly take the word over a criminal.

 _There's that word again- criminal._

I hear some shuffling outside of the door and I look up, waiting for the door to open, my heart pounding as I wait for the only person outside of these four walls that I've had consistent contact with. I see the door open and the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on comes walking through. My cock immediately rises to the occasion having not seen a woman that didn't work here in months, but also having not seen a woman that looked this good- ever.

 _Of course, she's dressed like she's from the convent. Her hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail as a turtleneck sweater, long pants and boots cover almost every inch of her skin. Her face is essentially free from makeup except maybe a few coats of mascara on her lashes extending them upwards and what might be a basic lip balm. My father- when he was alive, was a lawyer. He'd also written a slew of books, one in which he'd advised that women visiting jails should cover up as much as possible._

 _But her eyes. Those blue eyes that stare through me. That shy smile she gives me when her eyes find mine. The teeth that nervously gnaw at her lip as she crosses the room. She's beautiful._

"Christian Grey, hi." She says confidently, her sweet voice ringing through the air.

I stand, putting both of my hands out as they're stuck together. "Miss Steele."

"Oh please, Ana is fine, aren't we friends by now?"

 _Friends._

 _All of my friends had abandoned me after sentencing. One of the things I sacrificed along with my freedom. Friendship. Everyone commended me for ending years of Mia's torment and abuse but I was a murderer now. A new box I had to check when I filled out applications. And as my friends started visiting less and less and visits became quick phone calls, I'd learned that my friends didn't want to check that box off._

 _Friends with a convicted felon._

"Take a seat." I usher towards her.

She looks at the guard by the door. "I can't be in here with him alone?"

"If you wish." The bouncer states as if to say _it's your funeral._

"I do. I'll be fine." She turns back to me and waves him off with a flick of her wrist.

He disappears, leaving me and this raven-haired beauty that has me remembering that I haven't been inside of a woman in twenty four months.

I wet my lips and her eyes dart to my mouth. "I knew what you looked like but you're different in person."

"How so?" I ask. _She's certainly different than how I envisioned her._

She shakes her head. "Seeing you on television and in pictures… it's not the same as seeing you in person." She shakes her head again. "I'm not explaining this right. I just- I feel like I know you."

"I feel the same."

"It's good to meet you." She tells me as she pulls out a notepad. "I have news."

"Oh?" I ask leaning back in my chair.

"My team got you a hearing with the appeals board."

"No shit." She nods. "You work harder than my lawyer. Maybe I should be paying you."

She shakes her head. "No no. It's a non-profit!"

"I know, so you've explained." _When I initially offered her money for her help and services and friendship, she turned it down citing all of this pro-bono, non-profit, "I could never take your money" bullshit. Honey, you were trying to give me my freedom, you could have ever penny I had. Not that I had very many left after I spent a ton of them paying for asshole lawyers that just thought I was guilty anyway._

" _You don't pay me to think, you pay me to get you off."_ Andrew Warner had told me, a friend of my father's from law school. He was one of the best defense attorneys in the game. But something tells me despite depleting my bank account, despite giving him everything minus the clothes on my back, it wasn't enough to keep me out of here.

She looks at me, and I realize I haven't said anything. I clear my throat. "Will you be there?" I ask with more hope in my voice than I intended.

She nods. "Yes, of course."

I reach across the table, desperate to feel her skin when she flinches slightly and I hope it's not due to nerves. The door swings open and I see the guard shaking his head at me sternly as if to say _don't even think of touching the pretty grad student again, you piece of shit._

Her head whips towards the door and then back to me just as I snatch my hand back as if her skin is a burning flame, charring my skin. She looks back to me and then down at the place where my hand almost touched hers. "I'll be there." She says softly. She opens her notepad and fiddles nervously with her pen before she looks up at me. "So let me just give you a brief rundown on how this could potentially work."

"I'm all ears."

"You are in here for a nine year sentence with an eligibility to be paroled after four and half years with good behavior." I nod, knowing this well as I've been counting down until that moment."You do understand that this is not absolving you from a guilty sentence?"

"Yes."

"We aren't saying that you didn't kill anyone. This isn't the _Innocence Project_."

"I'm aware, Miss Steele."

"This project examines the circumstances surrounding your case and it petitions the parole board that it needs to be reviewed a second time so that you have a shot at an earlier parole."

"I understand."

"There is a chance that it will be denied."

"I understand that as well."

"But if it's approved…" she trails off. "You're looking at the time needed to be eligible for parole cut in half."

I narrow my eyes as I try to follow this new information she's divulging. _Half? Of what exactly?_

"You're eligible after four and a half years. If the motion is approved you're looking at a total sentence of two years and three months…" she trails off. "Including time served."

"Meaning…" I widen my eyes, needing her to say the words before my mind jumps to a million conclusions.

"Meaning we can have you out of here in 90 days."

I freeze, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I process what the woman in front of me has just told me. _Ninety days? Ninety… fucking… days?_ "Holy shit."

A flutter of a smile crosses her lips and I don't mistake the slight ache in my cock as I watch her lips turn upwards. _She really was insanely beautiful. And she's doing everything she can to get me out of here._

She's an angel in disguise.

 _My angel._

"Please don't get your hopes up." She says softly. "Stay positive, and know that we are all working very hard but I don't know how this is going to go."

I nod as visions of driving a car, sleeping in my own bed… my _freedom,_ come to a screeching halt at her words. "I understand."

"You will need to make a statement, but we will prepare you as it gets closer."

"When is it?"

"Next month, specifically 36 days from now. April 23."

 _April 23. April 23. April 23._

"You'll be ready." She tells me.

"Do my lawyers know about any of this yet?"

"We've been in contact with them, yes."

"They tell you that you were wasting your time?" I snort thinking about my so-called Dream Team.

She swallows, tucking a loose hair behind her ear. "We are taking care of it."

"You're so diplomatic, Miss Steele." _I know my lawyers are fucking assholes, and the look in her eyes tell me that she knows that too._ I cock my head to the side as I notice her squirming in her seat. "Do I make you nervous?" Her eyes dart to mine and widen slightly as a hint of pink finds her cheeks.

"No, I just- I have a million questions running through my head."

"Oh, well by all means..." I raise an eyebrow at her as I open my hands as best as I can.

"Asking seems- I don't know, more invasive in person? It's easier via email."

"Ask away, I'm an open book." I lean back in my chair, my arms falling clumsily in my lap. I'm not in cuffs often as no one really comes to visit anymore, so the steel around my wrists feels awkward and uncomfortable.

"Everything okay… in here? I mean are you having any- trouble?"

I'm shocked that she asks. My own mother hasn't even asked how I'm doing, the few times she reaches out. I guess you murder your mother's husband's son and she's not exactly first in line to bring you care packages. _Not that I could have them anyway._ "Nothing I can't handle."

And this was true, my first three or four months was a constant standoff with almost every man in this wing of the prison. _The new guy needed to be initiated._ Twelve years of kick boxing, UFC training and _Krav Maga_ with a trainer had prepared me well for my time here, and my skills were put to the test, constantly. After four months of essentially having to kick the asses of 70 percent of the men here, people kind of left me alone.

"Because we can have you moved, if you'd like. To be by yourself?"

"I have a cell by myself, I can assure you that I am fine Miss Steele. I'm a big boy."

She nods before she looks down at her notes and then back at me her brows furrowing together and I have a feeling I'm going to have a difficult time answering this next question. Her tongue darts out wetting her lips and again my cock takes notice. I try to convince myself that I'm not going to furiously masturbate later, but if she doesn't keep those teeth off her bottom lip, there's zero chance of that. She takes a deep breath. "How- how didn't you know?"

My heart stops in my chest and I feel like someone is physically trying to claw their way out of my body. _Maybe it's me trying to climb out of my own body._ She must sense my discomfort because she shifts nervously in her seat. "I just mean- you didn't see a change in your sister?"

I feel a growl rumbling deep within and I know if I open my mouth, it's going to scare the young woman in front of me. I take a deep breath, in attempt to slow my racing heart. "I think it's time for you to leave Miss Steele."

She doesn't move, her eyes just stay fixated on the table. "Your lawyers were stupid." She whispers.

"Miss Steele." I growl.

"Why didn't they put you on the stand? Why didn't you demand you go on the stand?" Her voice raises slightly but it doesn't waver. She's firm, her voice filled with conviction.

"I've had enough."

"You can't dismiss me."

"The hell I can't."

"I'm trying to help."

"By what making me feel worse than I already do? You don't think a day goes by that I don't think about what he did to my sister? How I didn't notice? How I was so caught up in my own life, my own shit that I didn't see what that asshole was doing to her?" I shake my head and stand to my feet, in my attempt to alert the people outside of the one way glass, that I was ready to return to my cell. "Get the hell out."

The door opens and she glances backward at the guard as she stands to her feet. I can barely look at her as my eyes are cast to the floor, embarrassed both by her question as well as my reaction to it. She was doing everything she could to get me out of jail and I proceeded to throw her out.

"That passionate response you just had? That is what you will need because you're going to speak up this time. I don't care if I have to drag you onto the stand kicking and screaming. You're going to tell them why you can't be in here. Why you did what you did. Why you were acting on behalf of someone that couldn't do it them self." I still don't look at her but I can feel her eyes on me.

"Ma'am, time to go." The guard tells her and I finally chance a glance at her just as she's leaving.

"I'll see you in two weeks." She calls over her shoulder. "Check your emails." And then she's gone.

* * *

 **A POV**

A gush of air leaves my lungs as soon as I cross the threshold of the Washington State prison. A hand finds my chest and I can feel the rapid _thump thump thump_ of my racing heartbeat against my hand.

And not from the series of catcalls I heard as I was guided through the facility, not because of all the obscene things that were shouted at me as I walked behind the guards, avoiding eye contact with the men that were borderline salivating at the sight of a woman.

No, my heart was racing because of one particular man that sat across from me at a metal table looking like sin wrapped up in an orange starburst wrapper.

And I could remove those wrappers with my tongue.

I can still feel the arousal pooling in my panties. I thought he could tell I was aroused when he noticed me squirming. He asked if he made me nervous and I wanted to tell him yes, but not for the reasons you're thinking.

 _But because I'm desperate to feel every inch of you wrapped around me._

 _Because I want to feel you buried inside of me._

 _Because I want you to rip me apart and then put me back together._

I'd almost asked to stop at the bathroom so that I could clean myself up and get myself off using the hand that he'd shook. The large warm hand that my hand felt perfect inside of. I begin to walk to my car, my clit throbbing with need for relief with every second that passes. I look down at my right hand. It shakes.

But I'm not scared. I'm invigorated.

I was going to help get that man out of prison.

And then I was going to fuck him.


	2. Chapter 2

A POV

I can barely contain the arousal coursing through me as I drive back to my townhouse on the other side of town. I grab my bag and practically bolt for my door almost knocking over my roommate in the process.

"Hey, where's the fire?" Kate stands in front of our mirror by the door as she applies a coat of pink lipstick.

"Oh I ummm… sorry." I tell her as I set my things down and begin to silently count backwards from ten in an effort to settle the ache between my legs.

"So how was it?" She grins, her eyes shining with intrigue. "Was he scary? What was he like?"

Kate was one of the few people outside of the project that knew about our intent to help Christian Grey. It's not necessarily a secret, but we weren't supposed to go around broadcasting it. Kate was my best friend and she was trustworthy but most importantly she had wondered why my room had basically become a shrine to a criminal.

"He was…" I bite my bottom lip trying to figure out what to say that wasn't _he was hotter than hell and I'm seconds away from the best orgasm of my life as I think about him fucking me on that metal table_. "What I expected."

"Which was?"

"He doesn't belong there."

She narrows her eyes slightly as if she can see the other words- the more sinful ones swirling around my brain. "Is that so?" She purses her lips. "You always do see the good in people don't you?"

"It's why I study Social Justice… You going out?" I ask, doing my best to change the subject. I wanted her gone from the premises so that I could spend some quality time with my vibrator.

"Ah, yes. Going to dinner with some of the girls. Want to get dressed and come with?" "The girls" consisted of ones in Kate's grad school classes. Kate studied Marketing which was vastly different from what I studied. The life of a Marketing grad student was glamorous and filled with networking at galas, fancy dinners and more happy hours than I knew existed. When the girls were all together, the four of them looked like they stepped out of a fashion magazine.

 _Rarely did I tag along._

"No, I have a lot of work to do." I say pointing to my bags on the couch.

"Okay, don't work too hard now." She waves before she's out the door, her Burberry perfume still lingering.

I don't even think I hear the slam of her car door before my hand is down my pants as I think about Christian Grey.

 _Those strong arms, the muscles that flexed underneath the orange t-shirt whenever he moved his arms._

 _The small smile he flashed once or twice showing his perfect white teeth and the tiny dimple on his left cheek._

 _His piercing grey eyes that I can still see every time I close my eyes._

Christian Grey was too beautiful for his own good. He was sex on a stick. A stick I wanted so far deep inside of me.

 _I needed him out of prison in ninety days._

I fall to the bed, lying flat on my stomach as I continue to rub the slick bundle of nerves between my legs. I burrow my face in my pillow, muffling my moans as I picture his mouth on my pussy. That beautiful mouth. I move to my back and look between my open legs, praying that his face will appear between them.

I'm barely two minutes into my fantasy before I feel myself falling over the edge.

* * *

C POV

I'm raising the bar above my chest slowly. Up and down. The weights on the other end of the bar a smidge heavier than they were yesterday when I see movement in my peripherals. Not a lot of people fuck with me in here but it doesn't mean I'm not constantly on alert. I press the weights of the bench press on the bar and sit up as the previously empty room begins to flood with the usual suspects.

Jason Taylor, a guy that had grown to be somewhat of a friend of mine that was in for armed robbery crosses the room and sits across from me, smacking my knee on the way down.

"How's it hanging, Grey?"

"You know." I shrug.

He narrows his eyes at me before picking up two loose weights. "You didn't tell me you were going to have a visitor."

I wish someone would have warned me that prison was basically high school with more testosterone and no making out with the head cheerleader in front of your locker. Same gossip. Same shit. _I swear shit spread faster than wildfire._

"Who's asking?"

"Come on, Grey. I thought we were friends."

"On a need to know basis."

"She getting you out of here?"

I shake my head, Taylor was one of the few that knew more than the rest. Of course there were rumblings, but no one knew the complete truth and I wasn't serving up shit on a platter. I rather they thought I'd murdered someone in cold blood.

"Taylor." I press my elbows to my thighs and put my head in my hands as I try to sidestep this line of questioning.

"I heard she was hot."

My jaw ticks and I don't know why. Of course she was hot. Beautiful. Sexy. Gorgeous. But why did it bother me so much that Taylor said it? _Maybe because I know he's attempting to picture my pretty pen pal with her legs wrapped around his face._ Legs that I'd spent the better part of last night thinking about. I clear my throat. "You think every woman that walks through here is hot."

"But like show stopping hot."

"She might as well have been wearing a burlap sack. She was wearing clothes from here to here." I say gesturing from my neck to my ankles. "I wasn't thinking about that."

"Bullshit."

"There's this project." _Derail subject. But less is more. Don't tell him everything._ I trusted Jason, but you really can't ever be sure in here.

"Uh huh."

"A subsection of the Exoneration Project I guess you could call it."

"But you did do it. That's usually for people that were wrongfully convicted. You killed him."

"Thank you for the friendly fucking reminder. I had no idea. I just mean… they're looking further into the circumstances surrounding my case."

"How much further can they look? The jury didn't believe he deserved to die."

I feel my blood begin to boil. "Because my shitty lawyers didn't press the right buttons. They thought I was guilty. I don't even think they believed Mia. They thought I was just an over-protective big brother. I didn't take the stand." I add afterwards remembering Ana's words. _Why didn't I fight harder to take the stand?_

 _Because they said it wouldn't make a difference._

 _Fucking assholes._

"So what, this gets you out earlier?"

"Gets me eligible for parole sooner."

"How much sooner?"

"I could be up for parole as early as 25 percent of the way through my sentence."

"Holy shit that's like…" he looks down at his imaginary watch. "Like a few months from now."

"A little under three to be exact."

"How did this girl find you?"

"She said her and her classmates had been following me for a while."

"Do all her classmates look like her?"

My fists flexes as if it was the natural reflex. "I wouldn't know."

He narrows his eyes at me and nods. "Well I hope you get out, my friend."

I stare out the small window in the gym that's covered with bars and wire over it. Get out. I went in here with the hope of getting out after serving four and a half of the nine year sentence and now it's possible I may be out in two and some change. _Don't get your hopes up, Grey._

* * *

I make my way to my usual spot in the shower. My back against the wall, facing outwards. Sure it gave everyone in the vicinity a clear view of my dick, but it was better than the alternative. _Having your back turned._ I begin to wash the sweat and grime from the day from my body when I let my mind wander. _Something I don't normally do_. You could never be too sure where your mind would go and the last thing I needed was a hard on in here. That didn't stop Anastasia from appearing in my mind just as my hand passed over my dick.

 _Fuck._

I don't miss the way my cock jumps and I shake my head trying to rid her face from my brain.

"Need some help with that?" I hear the familiar voice next to me and I roll my eyes. _It's the same thing almost every day._

"George, go away." I growl at him as I attempt to take a step away from him. _George was harmless and he didn't have the balls to try and make anyone his bitch but he was annoying as hell._

"I don't see why you're such a _phobe_." He rolls his eyes.

"I'm not homophobic, I just don't want you touching my dick. Sue me."

His hand finds his dick and begins to rub it slowly. "Say dick again."

"Bye George."

He heads out of the space leaving me alone in my area once again and I'm actually grateful for his interruption as my dick is back to flaccid.

I squirt the shampoo in my hands and begin to wash my hair. I rarely close my eyes while I'm in here, but the thoughts of getting out of here and back to my life have my eyes fluttering closed as I scrub the suds into my hair.

Things that I had taken for granted suddenly come flooding back to me, and I was suddenly fiending for the day to day mundane things like pumping gas, being able to eat or sleep whenever I wanted, hell even just checking the time on my cell phone.

 _Never mind the big things like going out with friends, working, having sex._

 _Sex._

 _Anastasia._

 _Sex with Anastasia._

My eyes immediately fly open because I can already feel my cock rising again when I feel a foot kicking my calf muscle, and I start falling towards the floor- fast.

* * *

A POV

I slide into my seat, crossing my ankles when I feel the eyes of the guy sitting on my right. "Why are you fidgeting? You said he was nice, he doesn't make you nervous, does he?" I look to the right to see Luke Sawyer, a guy on the project as well. I'd fought hard to come here alone, but I was outvoted and outranked and thus Luke is here with me in this tiny room that's barely big enough for me, Christian and my raging hormones. And now here he was, sitting next to me on one side of the familiar metal table.

The door opens and immediately my throat goes dry as my gaze rakes over his perfect form. There's a bit more hair growth on his face than there was last week and my mind immediately fiends for the feeling of it between my legs. But I don't let myself linger on his face too long as there's something different about him that has a frown finding my face. There are cuffs on his hands as usual but what alarms me is that now there are ones on his feet too.

 _What the fuck? Has something happened? I should have warned him to stay out of trouble right now._

I pull my french braid over my shoulder as he sits down and his eyes fixate on my fingers as they begin to twirl the hair at the end.

"I'm Luke Sawyer."

I don't wait for Christian to respond before I speak up. "Why are you in shackles now? What happened?" I demand.

"Jumping right in there, huh?" He leans forward on his elbows and I can tell he's recently showered. He smells- clean. But also, I believe what I'm smelling is the manly scent of _Christian Grey._

I shake my head, "you need to lie low, Christian. Like way low. It's why I asked if we needed to move you. Do you need to be in solitude?" I ask.

"It wasn't my fault."

"Really?" Luke retorts with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"The other guys started it, what was I supposed to do?"

"Guys? As in more than one?" _He seems like he's okay, so he must have handled it._ My clit throbs in response to this man fighting off a slew of men in prison. He's so strong and masculine and God damn if that wasn't hot. He doesn't respond, he just stares at me, those grey eyes that filled my dreams last night, fixed on me.

 _A dark knight._

"And let me guess you ended it?" Luke asks.

"Something like that." He leans back in his chair and again I notice the way his muscle moves slightly as his bicep flexes.

"Ana is right, you need to keep yourself out of trouble for the time being. No fighting."

"I make no promises."

"You're just making our jobs harder." Luke snaps and I know that was the wrong thing to say. This is why I wanted to come alone. _Well- one of the reasons._

"I am so sorry for you." He growls. "So sorry that I am making _your_ job so difficult. I'm sorry that keeping myself alive in here is preventing you from doing your job. You have no idea what it's like in here, pretty boy."

"We are trying to get you out of prison." Luke snarls.

"What difference does that make if I die in here first?" He asks. My heart races at the thought. _No he can't die. He shouldn't even be in here in the first place. He's a good guy. He was protecting his sister. Protecting someone who couldn't protect themself. What message is this sending?_ I stop myself from spiraling down the usual path and when I look up Christian is eyeing me closely- like he can see it. I wonder if he can hear how hard my heart is pounding.

I clear my throat. "Luke." I look at him. "Maybe, I should handle this on my own." I tell him.

He crosses his arms, no doubt annoyed that I'm somewhat emasculating him in front of another man. "Ana…" he trails off. "Can we speak privately?"

"I'll be fine, just- I'll meet you back at school."

He looks at me and then at Christian before he looks down at his watch. "Make sure you go over everything."

"I will." I nod, thankful that he'll be out of my hair and out of the way. The door clicks and my eyes immediately find his.

"He your boyfriend or something?" He nods towards the door and I scrunch my nose.

"You're not going to die in here." I tell him, completely disregarding his question. I lean forward. "But what happened? Is this going to happen again?"

"Is he your boyfriend?" He asks again and I notice that his eyes haven't left from the door behind me.

I peek over my shoulder, knowing that he's gone but just making sure we are alone. "Luke?" I turn back to face him and his eyes are fixed on me now. He nods.

"No. He's just on the project."

"He seemed a little protective." He retorts.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Why was he here? I thought I was _your_ special project." He raises an eyebrow at me and I'm wondering what he means by that.

"You're awfully… impudent today." He doesn't say anything but he also doesn't have the decency to look contrite. "Why are you being so difficult?"

He sighs. "Just a rough day."

"Can you explain to me what happened? Why are you in shackles now?"

"Nothing for you to worry about."

"I am worried about it."

"Why?"

I freeze hoping he doesn't put it together that not only do I want him out of prison but I want _him-_ period. "Because I care. Obviously."

"Why do you care?"

"I'm a social justice major. Caring is ingrained in my DNA. If it wasn't I'd be a prosecutor or maybe a DA, I don't know. Doing something making all the money and not caring who I hurt."

"You'd rather help people."

"Yes, now stop evading the question."

He sighs, running a hand through his overgrown hair. "Everything's fine, Ana."

We're silent for a few moments and I sigh heavily, knowing that I'm not going to get it out of him. A man like Christian wasn't going to go complain about his woes. He was a suffer in silence type. _I knew what that was like. I was the same_. "I'm sorry about the last time I was here I was- out of line."

"No you weren't. The question just caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it."

"They'll ask you something along those lines during the hearing."

"I know what to say."

My eyes flicker to his. "You've given it some thought then?"

"I have."

"And?"

"I'd rather not do this now."

"Eventually you'll need to tell me."

"Why?"

"Christian, this isn't a game. We have a very specific strategy and we can't have you going in there and throwing a wrench in that strategy."

"I get that."

I lean forward, my hand reaching out nervously so that I can touch his skin. He's somewhat out of arm's reach, but he leans forward so that I can reach him. I'm half expecting for the guards to rush in but when I don't hear anything, I inch further forward. My small hand wraps around his. His hand is cold, like ice and it makes me wonder just how cold those cells get. "I need you to just hang on a little longer." I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back.

"There's a chance I may not get out of here though."

"Don't think like that."

"A lot of people saw you here last week. There's been… talk."

"What do you mean?"

"When a woman- or a man comes in dressed in a suit comes in, we know they're not here for any reason except business. We have internet access…" He shrugs. "Someone recognized you from the project. Rumors spread. Next thing I know, I'm being told you're getting me out of here. People don't like that, they get jealous so they try to cause trouble for me. And fighting is the easiest way to get your parole revoked."

"Hence your shackles." I bite my lip to prevent the tears pooling in my eyes. "I shouldn't have come. We should have kept everything to emails until your hearing."

"No." He says quickly. "Meeting you has been the highlight of the past two years." He offers me a smile and it's not lost on me that he's trying to cheer me up.

His smile warms me all over and my toes curl deep inside of my boots. "I'll have you moved."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I can't run from this. I can't hide. I'll be alright."

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm indestructible, don't you worry your pretty little head about me." I don't say anything, my mind reeling over the fact that he called me pretty. Although it has a slightly different meaning, it still sends me soaring. "Earlier…" he starts. "Your eyes." He narrows his at me. "They give you away, Miss Steele."

"I'm Miss Steele again?"

"When I made the comment about me dying in here… your eyes were… sad."

"Of course they were, I don't want you to die."

"It was more than that. Just like I think there was more to your question about asking me how I didn't know."

 _Abort mission. Abort. Abort. There was no way I was telling him about this. Not here. Not now. Not ever._

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do and now you're lying."

"I am not! Mr. Grey, we should really go over a few things before I have to go." I glance at my watch feeling my time come to a close and knowing that the guard will be in at any moment to summon me out.

"And now I'm Mr. Grey."

"Christian-"

"Did something happen to you?" He asks. His voice strong yet soft, hard and yet as smooth as silk as the words wash over me.

"This isn't appropriate."

"Fuck appropriate." He says quietly. "There's a reason you're here. There's a reason you want me out. Why you've pushed and fought for me. There's a reason you got me a parole hearing two and a half years early. Why you work harder than my lawyers. This is personal for you, isn't it?"

"I take all of the cases that the project handles, personally."

"Bullshit. You are different with me."

"No."

"Yes."

"Stop arguing with me!" I'm surprised by my own outburst and my lip finds its way between my teeth.

"Stop biting your lip." He says and I release it quickly, a gasp leaving my lips and I swear I hear a growl from somewhere deep within him. "It's distracting."

I grit my teeth, trying hard not to bite my lip again as I do when I'm nervous. "Sorry." I whisper.

"Tell me."

"Christian there's nothing to tell."

"You went through what my sister went through, didn't you?"

I stay silent.

"Are you still going through it now? Is someone hurting you?"

More silence.

"Dammit, Anastasia. Speak."

"I-I should go." I manage to choke out as I stand to my feet when I feel a hand on my wrist, keeping me in place. He squeezes.

"Ana." He whispers and right on time I hear the door open.

"Hands off, Grey. You know the rules."

"Tell me." He says, as he releases my wrist his eyes staring straight into my soul. _Was he always so perceptive?_ I remember reading a book about how prison not only changes your psyche but also changes how you view everything, how you read people, how you take every comment. You lie awake in your prison cell at night dissecting through every conversation you've had over the course of your life and you see things differently because all you have is time alone with your thoughts. You hear words differently. You notice different body language.

 _Christian is seeing Mia in me. And it scared the shit out of me._

"Take care of yourself, Christian. I'll email you what we didn't get a chance to go over. I'll be back next week."

"Ana." I hear called after me and the last thing I see before the door closes is the look of distress on his face and a hint of rage that he's trying his best to mask.

* * *

C POV

I move as close as I can to the door, after it's closed my fist banging on the door. "MISS STEELE." I roar and I know it's no use, I know she's gone, down the hallway.

My heart starts to pound as I think about the petite woman that can't be much taller than 5 feet tall. _She's so small. Anyone could kill her with one hit._

The door opens and my head falls as I realize that it's back to my cell. I want to go to the library so I can email Anastasia. I also want to look her up to see if there's been any record of her at all. _If anyone ever hurt a hair on her head…_

I'm taken back to my cell. It's small, given that it's only me in here. The blanket on top of my bed is hard and scratchy but it's warmer than I expected. The gray steel walls are dark and a small sink and toilet sit in the corner. There are a stack of books piling up in the corner and on the wall, I've made tiny tallies indicating how many days I've been in this hellhole. I sit on the bed, my hands free from the constraints and rub my forehead as I try to will away the headache forming knowing that I'd have to sell my soul if it worsened and I needed an Advil.

I stand up and begin to pace. _She didn't confirm or deny, which is basically confirmation._ So the question was, who hurt Anastasia?

 _Were they still hurting her? Or was it something from her past?_

She's completely covered up every time I see her, so any bruises or scars would be well hidden if they weren't on her face.

The thought of someone marking that beautiful porcelain skin of hers is like a knife to my heart. _How didn't you know?_ The words have been playing on a loop in my head and now they're louder than ever.

 _I know now, Anastasia._

An hour later, I peek my head out of the cell and see that the guards have moved from their post at the end of the hallway. I hate that I've been reduced to this. My hand deep in my pants as I fantasize about the beautiful brunette that has starred in my fantasies the last two nights.

 _She was exquisite in every form. Smart as hell. Gorgeous. Kind._ It physically pained me that I couldn't have her. That I could never have her. I wanted a taste of her so bad. I'd almost lost it when I walked in earlier and saw her sitting with another man. A spike of jealousy that I'd only ever had once before.

I'd been engaged once to a woman I was madly in love with. I believed her to be madly in love with me as well- until she wasn't. She was a notorious flirt and she constantly tested me and my jealousy. She claims it was one of the reasons she left.

False. You were fucking another man and I found out and I kicked you out of my apartment. _That's why you "left."_

I was a jealous man, and I didn't like sharing. I know Anastasia wasn't mine by any stretch of the imagination, but the thought of someone touching her sent my mind into a frenzy.

I start at the base of my cock and move my hand up and down as I picture her beautiful face.

 _"Need a hand with that?" I roll my eyes expecting George except- why would he be in my cell? I open my eyes and turn my head to see Ana sitting next to me on my bed, her legs tucked underneath her behind._

 _"Ana?"_

 _"Well who else would it be?"_

 _"What are you-" I look past her looking for the guard._

 _"Why would the guard be there? I'm a figment of your imagination. A fantasy." She giggles and I can't believe how real this feels. I really am fucking losing it._

 _Her fingertips trace up my torso and draw and stroke the hair that's growing rapidly on my face. "You are so.. fascinating." She tells me. There's that word again._

 _"You are beautiful." I tell her. "And I want to bite your lip."_

 _"You will."_

 _"When?"_

 _"The second you're out of here."_

 _"Who knows when that will be?"_

 _"April 23. Stay out of trouble."_

 _"You don't know that for sure."_

 _"April 23, and then you can have me." She says and the words sound so delicious coming from her lips. I pull harder on my dick as it's now rock solid._

 _"You don't want to go getting mixed up with me. You shouldn't want me."_

 _"But I need you." She whispers, her lips trailing down the side of my face._

 _"For what?"_

 _"Christian you have to get out." She whispers in my ear._

 _"I know. But why is it so important to you? Tell me Ana, please."_

 _She purses her lips before her face begins to move towards my crotch. Seconds later, her mouth is on my dick. FUCK._

My eyes fly open as I feel my balls start to tingle. I grit my teeth and hiss through them as the ropes of cum shoot out of my dick and into the inside of my underwear. My mind is moving a mile a minute and my heart is racing faster than ever.

 _April 23, I was getting the fuck out of here if it was the last thing I do._


	3. Chapter 3

A POV

" _Hair should be in a bun or a neat ponytail. Under no circumstances should a woman visiting a prison leave her hair down."_

I look at the paper detailing the "guidelines" regarding my visits to the prison. Women should wear minimal makeup, and have their hair pulled back. I pull the plug for my curling wand from the wall as I look at myself in the mirror. I've obeyed the minimal makeup guidelines though there's a few more coats of mascara on my lashes and a pinker balm on my lips. But my hair- perhaps one of my best features is cascading over my shoulders and down my back in curls. I run my fingers through them a few times and bend over shaking some of the curls loose before standing up straight and giving myself a once over in the mirror.

This would be the first time I'd be showing a bit more skin, opting for a respectable v-neck sweater. _Well, respectable if I was going anywhere else except the prison._ The blue sweater I was wearing was almost the exact color as my eyes and I was hoping he would notice. _Since he commented on my eyes before._ It would be the first time that I was wearing something besides a turtleneck and I'm slightly worried that this is a bad idea. I slide my coat on, zipping it up to my neck as to not give the guards anything to say about the slight cleavage this sweater gives me. I wasn't sure what I was doing. _Teasing Christian? Making him want me?_

This was ridiculous, I needed to stay focused on the task at hand. Distracting him would only distract me in return. My hands linger on my zipper, prepared to zip it down and change my top, but something stops me.

 _Maybe he needs a distraction. Something to remind him what's on the outside waiting for him. To hold on. To not give up. Even if he wasn't interested in me, he was interested in women._

I don't give it another thought before I'm out the door.

* * *

I've pulled my coat off, before sliding into my seat and pulled my hair from under the knit hat, I had hidden my silky locks under. They came tumbling out in waves and I could smell the coconut all around me.

 _This might kill him._

The door opens, and my eyes immediately flit up to find _him_ walking through the door. His eyes widen and hesitates slightly in his tracks before he continues the walk towards his chair. The door closes, leaving us alone.

Neither of us say a word.

He lets out a small breath and it reaches me, surrounding me. It smells of mint and perhaps a hint of cigarettes? _How in the-_

"I've never seen you with your hair down."

I pull my hair over my shoulder dramatically, and I don't miss the slight groan. "Have you- how did you get cigarettes?"

His lips snap shut as if it'll be easier to mask the smell coming out of him. "I-"

"Christian, what part of stay out of trouble do you not understand?" I screech as I stand to my feet. "Why are you making this so hard?!" My hand finds the table harder than I intended and his eyes widen at my outburst. The door flies open and the guard looks back and forth between myself and Christian. When he realizes that I'm the one causing the ruckus, he closes the door again.

"First off, smoking isn't a huge deal. But, I've been a little stressed lately. I thought I'd need it today."

 _Today? What happened today?_ "Why?"

"Never mind." He says.

"Not never mind, how did you get it?"

"You know how it is. Someone wants something of mine. I want something of there's. It's an easy fix. I had one smoke. It won't kill me, Anastasia. And I needed something to calm my nerves."

"Nerves over what?"

"You." He says simply.

"Me?"

"Yes, or did you think it doesn't do a number on me every time I see you?" He points at my shoulder, where my hair sits. "And now your hair is down."

I rub my hand through my hair. "Sorry. I can put it up."

"No." He shakes his head. "It's lovely."

I cock my head to the side, trying not to be obvious over how hard I'm swooning. _Lovely?_

"And you're lips." He adds. "They're so pink today."

I bite my lip instinctively and his eyes darken. The light grey irises turning stormy dark grey right before my eyes. I release it immediately. "Sorry."

He smiles. "I want to touch your hair. I bet it feels like silk."

"I don't think they would like that too much." I whisper.

"Probably not." He chuckles. "You look very nice today." He leans back. "Do you have a date after you leave here or something?" My eyes narrow slightly as I watch his gaze drop to his hands as if he can't look me in the eye.

"No?" I say. "I don't have… many dates." I don't know why I tell him that. _Weren't you trying to get him to see you as desirable? Letting him know you're undateable is not the way to get him into your panties._

His eyes dart away from his hands and search my face for any signs of dishonesty. "Is that so? Why is that?"

"This isn't why I'm here."

"It can wait. Tell me."

I shrug. "I just don't see the point on going on a bunch of dates that don't- set my soul on fire."

"And what does that feel like? Having your soul set on fire?"

"Like… magic. A spark you can't explain. It happens when you can see your whole future in someone's eyes."

"It sounds like a fairy tale or a love song or… I don't know. You sound like a romantic."

"I am. But… to an extent. I know that everything isn't rainbows and sunshine. I don't need hearts and flowers."

"What do you need?"

"Something a bit- darker."

"Like?"

"Someone that would do _anything_ for me."

"Like…"

I shake my head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Make me."

"Why? What do you care?" _I'm playing with fire, asking him that. I do believe that he wants me. That he could fulfill the darkness I desperately craved. But did he want to? Or was what I'm feeling one- sided?_

"How would you like me to answer that?" He asks.

"The truth?"

"You haven't answered any of my questions. Why should I answer any of yours?"

My mind floats back to the questions he asked me last week. "Fair. Then we can move on?"

"I'm still curious about those questions."

My eyes flicker to his but I don't engage. "Have you been staying out of trouble?"

"Yes ma'am." He nods.

"Good."

"Have you?" He asks and I don't miss the way my skin tingles at his question. My clit throbs between my legs thinking about the trouble that Christian Grey and I could get into _together._

"What would happen if I said no?"

"Be glad I'm in handcuffs." He smirks.

I suck in a tiny gust of air, but I think he hears it because he smiles. "Rarely do I get into trouble…" I trail off. "Trouble just finds me."

"What kind of trouble?"

I chastise myself for my slip of the tongue. "Never mind."

"Are you ever going to tell me anything I want to know?"

"Are you?" I reply instantly.

"If I answer one of your questions will you answer one of mine?"

I contort my mouth as I contemplate his question. "Okay."

"Ladies first."

"What happened to have you in shackles last week?"

He rubs a hand over his jaw. "I was in the shower, two guys cornered me, caught me off guard."

 _Don't think of Christian in the shower. Don't think of Christian in the shower. Fuck. I'm thinking about Christian in the shower. And now I have a fantasy for when my hand is between my legs._ "While you were… I mean… really?"

"They were more dressed. I rarely close my eyes in the shower. But I was at peace for once. I… closed my eyes. When I opened them, one had kicked me, knocking me down and the two of them were on me."

"But… you handled it?"

"I did."

"Did you get hurt?"

"No, Miss Steele. I was fine."

"What were you thinking about?" He narrows his eyes at me. "You said you were at peace. So you closed your eyes. What were you thinking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would."

"Maybe if you answer one of my questions, I'll consider it."

"Okay."

"Tell me what I want to know." I shake my head slowly, not prepared to go into something that personal right now. "Fine, something easier. Did you wear your hair down for me?"

"I don't think that's easier." I chuckle nervously.

"Fine. What's your favorite color?"

I contemplate telling him my actual favorite color but I change my mind enjoying this flirty back and forth we are engaging in. _Maybe, he thinks this is all fun and games and I'm not aggressively lusting after him. But for this thirty minutes I'm here, he can forget his real life and flirt with a woman. I'd happily make his life slightly easier._ "I've become partial to orange." I whisper and he chuckles knowing the meaning behind my words.

"That's funny, I've always liked blue, but there's a specific blue that I can't stop thinking about."

"You have a fixation with my eyes."

"They're very beautiful. Stunning even."

I tuck a hair behind my ear. "Thank you."

"Can I ask another question?"

"Not about my past."

"Why?" I look at him as if to say _why do you think?_ "Okay, not about your past."

"Shoot."

"If I get out of here-"

" _When_ you get out of here." I correct.

" _When_ I get out of here…" he starts before he stops suddenly. He leans forward and although he knows he's not supposed to touch me his finger drags along my knuckles and it's as if it's a direct line to my clitoris. "I owe you dinner."

 _Is that what he thought? That he owed me- anything?_ "That's not a question. And you don't _owe_ me anything, Christian."

"Well… I would like to take you to dinner… Can I?" He looks away and then back at me. "One day."

"One day soon." I correct him. _Not because I wanted him to think that he had to but so he could get used to the idea that he was getting out soon. I had to keep him positive._

"As a thank you. For all that you've done for me."

"You don't have to thank me."

"But I do. You… changed my life, Anastasia. You gave me my life back."

I don't know what to say in response to his words. "You don't deserve to be in here." I murmur.

"Why do you think that?"

"You know why."

"What's going on with you, Ana? Please, talk to me. Don't you trust me?"

I resist the urge to nervously bite my lip. "I don't even know you." I tell him and his face falls.

"I see. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries."

 _Do I tell him the truth? Tell him why I took such an interest in his case? Why I basically demanded that my school's project look into the details? That as I learned more and more about this man and his story I felt myself being pulled in deeper and deeper to the point that I'm bordering on obsession? Do I tell him that all I want is for him to take me against this metal table so hard and fast that I forget my own name?_

The words are dying to fall from my lips, but instead I go with, "no, I didn't mean it like that."

"How did you mean it?"

"I'm not… I don't need you to save me."

I can tell that he's gritting his teeth behind his lips. "Do you need saving though?"

"No."

"You don't have to be so hard you know."

"What do you know about it?"

"A little. You're saving me, Anastasia. Let me return the favor."

"Saving someone is what got you into this mess in the first place." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I see the anger in his eyes and for a brief second, I wonder if he's going to leap across this table. _What he'll do is another thing entirely._ "Christian I didn't-"

"Fuck you." He growls and I feel the tears springing to my eyes.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"You're right, you shouldn't have." He growls, before closing his eyes and what I assume practicing some breathing exercise prison shrinks give. "Are you going through what she went through? Answer my fucking question Anastasia so help me, or I'll take you the fuck over my knee and spank it out of you and then my parole hearing will be shot to shit." He leans forward. "Fucking answer me."

I'm skittish. I know I am. The second the first "fuck" left his lips, the wetness pooled in my panties and then he said "fuck" again and again and then "spank" and my insides quivered with need. It took everything in me not to test him. But something told me, Christian Grey made good on his promises and putting a grad student over your knee and spanking her was certainly the way to get his parole hearing "shot to shit" as he so eloquently put it. "No." I say simply, my thighs still clamped together so that there's no chance that Christian will get a whiff of the arousal pouring out of me.

"Don't fucking lie to me."

"Stop swearing at me." _God, don't stop._

He ignores my comment. "Will it make you feel better if I tell you that I won't kill someone for you? Is that what you're worried about? That I'm going to do what I did over Mia for you? News flash, you're not Mia. I don't know you, I'm certainly not going to kill anyone over you. I was just going to suggest you get some fucking help. I was worried because I care. I like you. But no, Ana. I'm not going to kill for you."

I swallow, his words are like a bitter pill. But it's what I wanted. I didn't want him feeling some sort of attachment to me and wanting to commit any crime over me. But his words stung. "Good."

"Are you safe?"

"It's not…" I trail off. "It was years ago."

"Does he still bother you?"

"No."

"You sure about that?"

"I haven't spoken to him in years."

"How long did it go on?"

"I think it's my turn to ask a question."

"Answer mine first."

I didn't want to think about it. It was in the past. Done and over with. _But it wasn't in the past. It was a memory that I couldn't shake. One I couldn't get rid of. I've heard of people compartmentalizing their traumas. Putting them in neat little boxes that they only opened when under extreme duress. Mine were open- all the time. All. the. Time. I couldn't think of a time when the memory of his hands on me weren't a present thought._ "Five years."

"How old were you when it started?"

"Christian…"

"Anastasia."

"Twelve."

His eyes close slowly and when they reopen they're almost black and I can see the anger behind his onyx orbs. "How old was he?"

"Sixteen."

"How...who…?"

"The neighbor."

"Asshole. Did he… What did he…"

"Can we not go into the dirty details? Please?"

"Where is he now?"

"Not here in Washington. He's somewhere East. I don't know. Don't care."

"What made him stop?"

I shrug. "I got too old, I guess. He got bored."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

The feeling of his hand wrapped around my throat comes flooding back to me as he spewed threats of what he would do if I ever breathed a word. "He threatened me. He told me no one would believe me. He told me he knew I wanted it. He manipulated me. Take your pick."

"Was he… did he… was he the first person that was ever inside of you?" He asks and despite the fact that I told him I didn't want to get into the dirty details I want to put him out of his apparent misery.

"He didn't rape me." _He didn't?_ "Well he didn't penetrate me."

"Oh?" His eyes widen but then narrow curiously as if he knows that there's more to the story.

"I was so young. He was scared to do something I could- prove on more than just _hearsay._ There were other sexual things which is traumatizing enough at twelve. But mostly he was…" I look away the tears flooding my eyes. "Physically abusive."

"You can do something about that, Ana."

"No… I mean… I just want him out of my life. And he's gone and not coming back. I don't want him back. I don't want to see him again."

"But what if he comes back?"

I can feel the goosebumps arise on my skin underneath my sweater instantly at the thought. _No no no, he can't. He wouldn't._ Christian must sense my discomfort because he speaks again. "Hey, I'm sorry, I asked."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course."

"I'm sorry if I offended you earlier."

He nods, and I know he's not trying to get into that again. We sit in silence for a moment. "You."

 _What about me?_ "Me?"

"You asked what I was thinking about when I felt at peace."

"In… in the shower?" _He was thinking about me in the shower. Holy fuck._

"You bring me peace, Miss Steele."

He might as well have said _let me lick you from head to toe_ with the way my body is on fire from his words. "Well keep your eyes open, Mr. Grey."

He smiles in understanding. "Did you wear your hair down for me?" He asks again and I can't even stop myself before I'm slowly moving my head up and down.

"Are you trying to torture me?" He chuckles.

 _You and me both, so it seems._ "I'm trying to invigorate you."

"Show me what I've been missing since I landed in jail?"

"Had you forgotten?" _Doubt it. A man like this who exudes so much sex appeal didn't just forget how it works._

"I'd forgotten what _this_ felt like." I raise an eyebrow in question. "Being attracted to a woman. Flirting with her… and having her flirt back."

"Am I flirting with you?" I smirk, so he knows that I am in fact flirting.

"I think so."

"What specifically were you thinking about in the shower?" My hand inches forward slowly, and my fingertip slowly grazes his hand slightly before I let it drop to the table. His eyes are staring at the spot where my finger met his skin as if he can't believe that I was just touching him in a way that was anything but a professional.

"Nothing specific."

My tongue darts out and wets my lips and I watch his nostrils flare in response. "You sure about that?" My fingertips find my neck and I draw it along the skin down my chest to the space between my cleavage.

"You want to know if I touched my cock?"

I swallow, the word _cock_ falling from his lips making every part of me tingle. "Did you?"

He leans forward and whispers. "I don't jack and tell." A smile lurks behind his eyes.

I wish he would say what his eyes are telling me as I can feel them undressing me. _Yes, I touched my cock while I pictured your mouth around it. Your mouth, your pussy, those hands of yours. Anything._ Instead he looks at the manilla folder in front of me and motions, "Should we go over that, now?"

* * *

Over the next week, we'd done a similar dance over email, although I was much more careful as I knew his internet activity was closely monitored. During our next session, he was tense. More tense than I'd seen him. It wasn't until he shook my hand at the end of our meeting that I felt it pressed into my palm. _A… note?_

He holds it there and as if my panties weren't already drenched by the feeling of his rugged hand over mine, this man actually had the nerve to wink at me.

 _He fucking winked._

 _Cue inferno between my legs._

I tucked the note into my pocket and gripped it for dear life as I made my way through the prison. As soon as I was free from the confined four walls, I was all but running for my car. As soon as I was safe inside, I pulled it from my pocket and begin devouring the words he didn't want anyone reading but me.

 _ **To the woman who has me walking around a men's correctional facility with a permanent state of blue balls,**_

 _ **If/when I get out of here- you'll be paying for that. You want to know if I've thought about you while I touch my cock? The answer is yes.**_

 _ **You want to know if I've wondered what your pussy tastes like? Also yes**_

 _ **What your pussy feels like? How your perky breasts would feel under my hands? How your nipples would pebble under my touch? Check, check and check.**_

 _ **I've pictured you riding my cock, me plowing into you while you writhe underneath me, me driving into you from behind giving me a view of your ass.**_

 _ **That delicious ass that I'm dying to sink my teeth into.**_

 _ **I've thought about all of this.**_

 _ **How it would feel when your fingertips claw at my back. Those perfectly manicured nails that you bite when you get nervous.**_

 _ **Speaking of biting- your fucking lip. I want to bite that fucking lip so hard. Bite it and then lick away the sting of my teeth.**_

 _ **I don't know where you came from and frankly I don't care. I don't consider myself a particularly religious man, but I thank God everyday that I read your letter. That I met you. That you- exist. You're perfect, blue eyes.**_

 _ **Perfectly imperfect.**_

 _ **I see the way you look at me. The way you react to me. The way you press your thighs together when you sit across from me. Don't press them together so tight. I want to smell your arousal. I want to taste it in the air.**_

 _ **I apologize if this is coming off crass and impolite. Harsh. Crude. It's just I want to do very impolite things to you. I want to fuck away all of the darkness hiding beneath the surface. I want to be very rough with you. I am very fond of you, but I want to fuck you like I hate you.**_

 _ **So yes blue eyes, I think of you when I touch my cock.**_

* * *

I'm walking through the prison two days later with a slight pep in my step. We are getting closer to his hearing, and we- well I argued that we needed more meetings. I'm walking behind the guard when I stop in my tracks. "I need to use the ladies room, please."

He grunts out something that sounds a lot like _women_ , before leading me down a different hall. I'm in a one stall, my back pressed against the door, as I pull out his note. I don't know why I need to read it, I have it almost memorized at this point by how many times I've read it, but something about reading his words, seeing his handwriting, knowing that he wrote these words for me, has me building towards my orgasm instantly. My hand slithers down my torso and underneath my black high waisted slacks. They find my underwear and go beneath the satin fabric.

By no surprise, I'm wet, my panties already slightly damp with my arousal. I palm myself. running my fingers, as well as the palm of my hand between my folds, collecting the moisture. I do it a few times, trying my best not to get turned on before I have to go do this sexual dance with the man I was trying to get out of prison. The man who could turn me on with just a look.

 _I wasn't sure if this behavior could get me kicked out of my program or off my project but it wasn't explicitly said that you couldn't have stifling sexual chemistry with a felon. And hey, part of our job was about finding the loopholes, the technicalities._

 _So there was a bit of conflict of interest on my part, it didn't change the fact that Christian Grey did not deserve to be in prison._

I think I've gathered enough of myself on my hand so I ball it into a fist and stick it deep in my coat pocket to mask the smell from the guard escorting me to the small room where I'd see Christian. I have a note of my own to give him, that I would slide into his hand at the end of our interaction. _But for now, the focus was getting my arousal all over him._

 _He wanted to smell it in the air? I'd give him one better. He was going to smell it on his hand._

"All good." I smile as I exit the bathroom to find the man waiting giving me an expression of pure boredom. "Lead the way."

I enter the room and the guard immediately closes it behind me. _God, they're almost making this too easy. If I didn't know these rooms were somewhat monitored, I'd get naked and lay myself out like a buffet on this table._ A moan almost escapes my lips at the thought.

"Blue eyes." He taunts. _Game on, baby._ "Twice in one week? I'm a lucky man."

I clear my throat, taking a few steps forward. "Mr. Grey." I slide my hand out of my coat pocket and hold it for him to take. He does as he always does and I watch as his expression morphs almost instantly. I go to pull my hand back when he squeezes it tighter and pulls me towards him.

"What is-"

"You'll have to see for yourself."

"I would know that smell anywhere." He grits out through his teeth.

I try to pull away again when he holds me even firmer. "Did you touch yourself?"

I giggle and give him a shrug before I finally manage to break free from his hold. He's frozen, still standing as I lower myself to the linoleum chair. "Mr. Grey, would you like to have a seat?" I motion for him to sit but he just stares down at me, his eyes flitting from me to his hand that has evidence of my well-rubbed sex.

He sits, and puts both of his hands in front of his face as if he's just simply rubbing his face, but I can hear it- the deep inhale. And then I see it, his tongue peeking out and running over his palm, and his fingertips.

He drops his head and groans. "Fuck." His eyes shoot up and stare at me. "It smells like you in here."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You have no idea what you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"You're teasing a starving man with food."

"I intend to feed you."

His eyes widen and I smile at my cheekiness. _God, this man makes me so fucking bold._ "I will destroy you, Miss Steele." He says so low in his throat I almost miss it.

"Please."

"April 23." He says.

"April 23." I repeat back.

"I am going to ruin you for other men."

I hear the sexiness of his words, and I know he's thinking with the head between his legs and not the one a few feet higher but I can't stop the frown from finding my face when I hear the words played back again.

 _Wasn't I already ruined for other men?_ It wasn't as if I'd had a long list of suitors, and the sexual trauma of my past left me with a shitload of baggage. Baggage that men didn't want to help me unload. _At least the ones I'd had experience with. The ones that attempted to help, did the opposite. They were too polite in bed. Everything was soft, romantic, sweet. And while that's lovely, sometimes a woman just wants to be fucked raw. Primal. Animalistic. I was so. fucking. SICK of missionary sex._ I wanted a man to pull my hair as he fucks me from behind. His hand gripping my ass so hard his fingernail marks are left in my skin. I want to feel him pounding my cervix with every thrust.

 _I wanted to be fucked- hard._

And if Christian's note was any foreshadowing, he was just the man to do it. I knew I couldn't expect anything more from him than the fuck of my life. It wasn't like I could take him home to meet my parents. Introduce him to my friends. Invite him to my graduation next year.

 _No I knew what this was. I needed him to fuck me. I was already damaged, I knew that. I wanted him to damage me further and then put me back together. It was like I was torn in half and I wanted him to tear me into fourths and then eighths and then make me whole again with every piece in a different spot. Mind-blowing sex I'd read could do that to you. Turn you inside out and make you a different person on the other side._

 _I wanted that. I craved that._

 _I was fucked up. But he understood my fuckedupness. He respected it. But he wasn't going to hold me like I was going to break. He wanted to defile me._

"I'm already ruined." I tell him simply.

His face falls dramatically at those three words.

An hour later, as I prepare to leave, I hold my hand out for him and he smiles, having held his hand in front of his face for the better part of the hour. "Miss Steele, always a pleasure." He grabs my hand and smiles wider when he feels the paper pressed into my palm.

"I'll see you in a week, Mr. Grey."

I don't turn around as I walk towards the door, but I don't miss the sound of a deep inhale coming from behind me.

* * *

C POV

 _She is going to kill me._

I'm walking back to my cell her note that I'd slid into my sock pressing against my ankle in the most taunting way. I never thought that the corner of a neatly folded paper rubbing against my ankle in my sock would feel as if someone was running their teeth along my balls.

 _Anastasia running her teeth along my balls._

I run my hand over my face, careful not to let the scent linger in my growing facial hair too long but I catch a whiff of her again. Her womanly scent that in one hour has become my favorite smell on the planet.

The scent of her is still present on my tongue but it's fading fast so I slide a finger in my mouth, trying to savor her taste as best as possible.

 _She's so sweet._

I'm back in my cell, safely behind bars when I pull out her note.

 _ **Blue balls-**_ I can't escape the laugh that comes from deep in my chest. _She's such a cheeky little thing._

 _ **Your note floored me. Truly. I've never been one for erotica, but your words turned me the fuck on. It's been the reason for quite a few nights I've spent at home with my vibrator. One that now has a new name. I'll give you a hint, it's orange.**_

 _ **All of those things you said you'd like to do? I want them. And then some. I understand that I'll be the first woman that you've had contact with in quite some time and that you might be a little… restless. Anxious. Tense. Aggressive. Animalistic. Carnal. Stop me at any time. I want all of that. I want you to take the frustrations of the last two years out on me- on my body. I want you to use me however you want.**_

 _ **I want you so bad that it physically pains me. When I sit across from you once a week, and I can't touch you, kiss you, run my tongue over that sexy little dimple on your left cheek. Run my tongue over every inch of you in search of other dimples.**_

 _ **I want you to chain me to a bed and fuck me until I beg for mercy. Mercy I'll never beg for. Fuck me until I scream, till I cry, till I can't speak.**_

 _ **I'm not afraid of you. I trust you.**_

 _ **Probably more than I should.**_

I'm hard as a rock as I finish her words. I look at the wall, the fresh tally I'd just put up this morning indicating another day down, stares back at me. We were just shy of a month till my hearing, and it was getting more painful by the day just thinking about how much time I had left. _What if I don't get out? What if it's denied and then I'm denied my freedom?_

 _Or worse? Denied Miss Steele's delicious pussy._

The thought smacks me hard in the face. Miss Steele had become my entire incentive for getting out of here. Driving, work, my job had all been knocked from first place. My little blue eyes proudly taking that spot.

I was getting caught up under her spell, and I hadn't even touched her properly… or improperly. I was bordering on obsession and I hadn't even been inside of her yet. Once I was out of here, what exactly did she want? I know she couldn't possibly want more than sex… Did I?

I hadn't felt something this deep for someone in so long- maybe ever. Even with Leila, my ex-fiance, I don't think I've ever felt that someone had burrowed themselves so deep in my soul. I didn't believe I had a heart anymore, as it was shattered in the wake of Mia's trauma. But I did believe I had a soul. And Anastasia Steele was embedded deep in there.

 _I am fucked._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: There's a lot going on in this chapter- like a lot. Originally the chapter wasn't supposed to be this long but then I woke up this morning to _Freed_ promo pictures and I felt… overly inspired. So ergo this 12 thousand word chapter. Trust me if I cut this where it was supposed to, you'd be pissed. So I figured just to give it to ya all at once!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

CPOV

"You look different." I hear through the phone as I stare at my little sister through the thick plate glass.

"Different how?"

"I don't know… for someone in prison you just look… positive."

"Well, I'm staying positive." _And jacking off three times a day will put you in a slightly better mood. Miss Steele's notes have only gotten more graphic and sexual and I can't seem to focus on anything else. It surely passes the time._

"Yes, the 23rd. I spoke with someone from that team… a Miss Steele I think?"

My cock throbs just hearing her name. "You spoke with her?"

"Yes, she's very nice. Pretty too." She narrows her eyes at me. "She the reason you're glowing?"

"I am not glowing, shut up Mia."

She laughs. "Alright alright, well she said there's a really good chance that you will get out."

"And you wonder why I'm happy?"

"I didn't say happy, I said different. I don't know. Just something about you."

"Can we change the subject? Did you tell mom?"

"I did."

"And she said…?" She doesn't say anything, just sighs and I shake my head. _Of course._ "Will she even be there for the hearing?"

"I don't know, Christian… but I'll be there. Do you want me to invite some of the guys-"

"No." I snap. _The guys. None of which visited me in jail. Well one, my friend David Wilkerson. He was technically my boss and sort of like a second father. He'd visited a few times. But I didn't want him there… in case things didn't go well._ "My mother should fucking be there."

"I know. I hardly talk to her anymore. I just called her to let her know about the hearing."

"And what? She said she didn't give a fuck?"

"Ummm more like " _that's nice, dear"."_ She imitates and I'll be damned if she doesn't sound like Grace Grey Hyde. _Hyde. Fucking prick._

"Jack Sr. doesn't bother you, right?"

"No. I talk to him less than mom. I really don't think he knew, Christian."

"I don't buy it."

"Okay, well… when you do get out, please just stay away from him." I smile because my sister's natural response was to say _when_ and not _if._

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"I love you big bro." She puts her hand against the glass just as she always does when she visits, and I do the same. "You need anything?"

I shake my head. "Just the 23rd… and good news."

"Three weeks."

"Three weeks." I repeat.

* * *

 **April 23**

I thought I was going to be hauled into court immediately from the room in which they got me ready, but I'm being summoned into a small room two hours before my hearing. A smile finds my face when Ana enters the room, but it immediately falls when I see at least four people coming in behind her. _One being that fucking Luke._ I recognized the other two as well from other meetings we'd had in the past week but to be honest, I only listened to what Ana had to say. She was the smartest of the whole team and I knew above all else, she had my back. _Or at least she wanted to see me out of here._ The fourth was the lawyer that they'd hired to handle this. _I'd known my lawyers were incompetent and so did the entire team, so she'd reached out to one that they had used before._

"Hi." She speaks up first, despite the fact that I know one is her advisor and another is the head of the whole project. "You clean up nice, Mr. Grey." She smiles and I see the look that the other two men give her.

 _Fix your fucking faces._

"Mr. Grey, so we've been over this a few times, do we need to again?" The lawyer asks.

"I have two advanced degrees, I think I'm good." I nod and Ana giggles. Her advisor shoots her a look and she snaps her lips shut.

 _Don't let them scare you, blue eyes. Your claws are sharper._

"Well you've got about an hour. But we thought you'd like some normal food."

My mind drifts back to a conversation I'd had with Ana a few weeks back.

" _What are you going to eat first when you get out of here?"_

 _I sit back in my chair, letting my mind wander when it hits me. "Probably a steak from this steakhouse near the firm. The cuts are so tender. God, what I wouldn't give for one."_

 _She cocks her head. "What's your favorite kind of steak? The cut I mean."_

" _Filet obviously."_

I'm brought back into the here and now by a familiar smell and a bag in front of me. "Ana, let's leave him." Luke tells her and I want to yell at him to mind his own fucking business but I figure now wasn't the time.

She shoots me a wink and a small wave as she's the last one out of the room leaving me with a filet steak from that steakhouse on Burrow Avenue.

 _I think I'm in love._

About a half hour later, I see her face peeking through the small window like a small child would if they weren't tall enough to see and then she's inside with me. _Alone. Finally._

"You're an angel." I tell her instantly. "Well I already knew that but… thank you. I didn't know I got celebratory meals before there was anything to celebrate."

"Yeah my advisor gave me shit about it, but… they know I like you… probably more than I should."

"And that's okay?"

"Crushes are harmless, I wasn't in here having conjugal visits with you. It's fine." She waves her hand and I wonder if she's feeling the same type of reaction to the words _conjugal visit._

"I'm scared." I tell her, and I hate that I feel this weak. I'm used to being this tough guy. Never showing my hand, my feelings… and this girl makes that all go to hell.

She sits down across from me, and puts her hand in mine. "It's going to be fine."

"And if it's not?"

She sighs. "Then I'll still visit you once a week for the next two years until your next parole hearing."

"None of this would be happening if it weren't for you. I owe you… so much. Everything."

"No.. you don't."

"An orgasm or two at least." I joke, a pathetic attempt to break the tension but she smiles a smile that would make an Atheist believe in God.

"God, I hope more than two?" She quips and I laugh out loud. "Don't be nervous."

"Will I get to see you afterwards either way?"

"Rain or shine."

I nod, understanding what she means. "I don't think my mother is here." I tell her, and I don't know why. _Ana had enough of my problems on her plate, let's not add Mommy issues on top of that._

"Mothers can be… complicated." She tells me. "But they always come through in the clutch."

"What does that mean?"

She cocks her head to the side. "What do you think it means?"

And then it hits me. _She is here._ "Overwhelming Chanel number five?"

"I surprised it's not still on me." She pulls at her blazer and smells it. "I have to go though. They're probably looking for me."

"Thank you, Ana for everything."

"Thank me after… over dinner and…" she bites her bottom lip and gives me a smile before she sashays out of the room, swaying her hips a little bit extra for my benefit.

* * *

It's all white noise. A dull roar as soon as the judge bangs the gavel, I don't hear anything. I turn around and Mia is immediately off her feet and jumping up and down. My mother, also on her feet has tears streaming down her face. I feel a hand on my shoulder belonging to my lawyer and I look at him followed by the four people sitting next to them. _Including Miss Steele._

 _The head of the real Dream Team._

I watch as the judge gets up and moves towards his chambers and I still feel like I can't hear anything when Mia bolts for me.

"Oh my God, Oh my God!" She cries as she hugs me tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

She lets me go for a second to hug my lawyer. "And I love you! All of you! Thank you!" She turns back to me. "You're free! You are out of here!" She holds on to me so tight when I feel my mother's hand on my arm.

She doesn't say anything for a brief moment before I feel her arms around me and my sister both rubbing both of our backs as I hear the sobs leave her. "I am so sorry." She cries. "I-"

"Mom." Mia tells her. "Not now."

She nods. "We'll talk." She dabs her eye with the tissue that is always up her sleeve.

"The press is a circus outside." Luke says as he comes from outside of the small courtroom. My eyes find Ana's finally and she's smiling, the tears in her eyes as I pull my sister off of me.

"One sec."

I move towards her and her eyes dart to her colleagues and her advisors before back to me. I hope she can read what my eyes are telling her. _I don't give a fuck about them. But I won't take you against this wall like I'm dying to._

"Mr. Grey, congratulations." She smiles as she puts out her hand and I raise an eyebrow at her as I wonder if it's slathered in her cum like it's been on more than one occasion. She shakes her head as if she can read my mind and I grasp her hand.

"Miss Steele." I pull her hand a little closer towards me and before she can protest I have her wrapped in my arms, hugging her tightly. "Thank you." I take a moment to smell her hair, submerging my face in the coconut flavored mass of curls that's been taunting me for. "You have no idea what you mean to me, Ana." I whisper before I let her go. I'm quite surprised our show didn't attract an audience because I don't see anyone looking at us from my peripherals. "We'll be in touch, Miss Steele." I squeeze her hand one final time before I let my lawyer and her advisor whisk me towards the exit. I look back at her one final time and then the doors open to a million flashes and reporters screaming my name.

* * *

A POV

 _It has been one week since Christian Grey's parole hearing_

 _One week since the hearing that changed everything._

 _One week since Christian was no longer in prison and was set free._

 _One week since I had seen him._

The thought had always been in the back of my mind, that once he was free I would never speak to him again. The fantasies that we indulged in were just that- mere fantasies. Ones that had no place outside of the prison. They were what Christian needed to stay focused, to keep going, to push forward to April 23rd. He needed incentives to stay strong, and I was happy to provide that. Still, I held onto hope that he'd make good on his promise. _To fuck me._ I stare at the note on my dresser, just as I do every morning with a longing that I didn't know was possible. _I missed him._

I shake my head to rid it of the nonsense. _You don't miss him. You don't even know him. You miss the constant stimulation for your spank bank._ I roll my eyes at my subconscious. It was true, I hadn't touched myself once since the 23rd. The dirty fantasies that had been playing in my mind on a loop had stopped.

Christian's hand squeezing mine after the hearing was the last time I'd seen him. He had been whisked away for interviews almost instantly. _Everyone wanted the scoop. Everyone wanted to hear his side. It was the circus that surrounded his initial case all over again._ Despite my involvement with getting him out, I didn't want to be a part of the mayhem. My boss did, so I let him take all the credit as I stayed out of the limelight and watched the man I'd grown to care about from across the room. He commanded it well. The thong I was wearing that day didn't stand a chance against the arousal that flowed out of me as I watched him.

All I wanted was for Christian to whisk me off somewhere private to have his filthy way with me. _It didn't happen._

Now it was a week later and I hadn't heard from him. I know that his sister took him back to his place that night. She had been subleasing his place for him as she took over his mortgage when he went to prison. It was a gorgeous place, from the pictures I'd seen. Small yet of a respectable size for a man that lived alone. I knew where the townhouse was but- what was I supposed to do? Show up in a trench coat with nothing underneath as a grand gesture? He had my information, if he wanted to reach out he would.

 _Unless he was waiting for me to do the same?_ I was constantly at battle with myself wondering if I should just show up at his place- _under polite and innocent circumstances of course_.

 _I just wanted to drop in to make sure that you were doing well? Getting re-acclimated with your life?_

 _How's the public transportation thing going?_ Christian's license had expired while he was in prison, and he needed to have it reinstated. Often times, there is a time limit that felons have to wait before re-applying but we had that waived in the hearing. But more than likely it hasn't happened as quickly as the past week.

 _I brought you- cookies? I would giggle to myself._ _No silly, real cookies! As I hold up a tray of freshly baked cookies._

I shake my head. _Ana get a fucking grip!_

It all went back to my thoughts that maybe the fantasy was fun before, but now that the opportunity is there, the forbidden tryst of prisoner and _not prisoner?_ doesn't feel quite so forbidden. I know he doesn't have the same number as before, and he's certainly not using his prison email, which is how I contacted him before. _I'd advised him to change all of his information. Stupid me for not making him tell me what he was changing them to._

I begin to rub the lotion into my freshly showered body, only a towel covers my torso, matching the one woven throughout my hair. I hear a knock at the door and I peek my head out of my bathroom towards the stairs.

"Kate?" I call for her, as I turn my head towards her door. _I thought she was gone for the day? Something about a bar crawl._ I drop the towel to the ground and throw on my fluffy robe that is much more appropriate for answering the door. I move down the stairs just as I hear another knock. I open the door, the wind almost knocked out of me when I see _him_ standing in front of my door looking even more delicious than a week earlier.

His beard was gone, as if he'd shaved a few days ago, and the stubble he's sporting is unbelievably sexy. His hair seems like it's been cut to a more appropriate length as only a bit of it peeks out beneath a hat he has pulled low over his eyes. He is wearing a black leather jacket over a grey shirt and dark denim jeans. _No more orange._

I finally make it to his eyes and they are shooting daggers at me. _What did I do?_

I realize I should probably say something so I go with the only thing I can think of. "Hi."

"You didn't even fucking look. I could have been anyone." He walks by me as if he doesn't need an invitation to enter as I close the door behind him.

"It's a good neighborhood. And it's 10 in the morning." I tell him. "Speaking of, haven't you heard that it's not polite to show up unannounced at someone's home before noon? Lose your manners in prison?" I snip and I have no idea where it came from. _Shut up Ana, if he showed up at 4 in the morning, you'd let him in._

He takes a minute to look around my living room before turning back to me. "Don't get smart with me, my hands are… free."

"I'm not afraid of you." I tell him, and I'm not. _But should I be? Was my smart mouth and our flirty banter fueled by the fact that his arms were always restrained? Ex-cons were notorious for developing a temper in prison. The smallest thing can set them off._

 _Christian would never hurt me._

 _You don't even know him!_

He stalks towards me as I continue this argument with myself and I try to stand my ground but my feet move backward on their own accord until I'm pressed against my door. "You should be." He looks me over his hands finding my neck and sliding upwards to my face. I feel his breath on my face and I just know he's going to kiss me. _Finally!_

Instead I feel pressure on my windpipe. Strong hands pressing on my throat. I want to be afraid, the rational part of my brain is telling me to knee him in the groin and push him off of me and _run._ But the irrational part, the larger part, the erotic part is telling me to push against his hands and allow him to push harder.

"Do. _not._ Open this door again without looking." He tells me as he lets go of my throat.

"How will you know?" I peep out, my voice slightly strained from having my throat slightly closed off.

"I will _know_." He lets go of my face and I almost stamp my foot in response and demand him to kiss me so we can end this little cat and mouse game once and for all.

"How do you know where I live?" I watch as he fingers a few of my pictures that are sitting on the mantle. He picks one up of them and stares at the picture. I know which one, my graduation from undergrad.

"You had blonde hair?"

"Uh yeah, once upon a time."

"I like the brown. It suits you."

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"No, because it's insulting. You think I can't figure out where you live?"

"Legally?"

He raises an eyebrow at me and I raise one back. "Christian, you're on thin ice right now, it's called _probation_. Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called the _revolving door?_ That's not an urban myth. There's a reason why just released convicts find themselves back in prison" I snap my fingers. "Like that."

"I have my ways." He picks up another picture and frowns. "Who's this?"

I know what picture it is. A picture of me and Jose. "A friend of mine."

"Said _friend_ is in love with you."

I roll my eyes. _Jose is definitely not in love with me._ "Would you like some coffee or something?"

I move into my the kitchen, knowing that I'll need strength to deal with this man when I feel him behind me, boxing me against the counter. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

I feel him pressing against my back. "So many empty threats, Christian Grey." I shake my head and I feel the top of my towel rubbing against what must be his chin as he towers over me. I see his hands come into view and press on the counter, boxing me in completely and then I feel his lips at my ear and his teeth gently nibbling it and my knees go weak.

"They aren't empty."

I'm about to ask him what he means, to elaborate… to say something that clearly states where we stand but he continues, "So this dinner…" he starts. "I fully intended to make good on that promise but you neglected to tell me that I wouldn't be allowed out after 5 pm. I literally turn into a pumpkin when it gets dark." I giggle at his fairy tale reference.

"It's only for six months."

"And I'm supposed to stay away from you for six months?" My face turns to his, as I feel the breath leaving my body in a gust. _I'm still in a bathrobe and I swear I can feel the moisture trickling down my thigh._ "The paps have been sitting outside of my house all week. You think I didn't want to be here a week ago? I didn't think you'd want me photographed showing up at your house."

 _He did want to see me! Good thing I didn't just turn up at his house though._

"I think they've given up for now." He continues. "All I've done is gone to the DMV and my sister's house." He groans. "The DMV is truly hell."

"You know for a man that just got out of prison that is a very strong statement." The coffee finishes pouring and I look up at him. "Coffee?"

He shakes his head slowly back and forth. "That's not what I want right now."

I see it in his eyes. _You, Ana. He wants you._ "Well what… do you want?" I ask shyly.

He eyes me, his gaze raking from my feet to my eyes and then further upwards, reminding me that my wet hair is still up in a towel. "Pancakes."

"Pancakes?" I chuckle. "Well unfortunately this is not an IHOP."

He chuckles as two fingers move through the air and land on the exposed skin around my chest. He traces the skin, before moving further downward, touching my breast bone. "Should we order something then? I assume you probably don't want to be seen in public with me right now."

I frown, hearing him talk that way about himself. He's a free man. Free to do or- date whoever he wants. _Is that what you want now Ana? For him to date you?_ "I suppose I can make some pancakes."

He smiles and steps away from me, allowing me to take my first deep breath since he entered my home. "Go put some clothes on." _Not what I wanted to hear._ I frown and then I feel his fingers under my chin. " _Now_."

* * *

An hour, a breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs later and Christian and I are sitting at my dining room table, playing what seems to be an aggressive game of footsie under the table. It started innocently enough, my foot grazed his leg. I turned bright red and apologized until a smirk found his face and I found myself grazing it more intentionally. Here it was an hour later, and my feet had found their way into his lap, as we sat while we talked- sort of.

It was mostly us making eyes at each other. "Do you have any plans for the day?" He asks over his glass of orange juice. It was Saturday, and Kate wasn't home. Normally, I'd be spending it on my couch watching television, or curled up in bed with a book. But it was the end of the semester and term papers were due.

"I have a paper due Tuesday so I was going to go to the library in a bit."

He nods. "Well I would hate to interfere with your education."

"It's on you." I tell him. "My paper- I mean."

"Is that so? What about me?"

"The whole process. Everything. What made me… choose your case I guess."

"Choose?"

"Yes." I nod. "All of the second years present a proposal to the third years on the potential project of the year."

"You picked me."

"I picked you."

"You going to tell me why?"

"You know why."

He nods again. "Does anyone know… about you?"

"You do."

"That's it? Not your parents or… a friend? Counselor? Anyone?"

I shake my head. "No."

He runs his tongue over his teeth and leans back in his chair. "I'm sorry it happened to you."

I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. My heart is hammering, and I feel the dull ache between my thighs beginning to sharpen again as I see the look he's giving me. "Come." The one word sets my whole body on fire and I'm out of my chair without hesitation. I stand before him, unsure of what to do when he pulls me into his lap, to straddle him and his hands move up my thighs. I'm wearing leggings, as my house does get somewhat drafty and a loose fitting tank that I wear to yoga. It shows only a hint of cleavage although I know it's a bit torturous for him as it's probably the most amount of skin he's seen in the flesh. _Unless…_

"Have you been with anyone… since you've been out?" I don't know what possesses me to ask the question. It's like there has been a brain to mouth malfunction.

His eyebrows raise and his hands find his mouth as he looks me over. "What if I said yes? Told you I needed something to take the edge off so that I had a chance of lasting longer than five seconds once I got inside of this pretty graduate student that I'm _going_ to fuck?" _He's going to fuck me. FINALLY some god damn confirmation._ I shake my head as I circle back to the first part of his statement. _He fucked someone else?_

"Did you?"

He chuckles and brings my hands to his mouth rubbing his lips over them gently. "No, blue eyes."

"Did you bring condoms?"

"No." He says simply and my eyes widen.

"Well that's awfully presumptuous of you for you to think that I just have them on hand."

He smiles. "It pleases me that you _don't_ have them on hand. It means no one is touching you." He growls. "At least I hope."

"I'm sure my roommate has some." _Kate definitely did and I knew where to find them._

He lifts me gently, to pull a piece of paper out of his back pocket and hands it to me. The folded piece of paper sits between his fingertips and I pull it slowly and unfold it. My eyes flit to his and then back to the paper. "You're free from all sexually transmitted infections and diseases."

"It is a part of my release from prison process. I thought you might like to know."

"I don't have-"

"I want to feel every inch of you Anastasia." He tells me and I let out a breath knowing that what I'm about to tell him is going to put the kibosh on this whole seduction scene.

"I'm not on the pill." I tell him, simply and his hands that have been slowly inching between my legs stop.

His eyes rake over me salaciously as if he has some master plan that I'm not a part of. "So?" He says and despite the spike in my heart rate, I shake my head. _Why am I so turned on at the idea of carrying this man's child. Ana snap out of it and get off his lap. His cock is pressing upwards, nestled perfectly between your legs and it's clearly fucking with your brain!_

"So?" I finally squeak out.

"Fine, I suppose knocking you up wouldn't be ideal. Get yourself on the pill, because this is _not_ a one time thing."

"And if I just want a… one time thing?"

He shifts in his seat and the hardness of his jeans bumps my clit through my leggings. _Fuck._ The whimper escapes me as I try and mask it with clearing my throat. _But he knows._

"Is that what you want?"

"I'm not sure what I want…"

His hand reaches up and grabs my jaw gently, rubbing his thumb back and forth over my lips and I wish to God his thumb was running over a different set of lips. "I think once I have a taste, I won't _ever_ want to stop. And you'll be powerless in my quest in taking you when I want."

 _It sounded dark. Dangerous. Sinful._

 _I wanted it._

"I don't think I'll ever want you to stop." I say softly, his thumb pushing gently inside of my mouth. He presses the pad of his thumb over my teeth and I bite down gently before I close my mouth around his finger, sucking him slowly, letting my tongue trace his finger.

He licks his lips letting an inaudible _fuck_ fall from them and then I feel him moving, coming closer to me. His finger moves from my mouth and it's replaced with his tongue. It all happens so fast that it takes a moment to register that his lips are on mine.

 _Fuck! I'm kissing him, fucking finally!_

He groans into my mouth as our tongues find a steady rhythm.

 _One lick._

 _Two licks._

 _Three licks._

 _BITE._

I moan, feeling my lip between his teeth. He lets it go and runs his tongue over the place where his teeth had trapped my slick skin. "I told you I was going to bite this lip." My eyes flutter open, hearing his words and when I open them his grey eyes are staring at me as if he's trying to memorize every inch of my face. My lip finds it's way between my teeth and he smiles. "Should you raid your roommates stash?"

I blink my eyes a few times as I contemplate the words, before I spit them out. "Don't cum inside of me."

He smiles. "For now."

* * *

I don't know what I had in mind for my first time with Christian. _My first time in months to be honest._ But I certainly never pictured it on my fucking table, as leftover syrup made it's way into my freshly washed hair. The second the word _now_ left his lips, he'd pushed me hard onto the table and ripped my leggings off.

Which is how we ended up here, me lying flat on my back, my legs wrapped around Christian's face as he eats me like the starving man he said he was. My hands find his hair and I dig my nails into scalp. I'm seconds from letting go when he stops. I feel air hitting my sex that previously had his mouth all over it and I groan at the loss of contact. I look up, my eyes taking a second to focus as he sits back in his chair. "Get on all fours."

"On my table?" I croak out.

"Yes."

I turn over, my ass in the air when I hear him groan and his fingernails on my ass. "Fuck. I want to do so much to you."

I bite my lip. "Do all of it." I manage to whimper out just in time to feel his teeth sinking into my ass. I yelp, as it hurts a bit more than I thought it would when he told me he wanted to bite me, but then I feel his tongue soothing the skin and then lower, stroking my clit with his tongue. I feel goosebumps everywhere, I feel like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket and every single one of my nerves were standing on end. I curl my toes, and try my best to anchor myself to the table when I feel like I'm seconds from floating away. My eyes flutter shut as he continues his reckless assault on my pussy. He pulls away for a second and I cry out at how close I was when I feel wetness between my cheeks and then his finger spreading the moisture around my rosebud. _Holy shit._

I don't even have the words as I feel like my mind has been wiped clean from everything I've ever known. All I know is this gorgeous man that's giving me pleasure that I couldn't even fathom in even my most dirty fantasies. His tongue returns to the apex of my thighs as his finger continues to probe my asshole mercilessly. _I'm so close I can taste it._

I don't think I've ever been this wet. His mouth and my sex creating a noise that I'd never heard before. It was loud, wet, aggressive. _Delicious._ He's eating me the way I imagine one eats ice cream on a hot day. Quick deliberate strokes, the wetness dribbling down their chin. It's almost as if he's drinking me.

 _That's how wet I feel. I'd be humiliated if I wasn't so turned the fuck on._

My hands have curled into fists, my knuckles dragging against the hardness of the table. It hurts but I can't bring myself to unclench my fists. I'm wound so tight that I know the second I release, I'm going to shatter spectacularly into a million pieces. I open my eyes and I'm not shocked that my vision is blurry as I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as my body tries to accept the pleasure he's giving me.

 _I'm going to come… harder than I ever have in my life._

It's right… _there._ And then it comes. _Hard._ "Fuck!" I scream as I push my body back harder onto his face. "Don't stop." I whimper and I feel his other hand gripping my ass hard as the aftershocks move through me.

"Christian!" I cry out and even when the orgasm wanes I feel his mouth there, _still._ Leaving me lazy kisses, his tongue rubbing long, languid strokes against my folds. I try to move away from him but he grabs my hips, keeping me in place as he begins to work me over again.

"Wait…" I whine, knowing that my body couldn't handle the exertion of another orgasm.

"No." He growls and I feel it through every part of my body.

"Please."

"You didn't tell me you were a fucking squirter."

The truth was no man has ever gotten me to squirt before and I'd only managed it once or twice with my vibrator. _Fuck._ "I am soaked in your fucking cum." He says slowly, as if he's tasting the words as they leave his lips.

"Shit." I whimper, suddenly embarrassed as I am still on display for him. "Let me get you a towel." I try to move and sure enough, I feel his hand on my back.

"Stop. moving."

I turn to look at him and it's true, his face was glistening with my arousal from his nose down. _Jesus Christ._ I close my eyes tightly trying to commit the visual to memory when I'm being pulled back into his lap. I try to clench to keep my juices from leaking out onto him but it all goes to hell when I feel his lips on mine again. The taste of my pussy mixed with the pancakes he'd eaten creating a sensual taste. "You taste sweeter than the syrup." He groans into my mouth.

I rub my fingers down his jaw, feeling the wet substance of my arousal underneath my tips. "I think- I think I need another shower."

"I think I need one too." He agrees.

The idea of the shower was quickly forgotten as soon as I remembered Kate's massive tub in her bathroom. I didn't even think before I pulled him in there with me and closed the door. I was still naked from the waist down and he was fully clothed. _His clothes had to go._ I turn the water on and watch as the water begins to rise amongst the jasmine scented bubbles.

"What happened to the shower? Are you trying to romance me, Miss Steele?"

I turn away from the tub to face him and I don't miss the way his eyes immediately find my pussy as if they're trained to do so. I push him against the door. "I can't fuck you the way I need to in a shower. You're too tall. I'm too short. My shower is small and I'm not trying to break my neck. Your call."

"A retractable shower head." He says as he eyes look behind me. "We can do something with that."

I smile devilishly knowing that my pussy is going to be thoroughly taken care of after my visit to this bathtub as I pull my tank over my head, leaving me in only a bra. I take a step forward, my finger tips playing with the button of his jeans. "Can I undress you?"

He nods, a smile in his eyes and playing on his lips as I pop the button and slide his jeans down his body allowing him to step out of them. I'm on my knees, in front of him, his dick hard underneath his briefs. I drag my hands up his legs, careful not to touch his dick as I stand. I slide his jacket off and tug on his shirt indicating I'd like it off and he obliges leaving him in just his briefs.

"Wow."

His nostrils flare slightly as his hands reach out and rip the bra down the center with his bare hands. I frown when I see what he did to my favorite bra but the feeling quickly dissipates when I feel his lips wrapping around my nipple. He suckles hard, before biting down, my nipple trapped between his teeth. I feel a pinch and I whimper as he lifts me off the ground and my legs immediately move to go around him. "Holy fucking shit. I am going to destroy you." He says against my neck, his teeth finding the skin.

"Destroy me." I close my eyes as I feel his lips and tongue- everywhere.

"Arms around my neck." I do, and within seconds his briefs are down his legs and his cock, what I had spent the last six months fantasizing about was finally on display for me. My mouth drops open as he holds it at the base, teasing me once, twice, three times, tapping my clit with it. "This is going to be fast… and hard."

"Faster and harder." I tell him as if to say _give me everything and then some._

"Fuck." He growls. "You're going to be the death of me."

"You'll be the _life_ of me."

I'm faintly aware that somewhere behind Christian the tub begins to fill, and I hope that we aren't near the rim because there's no way I'll be able to stop once he slides in.

"I won't come inside of you." He tells me.

"Come on me." I move my hips towards his cock, allowing him to push slightly inside. Immediately something snaps inside of me. "Mark me. _Own_ me." The words leave my lips in a whisper.

He pushes inside of me in one fluid motion. The angle he's at allows him to get deeper than anyone has before. I hold onto him tight, my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips as he begins to plow me hard against the door. "Jesus Christ, you're tight." His hand grips my jaw hard as his teeth nip at the skin. "Tell me who you belong to."

 _No question._ "You."

"Tell me why you want me so bad." I whimper in response. "Tell me." My body burns with his invasion. I've never been fucked so raw, so hard… _I feel like my skin is actually on fire._

"Because you're hot."

He snickers into my ear. "Try again, blue eyes. Tell me why I was so special."

"No."

"Yes." One hand digging into my ass as his other finds my hair, pulling hard as he fucks me harder with every stroke. Every push making me wonder if he's going to come out through my throat. His eyes are focused on me, burning into mine. "Tell me, angel." He whispers and the orgasm hits me hard out of nowhere. His gentle words amongst the hard thrusts he's inflicting pushes me over the edge.

He pulls out of me after letting me ride my orgasm out. "Don't say a word." He orders me before pulling out of me, but keeping me tight in his arms. He cuts the water off, that is dangerously close to overflowing before he carries me out of the bathroom, through Kate's room and into mine. He slams the door closed with his foot and pushes me onto the bed, his large body covering mine. His eyes are wild, his skin has a thin layer of sweat and I can still smell myself on him.

He slides into me again without another word, pushing harder and harder into me as his strokes become more frantic. His fingertips grip my hips hard. "You changed my fucking life, Ana. Tell me why."

I feel him at the edge of his orgasm, I can tell by the way his movements have become jagged, irregular and rough. _He's close. Very close. Is he waiting for me to say the words?_

"You know why."

"Say it."

I close my eyes, hating myself for speaking the words to this man that very well may not want anything to do with me once he comes. "Because I need you to protect me. Guard me with your life so nothing ever happens to me again. Because I _need_ you."

My eyes are still closed when I feel him leave me and a roar that is so scary and raw it shakes me to my core. I open my eyes just in time to feel his hot cum covering every inch of me. I look up at his hooded gaze as the liquid drips from his penis onto my breasts, my stomach, my thighs even a few drops against my pussy which I feel him wipe away with a part of my sheet. I look down and then up at him as the last of his cum leaves him and then I'm in his arms again. He doesn't say a word as he carries me back to the bathroom. He sets me on my feet before he yanks the chain from the tub, allowing some of the water to drain as he looks at me. _Covered in him._

 _I'm slightly ashamed at the words that left my mouth. He already said he didn't feel responsible for me once before and now he probably thinks I'm some psycho stage five clinger._

He stops the tub again and holds out his hand. I take it and let myself slide into the tub, my knees immediately drawing up to my chest as to protect myself from the vulnerability seeping through me.

"You're not joining me?" I ask.

"If I get in this tub with you, I will fuck you and I won't pull out. So just give me a second."

"You pulled out earlier?"

"By the grace of God."

"Listen about what I said…" I trail off when I feel his finger at my lips.

"Let me wash you."

I hand him the soap and I let my knees fall open, showing him where I'd like him to wash me first. He obliges instantly.

* * *

My eyes flutter open when I feel hands at my hair. I'm snuggled into my bed, still naked, lying on my side as I see a completely dressed Christian Grey kneeling next to my bed with a smile on his face. "Hello, beautiful."

I wipe my eyes, suddenly curious as to why my room is so dark. "What time is it?" I ask, immediately panicked that we'd overslept.

"It's four thirty. I have to get back to my place."

"You're leaving." I know that I'm pouting but I can't help it. Even after the mind blowing sex in the tub, and everything that ensued after it, I still wanted more.

 _So much more._

"Yes. I have to go." He tells me.

"I'll walk you out."

"No, you stay here. All sleepy and warm." He smiles before he presses a kiss to my lips. "I'll see you soon."

I nod, desperately wanting to ask him when that meant. _What this meant. What any of the last several hours meant_ but I stay quiet. "Okay."

"I'll call you."

I nod again and with a final kiss to my lips he disappears through my door. I don't think I remember hearing my front door close before I'm asleep again.

* * *

The next time I wake up it's bright, the sun shining through my blinds and curtains and illuminating my room.

 _Shit did I sleep through the night?_ I look at my phone. _Eight thirty. Jesus was I in a coma? A sex induced coma after practically six hours of non-stop fucking._

I sit up and I realize I'm still naked so I throw on some sweats and a t-shirt before I pad out of my room. I hear my television on downstairs so I slowly move that way when I see Kate on the couch typing away on her computer.

"Morning sunshine." She smiles at me and I give her a sleepy wave.

She closes her computer and a moment later she hops up on the counter and begins to swing her legs. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" She asks, her eyes wide with question but also something else. _Like she knows something I don't._

"How was the bar crawl?"

"Great. I was home by 8ish? And was greeted with our house smelling like sex but-." My eyes fly open as I remember that I never cleaned up the table. My eyes dart to the perfectly cleaned table and then back to her.

"God Kate, I'm sorry about the table and the mess in the kitchen. I-"

"The table?"

I look around, knowing that if Kate had cleaned, I'd know because it would still look a mess. "Wait you didn't clean the kitchen up?"

"Oh… was it messy in here?" She raises her eyebrows up and down and smiles.

"Ummm, the kitchen was clean when you got home?"

"Spic and span." She smiles.

 _So unless I sleep cleaned, Christian cleaned up the kitchen and my orgasms off the table?_ I smile to myself.

"I… had a friend over." I bite my lip.

"So I see. I thought you were going to the library to study…?"

"I was… umm but then he came over to study… he's from school." The lie slips out easily. _Could I really tell Kate that I was fucking the man that I had just helped get out of prison for murder?_

"Mmmhmm… is it Luke?"

"No.. umm it's not Luke."

"Well I don't really know any other guys, but whoever it is you should totally bring them to Sunday Funday tonight."

 _Sunday Funday as Kate calls it usually consists of a bunch of her friends playing drinking games at one of their houses. I'd been a few times and it always resulted in me being hungover the next morning._

"Oh, he's busy."

She narrows her eyes at me and shrugs. "Fine, well you'll come then? I'm going to leave in about an hour."

"I really do have to go to the library, since I didn't yesterday."

"Suit yourself." She shrugs. "I am happy that you're finally getting some even if it did happen in my bathtub." She giggles before hopping off the counter and prancing up the stairs.

After a cup of coffee and a few moments with my thoughts, I make my way back to my room. I frown when I don't see any messages from Christian from last night or this morning. I assumed he would be in touch. _But nothing_.

I put it out of my mind as I begin to get ready for a long day at the library but a little voice in the back of mind begins to speak, and I don't like what she has to say.

* * *

 **Tuesday**

It's been three days since I've seen or heard from Christian. With the deadline of my paper looming over me, I pushed Christian and the mind-blowing sex and what seemed to be his blow-off out of my mind. But I'd submitted my paper five minutes ago and now I was pissed.

I'm sitting in the library, feeling as if the weight has lifted from my shoulders and yet, I felt more tense than ever before. I let out a breath as my fingers begin to type on their own accord.

 **Christian Grey Seattle WA, recent updates**

My eyes scan the screen as I look at the latest which is a few photos of him leaving his house. Including one from Saturday as I recognize his clothes. My sex tingles in response.

Saturday was the most incredible experience of my life and a part of me believes that there won't be a repeat. My heart sinks at the thought and I chastise myself. I knew I should have kept my feelings to myself. Christian was different than any man I'd ever been with and yet, he was the same in that he couldn't deal with my baggage either.

I'm on my way back to my townhouse when a thought floats through my mind. _Maybe I should just swing by his place. Just to… see if he's okay?_

I almost snort aloud at the lie but it doesn't stop me from taking the exit I know leads to the brick townhouse off of King Street that houses the man with the most perfect dick of my life. It's five pm, so I know that he's home as I slowly walk up to the house. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I hear him speaking on the other side and then he opens the door, his phone pressed to his ear.

I smile but it's not met with the same enthusiasm. "I'll call you back." He barks into the phone. He steps through the door and closes it behind him. _Guess I won't be invited in then._ "Ana? What are you doing here?"

"I… came to see you?"

"I see that. What happened to it being impolite to show up unannounced?" He crosses his arms as if he's annoyed but I see a hint of humor behind his eyes.

"Well I would have called, but I don't have your number."

"I just got a new number. I'll be sure to give it to you." _Now would be a good time, and yet he doesn't._

"You have my number."

"I do." He nods and I've officially crossed into angry. "Look Ana, now is really not a good time…" he trails off.

"Okay." I chuckle as I look out into the street as I get my thoughts together. I turn back to him. "I was perfectly fine with it being a one time thing. You were the one that was all _get on the pill so I don't knock you up with all the sex I plan on having with you_." I shake my head. "I know it's probably been a while since you've had to do this but don't say you're going to do something and then not do it. And you've got a lot of balls to do that shit to me." I shake my head. "Lose my number."

"Ana!" I hear called after me but I raise my middle finger to him as I continue walking back to my car. I don't turn around, even after I hear him call for me a second time. I don't pay him another glance as I drive away from his house, the tears pooling in my eyes.

* * *

The next day is Wednesday, and someone upstairs must love me because my only class of the day is cancelled. I'd been up most of the night tossing and turning, angry at myself for getting in so deep.

 _I knew it was dangerous. I'd become infatuated with this man almost a full year ago. I began meeting with him six months ago and then communicating with him sexually six weeks ago._ I was already in too deep before he slid his cock inside of me.

 _And now I felt like a woman scorned._

 _I thought I would have been fine with just fucking him. Just the one time. But now I wanted more. And I felt- rejected._

 _Why did he have to say all of that? All of that possessive shit like he wanted more than just one night?_

I needed to get my mind off of it, and I knew the best way to do that. _I needed to run._ Running always helped me get my mind off of whatever was stressing me out at the time. Usually it was school but hopefully it would do the same job for a guy. I run my usual route through the streets, just trying to put one foot in front of the other and focus on my breathing.

I've slowed to a walk as I make my way back to my house and just as I slide the key in the lock, I feel my body come alive and then I see an arm in my peripheral and a hand resting on my doorjam. I don't turn around. "I'm not letting you in." I tell him.

"You don't have a choice."

I snort and turn around in his arms. "Oh really?" I snap at him. His face is hard yet I can see that he's hiding something behind his gray eyes. "Christian, just leave me alone. You got what you needed, you got me out of your system and now you're free-"

"Out of my system?" He takes a step closer. He's so close that I can taste his breath. "You think I want you out of my system? You came to my house and threw a tantrum because you were- I don't know going through _Christian Grey Dick withdrawals_ and you didn't even give me a chance to explain before taking off knowing damn well I couldn't chase you down. So now, it's daylight and you can't. run. from. me. Now be a good girl and let us in."

I snort. _I wasn't letting my guard back down that easily._ "Why did you act… so indifferent towards me?"

"I was caught off guard, Ana. You had showed up unannounced… I…"

"Didn't want me to come in."

"That's not about you."

"You wanted to blow me off and it worked."

"You're being a little brat, Ana."

"Fuck you. Please just leave me alone." I turn back around and put the key in the door, hoping that he gets the messages and doesn't try and follow me. I make it through the door and try to close it behind me but he's already inside behind me. He closes the door behind us.

"Seriously! Okay you can't just barge in here and think I'm going to drop my panties for you. I'm not your little slut, Christian. You can't treat me like that."

"Will you shut the fuck up for two seconds?!" He yells and I'll be damned if I'm going to be talked to like that.

"You can get the hell out of my house." I tell him as I move towards the door. He backs up against it, disallowing me from reaching the doorknob.

"Let me talk, Ana. Please."

I cross my arms. "You have two minutes."

He sighs and doesn't say anything for a few.

"A minute forty five."

He moves towards me and I have a feeling I know what he's planning to do to "explain" himself over the next minute and forty five seconds so I back up and put my hand up. "Stop."

"No."

"Yes!" I scream before I'm hoisted into his arms and my lips are brought to his. I was expecting an aggressive kiss that left bruises in it's wake but this was tender, passionate- almost loving. His hair winds in my hair with one hand as one holds me up by my butt. I put up a fight for about a second before I wrap my legs around him and my hands find his jaw. I feel us moving and then the couch under my butt. I reach for my top to pull it over my head, without a care in the world that I'm still sweaty from my run.

 _So much for not dropping your panties, huh Ana?_

 _Have you never heard of break up sex?_

 _Breaking up would mean that you two were together._

I close my eyes to stop the arguing with myself when his hands find mine, stopping myself from removing my top.

"You are the furthest thing from a slut. Even if I call you one in bed- which I will at some point. You are not a slut."

"Sounds like you think there will be many more times."

He gets off his knees in front of me and sits on our coffee table. "I left here on Saturday… on top of the world. I'd been wanting you for months, and then I had a taste and I wanted more. _Instantly_. Pulling myself out of bed on Saturday and leaving you… sucked. And then I remembered that it's my life for the next six months. I couldn't sleep through the night with you. I couldn't take you to dinner or anywhere at night. Do you know what it felt like to hear you say how much you needed me, Anastasia?"

I don't say anything.

"Fucking _helpless._ "

"I didn't mean-."

"I just… I don't want to be this presence in your life half of the time. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than _me._ "

"How do you figure?"

"I'm not worthy of you, Ana. Anyone in your life would agree."

"I don't get a say?"

It's his turn to be silent.

"Why didn't you invite me in? Maybe you can't stay here but… I could stay with you overnight. If you wanted me to."

He chuckles and rubs his hands over my eyes. "Mother fucker why did you have to come into my life now, huh?" He stands up and begins to pace the length of my living room.

"Ana I am… for lack of a better word… broke. I didn't let you in because I sold basically all of my belongings to help pay for my useless yet expensive ass lawyers. My house is empty with the exception of my mattress that sits on the floor, a few books and a few valuable things that aren't worth much monetary value." He still doesn't look at me as he continues. "I didn't want you to see that. I was cold because I knew you could break me down and I'd let you in."

 _I hadn't thought of this. I knew Christian had money before he went into prison. Not like billionaire status but I knew he'd done well as an investment banker._

"I don't know how much you know about what I did." His eyes find mine.

"Investment banking."

"Yes. And a job like one I had is not exactly one I can get back now. People don't exactly want ex-convicts handling their investments… their money. Even the ones that did trust me not to steal- rich people do shady things with their money and they know I've got eyes on me. They are worried I'd lead them to the feds unintentionally."

My heart sinks. "So what… what are you going to do?" _Is that not my business? Is it insensitive? Shit._ "Sorry… you don't have to tell me."

He gives me a half smile and sits next to me, tucking a loose hair behind my ear. "Luckily, when all of this shit went down, one of the partners at my firm had my 401k and a bunch of my money that was tied up in investments of my own, frozen. I'm in the process of working through that being released back to me."

I let out a breath, _401ks were good. And Christian made decent money I'm sure he has enough in there to get himself back on his feet._

"How long will that take?"

"Probably months to be honest." He tells me.

"And in the meantime?" I ask.

"That's not for you to worry about, blue eyes." He smiles at me and if I wasn't convinced he was trying to distract me I would melt.

 _But what could I say? What could I do? I wasn't exactly in the position to help anyone. Grad school paid for 95 percent of my bills and the other 5 percent was covered by grants and we did get paid for some work on the Project. In short- I got paid to go to school._

 _And as much as I wanted to help, I didn't know what I could do that didn't involve him moving in with me which I wasn't sure I was ready to commit to. Or if Christian would even accept my offer… and if Kate would be okay with it._ My eyes dart to the door as I try to remember where Kate is exactly, and how long she would be gone. The last thing I need is for her to show up while we're… _busy._

For now I stay quiet because I don't know what to say, and I've probably already emasculated him enough for the day. I climb into his lap and put my hands on his face. "Can you spend the day with me?"

He gives me a small smile. "I would love to." But just as quick as his smile finds his face, it fades to one more sinister. "But first we do need to talk about your little temper tantrum."

"It wasn't a tantrum."

"Oh? I do recall your very dramatic exit involving your middle finger." He runs his nose down my cheek. "I dare you to ever flick me off again, Anastasia."

"What will happen if I do?" I breathe out as I let my forehead drop to his shoulder.

He chuckles and it sends a shiver down my spine. "You do not want to know."

* * *

I didn't know that the sex could get better with Christian, and yet somehow as he aggressively pushes inside of me inch by inch I find myself already chasing the orgasm. "How much do you trust me?" He whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around my back and tucks his face into my neck. "Tell me how much baby."

It was the first time he'd called me a pet name that wasn't _blue eyes_ and I clench immediately. "More than anyone." I manage to muster out as his cock massages my insides stroke by stroke.

"Do you trust me not to go too far?" He pulls out of my neck and looks down at me, his grey eyes concerned and yet filled with desire. I nod. "Will you tell me to stop if it gets there?"

"Like… a safeword?"

"Just tell me to stop and I will."

"What are you going to do?" _Whatever it is, I'm fucking game._

"Trust me." He orders. He cups my cheeks and presses a kiss to my lips and it's so gentle and soft that it almost makes me come on the spot.

"Earlier you called yourself a slut. Did you really see yourself that way, or were you trying to piss me off?"

I bite my lip as I feel his hand over sliding across my neck as he continues to move harder inside of me. I know what he's going to do and it makes me nervous and yet… excited. But I put up a fight, _for the show._

"Christian- don't."

"Give me your trust, Anastasia."

"You have it, it doesn't mean I want… _that."_

"You want it."

"You could kill me."

"I'd kill myself, before I hurt you."

I bite my lip and it makes me nervous as I remember his words in the prison. _I'd never kill for you. Did that still apply?_ "No killing for me. You promised."

I feel the pressure on my neck. "You shouldn't have let me inside of you."

"But…"

"Hush." He tells me as his hand closes around my throat again. He pushes his dick further into me. With every inch he pushes inside, the grip around my throat tightens. _Fuck._

His hand finds my clit with his other hand. "You're so wet, Anastasia. Tell me, does this turn you on?" I don't respond. "Answer me."

"You t-turn me on." I stammer as I try and catch my breath between words. His fingers loosen and I take a deep breath.

"Breathe, baby." He whispers. "I won't hurt you." His fingers close again, my vision blurs and I see a spot in my peripheral. "I'm going to push you to the brink. And then when you think you can't go any further. I'm going to push you another step."

I nod, my hands finding his biceps and gripping hard. His hand grips me tighter, as he continues to feed me his cock which feels like it's a never ending. "Are- you… in…?" I whimper. I feel like I should know based on the extended amount of time I spent with it last week but his hand on my throat seems to be sending me all out of sorts.

My eyes flutter closed and I feel like I'm flying as he loosens and tightens the grip on me. "Fuck." He murmurs. "You are so fucking beautiful." He growls as he pushes harder and harder. "I want you every fucking minute." He tells me pushing me further and further towards the ledge. The breaths are leaving me in tiny spurts. "Tell me you're good." He loosens the grip.

"Good." I moan.

"I want you to come, Ana. I promise it will feel good."

"Mmmhm… you always make me feel good." I manage to whimper out. I feel like I'm high, my mind is scattered, and I can't focus on anything. _Everything feels- great._

"I can feel you quivering around my cock. _Fuck_. I need you to fucking get there."

I can feel my heartbeat in my sex, a pounding in my clit that I had never experienced. "Touch- me." I manage to get out. His fingers find my clitoris in the exact instant he completely cuts off my air supply and I explode… _completely._

I can feel my body writhing as my orgasm starts and just when I'm at the peek, he let's my throat go and my eyes fly open. "FUCK!" I manage to scream as my arms go to his chest and with every ounce of strength I have I drag my nails down his skin.

"There it is." He growls. "Right there."

 _I can't control anything right now. I feel out of control- feral almost._ "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!" I scream. I ride out the last of my orgasm, just in time for me to feel his orgasm coating my skin in what feels like buckets.

"We are playing with fire, Anastasia. Get your ass on the fucking pill." He growls. "I don't know how many more times I can leave your body when I need to come." He whispers.

 _It's not cute and cuddly pillow talk. It's not romantic. Or flirtatious._

 _It's raw. It's real. It's us._

"I like… fire." I whisper, my voice hoarse and sore. I look up at him as he grabs the towel I had grabbed before we came to my bedroom and begins to clean his seed off of me.

"How did you like… that?"

I pull him down to me and lock my ankles behind him keeping him in place. "I loved it. Can we do it again?"

He chuckles. "You sure?"

"I'm sure. It was… insane. I've never done anything like that before. You make me feel like I'm flying every moment we're together."

His arms wrap around me as begins to stroke my hair. He could be ruthless with me and yet so gentle. _I was falling- hard. I could feel it in my bones and it scared the shit out of me._ My eyes flutter closed and I can feel myself drifting towards sleep when I hear him call my name. It seems like he's so far away but I know he's right in my ear. I clutch him closer knowing it's not nighttime, so he'll be here when I wake up. The thought comforts me and just as I succumb to sleep, I hear his words softly.

"If anyone ever fucks with you again, my life doesn't matter anymore."

 **A/N: And he's out! Whatcha think ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of pots and pans banging together rouses me from the deepest sleep. As I'm pulled out of the final moments of my slumber, I'm immediately met with a familiar scent and a smile finds my face. _Christian is here._ I find myself deeply inhaling the skin that's directly underneath my nose. I clutch him tighter and press my lips to his bare chest. The noises downstairs have long been forgotten as I feel his arms tighten around me. My eyes float up the hard ridges of his torso and for a moment I'm speechless as I watch him get pulled out of those last few minutes of sleep.

"I'm glad you're here." I murmur quietly and I watch as his eyes open slowly, a smile finding his gorgeous face.

One hand slowly begins to rub the back of my head gently while the other travels up my arm and begins to rub my back. It's a welcome contrast to the same hands that were wrapping around my throat a few hours ago. _Although I loved that. A lot. More than I ever imagined. He's tapping into my darkest desires and I want more._

"What time is it?" His voice is sleepy and thick with arousal to match his powerful erection that's rubbing against my leg that's draped over him. I reach behind me, fiddling around on my nightstand for my cell phone when the noise followed by the word " _shit!"_ in a voice I know all too well rings through the air.

Suddenly I remember what woke me up. I shoot up in bed the sheet falling from in front of my chest exposing my breasts to the naked man in my bed. My mind can't even focus on the delicious look he's giving me as I fling the covers completely off of me. "Oh my God" I bolt across the room and crack the door open slowly, peeking out of my room. "Kate?" I yell down the stairs.

"Yeeeeeaaaahhh?" She calls back and I can hear the _knowing_ tone in her voice _. How in the hell am I going to get him out of here? A guy from school, I told her. I can't very well just let Christian walk out of our fucking door. I doubt Kate would be okay with an ex-convict here in our townhouse, regularly. Even given the circumstances._

 _You need to tell her Ana._

 _Just— not today._

I close the door and lean my head against it. "Shit." I whisper.

I turn back around to see Christian staring at me hungrily. "Come here." He orders.

"Christian, now's not a-"

I barely have the words out of my mouth before he's across the bedroom and I'm underneath him, my arms trapped above my head. "When I tell you to come here, you _move_ it." His voice is low, almost menacing and I can feel my thighs moving on their own accord trying to create friction against my clitoris.

"My roommate is downstairs." I tell him as I feel his finger sliding between my legs, stroking me lightly.

"Then you'll need to be quiet."

* * *

 _I was far from quiet._

In fact, I was quite the opposite. _But Christian did this new thing with his tongue and I lost it. And I also had never come harder._

"Oh my God." I groan. We're both on our backs, side by side when I turn my head to look at him. "Your mouth belongs in the _Smithsonian_." He snorts but I can tell he's pleased with his performance and how sated I am. I climb on top of him, holding his cock at the base and hovering slightly over it. "Fuck me before you go?" I flutter my eyelashes at him a few times and he smiles.

"It's cute, really." He says as he flips us over and slides himself in slowly inch by inch. "That you think you're in charge here."

I look up at him through my lashes. "I know you're in charge." I was going for a voice that was pornographic and breathy- I think I nailed it.

"Shit, Anastasia. You're going to unman me." He growls. He gets on his knees, his hands finding my breasts and squeezes them hard as he fucks me mercilessly. My bed squeaks and the frame bangs against the wall but he doesn't let up. I try not to picture my roommate downstairs no doubt snickering at what I'm doing up here, but I already know I'll be getting the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition the second I set foot downstairs.

 _How in the hell was I going to get him out of here?_

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I feel Christian slipping out of me and moving off the bed. "Hey? What happened?" I move towards him to try and bring him back to bed but he's already pulling his pants up his legs.

"You were somewhere else and I have to go. If I'm going to cut it this close for pussy, I'd like said pussy to be enjoying herself."

The words sting more than I expected. "So I'm _pussy_ now?"

"What else would you be?" He snaps and I reach for the nearest blanket to wrap around myself trying to shield myself from the words he's throwing at me. He sighs and sits next to me on the bed. "I'll go out your window."

"What? Christian don't be ridiculous."

"Oh? I know you aren't prepared to introduce me to your roommate."

"You're not climbing out my window, Christian, I live on the second floor."

"There's a tree, it's fine."

"Is that what this is about? Why I'm all of a sudden… just _pussy_ now _?"_ I don't know why I'm fixating on the word but it just seemed so cold. And with my feelings for Christian getting hotter by the day, the last thing I needed was him shutting down on me.

"I'm going to go."

"Can I come too?"

"Didn't we talk about this?"

"But we aren't finished…" I pull my sheet open to reveal my naked body that he's spent the better part of the day ravaging. I follow his gaze downwards and catch a glimpse at the damage he'd inflicted.

My breasts were red with faint purple and blue markings from the hickeys he'd left, my hips and thighs had evidence of his fingertips from when he gripped me too tight and my sex- well that looked fine but it felt like I'd spent the last several hours getting fucked hard by an actual steel rod. _I loved the feeling._

He gives me a heated smile and moves back towards me and I feel a tingle that he's coming back to me. I shut my eyes in preparation for him to slide back into me and destroy my lips with a bruising, biting kiss but I only feel his lips on my forehead gently. "I get it." He says quietly. "Trust me. I'm not mad at you."

When my eyes flutter open, he's already got my window open and the draft that creeps through the room that was already icy from Christian's sudden change in demeanor even chillier. "Christian, you don't have to do this. I'll tell Kate right now. You don't need to climb out my fucking window like-"

"An ex-con?"

He raises an eyebrow at me and I'm silent because in truth I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. "You're not my dirty little secret, Christian."

He nods once before I see him disappear through my window. I dart to the window and watch as he hops out of the tree and lands on his feet. It really wasn't a far jump to the ground.

 _So. Not. The. Point._ I feel like shit for making Christian feel this way, and before I can think I am pulling on my sweatpants and a t-shirt over my naked body and running out of my room and down the stairs with a tentative plan in place to ply Kate with alcohol and tell her the truth.

 _I was having amazing, mind-blowing sex with Christian Grey and I had no plans to stop in the near future._

"Kate." I call for her as I hit the bottom step. What I was not expecting upon my arrival into the living room was five other people sitting with her, with hundreds of _Cards Against Humanity_ cards spread out along our coffee table.

 _Shit!_ I cross my arms over my chest as best as I can, as I'm not wearing a bra and Kate jumps to her feet, a beer in her hand. "Hey, everyone." I smile, trying my best to appear like I'm not as frazzled by their presence as I currently am.

"Ana!" She comes across the room and wraps me in a hug before pulling me into the kitchen.

"I didn't realize we had people over?" I tell her and I can't even try to hide the annoyance or the exasperation out of my voice.

"I told you they were coming over to pre-game before we went to Seventeenth street. _Seventeenth street was a strip of bars downtown, that Kate and her friends liked to frequent- but not usually on a Wednesday night._

"On a Wednesday?"

"It was our last day of the semester, cut me a break!" She says as she pours herself a shot of tequila and then another assumedly for me. _I already know it's going to take every amount of energy I have to get out of going out tonight._

"Kate… I-"

"You promised you'd come. You don't have class on Thursdays and I thought you were practically done after you turned in your term paper yesterday anyway."

I groan as I remember telling her that I would in fact go out with her and her friends tonight. I think I'd even mentioned it to my friends Andrea and Hannah and they were planning to meet us. _Fuck._

"So is your guy going to join us?" She hands me the shot glass and clinks it before downing it in one gulp before looking towards the stairs. "Is he getting dressed? If he needs to go home and change or something, we can wait."

"Ummm what?" I look down at the small glass in my hands before sliding it slowly on the table.

She chuckles. "The guy who's been giving my girl a little pep in her step." She moves her shoulders up and down. "Is he coming down this century, or what?"

I purse my lips and shake my head. "There's no one here Kate."

"Bull shit! You think I couldn't hear you?"

 _Shit. Could they- all hear me?_ "They… all could?"

"We're twenty two years old Ana, no one gives a fuck that you were getting laid. Don't be so prude!"

"But they heard me?" _Shit, maybe I do need this drink._ I bring the shot glass to my lips and begin to sip slowly, instead of downing the whole thing in one gulp.

"I mean it was kind of hard to miss. At one point I wasn't sure if he was fucking you or killing you." She jokes and I almost choke on my drink at her words. "You alright?" She pats my back. "God I forget you're a rookie drinker. No shots, okay? Maybe just beer for you or one or two mixed drinks." She says as she pulls the glass away from me and downs it. "So go get dressed, and then we'll go?"

"Kate…"

"You're coming."

"Fine, I'll come." I tell her knowing that I didn't have a choice. "But just me…"

"I'm going to have to meet your boy toy eventually you know."

"Well he's gone."

Kate whips her head towards the living room and then back at me as if he was currently walking through the house to leave and she wanted to catch him in action. "How? When?"

"He left like a long time ago."

"I'm not that drunk, Ana." _Granted no she wasn't, but I needed to talk her in circles and confuse her. And it typically wasn't all that hard._

"You must be, because he's been gone a while. Listen, I'm going to go get dressed."

* * *

C POV

I unlock my townhouse and move through the dark foyer before flipping on the light switch in my living room. _My extremely empty living room._ Mia had recently ordered me a couch that came yesterday and now it sits in the center of the room with no other furniture. A brown leather sofa that looks like it belongs in some fancy furniture catalog.

 _But it was a comfortable fucking couch. Some European designer._

I drop to the couch, rubbing my forehead as I think about the fact that I've just spent the last two years in prison where I got in verbal and physical altercations regularly, and yet this situation with Anastasia is right underneath my skin. The anger and frustrations are festering and I couldn't escape it. I wasn't stupid, I knew she didn't want to shout from the rooftops that we were- _whatever we were,_ but seeing her face when she realized her roommate was home… her distance during sex, it bothered me. _It bothered me a lot._

 _I was her dirty little secret._

 _I felt so possessive over her, but she wasn't mine. Not forever. This was fun and sexy and exciting now but eventually Ana would move on. A woman like Anastasia wants a boyfriend. Someone to take her on dates, court her for months, meet her parents, get down on one knee, marry her, and give her kids and a dog and a life of soccer practices, PTA meetings, a minivan._

 _All of those things felt out of reach for me._

Once upon a time, she would have been right up my alley. We'd have hot sex all night, we'd go out for breakfast in the morning, take a walk through the city, shop for furniture and art, meet friends for dinner, go to museums, go dancing. _I'd give her the life I know she wants._

 _I can't do that now._

 _Was I ever going to get my old life back?_

 _Am I really getting a second chance if the first thing everyone sees when they look at me is an orange jumpsuit?_

* * *

A POV

 **Please don't be mad at me.** I'd been thinking about him since he left. I hadn't been able to focus on anything since then and the alcohol that I was consuming now was only exacerbating the situation. Shortly after Kate cornered me in the kitchen, we left for the club, and now I was significantly buzzed.

 _Now on top of everything else I was horny and I wanted his dick- everywhere._

Maybe I should push coming over again.

 _ **I'm not. We're good.**_

I take a long sip of the rum and coke that I swear was ninety percent rum and ten percent coke. _He's pissed._

 **You mean so much to me, I hope you know that.**

The text goes unanswered and I resist the urge to send him a sad smiley emoji. I know I meant a lot to him. He'd said so.

 _You mean after the hearing when he'd just been freed from jail? And all guys that say I love you during sex mean that too, right? Get a grip._

I take another long sip from my drink as I try to quiet my snarky subconscious when I feel myself being pulled away from our table.

"Okay seriously? What the fuck?" Kate says as she puts her hands on her hips. "You've been staring at your phone all night. I told you to just tell him to come. You clearly want him to be here. If you don't want to invite him yourself, should I tell your friends to invite him?"

My eyes widen as I remember the lie I told that I was sleeping with a guy from school. "No, Kate, wait!" I say just as she flits away. Within a second, she's in front of me again, with Hannah and Andrea in tow.

"You should invite some of the guys from your class to meet up with us!" She smiles at me and then at my friends.

"I think a lot of them are at the bar next door actually." Hannah interjects as she opens her phone. "I'll text Luke."

"Luke." She looks at me and raises her eyebrows up and down and I shake my head at her as discreet as I can for someone who's had three strong drinks.

"Wait- are you into Luke, now?" Andrea asks, her eyes wide and I can see all of the questions floating around in her brain.

"No no no." I shake my head back and forth.

"But any of the guys?" Hannah asks.

"No!"

"Is this about the mystery guy you're sleeping with?" Andrea asks.

 _What the fuck? How does Andrea I'm sleeping with anyone?_

"Ana, give me a little credit." She says as she takes in my confused expression. "You've been walking around for weeks on cloud nine."

 _I've only been sleeping with Christian for less than a week!_

 _Well you were eighteenth century sexting with him with those love notes and had many solo sessions that would add a little pep to anyone's step._

"Weeks!" Kate shrieks. "You've been hiding him for weeks?"

"No!" I shake my head as I can already see this snowballing out of control. It's time to nip all of this in the bud. Andrea and Hannah were far from gossips, but I didn't want this getting any bigger at all. "Yes, I am seeing someone. But, it's new and I'm not ready for anyone to meet him yet. He's not from school." I look at Andrea and Hannah. "I swear. No one from the project."

Kate looks at me and then my friends and before they can say anything she speaks. "Ana, I have to pee. Come with." She pulls me hard through the crowd and stops a few feet from the bathroom. "Okay, I want the truth. I'm sorry for bringing Hannah and Andrea over, I really figured they'd know or it was someone from school _like you told me."_

"I know… I just…"

"Lied? Ana, be straight with me. Is it one of your professors? Someone high up in your program? Is he married? Why are you hiding this?" She gasps dramatically and puts a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, Anastasia Steele are you sleeping with a married professor?!"

"No no no." I shake my head several times my eyes wide at her question. _Shit do Andrea and Hannah think that too?_ "Of course not. I…"

"Dani saw him." Kate sighs.

"Dani?" _Dani Masterson was a nursing student that lived next door to us with her husband and the most adorable little girl. She was a few years older than us but she was still known to let loose every once in a while._

"Your boyfriend or whatever he is? She saw him climb out of your window earlier. He can't use the front door? You're that worried about me meeting him? Really?" She shakes her head at me and crosses her hands. "She said she couldn't see his face because he was wearing a hat. Ana, I have to ask, is it Mark?" My eyes widen to the size of saucers. "Are you sleeping with my ex-boyfriend?"

"WHAT!?" I almost laugh at the ludicrousness of the statement- and the drinks have begun to take their toll on me. "No, Kate I would never do that."

"Well then why can't you tell me?"

"I promise, I will, okay? It's just new and I don't want to share him with the world yet."

"You're being strange."

"I promise, I'll tell you everything soon." I feel my phone vibrate in my hand and I can't stop the smile that crosses my face.

 _ **You mean a lot to me too, blue eyes.**_

 _And my nickname is back._

"I have to use the bathroom." I tell her without even looking up from my phone. I press the call button as I wait to enter the one-stall bathroom.

"Beautiful." He says and just the word sets me on fire.

"I love your pet names for me." I tell him instantly. The room begins to spin slightly but after a few blinks I've managed to refocus.

The bathrooms are in the back of the club so it's not quite as loud but he must still hear something because he asks. "Where are you?"

"In line for the bathroom."

"At your house?"

"No no silly, I'm out. I went to this bar with some friends."

"Is that so?"

"Yep." I giggle.

"Are you drunk, Anastasia?"

"No…" I hiccup. "Well maybe, just a little bit." I hold up my hand, putting my thumb and index finger very close together. "Are you mad?"

"How are you getting home?"

"Cab or Uber… I'm not entirely sure."

"Who are you with?"

"Friends from school, and Kate and her friends."

"Friends from school?"

"Mmmhm." I say as I take another long sip of my drink.

"So like Luke?"

"I don't think he's here." I yawn.

"Anastasia, you should go home."

"Can I come see you?" I don't hear anything and I wonder if I can wear him down. "Please?"

"Ana…"

"Please, I'll suck your dick the way you like it." I giggle and I hear him groan but then also a drunk man's voice walking by me.

"You can suck my dick the way I like it, anytime."

My mouth drops open and my nose scrunches up. "No, thank you." I say quickly as I move through the line.

"Who the fuck was that, Anastasia?"

"I don't know, some drunk asshole." I peek over my shoulder and I'm relieved to see that he isn't around anymore. "He's gone."

"Ana, I want you to go home right now."

"Why? I'm having fun."

"Because you're drunk and I know you don't drink much."

"I'll leave if you come get me."

"You know that I can't do that."

"Well I can't go home and OH, you can't climb out of my window anymore. My neighbor saw you!"

"Shit."

"It's fine, Kate is just a dog with a bone right now about you and now a few girls from school have an inkling and I just…" I sigh. "I don't know what to tell them."

"Ana, how about we talk about this tomorrow."

I frown, before I make my way into the bathroom and shut the door. I set my drink down and put my phone to my ear my bladder suddenly not feeling so full. "Talk about what?"

"We'll just talk tomorrow, you're drunk and out with your friends and-"

"I'd rather talk to you."

He sighs. "I just don't want to put you in this awkward position that you have to lie to everyone in your life."

"I'm going to tell Kate, I swear. It's only been a few days."

"It's not just that, Ana. We're… just two different people now."

"What does that mean?" He sighs and even in my drunkenness I can sense his tension. "I'm coming over."

"You're determined to get what you want, aren't you?"

"If I show up, will you let me in?"

"It's almost 1 am, I'm certainly not going to leave you outside by yourself. But I don't like the idea of you travelling alone."

"Do you have any other appealing options?"

"Yes, we can see each other tomorrow."

"I don't want to do that." I stamp my foot just as I begin to hear someone knocking on the door. "Just a sec!" I call towards them. "Christian, I want to see you tonight. Be naked when I get there."

* * *

I was stubborn.

It was something my mother always said. In addition to being stubborn, I was also an only child. And while that didn't make me a brat necessarily, it did mean that I was used to getting my way. This was how I ended up on a random street by myself at one thirty in the morning, my hands holding my own hair back as I heaved my guts into a trashcan.

I'd called an Uber, let Christian know that I'd be there soon at which point he told me that I was being timed because he was _that_ worried that something was going to happen to me.

Sure enough, within ten minutes of the twenty minute ride to his house, I felt the sick. _Really sick._ I'd politely asked if we could stop the car. The driver didn't. I asked a second time, with a bit more urgency. Still, the driver kept moving. It wasn't until I yelled that I was going to be sick, that the driver slammed on his breaks and precisely advised me to _get out._ When he'd made it clear that my ride was over, I'd warned him that my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate that, and I would certainly be complaining to Uber.

 _He didn't seem to care much._

So now, I'm by myself, drunk at one in the morning, trying to stop rum flavored bile from rising in my throat.

 _And to top it off Christian has called twice in the past two minutes._

I've tried calling an Uber again, and Kate has gone MIA, probably too drunk to pay attention to her phone as she tends to do from time to time.

The phone rings again.

"Hi." I wince slightly as I know what's in store for me right now.

"Where the hell are you? You should have been here. I'm standing on my porch right now, about to have a fucking aneurysm. Did you decide not to come?"

"No… I…"

"Send me your location."

"What?"

"You heard me, don't make me ask you again."

"Christian… listen… maybe I should just go home." _Don't ask me how I plan to get there. I'm sure I'll get Kate on the phone eventually._

"Don't make me ask you again."

"So I made a little… detour."

"A detour? What the fuck kind of detour?"

I'm silent as I try to come up with how to tell him this without flying off the handle.

"I'm like ten minutes from your house…"

"Doing what?"

"You know just… hanging around." I blanch as I put a hand over my eyes.

"I thought you were in an Uber?"

"Oh we….parted ways. Creative differences." I say, my pathetic attempt at a joke. _I'm glad I was somewhat intoxicated, because under any other circumstances, I'd be flipping the fuck out._ I look around and I'm grateful that it's a somewhat lit street in a decent area, but I still wasn't thrilled to be out this late completely by myself.

"Parted ways?! Anastasia what the fuck are you talking about? Where are you?!" I can sense his tension rising over the phone. _He's going to freak._

I suppose it's time to accept defeat and the inevitable lashing Christian is going to give me so I drop him a pin. "I sent you my location."

"What are you doing there?"

"I'm trying to call another Uber but… nobody has responded to my request."

"Where the fuck is the Uber you were in?"

"Well you see he didn't seem too keen on waiting once I told him I was going to be sick, and then proceeded to be very sick. Repeatedly…"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Ana." He growls and then I hear a familiar noise in the background, a car starting.

"Christian, don't!"

"Do you think for one second I'm going to leave you out in the middle of the night by yourself?"

"But, you can't be out right now!"

"Do you think I give a fuck? Do NOT move. Do you have anything with you to protect yourself?"

"Like a shank?"

"Don't be cute. Like pepper spray."

"Oh… no."

"We will be getting you some tomorrow."

"I've never needed it before."

"Have you been stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night before?"

"Well.. not exactly."

"Alright then. There's a first time for everything. If you're going to be out traipsing around in the middle of the night, you need to be safe. If I can't do it for you."

"Christian, I-"

"I'll be there in three minutes."

"Okay." I begin to pace slowly back and forth underneath the lamppost. "I have to pee now."

He chuckles. "We are going to have a long talk about alcohol behaviors, young lady."

I roll my eyes. "I don't plan to be this drunk ever again. Unless… I have you to watch out for me."

"That would be ideal." I hear him let out a sigh and I look up in time to see lights in front of me. I back away slightly as I can't see exactly the make and model. "It's me, baby."

"Oh!" I scurry towards the car and climb in and I almost convulse at the sight of him. He's wearing grey sweatpants and a Harvard t-shirt that shows off his biceps. He looks so different than the bad boy he always looks like. He looks like a young college student. He looked delicious. I'd never seen a man in grey sweatpants before. Or maybe I just never noticed. _The memes were true. I could definitely make out his penis. And I wanted it._ "Thank you for coming."

He hasn't looked at me yet as he puts the car in park and puts his hands over his eyes. _Say something._

 _Ana, touch his penis! Maybe it'll calm him down._ I reach forward, in attempts to touch him when he begins to speak and my hand flies back.

"You're going to be the death of me." _I remember him saying this in bed, I don't think he means this the same way._

"I'm sorry."

He leans across the console and pulls me towards him by the back of my neck and presses his lips to mine. He tries to probe my mouth with his tongue but I pull back and shake my head. "No, I got sick."

He hands me a bottle of water and watches as I drink at least half before he presses his lips to mine again. "You're okay?" Our faces are a millimeter apart and I can feel his breath on my face. I try to hold mine knowing that I smell like liquor and vomit.

"Yes."

"No one bothered you?"

"No." I shake my head vigorously.

"Okay." He puts the car in park and begins to pull away.

"Are you taking me to your house or… home?"

"Where would you like to go?" He asks.

I cock an eyebrow at him and give him a toothy grin. "Where do you think?"

"That's what I thought."

"It doesn't matter to me… I mean it matters but I don't want you to think I need…" _This is all coming out wrong._

"I just need you that's all."

"I know." He grabs my hand and laces our fingers together before pulling them to his lips. It takes almost double the time to get back to his house, which leads me to believe that he was flying like a bat out of hell to get to me.

"Can I touch your dick?" I ask, and I giggle at myself. _Smooth Ana._

He shoots me a sexy smile. "Now?"

"You're in grey sweatpants. And it's kind of making me wet."

He laughs and releases my hand laced with his my hand goes to his crotch immediately. I wrap my hands around the material and make out his cock easily. _Jesus._

"I can't wait to fuck you all night long." I kept my hand on his dick for the remainder of the drive, stroking him gently through his sweatpants causing him to groan, curse or hiss every few seconds.

I was all but ready to bolt for his bed the second we got to his place, but the universe had other plans. Because as soon as we pulled onto Christian's street we were met with blue and red lights flashing in front of his house.

 _Shit._

* * *

C POV

 _I'm going back to jail._

 _Fuck._

I look to the right to the visibly intoxicated young woman that I have with me.

 _What if they think- shit._

 _No I'll explain that I was just giving her a ride._

 _Back to your townhouse?_

 _I would never take advantage of Ana. Or any woman._

 _You're not taking advantage of Ana?_ I ignore the thoughts that I'm just using Ana for the great sex, knowing that somewhere deep inside of me it's more than that. But also that this is certainly not the time to go probing into my subconscious regarding my complex feelings for Anastasia Steele.

"I am so sorry." She says, her eyes welling up with tears. "I…" she lets out a breath. I go to open the door when she puts a hand on mine. "Give me a second."

"For what?"

"To think about what I'm going to say. And you're still hard. Visibly." Her eyes drop to my crotch and I begin running through every unsexy thing I know as I tuck my dick upwards into my waistband.

"Ana…"

"Do you want to get out of this or not? Shut up for a second, my brain isn't exactly working fast... We're going to have to go with the truth."

"Which is?"

"Damsel in distress." She's out of the car, and I'm not sure if she's putting on a show for their benefit or if she is that disoriented but she stumbles slightly.

"Where ya been, Mr. Grey?" One of the officers ask as they walk up his driveway. There are two men and I'm immediately on high alert and move to stand somewhat in front of Anastasia. _I don't care who you are, do not look at her sideways or at all for that matter._

"I've only been gone about ten minutes, a friend of mine needed a ride."

"As chivalrous as that is Mr. Grey, you aren't allowed out after five as a condition of your parole."

"Officers…" I hear her voice from behind me. "Surely you can understand him picking up a friend that's had too much to drink. I was in an Uber, and said Uber left me stranded. It's late, I'm young…" she shrugs. "I think he's been gone, ten minutes maximum."

The officer shines his light in my eye. "Step to the side, Mr. Grey."

I watch Ana contort her mouth and I try to shoot her a reassuring look that everything will be fine. "Walk a straight line for me?" I do as I'm told, suddenly very grateful that I hadn't consumed any alcohol tonight. "Touch your left hand index finger to your nose and stand on your right foot."

I do both perfectly. "As much as we appreciate picking up your friend so that she didn't get behind the wheel, unfortunately, we do need to make a note of this."

"Is that really necessary?" She says and I shoot her a look. _I will take a fucking warning._

"Yes ma'am it is."

After ten minutes, the officer gives me a copy of my citation, and lets me know that I'd probably be hearing from my probation officer tomorrow.

"Ma'am would you like us to take you back to your house?"

"No thank you. I'm fine." She says quickly. _If I were stronger I would have told the officers to take her back home. She was drunk and I didn't want them to get the idea that I was going to take advantage of her._

 _But I wasn't stronger. And I was going to fuck her._

 _Hard._

"You sure, ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Mr. Grey and I are old friends, I'm fine." She smiles before shooting me a grin.

"Alright then, have a good night folks."

We watch as they pull away and she lets out a deep sigh. "Oh my God." I pick her up in a fireman's hold and she squeals before tucking her face into my neck. "I'll find out which one of your neighbors is the snitch."

"What?"

"There's no way they would have found you that fast. And you don't have any type of tracker, right?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"In some cases, they rely on informants. Unless they've got surveillance here somewhere."

"Inside the house?" I ask her as I let her into my house.

"No, maybe outside, or somewhere on public property. Something as small as a pin, attached to a telephone poll. I should be able to find out."

"How many warnings do I get?"

"I'm actually surprised you got this one. Usually, they take you in on sight. I'll find out how many they're giving you. I also think maybe we got lucky. Those cops seemed reasonable."

"Then why did you say something when they said I was getting a warning?"

"I was just seeing if I could push it."

She hasn't noticed her surroundings as I just set her down and before she has a chance I press her against the wall in the foyer and press my lips to hers.

"I should have made them take you home."

"I know you were thinking it. I'm glad you didn't."

"I want your pussy too bad to pass it up for the night."

Her teeth find her bottom lip and she chews on it. "Will you do that thing with your mouth again?"

I chuckle, I knew she liked that. Her moans were almost animalistic as her orgasm ripped through her. I'd been sleeping with her for less than a week and I already knew how to make her perky little body come alive in my hands. She was already the best sex of my life and the most phenomenal lover I'd ever had. She was responsive and gave as well as she took.

 _I don't know how I'm ever going to give her up._

"Whatever you want, angel."

She smiles before kicking her booties off, successfully shaving off three inches of her height. _I love how short she was._

She walks through my living room and points at my couch. "This is a good couch." She smiles and I can tell she's trying to make me feel better over the lack of anything I had in my house. "So where's this bed you were telling me about?"

* * *

I thought I wanted to be rough with her. Take her hard, fast and torturous. Fuck her till she begged for mercy and an orgasm. I thought I wanted to take my frustrations of the evening out on her sexy little body. She'd even appeared to be on board, ripping her clothes from her delectable body herself. But the second I got on the bed with her, I spooned her, cuddling into her back as I slowly slid into her from behind. I cupped her breast as I fucked her slow, pumping my cock into her with slow strokes.

"This was not what I expected." She murmurs as she turns around slightly to look at me. I press a kiss to her lips gently before resting my forehead on her shoulder.

"You feel so good. Every time I get inside of you… fuck, Anastasia."

Her hand wraps around the back of my neck and pulls my hair as she pushes back against me, meeting me stroke for stroke. "You feel so good inside of me." I feel her squeeze my cock like she always does, _she takes her Kegels seriously._

"You're going to make me come if you keep doing that." I whisper in her ear.

"Are you going to come in me tonight?"

I didn't expect that question, but I feel a spark deep in my cock hearing her ask as I know she hasn't had a chance to go to her doctor since Saturday when we first had this conversation.

"When are you going to the doctor?"

"Mmm my appointment is for next week. But… I don't want to wait."

"You're drunk and as much as I want to, I'm going to pull out."

"Don't you want to be a little risky?"

"With you? No." I lower my lips to her neck. "I don't want to take any risks where you're concerned."

She pulls away from me and pushes me to my back so that she can straddle me before she pushes herself onto my cock, riding me slow. "You know, having your baby wouldn't be the worst thing."

"Is that a fact?" I chuckle hearing the drunk words fall from her lips.

"Look Christian, about earlier..." She stops moving and leans forward. I'm still inside of her and she squeezes her pussy muscles to keep me inside of her as she hovers over me. Her hands find my cheeks and she presses a kiss to my lips. "I don't know what you think but… it's not you. I'm not embarrassed of you or us if that's what you're thinking."

 _I'm glad she did this while I'm inside of her, it softens the blow just a bit._

"I don't care what other people think of me, Christian. I can handle Kate and my parents, and the people at school. I just don't want them thinking about you in any way. I take you home to my parents and they're going to be… parental."

"I would expect that."

"I just want to protect you from the world a little bit longer." She smiles at me before she presses a kiss to my nose.

"You've been doing that for a while now."

"I protect what's mine." She giggles and I raise an eyebrow at her.

"That's why I came to get you tonight."

"Really? Not because you're a possessive caveman and wanted to spank the shit out of me for getting drunk in the first place?"

"Well we are going to talk about that tomorrow, but for now you need to sleep."

"Orgasm first please." She smiles and I'll admit, it's infectious. When I first talked to her earlier, I was enraged and I was in fact ready to spank the shit out of her but then I felt her soft lips under mine in the car, and then her trying to stick up for me with the officers and now as I make love to her in my empty bedroom I feel myself slowly calming. A sense of serenity that I haven't felt in over two years.

 _Maybe I did have a shot at my old life... with this new woman._

* * *

 **A/N: Awww. This is all well and good, CG. But do ya really think Kate and Ana's parents are going to be so- accepting? AND I hope Ana doesn't think she's getting off THAT easy ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Light kisses being trailed up my spine pulls me out of sleep. My eyes flutter open and I realize that I'm on my stomach, my hands resting underneath my pillow as I feel his lips trail back down my back. He concentrates at the space right before the curve of my ass, dragging his tongue over the skin and dropping a little lower, dragging his lips and tongue over my right ass cheek then my left. I feel him nibble a little bit, but nothing as harsh as usual as I think he assumes I'm still asleep. I give my ass a little shake for his benefit and I hear him chuckle before he moves up my body, trapping me against the bed. He's hovering directly over me, careful not to put his weight on me, holding himself up with his elbows.

"Morning." I can feel his erection poking my back and I giggle.

"Good morning, indeed." I turn my head in attempts to offer my lips and he takes them exuberantly before he falls to his back next to me. My lip, which is still tingling from his kiss find its way between my teeth. "I'll never tire of kissing you." I sigh as I lay back down. I don't need a mirror, I know I have an almost dream-like expression crossing my face.

I think he's going to say something but he gives me a tight lipped smile. "Are you hungry?" My eyes widen and my lips curl into a smirk and he rolls his eyes. "For food, fiend."

"You made me this way." I say before I climb on top of him. I align my body to be directly on top of his and I rest my ear directly over his heartbeat. I'm hoping this will calm him as I can tell he's tense from my comment about kissing him. I feel his arms wrap around me and his heartbeat slow as I think the tension is leaving his body slowly. I look up at him, resting my chin on his chest. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Please do." His eyes are wide with intrigue, and it warms me that this man is so interested in what I have to say.

"I wanted to fuck you in that room where we'd meet so bad."

His eyes widen and he sits up slightly. "Oh yeah?"

I nod. "You had cuffs on so there was nothing you could do. You were completely at my mercy." I bite my bottom lip. "I had this ongoing fantasy of you lying on your back, while I sat on your face, forcing you to eat my pussy while your hands were cuffed over your head."

Within seconds I'm on my back and I feel him sliding into me. "Tell me more."

"I would… ah!" I shriek as he taps my g-spot, once, twice, three times in rapid succession. "Ride your cock as you sat in the chair, your hands cuffed behind your back. Using you for my pleasure as I bounced up and down on your dick."

"I couldn't touch you at all?" He asks me as his hand finds its way to my jaw, squeezing my face hard. "That would never have been okay with me. I couldn't fuck you and _not_ touch your tight little body."

"I still have your notes." I tell him. Tucked in my bedside drawer within the pages of my _Tess of the d'Ubervilles_ book were the words of Christian Grey telling me how bad he wanted to fuck my pussy raw.

"Fuck. I wish I could have kept mine. I had to dispose of them, for obvious reasons."

"I know." I cup his face, making him look at me. "I used to come so hard reading them, thinking about you saying the words."

"Did you now?" His strokes slow down, but they don't lessen in force. He's pushing inside of me so hard I feel like I can feel him in my throat with every thrust. "You thought about me doing this to you while your fingers were deep in your pretty pussy?"

"Fuck! Yes, Christian." I can't stop the moan that leaves my lips as he pounds into me mercilessly.

"Did you ever think we'd get here?"

"Yes! Fuck yes. I knew we would." My eyes are screwed tight as the orgasm begins to build in my core, the release I'm desperate for is only seconds away. I feel his tongue tracing my lips and I gasp, allowing him to force his way in. My nails are digging into his back as his cock drives into me hard. "I was going to fuck you eventually. I needed it. More than anything." My eyes open as I say the last part and I'm shocked to find his eyes staring back at me. The intensity of the moment is too much and before I can speak, my orgasm rips through me like a bolt of lightning.

I'm barely coming down from my high when his cock leaves my body, his cum shooting all over my stomach. I look down at the white mess all over my naked torso and breasts and then up at the man who's trying to catch his breath. His chest is heaving as he stares down at me.

"I knew we would too." He smiles before he hops off the bed, presumably to get a towel to clean me up.

He returns to the room with a wet washcloth and I'm pleased to feel that it's warm as he cleans his orgasm from me. I giggle as he rubs the space between my legs for probably longer than he needs to before moving up my body. "Thank you." After I'm clean from his cum, he pulls me against him and I take the opportunity to lie on top of his warm body again. I look up at him and give him a sweet smile.

"What?" He chuckles.

"I just… I don't know much about you. I want to know more about you."

"I think you know more about me than anyone."

"Well not your life before…." I trail off as I slide off of him to the space next to him still close enough to feel his body heat. I prop my head up on my hand. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Can I not answer?" He raises an eyebrow at me. I sit up, the blanket falling around my waist and I cross my arms in a huff and his eyes circle my chest salaciously. He forces my arms open to give him a better view and leans up and traps one of my nipples between his teeth and bites down. I yelp in response before he lets go and lies back down. "Alright, shoot."

"Excuse you."

He smiles, and it's one of the first times I've seen him truly playful. _I love this side of him._ "What happened with your ex-fiancee? Why didn't you get married?"

"You know about that, huh?"

"I mean as you said, I do know a lot about you Christian Grey. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It would never have worked between us… even if she wasn't sleeping with someone else."

My mouth drops. _Who would cheat on him? My guess is it was more than about just sex because I can't imagine anyone in the world is better in bed._ "I'm sorry." I say quietly.

He shrugs. "It's okay. If I'm being honest, looking back she didn't exactly- how did you phrase it? _Set my soul on fire._ I loved her… I _thought_ I loved her. But there was no spark."

"Have you _ever_ felt the spark?" I begin to fiddle with the sheet, running it between my fingers, as if it's the most fascinating thing in the room so that I don't have to make eye contact with him for his answer.

 _Has he felt the spark? The same one I'm feeling?_

His hand reaches under my chin lifting my face to meet his gaze. "Have _you_?"

I hadn't expected that he was going to turn this around on me without answering me first so I say the only thing I can think of- the truth. _Sort of._ "I think so." My words are soft and timid as I'm feeling a bit vulnerable over his lack of answer.

"I think so too." He murmurs quietly and although I can't be sure that he's talking about me, a smile still finds my face.

* * *

I hadn't expected that I was going to have to all but drag Christian Grey out in public kicking and screaming but sure enough it took a whole lot of convincing, and even more blow jobs to convince him that having lunch and spending the day outside in the warm spring air was a good idea. So after a shower, _together of course_ and a trip to my house to get some clothes, where Kate thankfully was not, we made our way into town.

I look over at Christian to see his hat pulled low over his eyes and sunglasses over his eyes. "Embarrassed to be seen with me, Grey?"

"Yeah _that's_ it." He says as he pulls his sunglasses from his eyes. We'd decided that it was a better idea for me to drive in case reporters were tracking Christian's car.

"You've got to start moving on, Christian. You're free. The city loves you. I've shown you the blogs and reports about you. There are a few people here and there that are up in arms of course but they're the minority. The majority believes you did the right thing. You are innocent. You have nothing to be worried about."

"What if… I don't want people to see me differently. To be… afraid of me. Not everyone is going to be like you, Ana."

"What? Obsessed with your cock? I hope not."

He chuckles as I pull my car into a space, in the garage. I unbuckle my seat belt and reach across the console to grab his face. "Hey."

"Hi." He smiles.

"You gotta get back out there. It's just lunch. We'll take it slow."

"People will know…"

"Yes. But not everyone."

"They will stare." He swallows hard as he looks around the parking garage. "Don't leave me alone."

 _He thinks I'm just going to ditch him? Why in the world would I do that?_ "Why would I do that?"

"What if you have to pee?"

"Oh, kinky." I smile. "You want to come with?"

I watch him look around the car as if he's mulling it over, and before I can tell him that I was absolutely kidding he responds, "if we're going to experiment with that, let's not do it in public." He rubs his hand over his mouth, a smirk hiding behind his hand.

My mouth drops open, as I'm completely speechless. "I-I was kidding."

"Sure." He shrugs. "Me too." I don't have a chance to respond before he's out of the car.

"Wait, Christian!" I call after him and reach for my door, not realizing that he's already there opening it for me.

I'm slightly shocked at his chivalry. "Thank you, aren't you a gentleman."

"Some days." He closes my door and pushes me against my car. "I know I can be a caveman with you. I can be rough and aggressive and harsh but… outside of the bedroom… I can take care of you there too."

 _He'd never said anything like that to me before._ "I'd like that." We walk out of the garage and towards the strip of restaurants where we were planning to have lunch when I graze his hand, my pinky finger rubbing against his. I didn't even think that little touch would arouse me so much but before I can think, I've slid my hand into his our fingers interlaced. He looks down immediately at where our hands are connected and I wonder if he's going to try and pull away.

"Oh we don't have to-" I start when he stops walking, causing me to stop as well. He holds our hands up in front of our faces and runs his lips over my hand gently.

"Come. Let's get some lunch."

We are sitting outside of a little bistro just off of Main Street when I look up from my chicken Caesar wrap just in time to see him eyeing me like I'm water in the desert. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, you know that?"

I look around and then back to him, my cheeks bright pink from his compliment. "We can't have sex in public, Christian."

He laughs before taking a large gulp of his water. "I'm serious. You are a stunning woman, Anastasia. How you don't have men lining up at your door I don't understand. I guess that's good though, because I'd be beating them all off with a stick."

"Men just haven't… given me what I needed."

"And what is it that you need, Anastasia?"

 _Something only you can give me._

"I'm not sure, but I think it takes a special kind of man to give it to me."

He nods, and shoots me a dazzling smile. I think he's about to say something that will undoubtedly make my panties wet when my name being called brings me to the here and now.

"Ana!" _Fuck._ I look up to see my mother waving wildly as she sashays over to me.

"God." I mumble as my hand finds my forehead in an attempt to hide my eyes. I watch as Christian tenses and I slide my foot out of my loafer and slide my foot up his pants leg slowly to get his attention. "Hey, relax." He gives me a small smile.

"Ana, sweetheart!" I stand to hug her and you would think she hasn't seen me in weeks with how hard she squeezes.

"Hi, mom." I hear Christian choke on his water and begin to cough a few times before shooting me a look. _Oh whoops, I guess I should have mentioned incoming mother._ I blanch as he glares at me murderously.

"You look well, you're glowing." She looks at Christian. "Are we on a date, I don't want to interrupt." She brushes my shoulders and tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "Oh but honey, this outfit for a date?"

"Mom!" I tell her and I can tell Christian is snickering slightly in my peripherals.

"Well since my daughter doesn't have any manners…" he stands. "Oh my, you're tall. How tall are you, dear?"

"Six two?"

"Oh, yes." She smiles before shooting me a look with an obvious nod. "Well what's your name? I'm Carla."

"I'm uhh… Chris." He tells her and I resist the urge to roll my eyes, what I probably should have mentioned along with the fact that this was my mother was that there was a zero percent chance my mother even knew who he was. Carla Steele lived in an alternate universe where if it didn't affect her, it didn't exist. I couldn't tell you the last time the woman had read the newspaper or watched the news. Not in a selfish way necessarily but more of a head in the clouds way. _Everything was wonderful and glorious. And I swear to God, the woman was never in a bad mood. It was exhausting and why I could only take Carla Steele in small doses._

" _The news is so depressing, Ana."_ She'd said that to me time and time again.

Nevertheless, I loved her. After years of resenting her for not knowing what was happening right under nose, I forgave her. Of course, Carla being in her own world, only meant that she never even realized I was ever upset in the first place.

"Chris, you're so handsome. Has anyone ever told you that you have a familiar face?"

"Ummm, once or twice." He nods and I giggle. _Maybe, mom has been perusing the news. Proud of her._

"I swear I've seen you before- Oh!" She turns back to me having completely forgotten that she was in the middle of a sentence. "Honey, I got a Snapchat! Can you help me figure it out. I can't get the filter things to come up."

"Yes, yes I will help you. Just not right now?"

"Oh yes of course." She leans forward and kisses Christian on the cheek. "You must come to dinner sometime?"

"Mom…"

"Oh right, well, you're invited any time." She looks at me and kisses my cheek. "Tell your roommate I said hi! The blonde one!"

"Kate? The one you've met like fifty times?"

"Oh right, of course. Kate." She points at me. "Well it was good seeing you honey." I give her a hug and then she's off. We sit back down and I can see Christian is holding back a laugh.

"Don't."

"What? I like your mom." He chuckles and I roll my eyes.

"Well she loved you. But she loves everyone."

"She didn't recognize me?"

"Getting a big head, are we? Didn't we just talk about how not everyone would recognize you?"

"But it's your mom."

"She doesn't really follow what I do. And she doesn't keep up with the news."

"I see."

"My dad on the other hand… well I'll just have to prepare him and you if you do want to come to dinner."

"We'll talk about it."

* * *

C POV

I'll have to say, the day is going much better than I anticipated. Of course any time I spend with Ana is amazing, but I'm used to having her all to myself without the prying eyes of the public. But it's almost as if people didn't recognize me. No one paid me much attention. Ana's mother was definitely not what I was expecting. She seemed a bit flighty, completely different than her down to Earth and well-rounded daughter.

 _The daughter that I was falling deeper for moment by moment._

When she'd asked me this morning if I'd ever felt the spark, I wanted to tell her that only _she'd_ made me feel that. That in the past few months she has made me feel things that I never thought were possible. Maybe a part of me felt indebted to her for all that she'd done for me. _Call it Hero's syndrome. Or hell maybe it's White Knight Syndrome and I'm attracted to her because of her past and my desperate need to protect her._

 _Whatever it was. I wanted Ana. Every piece of her._

We are heading back towards the car, both of us having had enough with sharing each other with the public and wanting to be alone when I hear Ana's name again.

"God, what is this? Is everyone I know in town today?" She groans and spins around, only this time she's much more tense than when it was her mother. I watch as a blonde girl comes towards us. She has sunglasses perched on her face so I can't see her facial expression but the way Ana has tensed up I wonder if this is not going to end well.

"Why Anastasia Steele, you naughty little ho." She raises her glasses on top of her head and looks me up and down slowly. "Grey, right?"

I nod, wanting to say something but wondering if I should let Ana handle it. She speaks up. "Kate, we can talk about this at home."

"Oh? Will we be having a visitor tonight?"

"Kate…"

"Don't Kate me, you're the one that's been sneaking around and lying to me for the past week about your… whatever this is. Please tell me this didn't start while…"

"KATE, if you don't want me to kick your ass in the middle of Seattle Square, I suggest you let it go. I will talk to you later." She tells her and if I didn't know she was severely agitated over running into her friend I would be turned on and ready to ravage her for her fierce protective stance. I feel myself being pulled towards the garage, Ana stomping her feet as we make it to her car. She hasn't said anything and I can feel the tension flowing out of her in waves.

"Do you want me to drive?" I ask her. She still hasn't said anything when she pushes me up against her car, grabs the back of my neck and slams my lips to hers. I'm used to being the aggressive one when we kiss, but with every lick of her tongue into my mouth I can feel her aggression kicking in. The way she's kissing me, it's as if she wants to claw her way inside of me. _It feels so good, I never want to stop._

Her hands travel under my shirt up my torso and then down the same trail, and under the waistband of my jeans and underwear as she palms my bare cock. "Let's go to your house. I need to fuck you."

* * *

A POV

 _And fuck him I did._

We were barely through his front door before I had him pushed to the ground and I was sliding down on his rock hard cock. The cock that I had spent the entire ride home getting ready. I'd rubbed and sucked him while he was driving to the point just before orgasm _twice,_ so he was almost ready to blow the second he slid inside of me. I begged him to hold off to make it last and true to the perfect partner Christian was, he held off long enough for me to orgasm before he pulled out and I let him come all over my breasts.

I ended up sleeping at his place last night. We fucked for the better part of the day after lunch and that night and then around two am just before we fell asleep, we made love- _I think_.

I wasn't sure exactly if he would call it that- _lovemaking_ , I mean. But it was beautiful and passionate and I'd never experienced anything like it. I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face and when I woke up I had the same. We relived the same experience this morning, once in his bed and then in his shower before it was time for me to return home. I'd put things in my life on hold the last few days to live in my fantasy and now I had to go back to the real world.

 _I had to face Kate. And something told me this was not going to go over well._

"What the hell, Ana?" She shrieks as soon as I walk through the door. "I almost sent a search party!"

"Oh you did not, you knew where I was. And if you didn't, you could have called me."

"I didn't think you'd answer what with your 'I'm going to kick your ass' threat." She rolls her eyes as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. "What the hell are you doing? He's a convicted felon, Ana."

My blood boils hearing those words. _Don't be so ignorant._ "For killing his baby sister's rapist, Kate? Give me a break."

"He did time!"

"So did you for your DUI, babe." I snap back at her.

"I was in the drunk tank for 36 hours! I didn't do two years in PRISON for murder!"

"Kate can you really not see the distinction?"

"He's a violent criminal."

"He's… important to me."

"Are you insane? He cannot come here, Ana."

 _Excuse me? I pay the same amount of rent here as you, Katherine, you can't tell me he can't come here._ "Are you joking?"

"I can't even believe you'd let him come here! He's on probation, the cops are probably watching the house now."

"Well it's a good thing we aren't like selling drugs or running a prostitution ring out of here… what do you care if they're watching?"

"It's principle."

"Which principle is that?"

"I don't trust him! You think he's just like a normal guy that just- oh! Went to prison. Maybe he was normal when he went in, but he's not the same guy! He's different, he thinks differently. He doesn't give a shit about you, Ana. He's just using you for sex."

"Maybe I'm just using him for sex!" _Even as the words leave my mouth I hate them._

"What's he even doing for work? Does he have a job?"

I pause, not knowing what to say. "He's working on getting his old job back. He's very smart."

"So no, he doesn't have a job." She puts a hand over her eyes and sighs. "How did you even get caught up in this? Did he seduce you? Did you know him before he went in? Help me understand."

"Kate… there's so much more to this story. But no, I didn't know him before. I've been intrigued by his case since they first sentenced him to prison. It was right before we moved in together, my senior year of undergrad and I was outraged that they were sending this man to prison. How? This sweet, innocent man that just wanted to make his sister's tormentor pay."

"That wasn't his choice to make." She interrupts. "He took the law into his own hands, and he has to pay the price for that. I agree the guy that hurt his sister should have been locked up and the key thrown away forever, but…"

"I'm not getting into this argument with you, Kate. This isn't the time or place for it."

"He killed someone, Ana. Ended someone's life."

"And what, you think he's capable of doing that again?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"You don't know him, Kate."

"This is correct. I don't know many ex-cons."

"Stop calling him that."

"Is that not what he is?"

"You're being a real bitch, you know that?" I snap and she looks at me as if I've slapped her, the tears welling in her eyes before she blinks them away rapidly. She looks down at the floor, assumedly trying to collect her thoughts before she turns back to me.

"I'm just- worried about you. And I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. Christian won't hurt me." _Physically at least. Emotionally I wasn't so sure._

"I just hope you know what you're doing." She shrugs. "I guess… I mean… if you trust him… he can come over?" She winces.

"What do you think he's going to do Kate, steal our collection of chick flick DVDs?"

"Hey, we do have some valuables here."

"Well he would have taken them the first night when I fell asleep and he cleaned our kitchen."

She slaps her forehead. "I don't want to know anything else."

"He's really sweet, Kate. You'll really like him."

"Mmmhm." She says. "Well I'm not in love with the idea of meeting him, so for now, maybe just let me know when you're having company and I'll make myself scarce. I'm assuming he can't stay the night. I would think he has some sort of curfew?"

"Yes. He does. All of our sleepovers will be at his house."

"Great, maybe by the time he can stay out, I would have gotten used to the idea."

 _And to think for a half of a second I wondered if maybe Christian could stay here while he got himself together. Guess that's a huge hell no._

 _I mean I was expecting some pushback from Kate to an extent but I certainly wasn't prepared for this tantrum._

 _Well the cat's out of the bag now. Now all I have to do is tell my father. Especially now that Carla Steele is about to become a dog with a bone over getting Christian to come to dinner._

 _Great._

* * *

It's eight am on Saturday morning, when I head out of my townhouse. I'm wearing a black sundress with sandals as it's already warm despite how early it is. I slide a jacket on, as I'm known for getting cold as I walk towards the car waiting out front. I'm barely in the car before he reaches across the console and pulls me into a kiss. "Morning baby."

It never fails to make my heart flutter when he calls me that and the goofy smile on my face must say it for me. "I missed you last night."

"Me too. I hate when you don't sleep over. My cock was lonely."

I giggle in response. "I can sleep over tonight?" I'd started leaving things at his house so that I could stay over at his house on a whim when I needed. I had left a toothbrush, a few changes of clothes, my hair dryer and probably more underwear than I really needed at his place. _Christian seemed to have a bit of a fixation with my underwear, not that I minded._

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. Did you bring what I asked?"

I nod as I pull out the sexy letters Christian had written me while he was in prison. "Why do I need these?"

"Haven't you ever heard curiosity killed the cat?"

"Haven't you ever heard a woman will nag you till you give in?"

He laughs loudly and shakes his head. "I won't give into you, woman."

"Is that so?"

"Besides we'll be there in about thirty minutes. It's just a little bit outside Seattle." I narrow my eyes wondering where we could possibly be going outside of Seattle when I feel his hand on mine, stroking the skin softly. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Do you trust me completely… sexually?"

I gulp slowly, wondering what this could possibly mean for him to ask me. "Well…"

"Anastasia."

"Well I do but that is very broad."

"I would never push you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"Do you know what I'm not comfortable with?" I ask. _It's not much, but I do have a few hard limits._

"That was my next question. Enlighten me please."

"I don't want to be shared."

"Shared?"

"Like you loan me to one of your friends or like a threesome or anything. I only want to be… yours."

He shoots me a stern look. "You clearly haven't been paying much attention if you think I'd ever let another man- or woman for that matter, even _look_ at you."

I nod. "Okay. I've never done…" I lower my voice to a whisper. "Anal sex."

"Okay, why are we whispering?" He whispers back and I smack his arm. "Is that something you don't want?"

"Um. No not necessarily. I just more meant I'd want you to go slow, don't just spring it on me in the heat of the moment and just slide in there."

"Ana, I would never. Even if you had done it before, that's not something you just jump into."

"K. I mean some things go without saying but I feel like those are the two most mainstream things."

"So you're okay with… role playing?"

"Role playing? Like student and teacher, doctor and patient, daddy stuff?" I raise my eyebrows up and down.

"Why Anastasia do you have some daddy issues I should know about?"

I look up in the air, having not really given it a lot of thought. "No I don't think so. But I read a lot of smut." I shrug. "Come on, you've never been called _Daddy_ in bed? You know you have, and you liked it."

He shakes his head at me. "So I take it you're okay with role playing then?"

"Yep, sounds fun." I bounce up and down in my seat wondering when we'll get there so we can start. "I would have dressed differently, I didn't know I needed to be in costume."

"What you're wearing is fine. I'm the only one that really needs to change."

I frown, wondering why he would need to change but I wouldn't. He looked just as casual as I did with dark denim and a white t-shirt. He actually looked hot. _Really hot._

"You look really nice. Do you have to change? The white t-shirt and jeans is kind of making me wet." I trail my fingers up his biceps. "Your muscles are bulging."

"Trust me, Miss Steele, you want me to change."

* * *

We arrive at our destination and it's just a large house secluded in a neighborhood of gorgeous mansions. There are no cars in the driveway or anywhere for miles and I'm instantly on high alert heeding Kate's warnings.

 _Shut up Kate, he would never hurt me. But I would be lying if I said that I was on suddenly a bit uneasy._

"Christian, what is this place?" I ask as we stand at the end of the driveway.

He holds out his hand for me and when I don't immediately take it he takes a few steps towards me and frames my face. "I thought you trusted me?"

"I do but…I think I just need a little reassurance that… I mean what's in there?"

"Something you'll enjoy."

"Are there other people in there?"

"Only the owner. Would it make you feel better if he left, and it was just us?"

"Oh I thought of another thing, I don't want to be recorded. Well without me knowing."

He chuckles. "There's no recordings in there, Ana. I promise."

He holds his hand out and with my mind yelling a million different things I place my hand in his. _Down the Rabbit Hole, Ana._

We walk up the driveway hand in hand and Christian opens the door letting us in and the first thing I'm hit with is a strong sense of deja vu. _I've been here before._

I close my eyes trying to pinpoint where exactly I know this place from, but I'm interrupted when a man comes walking down the stairs dressed in a suit. Without thinking, I instinctively grip Christian's hand and move slightly behind him, as something about him scares me. Or maybe it's just that I am so out of my element and feel as if I have zero control over my destiny at the moment and it freaks me the fuck out.

"Relax, angel." He kisses my forehead. "Maxwell." He shakes his hand.

"Christian Grey, it's good to see you again."

"Again?"

"Max was one of my biggest clients in my previous life."

"Oh it's nice to meet you." I do my best at a smile, but I know it's fake. I wasn't sure who I was expecting Maxwell to be but him being from Christian's life before prison surprisingly doesn't calm my uneasiness.

"And the only reason I'm letting him have free reign of the place today. Well that and most people use this place at night. I don't get a lot of requests for ten in the morning. But you must be Miss Steele." He smiles.

"I am." I nod as I grip Christian's hand tighter when he reaches for my right hand. I shake his hand, my left still laced with Christian's. "Christian, please tell me what's going on." I tell him, and for the first time in a while, I feel anxious. Uneasy. Nervous.

 _I trusted Christian but the unknown was driving me insane. And making me paranoid._

"She doesn't know anything? Grey, she has to sign a waiver."

"A waiver? For what?"

"Just that you are knowingly engaging in sexual intercourse. You aren't hear against your will. You know shit like that." He pulls a cigarette from his pocket and lights it. "You smoke?" He holds the pack out towards me.

"I'm good."

"You pick up this shit in prison?" He looks at Christian and he shakes his head. "A couple here and there, but nah not for me. Besides I'm sure my girl would hate it." _That's me! I'm his girl. Wait, Ana focus!_

"Wait… why did you bring me here to have sex with me?" I ask.

"I'll give you a moment alone, and I'll leave these with you." He hands me the sheets and the words on the paper might as well be written in bright red ink.

 _ **Prison Sex Fantasy Dungeon**_

"Wh-what is this?"

"Downstairs… Maxwell has it set up to look like _Seattle Correctional Facility_. There's a few rooms… including one that resembles the room that… we used."

My heart is racing so fast I think it might beat out of my chest. My arousal is probably trickling down my legs and my clit is throbbing for attention from the man in front of me. "Oh my God. So like…"

"I'm about to eat your pussy with cuffs on, baby."

My mouth drops open and I drop the papers to the ground and lunge into his arms pressing my lips to his. We kiss like this for a few moments, our tongues battling for dominance when Maxwell must re-enter the room.

"Hey hey, save that for downstairs, I don't want to see that." He says. "So I assume you're on board."

I climb out of his arms and pick up the papers. "I am SO on board." I sign all of the papers, making sure I scan for anything out of the ordinary but it really was a basic waiver. We make it to the elevator as Maxwell joins us.

"I am so excited."

"I knew you would be." He tells me. "But why were you so worried? I could see how nervous you were."

"I just…you weren't telling me anything."

"So? You said you trusted me… more than anyone."

"Here we are." Maxwell says.

"Hey can you give us like two minutes."

"Of course, most couples need a moment before they get into character. I'll go make sure your dressing room is ready." When Maxwell is out of sight Christian turns to me.

"We are going to talk about that later."

"Okay."

"But, just tell me, you didn't think I was bringing you here to- hurt you, right?"

"No." I say quickly.

"Anastasia?"

"I-"

He takes a step back and I take one closer. "You think I'm capable of hurting you?"

"I just panicked, and I… look can't we talk about this later and now you just use your anger over this on me in there." I point at the rooms ahead of me and now it's all clicking why I had such a strong sense of deja vu. The hallway upstairs is exactly like the hallway I would walk down to meet Christian.

 _Drab and dingy lighting. Linoleum flooring. Eggshell walls. It was so cliche, it was perfect._

"Yes, fine. But we are talking about this later. One more thing," he grabs my arm and cups my face. "Earlier this week, the last time you slept over we… we fucked differently. Didn't we?" He asks his voice low yet sincere.

I bite my lip. _Don't make me cry, Grey. I want hot, raunchy, prison sex!_ "Yes."

"I loved that. Fucking you is incredible but that… that was…"

"Making love."

He clears his throat. "Whatever it's called, it was amazing, and I know it won't happen in there." He points behind me. "But I want it again."

"Whenever you want it."

"Okay, I have to go get ready, you go in this room." He points.

"I wish you would have told me, I could have worn one of my boring stuffy suits or my turtlenecks. Those things I had to wear to avoid attention."

"You had mine instantly. Even in those boring turtlenecks. Besides, if I told you to wear that, you would have asked too many questions. I wanted to surprise you."

"Fine."

"Besides, this is much easier to rip off with my teeth. You know I won't be able to use my hands."

My eyes widen and my nostrils flare as arousal surges through me and I all but flee for the room. I open the door and I'm immediately transported back to that room at the prison. Same window on the door, same one way window, same table. I sit at the table, and it's even the same hard chair under my bottom. I set my bag next to me on the ground, suddenly completely understanding why I had to bring my notes from Christian.

 _God could this be any fucking hotter?_ I hold my hair off of my neck and begin to fan myself as I feel my body overheating both from being turned on and the temperature of the room. I hear the door behind me open and I immediately shoot around to see my man walking through the room in a familiar orange jumpsuit, with cuffs on his wrists.

 _Oh. My. Fucking. God._ I am going to die here. I am going to spontaneously combust. Or this man is going to fuck me to death.

He sits across from me and gives me a small smile and I'm still speechless, staring at him my mouth ajar. "Miss Steele." He smiles and my heart flutters just as it used to when he'd say my name.

"Chri- Mr. Grey. God you are hot." I say without thinking. _Fuck, you're supposed to be role-playing, Ana!_ He smirks at me and I shake my head. "I mean, how are you?"

"Better now that you're here."

"Mmmmm" I whimper or moan, I honestly couldn't tell you what I've said or done the last thirty seconds as I have no control over my mouth or brain. _My pussy is in charge and she's begging for the snack in front of me._ "Did you say something? I'm sorry, is it hot in here?" I tie my hair up in a high ponytail revealing my neck and Christian's eyes darken.

"What did you think of my note Miss Steele?"

"It was… informative."

"Did you- agree?"

"Wholeheartedly."

"Did you… enjoy the letter?"

"Very much."

"How?"

I clear my throat. "I used it to get myself off."

"Read it to me."

"Wh-what?"

He leans back in his chair, the way he used to in the beginning when he wasn't desperately trying to breathe my air every second. "Read me the letter and tell me what you did. Line. by. Line."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope."

"I don't think I remember…"

"Do your best." He smirks.

I pull the letters from my bag. "Which one?"

"The second one."

With shaky fingers, although I doubt they are due to nerves, I unfold the paper. I look up at him and smile.

 _ **Blue Eyes-**_

 _ **I couldn't sleep last night because every times I closed my eyes I pictured your face. And then when my eyes dropped a little lower, I noticed you were wearing the blue sweater, the one that matched your eyes and showed a hint of cleavage? Cleavage that I wanted to submerge my face in the whole time you were there.**_

I look up from the paper. "I touched my nipple… I closed my eyes and pretended they were your hands touching me. Your lips wrapping around the supple skin."

He licks his lips. "Go on."

 _ **I think I've spent the better part of the past two weeks picturing you naked. My mouth exploring every inch of your body. I imagine your pussy tastes like heaven. Or magic. Something that can't be described. You just know it when you feel it.**_

I slide my chair back so that he can see me. I prop my legs up on the chair and open my legs giving him a view of my pussy. I pull my panties to the side. "I touched my pussy, imagined it was your fingers exploring my folds, rubbing my clit, sliding your thick middle finger into my wet channel. He makes fists of both of his hands and puts them to his mouth and bites down on both.

"Can you have me now?"

"Keep going." He grits out.

 _ **And then I slide through your folds, your moisture coating my cock with every inch. You are tight. Wet. Hot. Gorgeous. Your nails find my back because it's too much. But you want more. You always want more from me. You WILL always want more from me. I've told you this before, but I am going to ruin you, Ana. Once I have a taste of you, you belong to me.**_

I moan as I begin to rub myself harder, my eyes flutter closed for a moment when I hear the skid of the chair across the floor. I open my eyes to see Christian moving across the room and lowering himself to his knees in front of me.

"I wanted a closer look." His voice is hoarse and makes my clit pulse. _He sounds like raw sex._

I remove my hand from my pussy just to slide my underwear off and to pull my sundress over my head leaving me completely naked on the metal chair. Instead of putting them back on the chair, I slide both legs over his shoulders. "I'm tired of reading." I breathe out. "I want a kiss."

He smiles before kissing my inner thigh and sliding my legs off of him. He lies on the hard floor and raises his arms above his head just like in my fantasy. "You can't touch me."

"Whatever you say, Miss Steele."

I move towards him, and straddles his face, towards his body. I'm in the process of lowering myself slowly when he reaches up and submerges his face in my pussy.

"Fuck!"

"Bring that sexy body lower. Drown me in your cum, blue eyes."

"Fuck, fuck fuuuuck." _This man was certainly taking dirty talk and this fantasy to another level._ I move lower, and I feel his tongue moving in and out of me quickly, just as he fucks me with his cock, swirling his tongue all around my vaginal walls before pulling out.

"Bend over slightly, so I can reach your clit." _Hottest sentence in the human language? Maybe._

I do as I'm told and feel the tip of his tongue grazing the engorged flesh that may have me coming in seconds. "Baby, I'm going to come." I moan.

I hear him slurping and sucking everything my body offers him and when I look down between my legs I see my essence running down his neck. _I was drowning him._

"Come, Angel. You're so close, I know you are."

I begin to rock slowly against his face as the orgasm is at the tip of my tongue… and his as well. "Yes, God yes! I'm there! Oh my God!" I scream as it feels like my body splinters into hundreds of pieces. I drop immediately, my face just shy of his cock, I place my hand on his cock and I feel a hand tugging my hair.

"Don't even think about it. I'm about to explode. I need to be inside of you. Cuffs on or off?"

"On. From behind. Pull my hair." I pull it into a ponytail so it'll be easier to grab given that he's in cuffs.

"My kinky girl."

"Yours." I mouth at him.

There's a soft mat in the corner, that I didn't see at first, that I bring over and put under us, so not to have the same issue with being on my knees on the dungeon floor or his back.

"Miss Steele, you taste every bit as juicy as I thought you would. I can already tell I will need more."

I help him slide his pants down and he slides into my pussy. "When can I come inside of you, blue eyes?" _I know what's he's asking. When are you getting your ass on the pill?_

I smile to myself. "It takes a month for the pill to be effective."

He slams into me harder. "You got it, though?"

I turn around and shoot him a cheeky smile. "No. I didn't want to wait that long."

"I'm sick of coming on your tits. I want to come inside of you. I want to see my cum seeping out of you. I want to fuck you and send you off for the day, full with my cum inside of you. I need my cum in your pussy, Ana."

As usual, his possession of me is a huge turn-on. "I love hearing you say things like that."

He pulls my hair. "Then why didn't you just get the fucking pill, Anastasia."

I bite my lip, knowing that he's probably going to blow when I tell him what I did instead. "Because I got the shot, instead. And based on when my last period was, it's effective immediately."

He freezes for a second before he starts again. "Immediately?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"So I can… come inside you… now?"

"Yes." I hiss when he hits my g-spot.

"Oh fuck." He groans and he pulls out of me. "Grab the keys to the handcuffs, they're in my pocket."

"The key?"

"The first time I come inside of you is _not_ going to be while I'm in cuffs. I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you. It's still going to be rough, but I need to use every part of me. It's my turn to drown _you._ "


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as I released Christian's hands from the confines of his handcuffs, they were all over me. Rubbing me, grabbing me, his hands touching every inch of my skin they could reach. I was pinned underneath him on the soft mat and I felt every hard ridge of his body as he rubbed against me. I'd never felt more cherished or desired than the times that I was in this man's arms. I'd also never felt safer, completely underneath him, his large body cocooning around mine. He presses his lips to mine, sliding his tongue through my lips in languid, sensual strokes. One hand finds my cheek as the other slips behind my back, bringing me closer to him if that was even possible.

 _If I were any closer to him, I'd be inside of him. Not that I would mind._

He pulls away from my lips, his eyes tracing my face for what feels like an eternity. "What?"

"I'm just… memorizing you."

It feels as if my heart is in my throat as his words wash over me. _Memorizing me?_ "Why?" The words get caught in the emotion coursing through me so it comes out quieter than I anticipated.

"Because I never want to forget this look on your face. You are so beautiful."

I certainly didn't imagine that we'd be engaging in this level of intimacy… _here_. But I go with it. "You make me feel beautiful. And so many other things."

His eyebrows furrow together slightly. "Like what?" He rolls off of me and props his head up on his hand and stares down at me.

"We're going to do this here?" I giggle. "I didn't think we'd be doing a whole lot of _talking._ "

"Why? All we did was talk when we were in this room. If we are truly re-creating some memories, I think it's fitting if we talk."

I purse my lips at his logic but I give in. "Fine." I turn to my side so that we are facing each other and I run my fingers up his naked arm. "You make me feel… at peace. _Safe._ I never feel as safe as when I'm around you."

He nods his head once before he turns to his back and looks up at the ceiling. I scan his body once and I notice that his penis is still somewhat hard, but has deflated substantially. "I wasn't home much." I narrow my eyes but I stay quiet as I assume he'll continue. "When my mother remarried, I was fourteen and I hated my stepfather on sight. He was an asshole and the feeling was mutual. I idolized my father and I made it clear everyday that he would never be the man my father was. Tale as old as time I guess, kids deal with divorces in different ways. I was the kid that would never get along with the man that was essentially trying to take my father's place. His son and I didn't have any issues. He stayed out of my way, I stayed out of his. I was never home, so the few times I was he stayed the fuck away from me. Fucking asshole _."_ He growls. "I hope he's burning in hell." I move closer to him, and press a kiss on his shoulder and surprisingly his hands move around me, keeping me in place against his chest. I tuck my head under his chin as he continues. Mia seemed okay at first. She was twelve when they got married, and it didn't seem to affect her in the same way it affected me." His hold tightens around me and I can feel the tension in his muscles as I rub my fingers over them.

"I thought she was okay. I thought- I thought my mother at least would have known if something was wrong. I was never home, Ana. I was basically with my father four to five nights a week. I shouldn't have left her there." He shakes his head and when I look up at him, I see the tears pooling in his eyes. "I should have taken her to my fathers with me. I never should have left her alone with those monsters."

"Your mom was there though, you couldn't have known that something wasn't… right." I try my best to comfort him, but I can sense the breakdown that he's on the verge of and I can only hope he lets me be there for him.

"Things started to change. She was quiet, distant, aloof. She didn't care about anything. Her grades started to slip. She didn't go out for cheerleading. She wasn't the Mia I knew. She pushed me away, she told me she hated me, that I made things difficult for her because I didn't get along with Jack Sr. Later I realized it was because I was never home. _That's how I made things difficult for her._ You have no idea how much I blame myself, Ana."

"You can't."

"But I do. If I were home more, I could have stopped it."

"But Christian, this went on for years, even after you guys had all moved out. Who's to say that it wouldn't have happened. You can't think like that. You can't blame yourself. Mia doesn't."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, we've met, remember?"

I feel him move in my arms and I'm instantly on my back. "What did she say?" His grey eyes are so penetrating, I feel the strong desire to look away.

"She doesn't't blame you, Christian. She loves you. And she hates that you went to prison but she can't believe that someone loves her enough to do what you did for her. She feels so grateful to have a brother like you. But she doesn't blame you Christian. Not at all."

He doesn't say anything he just nods his head once. "The day I found her in her apartment was the worst day of my life. Worst than the day I got hauled out of my house in handcuffs. Worst than my first night in prison. Worst than those completely invasive and degrading cavity searches." He grimaces. "Holding her in my arms as I felt her taking what I thought to be her last breath was the scariest moment of my life."

I can't stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, and although this is far from the sexy time I was expecting in here, I can't help but feel closer to him than I ever have. _I've never been this intimate with a man ever, and certainly not one I'd been sleeping with for less than a month._

"She's okay, Christian." I look up at him. "She's alive, and healing. She's doing so well."

"My mom wants to have lunch with me and my sister. Well with me alone, but eventually with both Mia and myself."

"I think that's good."

"I'm not ready for that. She barely even visited me. I can count on one hand in two years. What kind of mother is that?"

"I don't know." I answer honestly. And truthfully, I don't. If it were my son, they would have been kicking me out of there every day. "What happened to your dad?" I ask softly.

He clears his throat and sits up and I wonder if I've pushed too much and now his walls were coming up. "He died when I was in college. I wasn't there." He says simply and I realize that it's the end of that conversation. I sit up next to him and rest my chin on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

He turns his head to look at me and based on where my face is positioned, our lips are a centimeter apart. He leans forward to touch mine and within seconds I'm in his lap, my naked pussy just inches from his cock as I straddle him. "I need to fuck you now. _Please._ " His voice is hoarse and strained and I honestly think in this moment, being inside of me is the only thing that will stop him from losing it.

"Whatever you need from me. _Take it._ "

* * *

His hands grip my hips as I bounce up and down on his cock, his hands guiding me, using me for his pleasure. I'm straddling him as he's seated in the chair and if I allow my mind to drift I can almost feel the delicious taboo feeling of fucking this man while he was in prison.

"I can come inside of you. Fuck Anastasia." He growls as his lips find my neck and traces my collarbone. I dig my nails into his naked shoulders and he hisses in response as his tongue follows the same trail of his lips. His hands move around my hips to my ass cheeks to grip them and I groan at the feeling of his nails piercing my flesh. "You have the most delicious ass, Miss Steele. I'm going to love exploring it… with my mouth."

I clench in response to his words. "You feel so good, Ana. Your pussy is so fucking delicious." His eyes find mine as I continue to grind down on his cock. "Tell me it's mine, baby." He says so quietly I almost miss it but I hear it. And more than hearing it, I _feel_ it. I feel his words in my sex, in my bones but most importantly in my heart.

My hands find his face as I slide myself completely down his large shaft and squeeze to keep him from moving. I look down at him, a smile tugs at his lips, and his dimple appears effectively sending a spark through my whole body.

 _That spark._

"It's yours." I bite my bottom lip and he must have thought I didn't hear him because a flash of surprise crosses his face. He reaches up and presses his lips to mine without another word and I begin to move up and down again in time with our fucking. I feel my orgasm brewing deep in my belly and he must as well because I can feel him grinning as we kiss.

"You're close."

I pull away. "You always know." I wrap my arms around his neck as I begin to chase the orgasm that's just beyond my reach when I feel one hand reach up and rub my nipple. "FUCK!" I moan as I move faster and faster up and down on his cock. His grip on my hips tighten and I wonder if that means he's close as well.

"Look at me." He growls. "Let me see those blue eyes, angel."

I bite my bottom lip as I feel myself falling over the edge. My entire body lets go, and I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. "Oh my God, Christian." Suddenly, my vision is blurry and I realize it's because my eyes have welled up with tears. I close them as the orgasm wracks my body and I feel his hands on my cheeks catching the tears as they slide down my face.

"Don't cry, angel. I'm here." I hear him whispering in my ear as his hands leave my hips and wrap around me tightly, squeezing me to his chest. "I won't leave you." He whispers and it's the most comforting words I think I've ever heard.

I hadn't expected an orgasm to send me into full on sobs, but right now I feel almost unconsolable. I feel as if I can't get close enough to him, my face buried into the side of his neck as I'm overcome with emotion. His hand gently rubs my back, and I realize that not only have I stopped moving, he's stopped thrusting and he hasn't come.

I pull away from his neck and I'm greeted with the most breathtaking smile. "That good, huh?" He jokes and I giggle as I wipe the remainder of the tears from my face.

"Sorry about that, I just-"

" _Never_ apologize for sharing yourself with me. I want to know all of you." He tells me and it takes every amount of self control not to tell him the words that are threatening to leave my lips.

 _I was in love with him._

 _Completely._

* * *

The ring of a doorbell effectively stops my time on my knees in front of my- _boyfriend? Man friend? Lover?_ What was the appropriate name for what we were? _Did he consider me his girlfriend?_ _Ever since I'd figured out my feelings, I'd how he felt about me. Was I completely alone in this? I knew he felt something for me, I just wasn't sure what it was. Was it love? Lust? Primal attraction?_

We'd left the house that day, about a week ago, both of us feeling lighter than before. _Well, I didn't exactly feel lighter. I was still keeping Christian at arms length about my past and for now I was fine with leaving him in the dark._

 _But could I really be in love with a man who didn't know about my past? He was patient and although I could tell he wanted to ask, he didn't push me._

The doorbell rings again and he rolls his eyes. I look up at him as I make a dramatic gesture of wiping my mouth and I can tell he's resisting the urge to shove his cock back through my lips. Since he'd learned that I'd gotten the shot, Christian has spent more time inside of me than outside of me. _I'm honestly surprised I could walk with how many times we've had sex in the last week._ There hasn't been a drop of his cum that's been disposed anywhere but inside of my sex or my mouth and I think he must be making up for last time of all the times he's came outside of my body.

"Let me get rid of whoever's at the door. Don't move." He presses a kiss to my lips before sliding on a t-shirt and sweatpants and jogging out of the room and down the steps. I fall back on his bed, pulling his sheet around me as I hear the front door open.

 **C POV**

My eyes widen as they trail up the familiar body landing on the equally familiar face. Dressed to the nines as always, Leila Williams stands before me as if she'd just stepped off a runway in one of those ridiculous fashion weeks she used to attend. She slides her sunglasses on top of her head, pushing back her chestnut shoulder length hair behind her ears. _She's had a haircut._ "Leila?"

"Long time no see, stranger." She gives me a smile. "I didn't expect you to still live in the house I picked out."

"You _helped_ pick it out. And I paid for it."

"Still. House holds a lot of memories, I'm sure." She looks behind me, scanning the house where I spent a few years in my twenties defiling every inch of with the woman in front of me. _Of course now I was eradicating those memories with a certain luscious woman currently naked and waiting in my bed wanting my dick in her mouth._

"I've forgotten half of them." I tell her coldly, already anxious to get back to the very warm body upstairs undoubtedly getting lonely.

 _The last thing I want is for her to meet Leila. She is privy to my past with Leila and she is fiercely protective when it comes to me. Not only that but I have a feeling she may have a bit of a jealous streak._ The thought does nothing for my previously hard penis that is desperately trying to get back to its owner.

"Oh, CG come on don't be like that." She pouts. She gives me a face that she's given me hundreds of times when she wanted to get her way. It used to work. That and her nickname for me used to have me like putty in her hands within seconds. _Not anymore._

"It's Christian." I tell her plainly.

She nods. "Can I come in?"

"No."

"Why?"

I start to tell her that I was busy, that I had company, that now wasn't a good time. But I I didn't want her to think she could just turn up un-announced, again. "Because you can't, what do you want Leila?"

She bites her lip and all it does is remind me that the woman in front of me was _not_ Anastasia. "I heard you were out. I… I just wanted to see you."

"That so? Why?"

"What do you mean why? Because I care obviously."

"Before or after you were fucking that small dick asshole." I huff. I didn't want to get worked up. I didn't want her to think I still cared. _I don't. But that "I care" ruse is bullshit and I'm not falling for it._

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath through her nose. "I didn't come here to fight with you."

"Is that why you visited me in prison? Because you _care_ \- obviously? Get the fuck out of my face, Leila." I open the door to head back inside when I hear her whisper _wait._

I turn to look at her and I'm surprised to see the tears rolling down her face. "I made a mistake."

"Really." I snort.

"I'm sorry. I… I never should have…"

"Cheated on me? Multiple times?"

"It was just Derek-"

It was the first time that the possibility that there was more than one man crossed my mind. "Don't you dare say his name to me."

"I just…"

"Leila, I really couldn't care about your apologies, but if it's been eating you up inside and if this will help you sleep better at night, then fine, you've said what you needed to say. We're good. You can get the hell off my porch now."

"Can't we just talk?" Her hand finds my bicep. "Christian, sweetheart I know I made a mistake but…" I'm just about to remove her hand from my arm and inform her that I am most definitely not her _sweetheart_ when I feel the door open further behind me and I immediately feel both arousal and dread as I realize Ana is standing behind me.

I turn and I'm shocked to see that she's chosen to answer the door wrapped up in the sheet we were just rolling around in not ten minutes prior. She's holding it around her just enough to tell that she's completely nude underneath. "Hi." She smiles.

"Oh. I didn't realize you had… _company_." She clears her throat and I know from experience that this is Leila's way of combating her nervousness. "I can come back when you're… not _entertaining._ "

"Oh, it's rare that I'm not here." Ana perks up and I have to say I'm quite enjoying seeing this territorial sign of Ana. I cross my arms and stare at Leila with a smile as if to say, _shit hurts, doesn't it?_ I know I'm coming off like a smug asshole right now, but I can't help but relish in the fact that Leila is feeling a fraction of what I felt when I learned she was sleeping with another man.

 _And I'm not cheating on anyone. I certainly don't owe Leila any kind of explanation._

"I understand two years is a long time to go without…" Leila clears her throat again and waves towards Anastasia, "but you don't have to resort to a _service_."

Ana's eyes widen and she moves towards Leila like a bull charging towards that red blanket. I can almost see the steam coming out of her nose. "Baby." I wrap an arm across her midsection and pull her back towards me.

She doesn't even look at me as her eyes are still shooting daggers at Leila. "I am not a prostitute, you manipulative skank. I'm his _girlfriend._ "

I hadn't heard her use the word before, nor had I and yet the word immediately sends a spark to my groin. _Girlfriend. My girlfriend._

She looks up at me nervously, just as the word leaves her lips as if she wasn't sure she could say that. "Girlfriend?" Leila looks up at me. "I didn't realize there were women… where you were."

"How we met is irrelevant, she's mine, I'm hers, end of story. Is there anything else?"

"CG…" she starts, and I interrupt her again.

"Christian."

"Christian, you wrote me from prison. You told me you forgave me. That you wanted me to be happy." She pulls a familiar piece of paper out. "I- I thought maybe now that you were out…" she trails off. "I thought we could be happy _together_ again."

I feel Ana's body go rigid immediately and I wish she wasn't witness to any of this. _Yes, I'd written her from prison, sometime in my first year. I'd written a ton of letters. Some I sent, some I didn't. But I had all the time in the world with my thoughts and I was tense, anxious, and at times regretful. There were things I wish I had said to Leila, things I wanted off my chest in case I really did end up dying there._

 _I was dramatic in my haste to get my words to her._

"If the letter moved you so much, why didn't you visit?" _I was thinking the same words, and for a split second I thought I had said them aloud when I realize they are of a much higher pitch._ I look down to see Ana almost growling at my ex-fiance.

"I don't think that's any of your business." Leila snaps at Ana, and it takes everything out of me not to tear her a new one for her attitude towards her. _Don't do it again, Leila._

"I believe she asked you a question." I tell her and Leila's eyes snap to mine as her lip trembles.

"I...I'm sorry. I just…"

"Abandoned him like everyone else in his life?" Ana snaps.

I think she thinks that she's gone too far with that line because she winces slightly. And while the truth stings, it _was_ the truth. _Everyone had abandoned me with the exception of my sister. And at times I went down the dark morbid road that even Mia was only there because she thought I blamed her for where I was. I never did, but in the dead of night, when my mind would run away from me, I sometimes surmised that Mia's visits were fueled by guilt, not love._

"I never abandoned you, Christian. You left me. You kicked me out."

"Because you were cheating on him! Are you kidding me?" Ana snaps, and I know that she's seconds from losing it.

"Excuse me, but no one is talking to you. This has nothing to do with you!"

"Leila, I did forgive you for what happened. I _do_. But I've also moved on. There's no chance for you and me."

"Can we just talk… _alone?_ " She shoots a look at Ana, and I can see the way she eyes her up and down that she's judging her, harshly.

Ana doesn't slink under her gaze, but stands tall, turning herself to me, as she keeps the sheet wrapped tightly around her with one hand, she uses the other hand to bring my mouth to hers. "I'll be inside." She whispers against my lips before she disappears. I stare after her for longer than appropriate, my dick yelling at me to go after her and leave Leila out here on the porch, but I wanted to make it clear that there was no chance for us. My smile fades the second that I turn my attention back to Leila.

"She's… cute." She tells me as I lean against the door.

"Don't start, Leila."

"What is she twelve?"

"Yes, Leila, I got out of prison to start sleeping with underraged women. Please remind me how you graduated from an Ivy League school, with that kind of ridiculous logic?"

"You're so… aggressive now."

"Months on the inside will do that to ya, haven't you heard?"

"But… you're different with her."

I cross my arms. "You said you wanted to talk. Anastasia is off the table."

"Anastasia? How… exotic."

"I'm not doing this." I reach for the doorknob when she grabs my arm.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Will you just.. Give me a second? Excuse me if I'm all out of sorts seeing you with another woman."

"You really can't be that much of a hypocrite. You were with another man _while_ we were together."

"And you said you forgave me!"

"I do, honestly, I do. But, I'm trying to explain to you that we are never going to happen and it's like you're not getting it. Just because I forgive you doesn't mean that I'm interested in being in a relationship with you again."

"Because of _her."_

"Because of me, Leila! Me not wanting to be with you has nothing to do with Anastasia. If I were single, we'd be having the same conversation. I don't want to be with you."

"We were getting married."

"And then we weren't. What's your point?"

"Christian…"

"Look, I may have been able to look past the cheating and maybe we could have reconciled if you had this epiphany of yours while I was in prison. You say you got my letters? Why the fuck did you never write me back? You didn't care. You still don't care. You just want another warm body. Oh, and by the way, all of my money that I didn't spend on my bullshit attorneys is frozen so, for lack of a better word, I'm broke. Still want to be with me?" I snarl at her and she blinks her eyes several times and I know Leila well. _She didn't want shit to do with that. When we were together, she worked, but basically only enough to fund her shoe habit and I took care of the rest._

"What difference does it make you don't want me."

"You're damn right, I don't."

"Does she make you happy?"

"Happier than I've ever been."

She looks at me as if I've slapped her and her eyes look away from me as she tries to gather her thoughts. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Christian."

"Water under the bridge."

"I take it we can't be friends?"

"After you called Anastasia a prostitute? Think again."

"I hope she doesn't take you for granted like I did."

 _She wouldn't. Between the two of us, I'd probably be the one who winds up hurting her._ The thought feels like a knife twisting into my heart. I could feel Ana's love for me every second. I know she loves me, so what was holding me back from telling her the same? _Did I love her?_ "She wouldn't. Ana… cares very deeply for me."

"Well, I'm glad you're… good. I'm sorry for just showing up unannounced like this. I guess I should go." I nod. _There was nothing else to say. I didn't want there to be hard feelings, but I wasn't concerned with having her in my life. Especially not at the expense of my relationship with Ana._ I watch her climb into car and pull off and I rub my forehead, unsure of what's going to happen on the other side of this door.

I walk into my house and I'm shocked to see Ana sitting on my steps fully clothed with her purse sitting next to her. _She's leaving._

"Don't go." I say immediately.

She folds her hands into her lap and stares at them. "I have to do some work."

"Do it here."

"If I do it here I won't get any work done."

"I promise, I won't distract you."

She gives me a faint smile. "We both know that's not true."

I move towards the stairs to sit next to her and pull her hands into mine. "She doesn't mean anything to me."

"She's your ex-fiance."

"So?"

"She's pretty." She says and I'm shocked at her words. _Does she think that I find anyone as beautiful as her? Is she- jealous? God I hope not._

"Not prettier than you. No one is."

"Don't tell me what you think I want to hear."

"Anastasia Steele, frankly I don't know what you want to hear. You're a mystery to me."

"Really? I think I've been rather transparent with my feelings."

"Which is?" My heart races as I prepare to hear her words. _Is she going to tell me she loves me? Am I ready to hear it? To say it back?_

"I want to claw your ex-fiance's eyes out."

A smile tugs at the corners of my lips. "Your possessiveness is a turn-on."

She's silent and I can almost hear her heart hammering in her chest. "You wrote her from prison?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her you loved her?"

"No."

"She hurt you but now she wants you back. That kind of power does something to people. Sometimes it brings people back to those that have hurt them."

"I don't want _her_ back."

"You don't have to make any decisions right now, Christian. You can think about it. I mean you were engaged, you loved her, I just want you to be happy. You deserve that."

"What makes you think _you_ don't make me happy? If you think I deserve to be happy, then I deserve you. And I told you already, I thought I loved her but… I didn't feel..." _Do I tell her I didn't feel what I feel when I'm with her?_ In an instant I lose my nerve and just as quickly she pulls her hands away from me and stands up. "Ana…" I move after her and stand in front of the door, crossing my hands over my chest. "Stay."

I don't know what's going through her head but she shakes it. "I have work to do." Her eyes are watery and I wonder if there is more to this swing in her emotions than my prior engagement to Leila Williams. I cup her face. _Talk to me baby._

"Tell me what's going on, what did I do?"

"Nothing!" She puts her hands over mine and strokes my fingers gingerly. "You are perfect."

"Then why are you shutting down on me?"

"I'm not. I just have some work to get done. Work I've been putting off."

"Okay…" I say but I don't buy whatever it is she's trying to sell. I've spent the better part of two weeks on a very intimate level with this woman and even longer if you count how well I knew her even when I was behind bars. _Something was wrong._ "I'll call you later."

With a chaste kiss goodbye, she's out the door without another word.

* * *

A POV

 **Anastasia Rose Steele, you get your behind to this house this instant, young lady. Do NOT make us send a search party.**

I look at the text message from one Ray Steele, that arrived in my inbox sometime around me getting called a paid escort by Christian's ex-fiance.

 _Jealous bitch._

I couldn't see why she would be though. She was gorgeous. A glamorous Barbie doll- tall with perfect hair. Perfect clothes. Perfect boobs. I felt so inadequate next to her wrapped up in a sheet with my hair pulled into a messy bun on top of my head.

 _But he'd made it clear that I was his._

My mind was all out of sorts the second I stepped back inside, and then I read my father's text and it was like I couldn't get any of my thoughts straight. I had never gotten dressed so fast, knowing that my parents would in fact send a search party.

I did wonder if Christian maybe needed to clear his thoughts. Maybe part of him did want to give Leila another chance. That he would be happier with her.

 _I didn't know. But I knew he couldn't figure that out with his dick inside of me. He needed space. And I needed to go clear the air with my parents._

So this is how I ended up walking through my parents house, the smell of sex still lingering on my skin.

I walk into my dining room to see my father and my mother seated side by side on one side of the table with a slew of newspaper clippings between them. "Anastasia." My dad says.

"Father."

"Don't start already." He snaps knowing that whenever I call him _Father_ , it's me being a smartass.

I roll my eyes and slide into the chair across the table from them. "What's the meaning of this family gathering?"

"You know exactly why you're here."

I shrug and lean back in my chair. "Can't say that I do."

He slides the newspaper across the table and sure enough it's a photo of Christian. "That's the boy I saw you with in town." My mother perks up, her eyes wide and per usual- confused.

"You sure, mom? You know you need glasses."

"Anastasia." My father warns.

"What? I was having lunch with-"

"A man that just got out of prison for murder? Ana Steele are you insane? You must have lost your mind."

"He would never hurt me if that's what you're thinking."

He throws his hands up. "Oh, is that what he told you?"

"He killed his sister's rapist, dad. You really think he's this evil monster?"

"And that is admirable, but that doesn't change the fact that he's an ex-convict."

"It doesn't change the fact just a little bit?" I hold my fingers close together.

"Oh, Ray." My other interjects. "Well that's not… so scary." _Of course my mother didn't know the whole story. I should have known._

"Carla, who's side are you on? You really want your daughter getting mixed up with some man that's been to prison? Regardless of the reason?"

" _Regardless of the reason."_ My lip trembles, not because it seems my father may never come around to Christian but because he doesn't seem to think that killing someone that had tormented a loved one for years was warranted. _He wouldn't have done the same for me had he known what was happening?_

"I think what Christian did was brave and… I am sure there are millions of women around the world who wish for a big brother like him everyday."

"What does your school think? They can't be okay with this. Surely this is some sort of conflict of interest?"

"Not now. The trial is over. This portion of the project is over. But besides they don't know."

"We are just a little concerned, Ana. We are worried." My father says.

"Why?"

"People talk, sweetheart."

"So?"

"So? Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?"

 _As opposed to the first half? My teenage years? I'll take a life with Christian thank you very much._

I feel a tear slip down my cheek. "I love him."

I catch a glimpse at my mom who's trying her best to hold back the tears, but if I know my mother like I think I do, she's already planning my wedding, Christian's past be damned.

"Does he love you?" She asks.

"Not. The. Point!" My father says. "Honey, I know you think that you love him, but I just see this all going up in flames and I don't want you to get hurt. What if he's made enemies on the inside? What do you really know about him? Not about his life before, but now… What do you know about him? How do you know that being with him isn't dangerous?"

I shrug. "He would never let anyone hurt me." _In my head, I thought "He would never let anything happen to me." And yet somehow something got lost in translation and I ended up blurting out "anyone."_ My subconscious was clearly working overtime during this conversation.

"Ana…"

I stand up from the table. "I understand that you are both concerned, but I need you to just trust me. I've trusted my heart with so few people… I think he'll be the first that won't let me down." _I'm sure neither of them think I'm talking about either of them. But I'm talking about everyone in my life. People had let me down time and time again. But not Christian. He wouldn't._ "I have to go."

"You're not staying for dinner?" My mother asks. "I'm making your favorite."

 _Translation: she'd ordered my favorite._ "Sounds great, mom, but I have something to do."

* * *

 **I'm sorry for how I acted.** I press the send button and sit my phone in my lap as I wait for the response. I'm sitting in my parents driveway, waiting to hear from him before I head home, hoping that he'll ask me to come there instead. When a reply doesn't come, I press my phone to my ear and wait for him to pick up.

 _He doesn't answer._

 **Call me when you can.**

And when he doesn't answer again, I send a heart emoji, just so he knows that I'm not mad.

 _Except maybe now he's mad._

* * *

I pull up to my house and I'm stunned to see Christian sitting on the steps leading up to my house. His eyes are fixed on the ground and he doesn't look at me even as I approach him. "What are you doing here?" I look at my watch. "It's getting late." It was getting close to the time that he needed to be home and once again he was taking risks- because of me.

He stands and looks me over slowly. "It took me about a minute after you left to realize I wasn't letting you off that easily. So I came here…I didn't realize you weren't coming straight home when you left my house." He crosses his arms defensively.

"You came here right after I left? That was almost two hours ago."

"I'm fully aware."

"Why didn't you call me? I would have come."

"Where were you?" He asks and I can feel the accusation in his voice.

"Where did you think I was?" I ask him, wondering what he could possibly think I've been doing the last two hours. _It's bad enough that I'm going to have to explain why I had to make an impromptu trip to my parents but did he honestly think there was something else going on?_

"Don't play with me Anastasia. Where the hell have you been?"

I furrow my brows together, feeling fury in my veins that he thought I could be as conniving as the women in his past. "Why didn't you answer my texts or calls?"

"Why did you make up some bullshit story about having work to do?"

His words are like a punch in the gut. "You think I'm lying to you?"

"Well you did. You made me think you were going home."

 _Well technically I did, just not the home he's thinking of._ "Christian" I hold his face in my hands and I'm grateful that he doesn't pull away. "Kate's home and it's getting late, can we go to your place?"

He doesn't say anything as he looks me over as if he's wary about me. "It's really not what you think. I can't even imagine what you are possibly thinking because you know how I feel about you." His shoulders visibly sag. "Tell me you trust me." I whisper. "I know you do."

His forehead leans down to rest against mine and I can feel his breath on my face. "I trust you."

"I would never hurt you, Christian. I love you." I whisper. I certainly wasn't expecting to let those words slip now, but by the look on his face I would say I chose the right time. He picks me up immediately, and instinctively my legs move around his waist, his lips urgently moving against mine as he walks us to his car. He sets me to my feet, but we remain in a heated lip-lock for I don't know how long against his car. He pulls away, his lips swollen and glossy from the moisture of our mouths and I'm sure mine are a perfect match.

His eyes are dilated and staring at me like he's going to eat me alive. "I hope you didn't actually have any work to do tonight. Because I don't plan on letting you out of my bed until morning. And I have no intentions of sleeping."

 **A/N: Sooo things are actually about to get a little bumpy. Get ready!**

 **OH and NINE DAYS till FREED! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**What in the hell was that?**

I look down at the words of my roommate blaring on the screen of my iPhone. I peek up at the man driving us across town before my eyes flit back to the screen. I see the bubbles indicating that she's typing again.

 **I thought he was going to fuck you up against his car!**

I narrow my eyes judgmentally as I realize that Kate had been witness to our little display of affection. I had assumed she was home, but I wasn't completely sure. She couldn't even let him in?

 _ **If you were home why did you let him sit outside for two hours? Why didn't you call me?**_

 **Two hours? I didn't know he was there that long Ana I swear. And then once I figured it out… I don't know, if he was here and you weren't… what was I supposed to do? Let him in?**

 _ **Heaven forbid. Your mom would be disappointed in your lack of manners, Katherine Kavanagh.**_

 **My mother would be horrified to know that my roommate is fucking a felon.**

 _ **Stop saying it like that. Seriously, it's annoying.**_

 **Fine. Sorry. Are you coming home tonight?**

 _ **Negative.**_

 **Seriously?**

 _ **Yup. He has to be home soon- not that you'd be okay with him sleeping over.**_

 **What is going on with you? I've never seen you like this over a guy**

 _ **That should tell you something. He's different.**_

"Everything alright?" He asks, breaking me from my conversation with Kate. I look up at him and a smile is playing at his lips as he turns his gaze from me back to the road. "You're so cute when you're concentrating. This little V forms between your eyebrows and your lips make this perfect pout. When you used to sit across from me and make that face, it took everything out of me not to lunge across the table."

I eye his profile, scanning him from his eye down his body, letting my eyes rest on his cock. His words were far from erotic, and yet I can feel my panties dampening instantly. "It's just Kate."

"Ah. Giving you a hard time, is she?"

"I can handle it." I whisper.

"She worried about you?"

I shake my head. "I'm not someone to worry over."

He frowns and I shake my head, knowing where his mind is going. "I just mean, I'm responsible. I have a good head on my shoulders. Kate is… concerned but she also knows that I don't do anything for the hell of it. She's surprised about how I am with you."

"Surprised? How?"

"Well I rarely had sleepovers with guys, for one."

I see his hands white knuckling the steering wheel as he grips it hard. I reach across the console and rub my hand over his right arm up to the steering wheel. "Don't make me crawl across this car and climb into your lap. You _know_ that you're different."

His grip loosens and he visibly relaxes as the car slows and I realize that we are back at his place. He puts the car in park but he makes no move to exit the vehicle. I go to open my door when he grabs my hand keeping me from moving. "Wait." He tells me, and I immediately halt my movements, my body obeying his words before my brain has even fully processed them.

I give him a look. I'm not exactly sure how it's coming across, but in my mind it's a look that says _please don't yell at me._

"Don't look at me like that, Anastasia. Tell me where you were."

"Still sounds like you don't trust me."

"Call me crazy for wanting to know where my girlfriend is for two hours." He growls and I don't mistake the throbbing between my legs that comes in response to his words.

"Girlfriend?" I squeak out and his eyes shift to mine.

"Well that's what you are, correct?" He gives me a half smile that makes his dimple pop and all I want to do is run my tongue over it.

My bottom lip makes it's way between my teeth and I bite down as the smile spreads across my face as I imagine my tongue running over every inch of him. But my smile fades as I remember his initial question. I sigh. "I was summoned home- to my parents house. They put two and two together."

He nods, "what did they say?"

"They just had some questions." I tell him, as I evade the question indirectly.

"Such as?" I look at him, pleading with him with my eyes not to push the subject. He snorts. "Fine." He gets out of the car without a word and makes his way out of the car. I assume he's going to open my door for me but I'm floored when I see him making his way towards his door without so much as look in my direction. I open the door and follow slowly behind him. I'm shocked when he opens the door and lets me in first.

"Hey." I tell him as he shuts the door behind us. "Stop."

"Why did you even tell me you love me?"

A cold feeling passes over me as I feel his doubts radiating off of him. _Does he think I didn't mean it? That I don't love him?_ "Because I do." I move towards him, wanting to hold him in my arms but he takes a step back and I don't even try to hide the hurt on my face.

"But there's no future for us."

"What makes you say that?"

"You going to take me home to mommy and daddy? I see that working out really well." He walks past me and I scurry behind him towards the kitchen.

"Don't say it like that. I'm a grown woman, Christian. They don't make my decisions for me."

"But you respect their feelings. You're not the kind of woman who doesn't take the opinions of your family seriously. You want to be in a relationship with a man your parents love. A man that can bond with your father, charm your mother. And once upon a time I could have been that man." He leans against his refrigerator and crosses his arms. "I was that man. The women I dated, their families loved me. I was the perfect boyfriend. Leila's dad loved me. Both of her parents did."

I feel a flare of fury hearing her name and he must notice my discomfort because his face softens. He sighs. "They'll never think I'm good enough for you. I'm not the perfect boyfriend anymore. I'm the ex-convict with a violent record. I'm not worthy of their princess." He moves toward me slowly. "And I know I'm not worthy."

"Yes you are. None of this changes how I feel about you."

"It should."

I move towards him and push him hard against his chest against the refrigerator. "Now you listen to me," I growl. "I've had about enough of this self-deprecating bullshit. Just stop. If this is your way of telling me you want out because you're freaked out about what I said, then just tell me you want the fuck out." He goes to open his mouth but I put my hand over it effectively shutting him up. "My parents barely know me. I go home for dinner once a week, and put on a smile and a laugh. They ask about school, about my grades, if I'm dating anyone, if I'm happy. And on the surface, I am happy. So I say all the right things and nod in the right places so that they can't see the darkness lurking beneath. The pain I feel everyday. It would kill them if they knew. I know that now. So _I_ protect _them_ from that. But they don't know me, Christian. _You_ know me. My parents didn't protect me when I needed them. But you… you'll protect me. And I don't mean physically. You'll protect my heart. I know you will." I let my hand drop from his face and I can see the emotion swimming over his features. "My parents don't have a say about what I need to be happy. Because they don't even know what my happiness really looks like."

He clears his throat. "What does your happiness really look like?"

My mouth turns upwards slightly. "You don't know? You're the only one that's ever seen it."

He swallows, putting his hands on my cheeks as he lowers his face to mine. Right before his lips touch mine, I continue. "I'm broken, Christian. Damaged. Ruined. I wouldn't have been able to handle you as the.. What did you call it? _The perfect boyfriend?_ I would have ruined you too. Made you hard. Made you dark. _Or_ I would have hid the truth from you just as I do from everyone else in my life. I wouldn't have let you in."

"You never would have broken me. You aren't damaged, angel. You're perfect." He whispers against my lips.

"You wouldn't have been able to handle it. So many of the "perfect golden boys" couldn''t. They don't understand what I want or what I need. Hell I barely understand it. But somehow, you get it. You understand it. You understand _me_."

"Yes." He says quietly. "I do."

"I don't care what anyone else thinks, Christian. Not my parents or Kate or… anyone. They will come around, Christian. They won't just turn their back on me." I bring his face back down closer to my lips. "And I would never turn my back on you."

"Ana." He growls as he picks me up in his arms and sets me on the counter, putting his arms on either side of me. "I don't want out."

"What do you want?" I ask, wanting- needing him to say the words more than my next breath. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to say _I love you too_ , or just enough to reassure me that he wasn't going to abandon me.

"I want you."

"Then don't give up on me."

"I would never give up on you, Anastasia." He pushes the hair behind my ears as he presses his lips to mine. His hands find my jaw and he strokes his fingertips gingerly over the skin before weaving them into my hair, pulling slightly harder with every stroke of his tongue against mine. The kiss isn't urging or possessive, it's passionate and loving and I can feel every ounce of what he's feeling in the kiss. He pulls away and before I can protest his lips brush over my left cheek, then my right. His lips faintly touch my nose, my chin, my forehead. I run my hands up his chest, gripping his shoulders tightly as he wraps his arms around me. My legs wrap around his waist as if on their own and I wrap my arms around his neck. From my position on the counter and how tall he is, his cock is pressing right against my sex and I groan as I feel the hardness underneath his jeans rubbing against me.

"Christian." I moan, feeling his tongue swipe at the skin just above my pulse point that is beating wildly.

"Fuck, Ana." He presses harder into me, rolling his hips against my core that is already flooding with arousal.

"Take my pants off." I plead. "Please. "Let me feel you."

* * *

I'm lying flat on my back on his kitchen table, a recent addition to his house thanks to his mother's recent makeover. _She's bribing me to get me to talk to her,_ Christian grimaced after I'd commented on his newest decorating choices.

I'm lying flat on my back, accepting Christian's weight on top of me as he's just collapsed from the force of his orgasm. Our sweaty bodies are clinging together through these last few moments of intimacy, our bodies perfectly aligned with one another, his chest pressed right against mine. The afterglow of our lovemaking has become one of my favorite parts of _us._ It's so pure and magical it feels like I'm flying. My body slowly floating back down to earth, with the man I love right beside me. I feel him slip out of me and I whimper at the loss of contact. It almost feels like a piece of me is being removed, and not a piece of Christian. That's what our lovemaking feels like.

 _Like we are one person. When he's inside of me, I feel whole, for the first time maybe ever._

My body immediately chills, goosebumps popping up all over my skin as he pulls me to sit up. "Let's get you warm." He tells me as he rubs his hands up and down my arms.

I move to my feet and immediately I feel it inside of me… moving out. I look down to witness perhaps the most erotic visual of my life: Christian's cum streaming down my leg. And I don't mean a small stream. It's like an actual flood running down my leg. I'm mesmerized as I watch it, making no move to stop it as it reaches my ankle and makes its way onto his hardwood floor.

I don't even register that Christians hand is on me at first. But then I feel his hand drag up my leg, capturing a bit of his seed. He holds the two fingers in front of my face. He doesn't wait for me to accept them he simply rubs his fingers across my lips, with no attempt to stick his fingers inside my mouth. My tongue darts out without another thought, collecting the moisture and swallowing down the mixture of our cum.

"More." I whisper. I barely recognize my voice as it comes out breathy. He smiles as he runs his fingers up my leg again. He holds his fingers up again, and I immediately wrap my lips around them, sucking him hard into my mouth.

"Fuck."

"I think you actually drowned my pussy."

His eyes widen and a smile finds his face. "I don't think I've ever actually heard you use that word."

I can feel my face heat up and I know I must be bright red because he chuckles and presses his hands to my face, soothing the fire under my cheeks. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I've barely walked one step when I'm hoisted into his arms as if I'm weightless and carried up the stairs. I trail kisses across his neck and shoulder, and at one point I sink my teeth into the flesh causing him to hiss.

"I'm going to fuck you again."

"Yes please."

"You're getting insatiable." I can hear the smirk in his voice as he sets me on the floor and turns on the shower.

Despite the downsizing of his house, his bathroom was still gorgeous. His shower was large and expansive with black tiling and clear glass all around us. A bench had been built in that Christian and I had made full use of… many times.

I'm under the water instantly, letting the water cascade over me. I tilt my head back allowing the water to wet my hair. I open my eyes to find him staring down at me, watching the water run down my body. "You have beautiful breasts, baby. I used to fantasize about your breasts. They always looked so plump and supple. Even underneath those sweaters, I knew they were soft and smooth. I'd picture your nipples pebbling under my touch… under my lips. God I wanted to suck your nipples so badly."

"Fuck." I moan as his words have a direct line to my clit. It's still wet between my legs from Christian and my most recent orgasm but I can already feel new moisture forming as my sex begins to tingle. "Suck them. Please."

He smiles before leaning down and sucking one into his hot mouth. My hands immediately go to his head, pushing him harder against my breast as I feel him suckling. Sucking, biting, his tongue swirling the nipple countless times before switching to the other and beginning the same ministration. All the while, I'm rubbing my legs together to try and create some friction between them. I don't even have the brain power to speak to tell him to touch me, all I know is pure unadulterated lust. Before I can think, my hand is between my legs, rubbing myself, hard.

I hear a gasp, and I realize Christian has released my nipple. My eyes flutter open and he's staring at my fingers as they go in and out of me. "Fuck." He drops to his knees in front of me as if he's mesmerized by what I'm doing. I'm staring down at him as he eyes are zeroed in on my pussy, his eyes wide and unblinking as I'm trying to chase my own orgasm.

"Shit, Ana." He growls as his hand finds my hips and moves even closer.

"Take over." I moan and I yelp as I feel his teeth sinking into my thigh.

"Not yet, angel. Give yourself a little bit more. Touch your soft, sweet cunt a little more for me."

"Fuck." I moan at his words. "Talk dirty to me."

"How dirty?"

"Surprise me."

"You want me to tell you how I'm going to make you come?"

"Yes!" I scream as I feel my pussy quiver at the assault of my fingers.

"I'm going to take my cock, my _hard_ , thick cock and I'm going to rub it against your slick clitoris. I won't slip inside you. I won't fuck you, angel. Not yet. I'll just rub my cock against you. Torturing you, sweetly. _Slowly._ I'll tap my cock against your sweet spot, over and over."

I'm pushing harder against my fingers as I fuck myself at the sound of Christian's words. "Christian. Baby, I'm so close. Please make me cum."

"You're almost there. I'll drive you wild. I'll push you to the brink. Make you scream. Cry."

At this point, I really am crying as the pleasure overtakes me and I can't control the feelings coursing through me. "Please!" I sob.

"I'm going to twist your body so tight, and then I'll stop. I'll press my lips to your mound and with one slow lick through your folds you'll shatter all over my tongue. All over my face. You'll squirt everywhere. Did I mention I love when you squirt? I've never experienced it. You get so wet for me, Anastasia. It's such a heady feeling. Knowing only I can see you this way. Only I can see this sexy body. Me." He growls

I'm so close I can almost taste it, when I feel my hand being ripped from inside of me and my legs being spread, my right leg sliding over a familiar shoulder opening me up for him.

 _Exposing my wet sex to its owner._

He wastes no time pressing his lips to the slick flesh, dragging his tongue upwards and fixating on my clit. Lapping at me as if I'm the sweetest flavor. It only takes a few swipes over my sensitive bundle of nerves before I'm shattering spectacularly. The feeling of a million sparks exploding within me.

He holds me upright as I ride out the rest of my orgasm, my limbs feeling as if they've turned to Jello. He stands, putting his hands on either side of me. He stares at me for a long time and I frown wondering what's going on in that beautiful mind of his. "Do you trust me?" He finally asks.

"More than anything."

"Tell me you love me again."

He hasn't said the words back and yet he asks and I wonder if it's possible he just doesn't believe that I was capable of loving him. "I love you."

He leans forward pressing his lips to mine, allowing me to taste myself. "Tell me what happen to you." He whispers. And suddenly, despite the warm temperatures, I'm freezing. A chill moving through me fast as I feel myself shutting down completely.

"Christian." I shake my head. "Please don't do this. I can't."

"You tell me you love me, but you shut me out." He's so close to me, I can almost taste his words, his lips a mere milimeter from mine as the steam from the shower moves around us. The water is scalding hot and beating down on us and even still it's not hot enough to cleanse my body from the trauma as I think about recounting the gruesome experiences of my past. "Tell me what happened, Ana. _Please._ Let me heal you, baby."

"You'll look at me differently." I don't even know where the words come from, my mind has already reverted back to ten years ago when it all began. It almost doesn't register that Christian is still standing in front of me.

 _That we're naked in his shower._

 _That he's slowly broken down my walls._

 _That despite where I am, suddenly I remember what it's like to be twelve years old._

I grip his biceps hard as I attempt to tether myself to something as the storm takes over.

 _The darkness was never far away. A smell, a sound, a word could take me back there in an instant, but I could pull myself out of it, before I allowed myself to submit to the pain of remembering. Christian wanted me to go back there and stay… long enough to explain what happened. I wouldn't be able to escape._

"I would never look at you differently. You're still my blue eyes. My perfect angel. And It's just you and me in here. Nothing exists but us." His hands cup my cheeks and I look up into his eyes knowing that he'll protect me from anything- everything.

 _Even my own memories._

"You and me?" I manage to squeak out.

"Yes."

"Can we sit down?"

"Do you want to get out?"

"No." I tell him knowing that leaving this shower may cause me to lose my nerve. I sit down, my legs crossed as the water cascades over my head, preventing me from getting wetter. He sits across from me, pulling me closer to him and allowing my legs to stretch out on either side of his hips. Our pelvises are no more than five inches apart but I don't feel the arousal that usually comes with my pussy in such close contact with his cock.

 _Nothing about this was arousing or erotic._

"Do you want me to hold you?"

I shake my head. "Please don't look at me differently. Don't pity me."

"I could never pity you, angel. You are so strong and incredible. You are… my world."

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the words that are about to leave my mouth. Like jumping into a pool on the first day of summer, when you're not sure quite the temperature of the water, because it feels like it's been a full year since you've submerged yourself in the cool temperatures. I dive in, praying that I don't go to deep, praying that I reach the surface in time before I drown.

I recall the first time, the second, the twentieth. The touches, the punches, the threats, everything. I tell him everything. He listens closely, not asking too many questions or pushing me. He never once lets go of my hand and once or twice he drags his lips across them.

 _Those brief intimate touches was how I was able to go on._

I don't know how long I'm talking, but the water is starting to chill and my fingers look like raisins. I look up finally, my body shaking from either the new temperatures of the water, or the trip down memory lane, or both. His eyes are soft, studying me under the lowlights of the bathroom as I do my best to blink the tears away. He pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me, rocking me gently and humming in my ear. I don't recognize it but it sounds sad and melancholy and I try to pinpoint if and where I've heard it.

The melody moves through me and before I know it the tears are welling in my eyes and moving down my cheeks. My face is pressed against his neck but when I sniffle, he moves me back so he can look at me. "You are so brave. I am in awe of you, baby."

"I'm not brave. I spent so much time looking over my shoulder…"I trail off. "Even still sometimes…"

"You don't have to do that anymore. Because it'll be me right behind you." He whispers. "Always."

His words mean more than _I love you_ ever did. _He's never leaving me._ "My light in the dark." I whisper. It was cheesy and flowery but it fit. There were things that went bump in the night. Things that scared me, terrified me. But I knew now, Christian would be there. He'd hold my hand and bring me out of the darkness.

His hands ball into a fist as he boxes me against the wet shower wall. "If he ever comes within five hundred miles of you, I swear to God, I'll kill him, Ana." His balled fists are pressed so hard against the tile in the shower that I'm afraid he might drive through them. He looks down at me, the expression on his face is pained and I wonder if it's because he can feel it running through me.

 _The phrase "my pain is your pain" crosses my mind and I wonder if that was a real thing. If pain you couldn't imagine could somehow manifest in your soul because the person you love was feeling it._

 _Did Christian love me so deeply that he was reliving my trauma right beside me?_

"I know I promised I wouldn't kill for you. But I will never let him get near you again. I'll never let him hurt you." He shakes his head and in this moment I'm unsure if the water on his face is from the shower stream or the tears from his eyes. "I know I promised I wouldn't kill for you." He repeats. "But things are different now. And I swear to you Ana, promising not to kill for you is the only promise I'll ever break."

 _How far would Christian go to keep me safe? I wasn't sure. But I was sure about one thing- He didn't love me. Whatever Christian felt for me was much deeper than love. And somewhere deep inside the thought terrified me._


	9. Chapter 9

C POV

We emerge from the steam filled bathroom, and it seems as if Ana can't get close enough to me. She attaches herself to me almost instantly making it a bit more difficult to get us both dry but I manage to despite her wrapping around me like ivy. I scoop her in my arms once she's no longer dripping wet and pull her into my bedroom, applying her shea butter lotion into every inch of her soft skin.

I dry her hair the best I can. "Do you want me to blow dry your hair?" She simply shakes her head slowly and pulls her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck.

She doesn't even bother putting any clothes on before she climbs underneath my blankets and pulls the covers over her head.

I'm still naked as the day I was born as I climb onto my bed and straddle her body that I find instantly despite being under layers of Egyptian cotton- something I'd refused to give up after I'd spent two years underneath that bullshit they had in the prison. I pull the blanket down slowly and her blue eyes are wide open.

 _Scared._

 _Confused._

 _Questioning._

"Angel." I whisper against her lips as I rub mine against hers, trying my best to get her to feel every ounce of love that I had for her. _I know I hadn't said the words but she had to know the depth of my feelings. Didn't she? I don't know why I hadn't said the words. The words that seemed to get lodged in my throat whenever she said them first, but she had to know that I felt them, right?_

The tears flood her eyes instantly and she squeezes them shut as if she's trying to hide from me. "This is why I don't talk about it." She whispers. "Once I start, I can't stop… I'm sorry." She puts her hands over her eyes and I'm almost horrified that she thinks that she needs to apologize for feeling the pain that I made her remember.

I pull her hands from her eyes and rub my lips over them. "Why are you apologizing?"

"I'm not trying to shut down on you. I spend so much time trying to actively stay out of that headspace and sometimes when I do… I get stuck." She sighs and pulls gently on her hands that are still encased mine. I let them go and within seconds she's on her side, her hands tucked under her cheek as if she's praying.

"I get that."

"Will you pull me out of it?"

Doesn't she know that I would do anything to do that? I would lay down my life to pull her out of it. "Tell me how."

"Fuck it out of me." It seems like she almost chokes on the words but I nod, knowing that I would give her anything. I move to slide under the covers with her when she goes stiff and puts her hand up moving to her back to look up at me.. "No, not that. I want you to fuck me. Hard. Rough… nothing loving. I want you to bite and spank and… I want your hands around my neck again. I want you to break me."

"Ana…"

"Please." She pleads. "You've done it before."

"You weren't in this headspace before."

"Christian…" I can see the tears forming in her eyes and it guts me that she believes that she needs this.

"I want you to free me from this- please."

 _Free me. Fuck. I knew what it was like not to be free. It's painful. Arduous. The worst thing I'd ever experienced. And she wanted to be free from her thoughts, her past. Not the four walls of a building. We were both imprisoned in different ways. Frankly I wasn't sure which was more traumatic._ "God yes." I tell her. "Whatever you want."

"No." She shakes her head. "It's whatever _you_ want."

I swallow, wondering how many different ways I could take her. How many ways I could hurt her. Not intentionally of course, but she's asking to tap into the beast I keep locked away in a cage. A beast that she'd tamed, but when she was in a completely different frame of mind. What if I made things worse?

 _No Christian, she loves you. You can't make it worse._

"You tell me to stop and I'll stop. I have to be able to trust you to tell me if I go too far, just like you trust me NOT to."

"Of course." She nods and I swallow feeling my body beginning to give in to its most primal urges.

"Let me fuck your ass." Her eyebrows shoot so high, I swear they touch her hairline. But she doesn't say no. Her heart must be beating wildly because I see the pulse in her neck begin to flicker and I long to run my tongue over it. _No actually- I want to sink my teeth into it._ "I want to put my cock in your ass, Anastasia. I've wanted it since the moment I saw you. I know you've never done it, and I'll go slow. But I need it. And so do you."

Her lip trembles slightly and then it's trapped between her teeth.

 _Tormenting me._

"Don't bite your lip." I tell her and she gasps as she releases it.

"Will you get me ready first?" Her voice is quiet and shy and it does nothing for the ache in my cock.

"Yes. You trust me to take care of you, don't you?"

"Yes." She says immediately and her willingness to give up control to me so easily speaks volumes. "I love you." She adds and I don't miss the spike in my heart beat, or the twitch of the appendage between my legs that responded to everything this woman did. I run my hand over my jaw and she puts her hand to my cheek. "You don't have to say it back. I know that your feelings for me run deep… perhaps even deeper than mine do, or at very least on a different level. I don't say it in hopes you'll say it back, I say it because I've never loved anyone before and it feels good to say the words. I guess that makes me a bit selfish- to say them for me. But I do, I love you Christian. And I'm sorry if the words make you uncomfortable."

"They don't." I say instantly. I move over her, hovering my dick over her pussy. "I want to hear you say those words every day. Every hour. I want all of your love. I want all of you, every single part. What I feel for you, Anastasia…" I swallow not understanding why the words fail me.

"You don't have to say anything."

"It's not healthy the way I feel about you."

"Why?"

"Because it'll make me reckless… if it came down to it."

I can see the moment of realization flash across her face and I'm surprised she doesn't probe me to clarify. She knows it, I know it. I would rip the man that hurt her limb from limb if I ever saw him. If he even breathed Seattle air again, I would know. And it would be the last breath he took.

She doesn't say anything for a moment before she looks up at me. "Do you have any lube?"

* * *

She's lying on her stomach, her teeth biting down on my pillow as I rim her, trying to get her as relaxed as possible. I've fucked her twice, while I probed her ass with two fingers and made her come with my mouth as I entered a third finger and now I believe her limbs are probably as loose as Jello. I pull away, the space between her cheeks, wet and slippery from my spit as I press two fingers saturated with the warm gel against her hole. She shivers, the goosebumps rising on her skin and I press a kiss to her shoulder.

"You are doing so well, angel."

She lets the pillow drop between her teeth. "No, angel. Not now."

"What should I call you, then?"

"Something… dirty. Something that makes me feel… used. You said you'd call me a slut in bed, once."

"Is that what you want?" I ask her as I continue to finger her asshole slowly stretching her.

"Yes."

"That's what you want to be? The dirty slut that lets an ex-convict stick his dick in her ass?"

She shudders again and from this angle I can see the ghost of a smile on her lips. "Yes please."

"You were so eager to spread your legs for me weren't you, blue eyes." I hadn't called her that in weeks, having grown accustomed to "angel" and "baby" and all of the other pet names I'd called her. "Tell me. How soon did you finger your tight cunt after we met?"

I slide my lubed cock between her cheeks, sliding up and back but not pushing inside. "Before!" She whimpers as I slide my finger between her legs and rubbing her gently.

"Before?"

"I fingered myself before we met."

"Did you now?"

"You- you were so hot. I couldn't help it."

"That's okay, blue eyes. Sluts can't help themselves." I push myself slightly into her and I feel her tense. "Relax." I whisper somewhat soothingly, letting her know that the man that worshipped her was still present despite my words. But I offset it with my fingers digging into her hips as I steadied myself. I was ready to blow the second she'd agreed to let me fuck her ass, and now I was one centimeter inside of the tightest vessel of my life and I was ready to blow. _Christian, if you come already I will never get hard again._ I swear I can hear my dick telling me.

"Aren't you going to push?" I hear her whisper from below me and my hand smacks her ass in response.

"You. aren't. in. charge." I growl at her. "You don't get to ask questions."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I taunt her as I push further inside.

"Trying to be in charge. I just… need you to push, please!"

"And why is that? Because you're desperate for me to fill all of your holes today? You've already had my dick in your mouth and in your pussy and between your luscious tits. What part of your body hasn't my dick touched, Anastasia? Is there any part of you off limits to me?"

She shifts underneath me and the sexiest sigh leaves her lips. "Nothing."

"Fuck." I grit out through teeth clenched so tightly I'm sure the veins in my temple are visible. I knew she'd say something along those lines, but hearing the breathy word escape her lips has me barreling back towards the edge.

 _Calm. the. Fuck. down Grey, you aren't even halfway in._

I push further, and she gasps underneath me, the moan sounding like music to my ears. "Christian, holy fuck."

"How does it feel, Anastasia?"

"I'm so… full."

"Does my little slut like having her ass fucked?"

"Y-yes. Yes I like having you in my ass. It feels… like you own me."

"FUCK." My dick pulses in her ass hearing those words and I push the rest of the way in and a scream of pleasure leaves her body. I press my face into her neck, and I press a gentle kiss to the space there just so she can feel that **I'm** still with her. "I'm going to start moving. Now." I growl as I begin to rock in and out of her.

I'm no stranger to anal sex but it's safe to say that nothing with Anastasia is like anything I've ever experienced. Every fuck, every blow job, even every kiss is something that feels like an explosion of passion I didn't even think were possible. I've never had this kind of raw chemistry with anyone and it makes me wonder if it ever came down to it, how I'd ever be able to let her go.

 _She said that her parents and friends would eventually come around- but what if they didn't? What if they inevitably made her choose? I would never want to come between her and her family but was I selfless enough to give her up?_

The sounds leaving her mouth right now as I fuck her ass, are enough to tell me _hell fucking no_.

* * *

I stare down at the beautiful woman I have wrapped in my arms, her chestnut hair splayed out over my pillow effectively leaving her scent all over my bed. She shifts slightly, bumping my naked cock in the process and I can't stop the groan that leaves my lips. She'd drifted off to sleep shortly after I'd shot my seed into her ass, and made her come all over my fingers as I played with clitoris. She could barely keep her eyes open as I cleaned her up with a warm cloth. She'd thanked me and kissed me before turning over, sleep finding her instantly.

I didn't even hesitate, before I wrapped my body around her tiny frame, trying to shield her from whatever pain that may still be floating around her.

She's been asleep for the last hour, and I've just been staring at her, caressing her sweet skin as if she'd disappear if I stopped.

She whimpers and pushes her face against my chest, her warm lips pressing against my skin. Her leg bumps my cock again and I'm seconds away from waking her up so I can take her the way I need to.

 _The way she needs me to._

 _The way we both need._

The anal play was something she thought she needed, but I think there's only one thing that can truly bring her out of the darkness and that was what her and I shared when I was inside of her, looking at her face to face, my lips on hers as we moved in perfect harmony.

 _I needed to make love to my sweet angel, not fuck my dirty slut._

Her left hand comes up to my shoulder and I wonder if she's actually trying to climb inside of me when she whimpers again and only then do I feel the tremor skate through her body.

 _Shit._

"Baby, wake up." I tell her, my voice calm and steady in case she really was having a hellish nightmare. She doesn't respond and at this point she's lying almost directly on top of me. "Ana… wake up, sweetheart." I whisper in her ear, but still nothing. It isn't until I feel her nails digging into my shoulder- hard that I push her onto her back and do the only thing I can think of that will bring into the present- I slide into her.

"Come back to me, Ana." I rock into her slowly, pushing into her inch by inch. I cup her jaw and press my lips over hers. It takes her a second to respond but when she gasps into my mouth and squeezes down on my dick, I know she's with me. "There you are, angel. Follow my voice." I whisper into her neck. I feel her nails again, but this time they aren't digging into me out of fear but out of pleasure. It's amazing how the same gesture can make me rock hard or completely flaccid.

Her eyes flutter open and she stares up at me with wide eyes as I continue pushing into her. I pull out of her now that she's awake and she whines in protest at the loss of contact. "Christian." She groans.

"I need you wetter." I tell her as I kiss down her body. _And it was true._ "I want you soaking for me… I want the evidence all over my sheets." I growl as I spread her legs. I kiss the top of her right thigh followed by her left before moving my lips inward to kiss the skin just a few inches shy of her sex. I notice her clench and her body goes a bit rigid as she anticipates my kiss. Her smell surrounds me, her body responding to me before I've even touched her pussy. I can smell the arousal forming, almost taste her musk on my tongue.

 _Fuck, I want more. So much more._

I flatten my tongue, as I take one lick through her folds, stopping at her clit to flick the bundle with the tip of my tongue.

"Oh God!" She screams as her hands fall to my head. She pushes the hair back away from my forehead and I can feel her gaze on me as I continue to lap at her pussy. My tongue slides through her opening and I fuck her with my mouth as if it were my cock. "Christian! Fuck, I'm going to…" the words leave her mouth in a rush and before she can even utter the word come, I feel her quivering, her clit pulsing against my top lip. I pull my tongue out of her and focus on the slick button at the apex of her thighs that's hardening with every passing second. I rapidly move back and forth across it, almost as desperate for a taste of her orgasm as she is to have it when a sob leaves her body.

I look up at her and my cock immediately goes from hard to pure granite as I see the look she's giving me. Her eyes are wide, her cheeks are bright red as if she's run a marathon, and her naked chest is heaving up and down to match what I know to be her accelerated heart beat. Her lips are parted and her tongue is peeking out between her teeth and I can't wait to feel that tongue dancing with mine- or sliding around my cock. I grind my hips into the mattress desperate for some relief when she falls back against the pillows as a guttural moan rips through her.

I pull her clit between my teeth and nibble gently as her juices flood the sheets beneath her, marking them with her scent.

Her sex finally stops pulsing, as she comes down from the high and I place a final kiss on her pussy. I look up at her and she has the most serene smile on her face and I'm hoping that I've successfully fucked her back into the present.

"You are so good at that." She smiles as she beckons me closer with her finger.

I move up her body slowly, dipping my tongue in her navel, dragging my teeth along her torso, leaving love bites in my wake. I press gentle kisses on both of her nipples before I slide into her. I look down at her, my hand on her jaw so that she can't look away from me. "You said I could fuck it away."

She purses her lips and leans up to kiss me. "I thought… maybe I needed something different after all."

"You need _this._ "

"I need this." She reaffirms my thoughts. I nod as I continue to move in and out of her, the intimacy between us piecing her soul back together slowly. I can see the light returning to her eyes with each thrust and I see the smile forming along her lips as she looks up at me. "You make me whole again."

Her words resonate with me far more than I could imagine and before I know it, the words are tumbling out of my mouth. "I love you." They fall from my lips so casually that it's as if I've been saying it all along and this isn't the first time. I wasn't sure if she was expecting some profound declaration of love and I'm slightly kicking myself for not making the first time more special. But she looks up at me, those blue eyes glassy and two shades darker making me believe that this was perfect.

"You… love me." She whispers.

I swallow, wondering if it was a fluke and that the words would go back to being stuck but they fly out just as easily. "I love you so much it consumes me, Ana."

I feel her clench around me, and her legs wrap around me, her heels pushing into my ass. I lean down and press my lips to hers when I feel water hitting my lips. I pull back to see that the tears have started moving down her face. I don't hesitate to press my lips to the streams, collecting them with my mouth and kissing them from her face. "I love you too, Christian."

* * *

A POV

It had been a full month of pure bliss. Christian and I were still in our small impenetrable bubble that both of us protected fiercely from anyone who threatened to pop it. My parents were still as opinionated as ever, but to their credit, they'd started asking me more and more about him as they realized that he wasn't going anywhere. Kate still wasn't fully on board but she'd at least spoken to him and didn't completely ignore him the few times we were at our place. _Baby steps, I guess._ It was summertime, so I hadn't had to tell any of my classmates yet, but I was wondering how that would go come fall, especially when Christian no longer had a curfew and was a more constant presence in the evening hours, when we'd been known to go for drinks after class.

Christian's mother and sister were relentless in their pursuit of meeting me again. I had met them both once while Christian was in prison, but it was brief and they were anxious in meeting me again. They bombarded Christian with hundreds of questions, wanting to know everything about me. _And I do mean everything_. They'd both begged him to bring me to meet them for lunch, but Christian had been adamant about keeping me away from them for now.

 _Until now._

It was Mia's birthday and had laid the guilt trip on thick about wanting to meet me. " _I've missed having you around the last few birthdays." I could hear her pout through the phone. "And bring Ana!"_

So this was how we ended up in a car driving to Grace and Jack Sr.'s house. " _Not my house", Christian had said multiple times._

"My mother had the whole house redecorated." Christian says as his hand finds mine. "As if a new coat of paint and different furniture could make Mia forget about what happened within the four walls of that house."

"I'm surprised she can go back there… that _you_ can go back there."

"I go back because Mia can. If she can do it, I can do it."

"It astounds me how strong your sister is."

"You both are." He nods at me.

"Does…" my eyebrows furrow together. "Does she know about me?"

"No. I would never share that with anyone. That's not for me to disclose."

"I would be willing to talk to her. I mean… I'm not sure how much help I would be. I've never had any professional help. Hell, maybe she could help _me_."

He rubs his lips over my hand as if it's something as natural and needed as breathing. "You've healed remarkably, Anastasia." He says simply, though I can hear the words shuffling around his brain. _But you need to talk to someone. Someone other than me._ He'd been hinting at the fact that I should tell my parents but I don't think I'm ready for that.

 _I don't think I'll ever be ready for that._

I shift the focus off of me. "Will your stepfather be there?"

His hand squeezes mine and I know I've struck a nerve, but I want to know what exactly I'm walking in to and if I'll need to keep Christian's temper in check and him off the ledge. He'd only had two interactions with Jack Sr. since he'd been out and both times resulted in him aggressively fucking me for the rest of the day.

"No, I doubt it." His voice is terse but calm.

"Who else will be there?"

"I couldn't tell you. Maybe some of Mia's friends? But I doubt it."

* * *

 _Some of Mia's friends?_ I raise my sunglasses to the top of my head when I see all of the cars parked in the driveway. "Oh we will not be here long." Christian shakes his head as he grips mine and pulls me along the long driveway.

"I didn't- this is a nice house." I knew that Christian's family was well off, despite his current financial woes but I didn't realize that they were amongst Seattle's Elite.

"Jack's." He says simply and I nod understanding that the wealth probably wouldn't extend to the man that killed his son, regardless that he was Jack's wife's son.

We are through the front door and right after we are greeted by the housekeeper and a tray of champagne flutes, Mia appears in the foyer with a shriek. "Oh my God!" She moves straight for me and pulls me into a tight hug. "I should have done that at the hearing. I was just so overwhelmed and-oh my God, you're so pretty."

I was wearing a white strapless sundress, that came to the respectable length of my knees but I was beginning to wonder if I was underdressed as I noticed Mia was in something similar to a number I'd seen hanging in Kate's closet.

Yet, her enthusiasm was infectious and I couldn't help but smile despite my worry about my choice of dress. "Thank you, Mia. It's good to see you again."

"Under better circumstances this time!" She looks at Christian and hugs him. "Hi big bro!"

"Hey Mia." He chuckles before handing her a small box and envelope. "Happy birthday." She frowns and looks up at him.

"You didn't have to get me anything. I'm just so happy you're here!"

"It isn't much. But, I wanted you to have it. Open it later." She nods before turning her attention back to me.

"Everyone is so excited to meet you."

"Me?" My eyes widen and immediately I feel my anxiety flaring up and I begin inching closer to Christian wanting to bolt into his arms and stay there so people won't bother me.

"Yes. Well not everyone, but a few people know you're Christian's girlfriend. I hope that's okay."

I look up at him and give him a cheeky smile. "It's alright, I suppose." I tease and I'm met with a gentle pat on my ass.

"Behave angel." He growls in my ear and I gasp both in response to his comment and the gorgeous view that I'm taking in once I set foot on the back patio. There's a gorgeous terrace, that leads to a pool and a large open field where there are at least one hundred people standing and conversing. Waiters and waitresses carry trays of drinks and appetizers amongst the sea of the well dressed upper class.

 _Yep underdressed and I felt like their eyes were all zoned in on us. Not that they give a shit about what you're wearing, Ana. They are looking at Christian._ I squeeze his hand to let him know that I'm here and he squeezes back.

"Mia you didn't tell me it was going to be like this." Christian says and he doesn't even try to hide the irritation.

"You can't stay in hiding forever." I look around and I watch as people try not to stare but their gaze keeps finding us. Some I can tell are looking at us from the peripherals as if we're the sun and they can't look at us straight on for risk of being blinded. Or maybe a car accident they can't look away from. Either way I felt the gaze of about a hundred people and I knew it would just make Christian even more unnerved.

"Everyone we knew turned on me when I went in."

"People didn't turn on you and my friends barely knew you."

"I beg to differ, but this isn't the time to argue about that. Besides, these aren't all your friends, Mia. They are people that want something from Jack Sr. via you."

"That's hardly true. Anyways, don't you want your life back, Christian?" She argues back. "There are people here from your old job and-"

"I have a better life now than when I went in." He interrupts, his focus solely on me when he says it making his implication loud and clear.

"I just mean…"

"Was this supposed to be like a welcome home party? Or your birthday party? Because I don't see why you're so concerned with me talking to any of these people. As far as I'm concerned, Ana and I can leave now."

"Leave!?" I hear from behind us. "But you just got here!"

I turn around to see Grace Grey Hyde floating towards us in a blue chiffon dress that probably costs more than my rent. "Darling!" She kisses his cheek before turning to me with a large smile. "It's so good to see you again, Ana."

"Mother, what is this all about? I don't need to be here around all of these people."

"Oh sweetheart, you know Mia goes all out for her birthdays, what did you expect?"

"A small family dinner?"

"Did I say that?" Mia asks, cocking her head to the side. "These are my friends."

"They're your acquaintances. And they don't give a shit about you… or me."

"Language, Christian! Honestly." Grace reprimands. She grabs my hand tightly and squeezes. "You look just lovely, dear. Come let's find get you a drink."

"Uh-I-" I hold tight to Christian's hand not wanting to let him go for anything and I think he realizes my discomfort.

"Mom, lay off." He pulls my hand gently from her grip and into his arms, rubbing my back soothingly and I'm wondering if I'm his security blanket just as much as he's mine.

 _I can't see him wanting to be left alone, unguarded around all of these people from his previous life._

"Christian freaking Grey!" I hear ringing through the air and then a few men and women approach us.

 _I certainly had not anticipated all of this._

Mia and Grace have both disappeared and we were now currently standing in a circle with two men and one woman. "Now I'm going to need a drink." He murmurs to me and I resist the urge to giggle, because something tells me nothing about it was meant to be funny.

"Holy fuck man, I can't even believe… it's so good to see you."

"Chet Carlson." Christian nods. "Back at you." He looks at me. "The man that took my job and all of my clients when I went in."

"Oh come on, if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else, right?" He chuckles and I frown wondering why this man seems to think this is something to joke about.

"I'm sorry, I fail to see what's funny?" I ask, and four pairs of eyes fall on me including Christian's. I look up at him. "Sorry...I… sorry."

"And you are?" The woman asks and I can already feel myself sharpening my claws.

"This is my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele." Christian answers for me.

"Girlfriend?" The other man, a shorter guy that I have a feeling is rather overzealous in his attempt to compensate for his lack of height, chimes in. "You… you were seeing someone before you went in?"

"No we met… more recently." Christian says.

"Damn, you kidding? I cleared half a million after taxes last year and you have a record and still get more pussy thrown at you than you ever did." He jokes as he downs the rest of what looks like a vodka martini. _Fucking wasps._

I frown hearing his words and Christian shakes his head. "You're still the same, I see. And Anastasia is. _not_. pussy." He growls before pulling me away from them.

"Well they seemed nice."

"Come." He pulls me swiftly off the patio and back into the house, guiding me back through the foyer.

"Are we leaving? Without saying goodbye?"

"They would deserve it. But no, we're going to fuck." He begins to pull me up the stairs.

"Now?"

"Do you have any pressing matters that would stop us from doing so?"

"Nope" I giggle as he pushes me into a room that resembles a library and pushes me onto the couch.

"You look so beautiful. This white dress makes you look like an angel." He smiles, assumedly thinking about what he calls me. "Or a bride." My eyes widen at what I hope to be an implication of what's to come. "A bride the night before she gets married at the rehearsal dinner… or maybe as they're leaving and preparing for their honeymoon."

I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly parched and dry. "Where are they going?"

He lifts my dress and presses a kiss to my stomach. "Hmmm?" He hums against the hem of my panties and kisses my mound through them.

"For their honeymoon? Where are they going?"

He pulls his head out from under my dress and gives me a boyish grin. "Greece."

"Really? I've never been to Greece. I hear it's lovely."

"I haven't been either." A look comes over his face and I frown wondering where this conversation took him. "I was supposed to go two years ago. The tickets were bought, I was leaving in June."

 _Ah. And then in May he went to jail._

"We can go." I say without thinking and then remembering how the conversation started I shake my head. "Not as like a honeymoon. I mean… we can… just like a normal trip…" I stumble over my words and it's succeeded in making him forget that he'd missed out on a trip to Greece two years ago because he smiles.

"I'd love to go to Greece with you. We can explore it together." But just as quickly as the smile finds his face, it fades. "But I can't leave the country for a while."

 _Two years. Right._

"Well, the second you can we're on the next flight out." I pull his lips up to meet mine and just before they meet I hear him whisper.

"Of course, whatever you say."

* * *

Twenty minutes and two orgasms later, I was in the bathroom straightening myself up. I'd had the foresight to wear my hair in loose waves and now they had that messy beachy look that was still presentable. I reapplied a layer of lipstick and headed out of the bathroom, running right into someone. I was expecting it to be Christian but it wasn't and based on some of the pictures on the walls in the foyer I knew exactly who it was.

 _Jack Hyde Sr._

"Good day, young lady. My apologies."

"No, it's fine."

"You must be Christian's special someone. I've heard very nice things about you."

 _How was this the father of a rapist and abuser? He seemed…_ I shake my head of the generalizations. I remembered how charismatic and charming _he_ was. Sometimes the most charming were those with the most to hide. _That or maybe he really was nothing like his son._

"Yes, I'm Ana, and you're… Christian's stepfather?"

"Jack Hyde." He says, as if that name means nothing. As if that name hadn't ripped this family apart.

"Nice to meet you." I say quietly. Not because I was intimidated, but because I was allowing myself to grieve for the lives of the young girl and older brother that Jack Hyde Jr. had ruined.

He stares at me for a beat as if he can read my mind, when I hear Christian's voice coming around the corner.

"Anastas-" he starts and before I even have a chance at what's coming I'm yanked _hard_ behind him. "What are you doing here?" He snarls at his stepfather.

"Last time I checked my name is on the deed, _young man."_

"You know what I mean, Mia wouldn't want you here for her birthday. And I surely don't have any interest in seeing you."

"My comment regarding owning this house, stands."

He looks at me, his eyes studying mine. "Are you okay? What did he say to you?"

"Oh for heaven's sakes, Christian. I introduced myself."

His eyes rip from mine and shoot angrily towards his stepfather. "Do not _ever_ speak to her again. You don't even deserve to breathe the same air." He pulls me away from him and out of the hallway when I hear footsteps behind us.

"You have a lot of nerve coming into my house talking to me like that."

"Good thing, I'm leaving. Trust me, if I knew you'd be here, I wouldn't have come."

"Always about you, isn't it Christian? You would make a scene at your sister's birthday."

"Don't you dare fucking talk about my sister, Jack, so fucking help me, I will lose it."

"What's going on here?" I hear Grace's worried voice moving through the foyer and her eyes find mine as if she's as at a loss about what to do as she assumes I am.

 _Of course, I do actually know what to do. Get my man out of here._

"You didn't tell me that Jack would be here."

"He lives here, Christian."

"And then cornered my fucking girlfriend."

"Language. And cornered? Christian, I already said what happened. Isn't that right?" He looks at me and I swear Christian is seconds from losing it.

"Didn't I tell you not to speak to her?" He growls at his stepfather. "Don't make me tell you a third time."

"Christian, maybe it would be best if you left." Grace says, feeling the same things I'm feeling. _That things were about to escalate and get way out of control. Christian needed to get out. Because as volatile as he was right now, Jack was fueling the flame._

"Oh I am so out of here."

"And don't come back until you've found some respect." Jack interjects.

"For you?" He looks at his stepfather. "Guess you won't be seeing me back in this house again."

"Christian!" Grace scolds.

"Goodbye mother. Tell Mia, I said Happy birthday and that I'll call her later." He presses a kiss on her cheek and then we're gone, disallowing me from saying goodbye to her.

We are moving down the stairs quickly and across the grass as fast as light. _Didn't rich people hate it when you walked on their grass? I guess that's the final fuck you to Jack, from Christian._ "Christian, I'm in heels, can we slow down?" I ask as my heels dig into the Earth with each step.

"No. We have to get the fuck out of here."

I'm scurrying as quickly as I can behind him, my heels digging into the grass and then the gravel of the driveway when I feel my feet leave the ground and I'm in his arms as we move down the driveway towards the car that he'd parked off to the side so that we wouldn't be blocked in. He sets me down against the car and boxes me in. "Did he hurt you? Touch you? What did he say? Tell me."

"Nothing." I shake my head back and forth. "He apologized for bumping into me, and then introduced himself and asked if I was your girlfriend and that he'd heard nice things about me. I swear, Christian. That's all it was." I rub his jaw, trying to calm him.

He lowers his head against my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. "I saw red when I saw him talking to you. I just kept seeing his son and…" he pushes away from the car and turns his back to me. "FUCK!" He screams so loud I wouldn't be surprised if they heard him at the party.

"Hey…" I run my hand up his back and touch his shoulder. "Hey, I'm fine. I'm okay, see?" I press his hand to my chest letting him feel the steady rhythm of my heartbeat.

"I'm not apologizing to him."

I bite my bottom lip. "Okay. You don't have to." I shake my head. And truth was, I didn't think he had to. Jack Hyde hadn't been absolved of all guilt and to be perfectly honest no one would really know the truth as to whether he'd been involved at all, even just knowledge of the abuse made him culpable.

 _But the only other person who'd share the secret was dead, so if Jack had any secrets, they were safe._

I wrap my arms around him, pressing my hands to the back of his neck as he wraps his arms around me as tight as he can. "I love you." He tells me as he presses his lips to my neck.

 _I never got tired of hearing those words._

"Should we go home and you can show me how much?" I raise an eyebrow at him, knowing that his full possession of me right now is something he both wants and needs. He wastes no time, helping into the car and pulling off the Hyde estate, for perhaps the last time.

 **A/N: What are your thoughts on Hyde Sr?**


	10. Chapter 10

C POV

"That was complete bullshit." I bark into the phone at my younger sister who called me later that night to complain about our swift exit earlier that day. "You knew I wouldn't want to be around all those people, what the fuck was that even about?"

I would be livid, enraged even at Mia's indifference to this situation if it weren't for the warm body pressed up against me, sucking all of my negative vibes from me and replacing them through soft kisses on my neck. I was sitting on my couch, my head cocked to the side allowing my phone to be sandwiched between my head and my shoulder exposing my neck to Ana and that sinful tongue of hers. She was straddling my lap, grinding her exposed sex into my boxers making it impossible for me to be truly angry about anything. She was wearing my t-shirt after we'd spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, her hair wild from my pulling on it.

"Christian- I didn't know that Jack would be there."

"The party shouldn't have been there at all. There was nowhere else you could have had it?"

"Christian you know I love that terrace and that view-"

"Fuck the view." I growl, no amount of Ana's petting can make me feel less angry over the fact that Mia seems so indifferent about her past. Is this her way of grieving? Disassociating? Pretending it didn't happen?

Ana pulls away from me, her lips leaving my skin and effectively cooling it. She frowns, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout as she looks at me, having sensed the tension laced in my voice. I reach up and pull her bottom lip gently and I'm greeted with a look that sends a jolt straight to my dick. _Fuck I loved her._ How she could calm me with just a look was something I had yet to wrap my brain around given that I'd known her such a short period of time.

"Mia, none of those people gave a shit that it was your birthday."

"Well that's rude."

"You know what I mean. What was that all about? Inviting my old coworkers? Fucking Chet?" I growl, thinking about how they'd approached me as if the past two years hadn't happened. Like we were old friends or some shit. And I hadn't missed the look of appreciation both of the men had as they raked their greedy eyes over Anastasia. My fist clenches in response and I feel her hands wrapping around it before dragging her lips over them. My fist immediately softens under that perfect mouth.

"He was one of your best friends."

"Was." I emphasize. "That's the operative word here, Mia. Not one of those assholes visited me in prison." I feel Ana tense in my lap and when I meet her eyes, I'm met with a warmness that feels like honey moving over me. Her hand reaches up and strokes my jaw, and I see a ghost of a sad smile playing at her lips.

 _Don't pity me, Anastasia._ I tell her with my eyes.

Hers narrow in response. _I'm not._

On the other end of the line, Mia is silent, as she always is when I use the word prison, reminding her where I've been the last two years. _She blames herself. I know she does._

"Christian, I thought it would be fun."

"Before or after, Jack Sr. showed up?"

"I didn't know he'd be there, Christian. I know… I know how you feel about him."

"I thought you felt similarly, Mia." Ana sinks further into my lap and rests her head on my shoulder and I wrap one arm around her. I rub her back in time with her fingers stroking my chest. This would be the perfect moment if it weren't for this phone conversation.

"I don't really know how to feel about him. Jack didn't know."

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Can you say that for sure?"

The silence on the other end alerts me that I may have gone too far. "That's really shitty of you to say, Christian."

"Is it? I've told you before I don't buy it. Can you say with one hundred percent certainty that he had no idea of what was happening?" Ana's head perks up off my chest, having felt where this conversation was going. She shakes her head at me as if she's scolding me and I frown at her.

 _What?_ I mouth at her.

She purses her lips and shakes her head again as I hear Mia sniffle and I feel a stab of guilt that I've pushed her to tears. But it was time that Mia stopped pretending as if it was outside the realm of possibility for Jack to have known what was happening right under his own roof, involving his son and his stepdaughter. Jack Sr. and his son were close from what I had observed. The way my father and I had been close. I frown thinking about what my father would have done if he had been alive in the last two years. Carrick Grey would have been in the cell right next to me. _Or hell, maybe he would have helped me hide the body and no one would have gone to prison._

"I guess I can't. But… I… I don't know, do you think Mom wouldn't be able to tell? Could he lie right to her face?"

"I mean… she couldn't tell what was going on… with you." I trail off referring to the fact that our own mother couldn't see what was happening right in front of her. I hear Mia sigh. "Say he knew about it, how would we even go about proving that?"

"I don't know, Mia. Is that why you called? To discuss Jack? Because I have better things to do with my time. You don't seem all that concerned over the fact that he was there. Lurking around like some fucking creep."

"He lives there, Christian."

"You say that shit like it means something to me. He had to know neither of us would want us there."

"Well… I didn't explicitly say that he couldn't be there."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Why would I? I don't hate him. He didn't hurt me, Christian. He's not his son. He's not… Jack Jr. I know you don't believe that. But… I do… I have to. What happened to me was terrible. Awful. And maybe I'll never truly be over it, but I have to try. I have to try to heal, Christian."

"First of all, you don't have to believe anything except what you actually believe. And you can heal at your own pace. No one says you have to do it overnight." I look down at the woman in my arms whose eyes were open and unblinking, staring straight ahead as if she was truly in tune with this conversation and not just my half. It had been longer than two years, and she still relived the pain as if it were just yesterday. _Who is making Mia feel like she has to do anything? Have Jack and my mother got her so brainwashed that they're making her think that everything is fine now? That she can't feel traumatized over what that asshole did to her?_

"Look Christian, I'm just saying you shouldn't have stormed off like that. And I didn't even get a chance to talk to Ana."

My eyes immediately look down at her, calmed for the millionth time in the span of ten minutes over her closeness during this conversation. I pull her tighter against me and her eyes look up at me, thinking that I wanted her attention. Her bottom lip finds its way between her teeth and I raise an eyebrow at her. She smiles immediately when she feels my cock stir underneath her naked mound.

 _Five minutes._ I mouth at her, officially over this conversation I was having with Mia. I would be there for her any and every time she wanted to talk, but I wasn't going to listen to her chastise me over my hatred for Jack.

I was raised not to hate anyone—but then again I was raised not to kill anyone either. Nevertheless, I hated Jack Sr. simply for being his father. I hated my mother for bringing them into our lives. I hated my father for dying. I felt so much hate through my veins it made me wonder how it didn't consume me.

My eyes find her once again and then I remember.

 _My love for her roared louder than any hate._

"You can see Ana another time." Ana's eyes widen, realizing that we had been talking about her before she nods, letting me know that she was on board with that idea.

"That's not the point." I hear her say. I lift Ana's shirt slowly giving me a glimpse at the sweet pussy that I had pressed up against me. _I wanted her. Needed her more than my next breath._

"Mia, I think we should talk soon, in person."

"I think that would be great, do you want to have lunch soon," she asks?

"Yes, later this week."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Happy birthday, Mia."

"Thanks, big bro. I love you."

"I love you too." I end the call without another word, pressing my lips to the woman in front of me as the phone drops to my couch. "I love _you_." I growl against her mouth as she begins to rock against me. Her breaths are coming out quick and in shallow spurts as I grind her harder against my cock.

"I love _you_ too." She says softly. She reaches underneath her and pulls my sweats down just enough for her to sink down on top of me. "Are you okay?" She asks and I wonder if she's trying to seduce me into sharing my feelings. _That could work, I'm likely to give her anything she wants when those perfect folds are wrapped around my dick._

"She doesn't understand my feelings about Jack."

"Do you understand hers?"

I freeze, not wanting to have this conversation with her as she slides up and down on my cock. I refuse to pull out of her as I hold her in place, but the look on my face is anything but lustful. "Understand what, Anastasia?"

"I just mean… does she have to hate his father?"

I look away from her, not wanting to stare at her penetrating gaze as I was growing more irritated by the second.

 _Pull out of her. Now is not the time for this._ My brain thinks.

 _NO._ My dick screams back.

 _You know she's just trying to help. She loves you, that wasn't meant to hurt you._ My heart speaks up.

Every part of me is at war and I feel like I'm being torn in several different directions. I feel her hands on my face turning my gaze back to her. "I understand why you feel the way that you do. And I'm not saying that you are wrong to be skeptical of his involvement or even to suspect it. But you can't blame him for his son's crimes."

"I did time because of that asshole, Ana." My brain wins and I lift her slowly, removing myself from her.

 _I hate you._ My still hard cock bobs up and against my stomach.

"I understand that. But _that_ asshole in question, is dead and buried."

My tongue runs over my teeth, my mind not knowing what to say. I knew that Jack wasn't his son, but somewhere in the depths of my soul I felt that he knew. And I couldn't shake it- or the hate that I had that resulted due to that feeling. The tears find my eyes before I can swallow them down as I stare at the woman in my arms. "What if he knew? What if he found out, and helped him cover it up?"

She pulls her gaze away from mine and looks around the room, as if the answer to my question could be found. "I don't know Christian." She turns back to me. "But do you want to live with that on your heart for the rest of your life?"

 _I didn't want to live with anything on my heart accept her for the rest of my life._ I shake my head at myself wondering when I became this man. _I wasn't even like this with Leila._

"I'm allowed to be angry."

"Of course you are. Furious, even. And I'm not saying that you and Jack need to hit the golf course anytime soon, but you should at least be able to be in the same room as him. He is your mother's husband."

I snort. "She shouldn't have stayed with him. She should have left him as soon as everything was brought to light."

"Blame him for his son's actions?" She cocks her head to the side in that adorably cute way she does, but it does nothing for my cock now. It seems my cock and my brain are somewhat aligned at the moment. _I was growing more agitated by the second._

"For damn near breaking her daughter?"

She bites her bottom lip, and the v forms between her eyebrows. "But she loves him, right? They've been together a long time."

"I don't know how she can look at him, Ana."

"The same way he can look at her for… well…" She looks at me and immediately I'm furious, moving her completely off of me.

 _Christian- don't._

"Are you really comparing _me_ to what that asshole did to Mia?"

"No...no.." she stammers. "I just-"

"He fucking deserved it, Ana."

"I know! I agree. Completely. I'm just trying to get you to see Grace and Jack's side."

"How the fuck would you even know what they think?"

"It was just a guess. The easy route would have been to turn on each other, but they got through the pain of what happened with help from each other. I absolutely believe that you had every right to come to your sisters defense. He probably would have continued if you hadn't. But that doesn't mean that Jack Sr. isn't allowed to grieve his son. Yes, he was a horrible person. But he was still his child."

I shake my head, not wanting to hear the words coming from her mouth. "Ana you should leave." _That's not what you want. Don't tell her that. Tell her you don't mean it. Tell her you don't mean it!_ My mind screams at me.

The tears form in those beautiful blue eyes almost instantly and I watch as her lip trembles. "Christian, I- I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You should still go." I can't even look at her, but not because I'm angry, but because I'd drop to my knees in front of her and beg her to never leave me. _And I wanted to be angry. I wanted to lash out. And she was the only person in sight. And for that she had to go. I'm protecting you from me, Ana._

"I just wanted-"

"I know what you wanted. You made your point clear. Jack Sr. is the victim in all of this. I'm the bad guy." I grit out.

"No! Not at all. That's not what I'm saying!" She stands up and moves toward me and wraps her arms around me tight before I can even stop her. "Please don't be mad at me." She sniffles against my chest and I feel my resolve weakening, knowing in my heart of hearts that she didn't mean any malice behind her words. She looks up at me when she doesn't feel my arms wrapped around her too. She takes a step back, her head bowed in shame. "I'll just go change." She says sadly before she starts up the stairs.

* * *

It had been eighteen hours since I'd talked to Ana. She'd called and left messages but I hadn't responded. _Why are you taking your anger out on her, Grey? Of all the people in the world, she's the last person you should be treating like this._

The words were swirling around me and yet I hadn't picked up the phone when she called. I wasn't angry at her for what she said. I was just angry in general, and I knew it was better for her to stay away before I lashed out at her just for being _there._ I knew it was childish, but I needed space, and her staring at me with those blue eyes that could see right through me was the last thing I needed. I was tracing my finger over the picture of her that was the background of my phone, wondering if maybe I should call her. It was one I had snapped of her in my bed and I found myself staring at it often. _It was so beautiful, she was hard not to look at._

I was seconds from pressing the button and all but begging for her forgiveness for my coldness when there's a knock on my door. I pray it's Ana, although I know it's not. _And to be honest, there's no one else that I'd rather see._

I take a peek through my peephole and my head automatically falls back when I see who's on the other side of the door. I raise my eyes to the heavens praying for strength.

 _I know you and I aren't exactly on the best terms right now, but please let me get out of this without wanting to kill myself._ I say a silent prayer before opening my door and being smacked in the face with Chanel Number 5 and judgment. _The true essence of Grace Grey Hyde._

"Honestly, Christian these flowers need to be replanted." She points to the dying shrubbery on my lawn as she moves past me, sliding her gloves from her hands in the way that rich women tend to do. _She certainly assumed the role well._

"Sorry, I've uh- had other things going on. What with getting out of prison and all." I say sarcastically.

"Don't take that tone with me, we need to talk. But first, do you have any water?"

She follows me into the kitchen, and I know better than to even offer my mother tap water, so I pull a bottle of _SmartWater_ from the fridge.

"Nothing sparkling?" She asks. "No _Perrier_? My goodness, Christian. What do you offer your guests?"

"Well the only guest I have would be Ana and she likes the water just fine."

"You should give her options."

"Fine, I'll get some sparkling water. Did you have a reason for dropping by unannounced other than to criticize my refreshments because I do have things to do."

"Yes." She takes the monogrammed handkerchief and wipes around the top of the bottle before taking a sip. "Your behavior at Mia's birthday was abhorrent."

"Oh here we go." I look up again. _So… no deal, then?_ I ask, _whoever_ is up there, listening. I put a hand over my eyes and I suddenly wish Ana was here, calming me like when I talked to Mia.

"I am serious, Christian. The way you spoke to Jack was completely out of line and uncalled for. You may be a grown man, but I will still put you in line when you step out of it."

I snort as I open my refrigerator, praying that I have something- anything in here with an ABV over Ana's bullshit wine coolers. _I swear those things taste like a Goddamn juice box._ "Okay, mom whatever you say."

"I am serious, Christian. That is my husband, and your stepfather. You will respect him."

"Or what? You'll ground me? Mom, I love you, but I'm not ever going to respect that man."

"Why? Because of what his son did? If Mia can forgive him, why can't you? In case you forgot, Christian. It didn't happen to you. And you need to stop using Mia as an excuse for this ax to grind that you've _always_ had with Jack just because he wasn't your father."

"Don't you _dare_ bring him into this. And using her as an excuse? Really? Just because it didn't physically happen to me, it doesn't mean that I wasn't affected by what happen."

"Because you took matters into your own hands."

"Because she was my baby sister! Because I held her in my arms, as I thought she was dying! Because I stuck my fingers down her throat after she'd swallowed a whole bottle of pills! Don't tell me that I'm _using_ anything to justify my feelings for Jack. How dare you even say that? God, did you grieve for your daughter at all? Or was it all about Jack?"

"You have no idea the countless talks Mia and I have had over the past two years. You think I don't blame myself, Christian? That I don't wish this didn't happen? That I feel like the worst mother ever for not knowing what was happening?"

"If you're waiting for me to tell you that you aren't or you shouldn't blame yourself, you'll be waiting a long time." I argue.

She nods, the look gracing her features is one of sadness and for a brief second I feel bad for my words when her signature look _judgment,_ is back. I beat her to the punch before she can say something snarky. "You weren't there for us, mother. Either of us. Even when they took me away in cuffs, you were _so_ tore up. _I had no idea my son was capable of such violence._ You'd said that in an interview once."

"That was taken out of context."

"Bullshit. I read the interview- from the comfort of cell block 14." A dark chuckle leaves my lips. "Like I'd gone on some killing spree and not that I'd killed your daughter's rapist. You are so full of shit." I say. It was the first time I'd really sworn at my mother and it felt worse than the two bullets I'd put in Jack's chest.

"I didn't know you were capable of that!"

"OF WHAT!? You think he didn't deserve what he got? You think I'm some monster for that?"

"Of course he deserved to pay for what he did!" She exclaims. "I just wasn't expecting YOU to be the one to do it! Your sister was still in the hospital when you were brought in. I had one child that almost died and one child accused of murder, what did you think I was going through?"

"Oh so it's not about me, but it's about you?"

"I'm not going to argue about who was more traumatized by this situation-"

"Not the woman who'd held a dinner party a week later, I can tell you that."

"It had been planned-"

"PLANNED? Are you insane?"

"Jack had just lost his son-"

"And you'd just lost yours." I growl, so sick of hearing about any pain that Jack was feeling over losing his son. _The world was better off without him._

"I didn't even know you knew how to use a gun, Christian." Her eyes are red and I couldn't remember the last time I'd really seen her cry. _Chanel mascara is not cheap,_ she'd say before she'd blink any potential tears away. "I just didn't know you'd go to this extreme…. _Murder._ "

"What did you expect me to do? Give him a good ass kicking? Tell me, what would you have deemed worthy of your daughter's virginity and her innocence that he ripped from her?"

"I don't know! You should have let it play out in court, he would have lived the rest of his life in jail-"

I snort. "Tell me you don't believe that. The fucker was dead and the prosecution was painting him and Mia's relationship as consensual. Could you imagine what would have happened if he was alive and on trial? You think _Mia_ would have testified?"

"It's not your decision to make, who lives and who dies. You don't get to play God."

"And since when are you so religious? Give me a break mother, if this is all about Jack Sr, please see your way out of my house."

"So is this how it's going to be forever? You're never going to forgive me?"

"I wasn't aware you were asking for forgiveness. This is the first I'm hearing of it."

She looks at me hard before she nods once. "I am sorry, Christian."

"For?"

"Not… being there for you."

"And?"

"What else is there?"

"You want a list?"

"You know what, Christian? I can't argue with you about this anymore. You have got to stop this. Mia is able to separate Jack from his son, why can't you?"

"Whatever you and Jack said to her that has her so brainwashed that she feels she can't be upset over what happen to her is hardly "separating."

"No one brainwashed anyone, Jack apologized the best way that he could, and Mia accepted and she forgave him. I know she hasn't forgotten, but she's forgave, which is more than what can be said for you."

"The best way he could? What does that even mean? What did he pay her to forgive him?" I snort, and I expect an immediate knee jerk reaction of my mother claiming that it's preposterous, but it never comes. My eyes dart back to hers. "Mother." My voice drops at least ten octaves lower, and I can feel the rage burning inside of me. "Tell me. You didn't let that mother fucker pay Mia off."

"It's not paying anyone off, Christian. It's called restitution."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" The words are loud, screaming almost, and I wouldn't be surprised if my neighbors are about to call the cops on their ex-convict neighbor. "That's why she never spoke out after the trial? Why she never made a statement? Did any interviews?" _Everyone wanted the scoop after I'd gone to trial, especially after the rumblings of the reasonings I'd shot my stepbrother had come to light._ I'd scoured the internet for any statements my sister may have given, but she hadn't. _I thought it was because she was having trouble dealing with it._

"You let him pay her… hush money?" I whisper, the tears being lodged in my throat making it almost impossible to speak.

"Hush money implies that he knew. He just didn't want our family to be ripped apart any more than it already had."

"How noble of him. And to Jack's point, his son was dead, so what reason would he have for _trying to salvage the family_ with the two that had a hand in his death? You'd think he'd kind of have a "fuck the family" mentality, don't you think?"

"No, because he loves me."

I chuckle. "Let me guess, he paid you too, then huh?"

"Christian, you aren't being fair."

"How much did he give her?" _I didn't want to know. I wish I hadn't asked. But the question was there, taunting me. Ever since my mother confirmed, I wanted to know what my sister's silence was worth. What her virginity, her purity, her life was worth._ My mother had allowed him to put a number on that, and I was curious as to what that was. Too low, it would feel like he didn't value her, too high felt like he may have been making up for not putting a stop to it. _I wasn't sure which was worse._

"Christian…"

"Tell me mother."

She sighs. "A million dollars."

The bile rises instantly, and I swallow it down. "Get out of my house."

"Christian-"

"GO!" I scream, not wanting to be around this woman for another second. "Don't ever come back here."

"Sweetheart-"

"You turned your fucking back on me… for _Jack Sr?_ You didn't visit me… support me.. I WAS YOUR SON. Not fucking Jack. You think _I_ wasn't hurting? You think I didn't lay awake at night and wonder if maybe I shouldn't have killed him? Or maybe I should have just _not gotten caught?_ I never regretted protecting my sister. Ever. But you sweeping all of this under the rug and covering it up with blood money- Mia's blood. It's just… And in all of this. I'm the only one that comes out looking like the bad guy. I have Jack's blood on my hands, but who's responsible for what happened to Mia?"

"You absolved him from responsibility when you took his life! You can't all of a sudden make him responsible and make him pay for those actions _now,_ Christian. And I refuse to let you villainize his father because you still need someone to blame!"

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"I get that you're hurting. But you don't get to take that anger out on Jack, spewing these hateful accusations when there's no proof. I know you may not love Jack- or even like him. But I do. He felt terrible- feels terrible about what happened to Mia. But he should feel bad for what happen to you too? Is that what you're upset about? Do you think you deserve restitution for what you did to _him?_ Maybe he should have paid for your lawyers? I'm sure he couldn't have gotten better ones than those shitty ones you had." My fist clenches.

"I don't want shit from Jack. Or you." I point towards the door. "And it's time for you to go."

She dabs at her eyes and puts her bag in the crook of her elbow. "I get that your angry. I get that. But you have to let it go, or it'll eat you alive." She's outside now, staring at me.

"Goodbye, mother." I tell her before I close the door promptly in her face before running to the bathroom and depositing everything from my stomach.

* * *

A POV

"Stop staring at your phone, it's bugging me." I hear from next to me as we watch yet another romantic comedy. I'd come home last night in a fit of sobs, and after Kate finally got me to calm down enough to talk, I'd explained what happened.

 _How could I be so insensitive? I knew he was in a bad place after the conversation with Mia and seeing Jack. I should have been more careful with my words._

Despite the fact that we didn't see eye to eye on my relationship with Christian, Kate had cancelled her plans for the night and stayed in with me to order takeout and ice cream, refusing to let me alone. _It was seriously annoying._

"Why won't he respond?" I say sadly, pulling the blanket harder around me. I sink further into the couch, wishing it would swallow me whole. I put my hand over my eyes feeling the tears slide down my face for the hundredth time since last night.

"Oh, Ana." I feel her hands around me and her head resting on my shoulder. "I didn't… I mean…"

"I love him… so much. I know you don't get it or approve but I just hope that you would support me, Kate." I turn and look towards her, and for once I think she's at a loss for words.

"You love him?"

"More than anything."

"Does he feel the same?"

I nod. "I hope he still does."

"It was just so quick…"

"There are things Kate… things you don't know… about me… Christian… he knows me. Even the dark parts."

"What dark parts? Talk to me Ana, we're supposed to be friends."

"Best friends." I correct her. "But there are some things you can't even share with your best friend. You can only share them with people that know what your soul looks like. And he's my soulmate."

She bites her lip and looks away before turning her attention back to me. "Did someone… hurt you?" I remember Kate's journalism degree from undergrad that her parents swore she'd never use before forcing her into a marketing graduate school program. _But alas, the journalist never rests._

"Kate…" I trail off, not confirming or denying or suspicions, which I hope confirms it enough to stop her probing.

"Oh, Ana…" she hugs me tighter. "I had no idea."

"Kate… just… let's not do this."

"Is he- I mean… Christian knows?"

"Whatever there is to know about me, Christian knows." I tell her.

"Do your parents know?"

"Kate, there is nothing for my parents to know. So, can you just keep your hypothesis to yourself?"

"Your parents don't know?"

"Dammit, Kate. Drop it!" I can feel myself getting worked up, as I feel myself returning to that place that it seems only Christian can pull me out of. _And he wasn't here._

Her mouth opens, hopefully to apologize when there's a knock at the front door. My neck immediately whips towards the door, my heart lurching as it hopes it'll be Christian. At some point, my heart must have convinced my legs of that because they're on the move. I open the door and I frown when I don't see anyone there but I sense movement in my peripherals. I turn my eyes to see the man I love, his arm resting against the house and his forehead resting on his arm. His eyes are squeezed shut and he's breathing as if he's just run a marathon. I look behind him and I don't see his car. "How- did you walk here?"

"I ran the last mile." He tells me. "I didn't trust myself behind the wheel of a car. Thought I might run it off the road."

My eyes widen. "Why?" I touch his shoulder softly and he flinches before his eyes open and he looks at me.

"You're so beautiful." He presses his hand to my cheek. "I missed you."

"I would have come over…" I tell him, unsure of what has him so agitated, but hoping he'll share it with me.

"I can't be at my house right now. It's tainted… I.." He looks behind me and I turn to see Kate standing behind me, shuffling back and forth between feet.

"Hi, Christian." She murmurs and gives a small wave. I smile. _Baby steps._

"Hi, Kate. Forgive the intrusion."

"No.." She takes a few steps towards us and I notice that her shoes are on and she's got her purse. "I know Ana is happy that you're here." She smiles. "I'm going to head out."

"No, Kate you don't have to-" Christian starts and Kate shakes her head. "If you're here, it must mean you're going to make up… and if my memory serves me correctly, you guys aren't all that quiet." She giggles before planting a kiss on my cheek and heading out the door.

"Well that was…" he starts when I put my hand over his mouth. "Come. We aren't going to talk about Kate." I pull him through the door and for the first time I see how tired he looks. There are bags under his eyes, his hair looks as if he's been pulling at it all day and his shoulders are sagged in defeat. _My poor baby._

"Did you sleep last night?"

"Barely." He sits down at my table. "I meant it when I said I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Do you have any alcohol?"

I narrow my eyes. Christian wasn't much of a drinker from what I'd observed. It wasn't a condition of his parole that he couldn't drink but he wanted to remain in control at all times especially since he'd had an "unforeseeable wild card" thrown in. _Aka, me._

But, I nod. Assuming that if he's asking for alcohol, that he's struggling with telling me something. I hand him a glass of wine and he looks up at me and then at the glass. "What's my other option?" I hand him a tumbler of whiskey and he nods. "Better."

I don't know if he wants me to sit with him or in his lap or what, so I stand on the other side of the table, waiting for his direction. He downs the entire contents of the glass which had to be at least three shots, in one gulp before the glass is leaving his hand and shattering against my wall. "FUCK," he roars and I flinch, not because of his anger but because of the sadness that he's trying to mask with his anger. He drops his head into his hands. "Shit, baby I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" he stands up. "I'll clean it up." He tries to move past me and I stop him, my hands finding his biceps before sliding up and grasping his face.

"What's going on? What's wrong? Talk to me, Christian."

"I'm so sorry for yesterday." He says softly.

"Okay, and we can discuss that but that's not what this is about. Tell me what's wrong."

He twists his face and I can see the tears clouding his grey eyes and it's like a dagger to my heart. _Fuck. What is happening? Is he going back to prison? A death in his family? This was so much bigger than our fight from yesterday._

"I feel ridiculous that this bothers me so much. But it does… It's like they all turned their back on me for what I did."

"Who?"

"My mother… Mia…"

"Mia didn't turn her back on you. She worships you. You're her hero." I smile, trying my best to cheer him up.

He snorts. "More like Jack is."

My smile falters. "What?"

"Senior."

"I still fail to see the connection."

"He gave her a million dollars in what my mother calls "restitution" after I went to prison."

My mouth drops open. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but that was not it. He nods. "My thoughts exactly."

I shut my mouth and look around the room, suddenly freezing, as if his words breathed a layer of frost into the room. "Do you want another drink?"

"Please."

I start towards the refrigerator when I feel his arms wrapped around me and hauling me towards his chest. His hands move through my hair, pulling my head upwards so he can collect my lips in a kiss. "Love you so much." He whispers between kisses. His mouth unrelenting in his kiss. _It's desperate, needy, but most of all painful as I feel him trying to seek relief through me._

He pulls away allowing me to go to the kitchen to pour us both a drink as I'm suddenly feeling parched as well. I take the initiative of putting myself in his lap and hand him his drink. He doesn't guzzle this one, but takes a long first sip before setting it on my table. "Who- how do you…"

"My mother came over earlier… I think it's safe to say we won't be speaking for quite some time. Jury's out on whether I'm speaking to Mia."

"What was the money supposed to mean?"

"Essentially in exchange for her silence or forgiveness… I don't know. She certainly makes it seem like she's totally over everything. I guess it explains what appears to be her indifference. He paid her to get over it… To make things easier for Jack Sr. one would assume."

"So you haven't talked to Mia?"

"No, but I believe my mother. She'd never lie about money." He rolls his eyes and takes another long sip. "She actually had the nerve to say that I expected Jack to pay for my lawyers."

 _Don't call her a selfish entitled bitch. Don't call her a selfish entitled bitch._ "She said that?"

He nods, forcing me to bite my tongue even harder. "She made it seem like I was being unreasonable for how I felt about Jack. That this was about Mia, and I was making it about me."

"You aren't being unreasonable, Christian." I rub his jaw softly. "You aren't making anything about you."

"She said that I took the law into my own hands. It's almost like she was disappointed in me. I know it was wrong. I know killing people is wrong but… it was my baby sister. She was so young… and it wasn't fair. Jack would have gotten off. You see that shit everyday. And Jack Sr. has more money than sense. He'd find the right lawyers, the right judge. Jack would have spent eight months in a country club for rich kids with coke problems. He wouldn't have paid for what he did. And then he would have been out, and who knows at that point what he would have done to Mia."

 _He did have a point. A strong one. And when you want justice that argument- that gamble that maybe you wouldn't get the justice you desperately wanted would make anyone crazy._ "And it's not like I weighed the pros and cons. It was instinct."

"Crimes of passion." I whisper. _It was what kept Christian off the first degree chopping block._ The block that would have gotten him a forty year sentence versus a nine year one.

"Mia turned her back on me." He looks up at me before rubbing a hand over his eyes.. "Am I wrong for thinking that? Because she took the money? Am I being selfish? Should she have taken it? What would you have done?" His hand drops and his eyes shoot to mine immediately. "Fuck. Baby I… I meant that hypothetically and you… I wasn't thinking. My mind is all out of sorts right now."

"It's okay." I tell him as I push his hair back and press a kiss to his forehead.

"No it's not. I didn't mean to ask you that so casually…. Or at all. Don't answer that."

"I wouldn't take shit from his family. You already know that I wished I had a big brother like you. And Mia is grateful for you. I agree she's probably been a bit brainwashed by now. But I think if she's honest with herself, she probably feels pretty guilty for taking the money."

"And not telling me."

"Well I can understand why she kept that from you. You did time for saving her life, and she gets a million dollars from the man's father that caused this? And a million dollars-" I wince. "Seems like money you give when you want to cover up something. When you've got something to hide. When you're guilty." He stiffens underneath me and I press my finger to his lips, preventing him from saying anything. "I'm not saying he is, but it's just a thought."

"It's why I threw my mother out of the house."

"How does she feel about it?"

"That he's doing his best to put our broken family back together." He rolls his eyes. "Spare me that shit. She thinks that I'm using this as a reason to continue hating him like when I was a kid."

" _Using this?_ " I wince. "I feel like your family treats this whole situation like it's just a family squabble."

"It astounds me too, Ana."

"So very upper class. They sweep things under the rug. Throw some money at it, and hope it goes away because money makes everything better, right?"

"So my mother and my sister have it made up in their mind that Jack Jr. is gone and Jack Sr. is innocent, and I'm the violent brother with the ax to grind and thinks I have it out for Sr. now and I just…" he shrugs. "I don't know when this happened. When I became the bad guy. Why no one fought for me?"

I open my mouth knowing what I want to say, but knowing it's not exactly what he wants to hear. "I did." I speak the words anyway, wanting him to know that I would never leave his side. "I won't turn my back on you."

He strokes my cheek gently. "You're the only one." He murmurs softly. "I love you so much."

My brows furrow slightly, hearing the words all together like that sending my mind into overdrive. "Is that why?" I ask softly. "Why you love me?"

"Ana…" his hand rests under my chin. "No, of course not. You doing what you did for me… I would be lying if I said that it didn't mean everything to me. That you went above and beyond to do everything for me and for that you'd always be special. You were already getting a birthday gift from me every year for the rest of your life. And no I don't mean sex _."_ He smiles. "But, I fell for you. Not because of what you had done for me. But because of what you had done _to_ me. You taught me how to love, how to trust, how to _make_ love. You made me feel like a man after two years of being ripped of my masculinity in the most humiliating ways. You gave me my humanity back- and I don't mean my freedom. I mean when you walked into that room six months ago and looked at me like I was _someone_. Not just an orange jumpsuit."

The tears have long started their descent down my face when I press my lips to his. "I love you, I love you, I love you" I chant wanting to be as close to him as possible, wrapping my arms and legs completely around him as best as I can with us both in the chair. "Take me upstairs. Fuck me, use me, make love to me. Whatever you want, whatever you need. _Please._ Let me make it better."

His eyes darken, and his lips part, that tongue darting out to wet his lips. "I want to be rough." He tells me, the arousal evident in his voice.

"Be rough."

"I'm scared I'll hurt you."

"I'm scared I'll like it."

* * *

Two hours later, and I'm coming down from what feels like my millionth orgasm since we came upstairs. I'd expected rough, but the second we got to my room, he'd worshipped every inch of my body with his mouth and then slid himself inside of me slowly, rocking back and forth bringing me to countless orgasms- but never stopping. I'd lost count after the third, letting my mind escape into pure bliss.

He slides out of me and pulls me to his chest, kissing my hair. "I'll never get enough of you." He says and I'm reminded of a similar statement I'd said a month ago that had made him a bit skittish with its intensity.

"Promise?"

He pulls my head away from his chest and looks at me. " _Never._ " I nod, seeing the sincerity behind his words. "You're not going to try and convince me to talk to Mia and my mother, are you?"

"No." I tell him simply. Because frankly I didn't think _they_ deserved his forgiveness. At least not right now. "Maybe one day. But not today."

"You don't think I'm being unreasonable?"

"Not at all."

We're silent for a few moments when he speaks again. "Baby?"

"Hmm?" I ask feeling myself teetering on the edge of sleep.

"I think it's time I met your father."

 **A/N: I know some of you may have wanted to see the lemon at the end, but we were already at 21 pages, and I was emotionally drained from the contents of this one. Next chap, promise ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

A POV

"Say you'll come!" I'm brought back to the present and out of the sexting I have going back with Christian at the shrill sound of Kate's voice.

"Wait… what?" I know my cheeks are bright red, Christian having just told me all the things he was planning to do to my ass later. We were somewhat new to the ass play, but the more we'd done it, the more I craved it. Not necessarily anal sex, but somewhere deep inside, I yearned for his touch there, especially when I was on the brink of orgasm. He'd rimmed me just last night while he had two fingers deep inside of my pussy and I swear I saw God himself.

"I knew you weren't listening." She looks at my phone in my hands. "Do you miiind?"

I close my phone, the thought of what was to come later that night, bringing a large smile to my face. "Yes ma'am, how can I help you?" I bat my eyelashes at her and give her my most innocent smile.

She sighs. "The dickmatization is so real." _I couldn't deny that. Christian did have a fantastic dick. And he knew how to use it. With him on top, me on top, me on my side-_ "FOCUS!" Kate snaps her fingers in front of my face and I shake my head.

"Sorry, I'm all ears."

"I was saying, that my parents got me an all inclusive spa weekend for two. I was thinking you could come? If you want? It's in Portland."

"For a whole weekend? Go to Portland… for the whole weekend?" My eyebrows furrow slightly as I wonder what being away from Christian for that long would be like. I knew that I had become one of those girls that had a bit of tunnel vision when it came to their relationship. _I accepted it. I owned it. I hated being away from Christian. Being with him made me calm and yet so alive. He set my soul on fire. And I wanted to feel those flames every second of every day. But maybe a weekend away wouldn't hurt? I wasn't so naive that I didn't think that we needed to have separate lives. But our relationship was new and exciting, and the honeymoon phase was very alive and well between us. Our sex was still just as hot as the first time on my dining room table._

"You can't be away from your boyfriend for two days? Come on, Ana." She clasps her hands together and gives me the infamous Kate Kavanagh pout. "I feel like I've hardly seen you much over the past few months."

"And who's fault is that? You don't want him here."

"Ana…" she trails off. "I'm coming around slowly."

"Yeah because I think you've gotten the hint that he's not going anywhere."

"I get that."

"Do you?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"I do. But I still miss you, and I want to spend time with my best friend. So can you pull yourself away for the weekend?"

"It does sound fun…" _And truthfully it did. Kate and I had always had fun together. I knew a weekend in Portland would be awesome._ I purse my lips as I ponder the decision. "Can I let you know?"

* * *

C POV

Before it even registers that my shower door is opening, I feel hands on my torso moving up towards my chest and then back down. I lean my head back, the water beating down on me as I feel those luscious breasts pressed into my back. Her lips find my neck and she kisses the skin there. I never feel more at peace than when Ana wraps her petite figure around my much larger frame. Her hand moves down my body and strokes my cock gently and it immediately rises as it knows its owner is close by. I feel her lips again, this time on my back and she hums, sending vibrations through my body. "You started without me." I can hear the whine in her voice and it turns me the fuck on that she's so desperate to be with me in this capacity.

I turn in her arms wanting to see her perfect face and as usual she takes my breath away. _God she was so fucking beautiful._ Her hair was already slightly wet from the shower and a few droplets were resting on her eyelashes. I scan down her body and I almost come at the sight of her slick body waiting for me to kiss, to lick, to fuck. _Fuck I needed her._ My mouth finds her neck instantly and I feel her knees buckle. I wrap an arm around her keeping her upright. "I'm sorry, baby. I went for a run and I was sweaty."

She pulls away from me her eyes wild and playful. "That's a shame. I would have loved to lick the sweat off of you." A wicked smirk plays on her lips and my dick twitches in response to seeing her wet pink lips. _The ones on her face._

"You're a little minx, today."

She sighs and her eyes float down my body, landing on my cock. "I just missed you today, that's all."

"Oh, is that so?" I grab her hand and place it on the throbbing muscle, aching for a taste of her. "What did you miss?"

"This. I definitely missed this." We both watch in fascination as she strokes my penis from root to tip. "I love your cock." She whispers.

"I love _you._ " I know she's trying to be sexy, and I just killed it with my hearts and flowers shit. _Who have I become?_

Her eyes shoot up to me and before I know it, she's on her tip toes, and her arms wrapped tightly around my neck- a sign I've learned in the shower means she wants to be picked up. I oblige her unspoken request instantly and I probe her folds with my dick. Her pussy sucks me deep inside easily and I begin to glide in and out of her. "Fuck." She leans her head back against the wall of the shower as I begin to pump into her harder and harder.

It's been less than twelve hours since I've been inside of her and it feels like it's been years with how hard my dick feels. I look down between us so I can watch as I move in and out of her. For a brief second I allow myself to think what would happen if her shot failed. Her shot failed and I shot my cum so deep inside of her, impregnating her instantly. Visions of a pregnant Ana move through my brain and it sends me over the edge way sooner than I wanted as I know she hasn't come yet. I freeze as my cum shoots out of me and inside of her. She gasps over what I assume is the feeling of my warm cum filling her completely.

"I couldn't wait." I say through gritted teeth.

"Never apologize for that. I love feeling you come."

"I need you to come now."

She looks up at me through her wet lashes, making me hard inside of her all over again. "Will you touch me?" Her voice is so shaky, for a brief second I wonder if she's nervous about asking, but then I realize that the lust coursing through her has taken her voice.

"Touch you where, angel? Tell me." _I know what she wants. But I wanted to hear the words fall from those pouty lips._

I can see the shyness in her eyes and it's because she hasn't started to build yet. When Ana is in the moments building towards her climax, who knows what will come out of her mouth. Just yesterday, she'd been completely clear in asking for me to touch her there but only because my mouth was on her pussy at the time her orgasm dangling in front of her like a proverbial carrot. I press my thumb to her clit, my cock still inside of her and I push down slightly and she gasps. "Tell me what you want, Anastasia." I smile at her and she begins to rock slowly against my hand.

"I want you to fuck me with your mouth from behind. And then fuck my ass with your mouth." If I wasn't hard before, my cock was pure granite now. _Fuck._

"You have a filthy fucking mouth, Anastasia."

"I wonder where I got it from." She raises her chin at me and squeezes down on my cock. "Now either fuck me with this...or" she grabs my jaw and squeezes, running her thumb over my bottom lip, "fuck me with this."

"Can't I do both?"

"Preferably." She nods and I smile at her as I begin to pump into her once more. I knew Ana was close to coming before so I was expecting her to climax rather quickly. But what I hadn't expected was for her wide eyes to be staring at me, almost unblinking as I pumped into her. Ana rarely stares right at me during sex as usually the pleasure makes it so she has no control of her basic motor skills. But yet her blue eyes were almost penetrating. It take me a second to find my voice.

"What is it?" I ask her, not stopping, but wanting to know what she was thinking.

"I just can't believe that I get this life with you…" my heart soars at her words. "It almost makes all of the shit I've been through worth it." And just as quickly my heart sinks.

"Don't you dare say something like that."

"I just mean… if I didn't have those experiences as a child, I may never have gone into social justice and then I wouldn't have had the chance to meet you… to meet this amazing person that I love with all my heart." I'm blocking the shower from hitting her in the face, so I know the water streaming down her face are in fact tears. "You make all the bad things in my life go away, Christian. Our love… it's special and… it's healing me. _You're_ healing me."

I don't answer and I don't thrust as I push my lips to hers. As a matter of fact, I let myself fall out of her. I continue to hold her up with one hand and weave my other in her wet wavy locks as I make love to her mouth with my tongue, stroking slowly against hers. We kiss for I don't know how long, only stopping when I feel the water starting to cool and when I pull away from her, her lips are red and raw from my beard. I'm sure my lips look similar given how many times her teeth nipped at the skin.

Her chest heaves up and down quickly and the look in her eyes tells me that she feels the intensity of that kiss _everywhere,_ just like I did.

"Let's get out. I'm hungry and the shower is getting cold." She must miss the look in my eyes because she giggles.

"Oh great me too, can we get tacos?"

I chuckle and stop before I get out. "That's not what I meant." I tell her and her eyes widen and her lips form an O shape.

"Well then." She giggles as I pull her out of the shower. I'm still naked and dripping wet as I pull her towel off the back of my door and begin to towel dry her body and her hair. Only when she's somewhat dry to I begin to do the same for myself. She props herself up on the sink after her hair is tied up in a towel and watches as I rub the towel over myself collecting the water.

"Enjoying the show?"

"Very much." She smiles. Her eyes dart to my cock as I run my towel over it, and she watches as it bobs up and down, still slightly hard from our shower activities. Her tongue darts out and runs over her bottom lip, and I don't miss the fact that she's still staring at my cock. She hops off the counter before I have a chance to say anything and she's on her knees in front of me with my entire cock down her throat before I can blink.

"Jesus, Ana." She looks up at me, her mouth full of my cock with those blue eyes and pink cheeks and I almost lose it right then and there. She lets me fall from her lips and tilts her head back.

"Fuck my mouth." I can see the wicked gleam in her eye.

"Ana…"

"I want your cock down my throat. Trust me. I can handle it."

 _I know she could. She sucked my dick like a champ._ I try not to think about the fact that there may be others before me that she's had in her mouth. _But I would certainly be the last._

I move so that I'm almost straddling her face, thankful at how short she is. On her knees, she can fit perfectly between my legs without me having to do any legwork. Her mouth opens excitedly, and I don't waste a second before pushing my cock literally down her throat.

"Tap my leg if I need to stop. And breathe through your nose." She nods, and her teeth graze my shaft in the process. "Fuck." My hand pulls the towel from her head and I rest my hand on her head, wishing I could hold her neck so in case it starts to bother her, but my arms aren't quite long enough. I begin to push slowly in and out of her, our eyes never breaking contact once. "Your mouth is so incredible, Ana." She's not doing much as I pull in and out of her mouth. She's literally allowing me to take pleasure from her mouth, although I feel her tongue rubbing against my dick, I'm controlling the speed and her mouth is just reacting to my invasion. "You are so beautiful with your mouth full of my dick, Ana. I want to take a picture and remember this moment forever." Her eyes widen and I wonder if she's worried that I would make good on my comment and I shake my head. "I won't."

She shakes her head and based on the way she's looking at me, I wonder if I misread her eyes. "You want me to do that?" I ask. "You want me to take a picture of you like this? With my cock in your pretty little mouth?" She bobs her head yes. "How about with my cum coating your beautiful tits."

 _She nods again._

I smell her arousal floating through the air and I can't see exactly what she's doing but I have to ask. "Anastasia, are you touching yourself, at the thought of me taking your picture?"

 _Another nod._

"You're fingering your slick cunt? Tell me does it feel good, baby?"

I can see the smile in her eyes and I know the answer without feeling her head move.

Fuck, I'm about to come again, and she hasn't come once yet. _We will be fixing that immediately._

I push in, feeling my dick harden and grow with every thrust into her waiting mouth. I put my other hand on her head, careful not to move her too much, but just to keep her in place as I fuck her mouth. "Fuck, Ana…" I manage to choke out. I feel her hand, undoubtedly the hand that was just between her legs, cupping my balls and then floating slowly upward towards my perineum, and the feeling of her arousal being rubbed into my skin is enough to send me over the edge. I come with a roar, the ropes of the salty liquid shooting out of my dick and into her waiting mouth. I didn't think I'd have this much to come out as I'd just came inside her no more than fifteen minutes ago. But her mouth is full in no time, her cheeks puffing out slightly before she begins to suck it down. I slide out of her mouth, dragging my cock over her lips leaving them wet and slightly white with my leftover cum.

 _Jesus, she's a walking wet dream. MY wet dream._

I don't even think before I'm hauling her over my shoulder like the caveman I know I am and tossing her onto my bed like she's weightless. She giggles a few times but they're immediately halted when I place a long lingering kiss on her pussy. "Tell me, Ana. Do you want me to do what I did last night?"

She nods and I waste no time flipping her over and pulling her to her knees in front of me. She drops her head and I can see her clenching in anticipation. I spread her cheeks slowly, allowing for a better look at the pink flesh between her legs. Her folds are still swollen from both my dick and her own assault, and I can faintly make out her clit from this angle. I press my face against her ass, allowing me to eat her from behind, lapping at her entrance, knowing that she's desperate for stimulation at both holes. I drag my tongue upwards, finding what she wants and running my tongue along the tight hole. I feel her clench and my cock bobs in response. "Rub your clit for me baby." I order her.

"But…" she trails off, knowing that yesterday I did it for her.

"Do as your told, Anastasia." I tell her, the dominant side that she'd tapped into, coming out in full force.

She whimpers, and I feel her fingers touching herself, rubbing that swollen bundle of nerves that has become one of the wonders of my world. I hold her cheeks open with both hands, my chin rubbing against her with each lick. My facial hair is just short enough that she probably feels a bit of pain from the bristles, but if she does, you wouldn't know it by the way she's crying out in pleasure.

"Christian, I'm going to…" her whole body trembles with the force of her impending orgasm and before the word can leave her lips, a scream rips through her instead and she falls to my bed, completely removing herself from my mouth. She falls to her stomach with her hand still wedged between her legs. I move her to her back and her eyes flutter open as the last of the aftershocks move through her. "Holy fuck." She moans. "You are incredible."

I place a final kiss to her pussy and she flinches and shakes her head. "No no. Stay away." She doesn't even have the strength to open her eyes. I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and grab a warm cloth to clean her off and I'm not surprised that she's fully asleep by the time I'm back. I clean between her legs and she whimpers once before murmuring my name quietly. Her hair is still wet, so I put it up into a bun for her as best as I can before admitting defeat. After making sure that the security alarm was set and turning off the lights from the bathroom, I slide into bed with her, pulling her to me, so that her back is right up against my chest. I've barely whispered _I love you_ into her ear before I'm asleep.

* * *

A POV

I'm brought out of my sleep with the feeling of being smothered. My first instinct is to fling the covers off of me, but as I try to move, I feel weight on top of me and I know exactly who the weight in question belongs to. I try to wiggle out from his hold but he only grips me tighter, sliding his leg through mine and cupping my breast a little harder. The last few moments of sleep leave me as I turn around slightly and look at the sleeping man behind me that is wrapped around me like a vine. "Christiannnn." I try to pull away again and his grip loosens slightly. As much as I love this closeness with him, I'm sweaty as hell and I don't think we even fully dried off from our shower last night. _I feel like I need another one._

I feel the familiar delicious soreness between my thighs, coupled with the ache I feel over having him so close makes me wonder if I need his dick inside of me or an Advil. I pull myself out of bed, leaving him to sleep as I slip one of his t-shirts on. I grab a pair of his briefs, preferring to walk around the house in them versus my underwear, that he usually ends up ripping off of me anyway if I don't have pants on.

Twenty minutes later and the batter for french toast is almost ready, the bacon is sizzling in the frying pan and the eggs had been whisked and ready to make as soon as sleeping beauty makes his appearance. I told myself I wasn't buttering him up to tell him about Portland, and that I really was hungry, and knew he'd be as well after our minor fuckathon last night but the thoughts were in the back of my mind.

I feel his hands coming up behind me as I stir the batter, his hand sneaking up my shirt and then down his briefs. "I love when you wear my clothes." He murmurs in my ear. "Especially my underwear."

I lean my head back against his chest. "They're much more comfortable than mine." I rub my ass into his crotch and I hear his chuckle in my ear. "Go sit, I'm almost done." I point at the Keurig I'd gotten him. "There's coffee." He'd put up a fight about me buying anything but I told him it was mainly for me, and that there was no way I was sleeping over if coffee wasn't accessible within minutes of being awake.

 _That changed his tune._

He pours himself a cup and stands next to me, leaning against the counter and I catch a glance. "What?"

"Nothing, you're just in my kitchen.. half naked.. in my clothes cooking me breakfast." He shrugs as he brings the steaming cup to his lips and he blows. _How does this man make blowing hot coffee look like a damn seduction scene?_ "I didn't think I'd ever be so domestic. Especially not after…" he trails off. His eyes darken, and I know that being with me has allowed him to escape that part of his life. Like we'd met years ago, there was no prison, no hearing. Just a man and a woman with an adorable meet-cute story at a Starbucks or some other conventional way people meet these days.

"I like being domestic… here with you." I pick a piece of bacon off the plate of ones that are ready and hand it to him and you'd think I had just handed him a million dollars.

"You're giving me the first piece of bacon?" He presses a fist to his chest. "I am honored. Truly blessed."

I flip him my middle finger, recalling all of our arguments over the last piece of bacon. He breaks it in half and holds it out for me and all I can think about is how pissed I am that I have these eggs cooking and I can't mount him right here in the kitchen. I take it from his hand with my mouth and he shoots me a panty dropping smirk. Well a brief- dropping, because I'm about to drop his underwear any minute now if he doesn't stop dazzling me.

A few minutes later, we are both sitting at his table, and I'm wondering how I'm going to broach the subject, and how he's going to take it.

"So I'm meeting with my old boss tomorrow and our firms lawyer." _Well the Portland convo can wait._

"Oh?" I take a sip of my coffee before taking a bite of my eggs.

He nods. "I'm hoping they're going to release my retirement account and my investments back to me."

"What's stopping them?"

"Red tape. A fuck ton of it. But I think they've sorted through everything."

"That's great." The question is at the tip of my tongue, but I rephrase. "Is it enough to keep you stable until you start working again?" I slightly wince, knowing we haven't really discussed his working and I don't even know what he wants to do or what he could do realistically with his record. He was smart... brilliant actually, but I knew the game. Even with his fancy Ivy League degrees and unbelievably prestigious work experience, would potential employers be able to see past the felon box he now has to check on his application?

"It's about four hundred thousand." I'd never experienced a spit take, but as soon as the words left his lips, the coffee in my mouth had left mine. _Luckily not all over our food or him, but still not ladylike nevertheless._

"Dollars!?" I ask, not even bothering to tend to the coffee currently all over the other end of the table and dripping onto the floor. I'm floored as he begins to clean up my mess and he chuckles.

"It pleases me that the number impresses you, but it's not all that much, angel."

"What!? That's almost half of a million. That's a lot. Like a lot. Holy fuck. Where did you- how did you- Is that how 401ks work?"

"Well that's only about half. The other half is investments."

"What are you investing in? Apple? Facebook? Air? Jesus Christian."

"Again, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that much."

"If you don't mind me asking… how much did you make at your job? A year…?" I blush as soon as the words leave my mouth. It felt weird, talking to Christian about money. I didn't want him to think I was like Leila and that I cared about those things. I really was just curious.

"I don't mind, never feel uncomfortable asking me anything, angel." He leans down and kisses my nose after he's finished cleaning the remnants of my coffee and takes his seat across from me. "On average about 200 thousand… I'd had a couple years where I did more, but you make that for eight years, and your company is matching when you're maxed out…" he trails off.

"Hold on you're going really fast." I say trying to do some basic math in my head and he laughs.

"Without going into all the specifics of how they work, my company put in twelve thousand and I put in twelve thousand every year."

"Oh… how do you know how much to put in?"

He laughs and I suddenly feel like a very young twenty three year old. _Shit should I know these things?_

"You look like a deer in headlights. It's okay, most people don't know much about them until they start working unless they're some sort of finance major." He winks. "I'll help you when the time comes."

I smile at him. "Oh can you do my taxes too?"

He snorts. "I can, but I won't. A friend of mine does them." He twists his mouth. "Well, I guess maybe I'll do them now." I'm out of my chair instantly and in his lap feeling his tension radiating off of him.

"You have to at least try to talk to your friends again."

"Why?" He scoffs.

"Not all of them, but you don't want to have relationships with any of them anymore?"

He huffs and looks away from me. "Not particularly."

"What are you going to do, hang out with me all day? I think you'll get bored. I don't like watching sports…. Or golf."

"How do you know I play golf?"

I give him a cheeky smile. "I know everything."

"Stalker."

"Maybe." I giggle. Truth was I did know he loved golf, and I'd even found some particularly gorgeous photos of him at a golf range with whom I guess to be partners at the firm. _I'd had some fun with my vibrator that day._ "Speaking of you should go… to play I mean."

"As we've pointed out, I don't have anyone to go with."

"Well I may know someone…" I trail off. "He'd go with you… as a favor to me. And also so that he could question you about your intentions with me."

"You mean besides knocking you up and making you have a million of my babies?"

His words render me almost speechless. "You… you want… that?" I manage to choke out. The goosebumps pop up all over my skin and he runs his warm hands over them.

"When you're ready, but yes." He says honestly.

"Will you…" I rephrase, knowing how that was about to come out. "I mean… we'll get married first?"

"If that's what you want."

"Is that what you want?" I ask, suddenly worried that maybe he doesn't want to commit to me. _But then, why all the babies?_

"Marriage is…" he shrugs. "Not what it used to be. The sanctity of marriage… I mean what is that anyway? Half of them end in divorce anyway."

"Well that's a terrible way of looking at it."

"I'm a numbers person, Ana. Not a romantic."

"Well I'm not going to make you marry me, don't worry." I roll my eyes and try to move off his lap but he grabs my thighs keeping me in place.

"I would love to marry you because I know it would make you happy. But I would be perfectly happy not getting married as well."

"I don't buy that."

"Oh?"

"You're a possessive caveman." I point out. "There's no way you'd want me running all over Seattle without your ring on my finger. How else are you going to stake your claim?"

"Run all over Seattle behind you." He nuzzles my ear and places a kiss on my neck.

"As lovely as that is, eventually you'll probably get sick of me."

"Doubtful." My mind was moving. I don't know how I didn't see it. How I missed it. Maybe because I suffer from something similar but Christian was definitely having a bit of a complex after I'd essentially gotten him out of prison. We were in this co-dependent relationship and while it was hot and sexy now, it had the potential to spiral out of control.

"Can we shelve the marriage and baby talk for a little?" I ask.

"Of course, and I would love to meet your Dad, I told you that."

"Yes, he's just… really busy right now." _Lie._

He nods and I hate myself for keeping them apart, but Ray Steele needed more threatening from me. I wasn't one hundred percent sure he was ready to behave himself and I didn't want to take any unnecessary risks. "I know you say you hate golf, but you'd look really cute in a golf skirt."

"Pass."

"Ana!"

"No, it's boring and I always end up getting the ball in that stupid white sand thing."

He chuckles. "You mean a bunker?"

"Sure."

"I don't even like putt putt golf, those stupid colorful courses."

He wraps his arms around me and narrows his eyes. "I'm getting the feeling that my girl is very competitive and a sore loser."

"How do you get the ball through those windmill things anyway? People who get hole in ones in putt putt are literally cheating."

"It's all about timing."

"It's rigged."

He laughs and I scowl at him. "Okay, no golf."

I'm silent for a second before I climb out of his lap, knowing I'll need space to get my point across and that won't work with his dick rubbing against me. "Circling back to the friend thing, I know you think that you only want to talk to me for the rest of your life… but… eventually you'll get bored. I like trashy reality television, I read a lot, and once school starts up again, I'll have to like you know… study."

"I'll be working again" he crosses his fingers. "God willing. But I know you'll be busier, but I thought we'd still spend time together?"

"Of course, all the time possible. I just thought maybe you'd want to make some guy friends in the meantime. Like… okay, say I wear you down into marrying me," I giggle. "Wouldn't you want a bachelor party?"

I should be irritated about how large his eyes widen at the mention of bachelor party and the implied debauchery usually involving strippers that's behind it, but then I see his face and I know he's being a smart ass. "Well you know topless chicks are always a good idea." He taps his chin and I shoot daggers at him as I snatch his plate from in front of him to clear it. He laughs. "Baby, even if I had the friends I had before, I still wouldn't want one. I wasn't planning to have one in my last engagement."

"What? Why not."

He shrugs. "Didn't care all that much."

"You didn't care about having a bachelor party? What's wrong with you? You're not a real boy."

"You wanna run that buy me again, Anastasia Rose?" He comes up behind me where I'm washing dishes and presses his cock into my back. "I can show you just how real I am, on your knees."

"As much as that turns me on, I just mean, don't guys agree to marriage just for bachelor parties?"

"What men are you hanging out with?" He stares at me before putting a hand up. "You know what, don't answer that."

"None, I just thought you guys all thought they were a rite of passage. I mean… I want a bachelorette party. I want to wear one of those pink feather boas, and drink champagne with a penis straw and go to one of those Chippendale's shows."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Okay, well you are more than welcome to have one. Although we'll talk about the show. But to be honest, Leila didn't want me to have one."

"I can't imagine why _that_ relationship didn't work out. God she was the worst, _CG._ " I bat my eyelashes at him as I use her nickname for him and he scowls in disgust.

"Don't call me that."

"Look, we keep getting off topic. Friends are important."

"I know that… it just sucks when they all abandon you." I purse my lips, not knowing exactly what to say to that. "Do _you_ miss your friends? Is that what all of this is about? I know I've been monopolizing a lot of your time."

I shake my head. "No. I love spending time with you." I smile and he smiles back causing that dimple of his to poke out and I feel my knees go weak instantly. "That dimple should come with a warning."

He flashes it again. _Ass._ "I think it only works on you."

"That's not true. I've watched you dazzle a woman or two. Even Leila…" I can tell he's going to retort so I continue. "I don't necessarily miss my friends… but I do miss Kate. And she misses me… and she was kind of hoping for some girl time. And I think.. me too."

"Baby, you don't have to be nervous about talking to me about that. Of course, spend time with her. I can survive without you for a day."

"Well there's more…"

He crosses his hands and cocks his head to the side. "Oh?"

"She wants to spend this time together at a spa…"

"Oh that sounds fun, send me pics from the sauna." He winks at me. "Or maybe in one of those mud baths?"

I smile, making a mental note to send him pictures while I'm there. "An overnight spa…"

"Oh." The smile leaves his face and I feel like I'm about to crush him. _Maybe this was good. We can break the dependency on each other._

"In Portland."

"Oregon?" I nod. "For how long?"

"The weekend"

"Which weekend?"

"This one…?"

"So like tomorrow?"

"Kate just asked me yesterday… if you don't want me to go…"

"I don't want you to go." He says immediately.

"Why?"

"Because I don't. Portland is far, and I can't exactly cross state lines."

"Well that wouldn't exactly be girl time if you and your penis showed up, now would it?"

"Don't think you can turn me on right now, my dick is not happy about this either."

"Why? I'm going to a spa with Kate. What kind of trouble do you think I can get into?"

"I don't know, but I'm not willing to risk it. The last time you were out with Kate, I had to come get you because you got too drunk and your Uber left you on the side of the road."

"That was one isolated incident. That's not an every time thing."

He runs a hand through his hair. "Well thank fuck for that." He shoots his eyes back to me, but they're not angry, they're sad and worried. "What if something happens to you? And… I can't… get to you?"

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Christian. You can't keep me in a cage. Don't be afraid about what's out there. I'll be fine."

"And you know maybe I'll miss you." He shrugs. "We've been attached at the hip…" he smirks at me. "Literally, since I got out. I guess I just… like having you around."

"I love being around. I love being around you. But if we're in this for… the long haul. We'll eventually need space so we don't kill each other." I wince. "Sorry. Not using that in jest is going to take some training."

He shakes his head, a smile playing at his lips at my dark-ish humor. "Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?"

"Fuck me?"

"Well yes, I'm going to do that, shortly. But I mean… in this long haul you speak of."

I shrug. "Love me?"

"Forever." He smiles and my heart skips a beat. _Forever._

* * *

 **A/N: Just a lemon and some fluff. My fave kinda chapter! :) (Even when he's an ex-felon, I really can't help myself haha). A little bit of calm before the Portland storm. Any thoughts on what's going to happen there? I mean… what kind of trouble can Kate and Ana possibly get into?**

 **And no, I can assure you that Christian will not be breaking out of Washington to come after her. He's not** _ **that**_ **reckless. But he's close ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

"See aren't you glad we did this?" Kate says as we sit side by side as two ladies take pumice stones to the bottoms of our feet. My hair is up in a towel, letting the most luxurious avocado hair mask soak into my follicles all the while a clay mask rids my face of any dead skin. A mask that is supposed to make your skin, four times smoother. _Wait till Christian runs his lips along my skin!_ I'm resisting the urge to touch anything as my newly painted red nails are still wet. I lean over and take a long sip out of the sparkling punch they gave us, that I think is a mix of vodka, champagne and lemonade. _Whatever it is, I've had one too many already._

"I am glad we did this. But I do miss my man." I wiggle my toes as the ticklish feeling takes over.

She shakes her head. "How did that start anyway?"

I press the glass to my lips and give her a sly smile. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Her eyes widen and a grin passes over her lips. "Absolutely. Spare me no detail."

I shake my head at my sex crazed best friend. "I just… and he…" I bite my lip.

"Did you guys hook up while he was you know- on the inside?"

"No. There were too many cameras for that. But we did have some pretty stifling sexual chemistry. We'd sort of planned to meet up whenever he got out."

"Oh my God, that is hot." She takes a sip of her drink as she taps her face to see if the clay had dried. "I better look like five years younger with this thing."

"We're twenty three…" I trail off wondering why she was interested in looking like jailbait.

"And I'm already getting crows feet, and my pores are way bigger than they were last year. I swear. My skin is going to hell in a handbasket."

"You're being dramatic, you have skin like a baby's ass!" I tell her thinking about her porcelain skin without a flaw in sight.

"We're getting off topic. So, you guys planned and then what… he got out.. And…"

"We didn't see each other for a few days and then one day he showed up…" I sigh. "God it was good."

"Is it?" She leans forward towards me and I turn towards her.

"Best. Ever. Hands down. I mean I don't have a whole lot to compare it too, but I wasn't a virgin and… he blows any man I've ever been with way out of the water. He does this thing with his mouth where-" I freeze and hold the flute of champagne up. "I've had too much of this."

"No the thing with his mouth, the thing with his mouth…!" She bounces slightly in her seat causing the lady doing her toes to smack her shin. "Ow, sor-ry!" She giggles before turning back to me.

"Shh." I put a finger to my mouth as I turn into a fit of giggles and hit the accept FaceTime button but turn the screen away from me so he's staring into my lap. _I haven't seen him since yesterday, I certainly don't want him to see me with this mask on my face._

"There's my girl." I hear as I put my headphones in. "Wait… where are you?"

"I have a mask on my face." I tell him. "You wouldn't even recognize me if you saw me." I giggle.

"I'm sure I would. I would know you anywhere. Let me see you."

"Negative. What are you doing?"

"Just jacked off, about to go for a run. Baby-"

"Wait wait what?" I ask, wondering if he was just going to try and slip that by me.

"What did you think I was going to do with that video of you in the shower this morning?"

I'd gotten a little frisky in the shower after I was woken up to a grapefruit mimosa that changed my life. _Seriously who knew?_

I took my phone into the shower with me and carefully took a slow motion video of the water cascading down my naked body. _I'll have to admit I did look hot._ I'd barely hit sent when Christian was replying with the most obscene string of emojis I'd ever seen placed together.

I bite my lip, trying to visualize his hand on his cock. "Did you take a video?" I look down at the screen, grateful that I have it turned that he can't see me, but I can see his gorgeous face. He's moving out of the door, and I can see that he's wearing a work out t-shirt that shows off his perfect body. "Your body is perfect. God damn." I don't realize I say it outloud until I hear a round of giggles around me and a chuckle in my ear.

"I'm glad you think so. But no, I didn't take a video. Next time."

"I miss you." I tell him, trying not to be too loud, but sure enough I hear a groan leave Kate's lips.

"It's literally been twelve hours." We had gotten to the resort late last night and got halfway through one movie and a bottle of wine before we fell asleep.

"And you can literally bite me."

She moves towards me and opens her mouth as if she's going to try and bite me when the lady smacks her legs again. "Stop moving!"

"Oh right, sorry." She giggles and I stick my tongue out at her.

"Serves you right." I turn back to him.

"I miss you, too. Are you having fun?" He asks once he realizes he has my attention again.

"Yes, it's so relaxing." I lean my head back and shut my eyes, allowing the sensations of being pampered take over.

"Well I'm glad you're enjoying yourself sweetheart. I'll call you later, alright?"

"Looking forward to it. I love you."

"I love you too. Promise you'll stay out of trouble."

"I promise I'll stay out of trouble." I purr before I hang up the phone.

I set my phone to the side and turn to Kate who's looking at me like the cat that ate the canary. "Define… trouble?"

* * *

"Kate this is too much." I tell her as she swipes a final coat of gloss over my lips and take a sip of the champagne that the spa had sent up compliments of Mr. and Mrs. Kavanagh.

"No it's just the right amount. This berry stain looks unreal on you. You should keep this. This color doesn't do shit for my undertones and blonde hair. It was made for a sassy brunette with blue eyes." She hands it to me and I shrug before sliding it into my purse wondering how this color would look all over Christian's dick.

I look down at my outfit for the night, a huge contrast to what Kate is wearing given that I don't think Christian would be too pleased if I wore a crop top and and a mini skirt. I'm in dark skinny jeans and a black t-shirt tucked into them. I'd considered putting on heels for like point five seconds before I settled on loafers.

"No, absolutely not." She tells me.

"What?"

"If you're going to wear a t-shirt, can you at least wear these?" She hands me a pair of black Louboutins and I wince.

"No?"

"Come on. I'm all for casual chic, but you have to give me something."

"What about wedges?"

"What about no?"

"Kate…" I trail off, not wanting to wear what people were calling "bloody" shoes nowadays. "I heard these weren't comfortable."

"It just depends. These are. Now come on."

"Fine, I'll wear the pumps. But you're going to have to listen to me complain about my feet hurting later."

"They won't hurt once you start drinking." I scowl at her as I slide the shoes on and I will admit it does make my legs look a million times longer. I turn in the mirror and I'm amazed at the instant butt lift I've gotten. _Okay, maybe these aren't so bad._

 _Why don't you try walking in them Ana._

I walk around in a circle, trying to see if these are going to be a problem, as Kate slides on her sandals. I shake my head at her as I take in her get up.

"Okay shut up, I haven't gotten laid in like weeks."

"So you're trying to get laid then? Wasn't this a no boys allowed weekend?" I cross my arms over my chest.

"Not that yours could join us if he was." She downs the rest of her glass, and I follow suit. I show her my middle finger as we make our way out of our room. "I'm kidding, but a harmless makeout couldn't hurt."

"Mmmhm." I side eye her as we get on the elevator.

We'd gotten dinner at the resort before hopping on the special shuttle that took the guests of the spa to and from downtown every hour at the top of the hour. I had told Christian that we were going out and that I promised to be careful and while I don't think he was too on board with the idea, he didn't seem to angry.

 **Christian: You look beautiful. Send me another picture.**

I'd only sent him a picture of my face, blowing him a kiss and now he was demanding another.

 **Christian: I like the color on your lips. You should wear that while you suck my cock. I can smear it everywhere.**

Seeing the words on my screen, successfully turn me on and I cross one leg over the other as I try and relieve the ache between my thighs.

"Are you sexting?" Kate tries to look over my shoulder but I quickly close my phone, thankful for the privacy screen protector I have over it to prevent Kate's prying gaze.

"Don't be so nosy."

She rolls her eyes and turns back to the window, dancing a little in her seat as we near the strip of bars.

 _ **Once we get inside, I promise!**_

 **Christian: Where are you now?**

 _ **On the shuttle heading downtown.**_

 **Christian: Will you be out late?**

 _ **Define late**_

 **Christian: Anastasia…**

 _ **Yes…?**_

 **You're determined to drive me crazy aren't you?**

 _ **I promise I'll be safe. And tomorrow, when I get home you can have me all to yourself.**_

 **Send me a picture when you get settled.**

I wasn't sure it was possible to get "settled" as Christian called it in a place like the _Hard Cock(tail)_. _Seriously, who chose this name? Either this was the worst name for a bar, or the best. And judging by the line it took to get in here I would say it was the latter._

We settle in a corner of the bar after a tequila shot each both of us sipping vodka sodas, that probably have more parts vodka than soda. "This place is awesome." Kate yells from next to me. It wasn't super crowded, but the music was loud enough to make it seem like there was an overwhelming amount of people in the building. The lights were flashing from up above and a number of neon lights littered the walls giving the bar a blue and purple glow. _I felt like I was at a rave to be honest._

I watch as Kate downs her drink. "Do you want to be in my selfie?" I look at her and she nods her head vigorously and I snap a photo of us both, followed by one of just me. I send him both and then finally another of me holding my drink.

 _ **See, just water!**_

 **Christian: Liar.**

 _ **Haha okay, with like a little bit of vodka.**_

 **Christian: Baby you don't even drink that much to begin with… make sure you're drinking more water than vodka.**

I begin typing when I see his bubbles again.

 **Christian: You look beautiful.**

 _ **:) I can't wait to see you tomorrow! I got you a present!**_

 **Christian: Is it your pussy?**

I almost choke on my drink when I see his words, a smile finding my face and the blush coating my cheeks immediately.

 _ **No!**_

 **Christian: Are you sure?**

 _ **Well, yes you can have that when I get home, but I actually got you something!**_

I don't even have a chance to see his reply when Kate grabs my hand and begins dragging me through the crowd. "Where are we going?"

"To dance!"

I slide my phone into my purse, as we make our way to the dance floor. I feel the first few beats of a familiar song and I begin moving to the beat. After a few songs, and even more guys I had to tell I wasn't interested, we make our way towards the bar so Kate can get another drink and I can get a water.

 _I was slightly buzzed and I wanted to keep it that way to avoid crossing over into drunk._ We're standing in line when the man in front of me steps to the side allowing us to squeeze in, and only then do I come face to face with the bartender.

 _A look of recognition crosses over my face, but not because this was the same bartender as before._

 _No._

 _I know this man. But not because he served me a drink earlier._

 _Holy fuck._

 _Holy fuck._

 _This cannot be happening._

His eyes haven't found mine yet and as I slowly back up from the bar, Kate grabs my hand. "Hey what's up?"

"I- I'm not feeling well… I… I want to go. Like right now."

My eyes haven't left his, even though he hasn't noticed me. It's like in those scary movies where the second you take your eye off the bad guy you lose him and he disappears down some dark alley and then you're left fumbling in the dark hoping that he won't sneak up behind you.

That's how I felt. _Keep your eyes on him until you're safely out of the bar._

"Ana, what's wrong?" She follows my gaze and looks at the bartender before looking back at me.

And then the unthinkable happens. His eyes find mine. The glass leaves my hands in an instant and shatters all over the ground.

"What the fuck!?" I hear screamed next to me. Various shouts about "my shoes" and "all wet" are being shouted around me, but I can't seem to take my eyes off the man that had spent the better part of my teenage years terrorizing me.

It was so surreal. I almost felt like I was twelve years old again.

 _Except, I wasn't._

 _I was older. Wiser. Smarter. Stronger. And suddenly I was grateful for these four inch Louboutins on my feet, because I was going to gouge his eyes out with the heel if he even thought about trying anything._

"Ana…" Kate looks at me her hand waving across my face. "Girl you're scaring me, and you're standing in glass, come on let's move so they can clean up." He doesn't move from the other side of the bar, and I wonder if he actually recognizes me. Or maybe he thinks I'm flirting with him. Or I'm interested. Whatever it is, I dare him to come towards me.

I grab my phone from my purse and then I notice him on the move towards me. I back up slowly, not wanting to cause a scene but also prepared to spear his balls with said heel. "This guy… If I kill him, don't call Christian, call my parents. If he kills me… call Christian."

"Wh-what? Ana you're scaring me."

His hands go up as he moves towards me as if to say he comes in peace. _Is he fucking serious? He's lucky I'm not punching now and asking questions later._

 _Actually._

He's standing right in front of me, and my hands begin to violently shake. "Ana Steele…" he regards me closely, and I can't gauge his intentions, and I don't give him the chance to explain them because I _snap._

I punch him square in the jaw. _Hard._ All of the adrenaline and some of the alcohol flood through me as I ball my hand into a fist, and connect with his jaw, channeling years of anger and pain into the punch.

"Ana!"

His head moves hard to the side and it makes me wonder how hard I even hit him because my mind momentarily blacked out. His hand finds his jaw and I see that his lip is bleeding. "Okay I guess I deserv-" I don't wait for him to finish before I hit him again. _Hard._ So hard that I feel my like I may have broken something. I flex my hand just to make sure. I think it's okay.

 _Was he going to say he deserved that? Oh honey, what you deserve I don't think I can administer._

"Ana. Stop!" Kate screams and then I feel it, arms around my waist pulling me backwards.

"Ma'am, you're going to need to come with us." I hear and then I lose it. Tears are flying down my face and I'm shaking so hard that I think I might actually pass out. Every touch, every hit, every time I was minding my own business and then suddenly he was on top of me violently ripping my clothes from me, comes flooding back, and somehow, I wrestle out of the bouncer's grip and I lunge for him.

His eyes widen just as I push him to the ground, and I make contact with his face twice before two of the bouncers pull me off of him, I see a flash of red on my knuckles and they look bruised but I can't feel the pain.

All I can feel is the pure rage. I'm finding that it's true what they say, it really can make you blind to everything else.

"Let me go!" I scream, the tears pouring down my face. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" He stands to his feet and I feel the grip of the bouncers tighten so that I don't attack him again.

"Oh, ex girlfriend." I hear one of them say to the other as if to say " _oh here we go."_

"HE WAS NOT." I snarl at them. "He took something from me. My fucking innocence." I feel their hands loosen at my words. "He… you… You made me afraid of everything! Everyone! You made it so I couldn't let anyone in!"

"Ana…" He starts.

"DON'T say my name."

"Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to leave."

"Me?"

"Yes, we should be pressing charges, but it seems that this is more of a domestic dispute, and unless our staff is pressing charges…" I glare at him but he's already shaking his head no.

"Go ahead, Jonathan Hopewell. Make my fucking day. Please press charges. I can promise you'll be the only one in jail. The statute of limitations on child abuse and molestation aren't up. And not only will you go to prison, you'll be dead by the end of the week. Child predators don't hold up in prison."

They release my arms immediately, hearing the words leave my lips. We'd only garnered a bit of attention as most people are too drunk to really know what's going on. A few girls are watching with disgust as they've heard my words.

"Ana…" I hear Kate choke out, her tears forming in her eyes. "That… that's…" She looks at me, and then at him and within a split second her foot is up and between his legs hard and he doubles over in pain, holding himself between the legs. "You're lucky I don't send her boyfriend after you. And I still might. You better run for your fucking life you asshole." Kate growls at him. "Can we go now?" She asks the bouncers. They've fully let go of me and a few of the girls within earshot begin to clap.

"Would you like to give a statement to the police or-" the guard asks but Kate is dragging me out of the club before I can even give an answer.

We're down the block, my heart finally starting to calm down when Kate wraps her arms around me. "I'm sorry. So sorry. How could you not tell me? I mean… Ana… what the hell! How… when…?"

"When I was a kid… he was my neighbor."

"And you never told anyone?"

"Christian…" I whisper, the tears forming as the gravity of what just happened comes flooding back.

"He'd be so proud of you. The way you handled that. You kicked his ass."

"He's going to freak."

"Do you want-"

"No, I can't tell him now. He'll want us to come home, or he'll come here. And he can't. I can't lose him Kate. I can't be the reason he goes back to jail. But he'll be reckless… he'll want to go after him. Or at very least he'll want to come get me."

"Do you want to go home? Do you want to be with him? Will that make you feel better? Feel safer?"

"I'm… I'm fine." I shake my head, suddenly feeling empowered and invigorated. "Let's go have another drink."

Her eyes widen. "Really?"

"Yes."

I pull out my phone knowing that Christian will probably want to hear from me soon and I sigh as I realize that I have to tell a tiny lie.

 **We're tired… need to go to bed.**

Not a total lie, this was true. I blanche at the fact that I'm misleading him into the fact that I'm going home for the night.

 _ **Christian: Did you ladies have fun?**_

 **Yes! But I miss you. Can't wait to snuggle the shit out of you when I get home :)**

 _ **Christian: I plan to do a whole lot more than snuggle you.**_

 **Like what?**

 _ **Christian: You'll see**_

 **Tease.**

I close my phone, feeling bad that I just led him to believe that I was heading back to the resort instead of going to another bar.

* * *

The next morning, I'm woken up out of my sleep with the overwhelming need to both pee and vomit simultaneously. The urge to vomit is coming quicker and faster and when I lean over I'm grateful to see a trashcan in which I ultimately heave my guts into. Twice. I rest my forehead on the brim of the can and I hear someone flush the toilet in the adjacent bathroom. I watch as Kate emerges, her eyes bloodshot and her hair looking as if she'd stuck her finger in a socket, and not in the sexy top knot she had last night.

"I. Hate. You." She tells me as she stumbles to the bed and crawls under the covers. "I'm never drinking again." She presses her face into the pillow.

"Did you throw up too?"

"I've been throwing up for the past hour." She says as she pulls her face out of the pillow and turns towards me. She keeps her eyes shut and starts to take deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth.

"What did we drink?"

"What the fuck didn't we drink." She says. "But I think it was those car bombs that put us over the edge. Jamison is no fucking joke."

I rub my forehead, still fighting the urge to pee as I slowly sit up. I make my way out of bed slowly, and into the bathroom and I'm somewhat horrified at the sight. My eyes are red, with black rings from the mascara and eyeliner under my eyes, my skin is blotchy and pale, which basically reversed all the work of the clay mask, and my lips are stained from the lipstick, and have left a ring around my mouth, reminding me of a child that's had too much fruit punch. I grab one of my makeup wipes from my bag and begin to scrub the remnants off of my face as I relieve my bladder.

I splash some water on my face and fill up a tiny cup of water before downing it in one gulp. _Fuck._

"I don't remember much after the second or third bar." I tell her as I walk back into the room.

My brush with Jonathan had made me feel almost untouchable. I had never felt that type of confidence in myself. I felt ready to conquer anything. I guess there's something to be said for facing your demons.

The adrenaline pumping through my veins made me feel powerful and a confidence I'd never felt. Today however, I felt like shit.

 _I was hungover._

 _Nauseous._

 _And my right hand hurt like shit._

And to top it all off, I had a hollow feeling in my chest over how much I missed the man in Seattle and the fact that I had lied to him.

 _Well at least he didn't know that last part._

My phone starts to vibrate, and I pick it up. _Speak of the devil._

"Hi sweet-"

"What the fuck, Anastasia!?" He roars and my eyes immediately go wide.

"Wh-what? What's wrong?"

"What the fuck do you mean what's wrong? Are you out of your God damn mind, Ana?" He growls and I quickly look at my phone and notice that I have eight text messages from him that I hadn't seen before I answered the call.

 _Fuck!_

Starting around one am last night, clearly drunk Ana decided that I was going to try and talk to him.

"One second." I mute the conversation, and I can hear him breathing through the phone as if he'd just run a marathon.

 _ **I wish I was in your bed right now.**_

 **Christian: You and me both. I thought you went to bed already?**

 _ **No, I'm awake…**_

 **Christian: What are you doing?**

 _ **Nothing. Miss you. Will you send me the video of you jacking off now?**_

 **Christian: Haha, baby there is no video of that.**

 _ **:( Please?**_

 **Christian: Are you drunk?**

 _ **No.. well.. Maybe**_

 **Christian: Where are you?**

 _ **Portland**_

 **Christian: That's not what I mean, Anastasia and you know it.**

 _ **I'm at a spa weekend with Kate!**_

 **So you lied to me about going home then?**

 _ **I didn't lie about anything!**_

 **Then tell me where you are.**

I assume at some point he tried to call me because I reply.

 _ **I can't talk.**_

 **Christian: Why the fuck not?**

 _ **It's loud.**_

 **Christian: And I'm supposed to believe you're back in your room?**

 _ **Ya**_

 **Christian: You're acting like an immature brat, Ana.**

 _ **Am not!**_

 **Christian: I am so pissed at you right now.**

 _ **Don't be mad!**_

 **Christian: You lied to me. And it's late. And I'm not there… How the fuck am I ever going to trust you?**

 _ **I know. I wish you were here- actually. No I don't. Because then things would have been worst.**_

 **Christian: What does that mean?**

I hold my breath, praying that drunk Ana kept it together and didn't divulge any of what happen.

 _ **And you can trust me.. I love you. I would never cheat on you if that's what you're thinking.**_

 **Christian: I want you to explain what would have been made worst.**

 _ **Just drop it.**_

 **Christian: No, Anastasia, so help me God. Tell me right now, what's going on?**

 _ **I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm going to bed.**_

 **ANA!**

"Shit." I say as I unmute the phone. I get off the bed and pad my way into the bathroom and sit on the side of the tub, trying to give myself some privacy although I know Kate is probably back in her hangover induced coma.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper into the phone. "I…" I sniffle.

"Don't you dare start that waterworks shit, Anastasia."

"Please don't hate me." I whisper again, the hangover, the exhaustion and the fear of Christian's reaction to last night taking all of the conviction out of my voice.

"I don't hate you, I want to know why you lied to me."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop fucking apologizing and give me some answers."

"You wouldn't… you wouldn't want me to tell you now. Not till you see me."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I just want to talk in person, okay?"

He's quiet for a second before he clears his throat. "Last night you said-" he clears his throat. "You said I could trust you."

"You can."

"Not if you're going to lie to me. Then no, Anastasia. I can't."

"You'll understand when I see you, I promise."

"Doubtful."

"I'll be home in a few hours."

"Don't hurry back." He growls into the phone before he ends the call. My heart breaks slightly hearing how angry he is. But I think I'd actually take this anger over what he's going to feel once he finds out that I saw Jonathan. In my drunken stupor last night, I had somehow convinced myself that I didn't need to tell him. But I know now I would never be able to keep this from him.

 _And convincing him not to do anything about it would be a whole different story._

* * *

I slide my key into the lock of Christian's townhouse and make my way inside stunned by how quiet it is. I hadn't expected a welcome home party especially after how we got off the phone earlier but I'd sent him a text that went unanswered about twenty minutes ago that I was on my way over. I close the door behind me and drop my bag to the floor rather loudly hoping that it signals that I'm here.

"Christian?" I call out. _No answer._ "Baby?" _No answer._ I purse my lips together as I slide my shoes off and move up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I'd never been here by myself, and while I wasn't nervous, it certainly felt odd being here without him. I push open the door to his bedroom and it feels as if the wind is knocked out of me as I stare at the man before me.

Christian is seated in a chair in the corner, his legs spread, staring at me, as his hand fists his cock, a pair of my white silk underwear wrapped around his hand as he rubs his hand up and down. His grey eyes are almost black and full of lust with a hint of something sinister lurking beneath as I watch him grip his cock harder.

"Christian." I whisper the words into the air, and it's so quiet, I barely heard it over the sounds of his hands stroking his dick. I move closer towards him, like a baby deer would move closer towards a potential treat.

 _Skittish. Nervous. Untrusting of what will happen next._

 _What is he going to do to me? He certainly doesn't look happy to see me._

I stand in front of him, mesmerized by his cock. I reach out to try and take over when one word slices through the air, stopping me in my tracks. "Kneel."

I trap my lip between my teeth, but fall to my knees instantly, ecstatic that I'm seconds from having his velvety member in my mouth. His cock always tastes of soap with a hint of pure virility and his scent had the power to make me wet instantly. _This was perfect, I could calm him_ … and myself this way before I tell him what I need to tell him. I open my mouth wide in preparation for what he's about to feed me when he shakes his head.

"No, blue eyes. You don't get my cock tonight."

"I… I don't?" My eyes flutter open as I try to convince myself that it wasn't a threat, although it certainly sounded like one.

"No. Bad girls don't get this." He continues to rub his hand over his cock and I watch it twitch under my gaze. _He's close._

"But.. I wasn't bad."

"Oh?"

My lip wobbles slightly, my body telling me that I need to tell him what happened or else this could end badly for us both. "Not the way you think. Christian you don't understand."

"I don't understand? No, Anastasia. You don't understand what it took for me to let you in and then for you to lie to me… I didn't even want you to go in the first place. The world is fucking dangerous. I need to protect you. And I can't if you are so insistent in leaving the Goddamn state when I can't." He growls and I'm suddenly very aware of the throbbing between my thighs and the wetness dropping into my panties.

His words, his need to protect me, to love me. It was all so much. The fact that I know he would have come for me last night, it does nothing for the ache in my pussy.

I swallow. "Christian… I need you to fuck me. Please." My hand moves between my legs, desperate for some relief when his hand wraps around my wrist hard and yanks it away from the space.

"Don't you fucking dare." He growls.

"But.."

"Do you think you deserve to come after what you've put me through?"

"I didn't…"

"I almost drove to Portland and dragged you back across state lines by your hair. You stopped answering my texts. You didn't answer my phone calls." He unravels my underwear from around his cock and holds them out for me. "Open your mouth."

I know my cheeks are bright red as he slides my panties between my lips. "Lick my cum off of them."

Every hair stands up on end at his words, but I obey immediately. Not that I had a choice, when Christian asked me to do something, I did it. It was if my body was a slave to his.

 _To his words, to his body, to his cock._

My tongue darts out and I wonder how many times he'd masturbated into my underwear because they're almost saturated in the salty liquid. I let him push them further into my mouth and begin to suck his musky flavors from my underwear. My clit is on fire at this point, begging to be touched, licked, anything. Even the most gentle gust of wind against it, would have me shattering. I am dying for just a little bit of friction when I feel him pull the material from my mouth. He grips my jaw hard and aggressively attacks mine. His tongue swirling around my mouth. There isn't a part that has gone untouched by his tongue: my teeth, my lips, my tongue, I even feel him tickle the the roof of my mouth towards the back of my throat. It's so intense, I can barely breathe.

I push him away, and his gaze is almost murderous. "Christian- I don't understand are you punishing me?" I feel myself slinking under his gaze, not because I'm afraid of him but because I can't gauge his mood. _Is this all playful? I know he's pissed- but how pissed?_

"On the bed."

"But…"

"On. The. Bed." He growls.

"No." I tell him firmly. I look down, slightly afraid to see his eyes as I blatantly disobey him, but I want fucking answers.

"No? I don't think I asked you."

"I don't know what's happening and I don't like it. I don't like being left in the dark. Not with us…" I look up at him, slightly wondering if this was the end of us. "We should talk."

I'm hauled to my feet without another thought and bent over his bed. I feel him rip my panties from me and he lifts my dress. "Do you think I give a fuck about what you like?" He growls and then I feel it, his hand smacking me hard on my bare ass.

"Ow, Christian!" I whimper. I try to move away but I'm no match for his strength and he holds me down with his forearm while he smacks me again. And again. And again.

I'm stuck between feeling pleasure and pain when he smacks me lower and a lightning bolt shoots through me. "Why! Why why!? I scream as I squirm, hot tears flying down my face as the intensity overwhelms me. I'm trying to fight the need to hump the bed beneath me because I am desperate for something to rub against my legs, but I don't want to come in the midst of this spanking that seems uncalled for and over the line.

I'm trying so hard to be angry at him but with each smack, I feel drops of cum forming and trickling down my legs. _Fuck. Maybe just go with it. You can talk later._

"Why? Because you made me fall in love with you!" He growls, pushing me harder into the mattress. "You made me love you. You've turned me into a man that goes crazy at the mere thought at anyone looking at you. I turn into a man blind with rage when I think about anyone touching you, hurting you. Anyone taking what's mine. That's why, Anastasia." He lets go finally and I raise my head off the mattress and turn around slightly to see him directly behind me, his lips kissing the skin of my ass on the places that are hot to the touch. "You told me you loved me but you fucking lie to me."

"I do love you, Christian! You know I do."

He hand halts at my words and it rests on my inflamed skin. "Your ass is so pink, Ana. I want to keep it this way forever. Hot and pink, with imprints of my hand." He spreads my legs slightly and I hear a low growl escape his throat. "You came during your spanking, blue eyes?"

"N-no. I'm just… wet." I manage to stammer out slowly, in between spurts of breath.

"Fuck." He presses his tongue to my pussy, rubbing the slick muscle all over my folds, collecting the moisture and I clench around him instantly trying to hold off my orgasm as long as possible until he fucks me. _Which I pray is soon_. I feel his nose probing my asshole every few strokes as he moves up and down. His fingers claw at my back, not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to leave a mark and I groan at the feeling of pure carnal lust moving through him.

"Take it all. Whatever you need, Christian. You.. own.. me." I sputter out. I still don't love how this happened, but him telling me that he loved me was enough to put my trust in him to do what he needed in this moment. _Hell maybe I needed it too._

He pushes me off my feet and up onto the bed and before I can get my balance, he's on his back and I'm straddling him. I pull my dress up over my head and toss it across the room along with my bra leaving me in just my panties.

His eyes roam my body freely, focusing his gaze on the two hard peaks standing at attention begging to be sucked. He licks his lips as he beckons me closer with his finger. I lean forward to kiss him when he stops me.

"Those aren't the lips I want to kiss."

I lean back and a redness creeps across my entire body. I go to move to lay on my back assuming he'd want to be in that position when he grips my thighs. "Don't move." He growls.

"But…"

He tightens his hold on my ass and moves me up his body slowly so that I'm hovering just above his mouth.

 _Oh._

He rips my panties from my body letting them disintegrate into scraps before tossing them to the side and he immediately presses his lips to my pussy. I'm straddling his face, facing the headboard, so when I look down I see the lust in his eyes staring up at me as he begins to fuck me with his mouth. It's not gentle, it's not worshipping, it's rough and aggressive. It's so much it feels like he's trying to climb through me through his mouth. His tongue is moving rapidly over my clit and I can see my wetness sitting on his face already. I grip his hair, the feeling of his mouth sending me soaring and I look down again.

His eyes are still wide, staring up at me from between my legs. My hands leave his hair to move up my body and tweak my nipples. I was close to the edge which meant my nipples were extra sensitive. He takes his attention off of my clit just as I'm about to climax and begins to move me slowly up and down on his tongue as if it were his cock.

 _Holy fuck._

I begin to move faster against him, watching as the cum leaks out of me and into his mouth and if it's not the most erotic thing I've ever seen. Watching him consume me this way, watching him essentially drink from me, taking everything my body has to offer. I hump my pussy against his mouth as I try to desperately reach my climax when he stops again.

I whimper out in protest. "Please let me come." I whisper. "Don't… do this. Not because you're mad at me."

He narrows his eyes at me, but I can't see his mouth because it's still underneath me. He pushes me off of him so fast and then he's on top of me, sliding into me hard and deep.

"I have trust issues." He grits out. "And then you lie to me. And fall of the face of the Earth last night. I couldn't get in touch with you." His lips are wet with my arousal, and I can smell the musky flavors mixing with his natural scents. _Us together. On him. It was a heady scent and I wanted more._

"I'm sorry." I tell him as I stroke his jaw. "It's not what you think- there's… there's more to the story."

He stops thrusting, his eyes searching mine for the answers. "Like what?"

"You can't be inside of me while I tell you."

"Why?" He looks down at me as if he's suddenly realizing that there was a lot that he didn't know about my weekend in Portland. He pulls out of me and sits up on his knees, looking down at me and suddenly I feel more vulnerable under his eyes than I ever have. I pull the blanket around me and look down at the ground.

"Do you really think I'd ever cheat on you?" I ask him. _First and foremost, I wanted to know that._ "You said you trusted me."

"I do. But last night…"

"I don't care."

"Why did you lie to me?"

"Answer my question first."

"I trust you." He tells me and I let out a sigh of relief.

"I told you I went home to protect you. You would have panicked and I didn't want you doing anything reckless, like coming to get me. Do you understand what it would do to me if you went back to jail? I need you- free." The tears start to flow down my face. "I would die if you weren't there." I whisper. "To keep me safe."

"I'll always keep you safe, angel. But I can't if you don't tell me what's going on."

"Promise you won't freak out?"

He looks at me and eyes me closely. "I'm not promising anything."

"Christian you can't. I… I can't get you out of jail a second time."

His eyes dart to mine and it's as if he knows. In that instant, he knows what I'm trying to tell him. "I'll kill him." He growls. "I'll ring his fucking neck. You said he was somewhere east." He growls.

"Evidently less east than I thought." I look down.

"You saw him? Your neighbor? In Portland? You saw that fucking Jonathan Hopewell?"

Now it's my turn to have wide confused eyes. "You- how?"

"It's not that hard. I figured out where you grew up, where your parents still live, and I researched the neighbors, the family that lived next door. The Hopewells. They had a son that would fit the timing."

"Oh."

"You saw that mother fucker?"

"Yes."

I wasn't sure what I was expecting as his reaction but he's off the bed immediately, pacing the length of the room. "Why didn't you call me?"

"And do what? So you could come to Portland? You and I both know you couldn't do that. No, the only thing that would happen is that you would have completely flipped out and it would have made you feel helpless that there was nothing you could do because you were so far. Or you'd say "fuck it" and you'd come. And then…" I reach my arm out. "Will you come sit down. I want to be close to you."

"No you don't." He snaps. "I'm too tense."

"I'll make it better. Just come sit."

He sits on the edge of the bed, attempting to put some space between us, but I'm not having it. I waste no time straddling his lap and wrapping my arms and legs around him. I'm sitting on his completely flaccid cock and it makes no move to come alive despite the fact that my wet pussy is pressed right against him. _Shit he was tense._

"Did he touch you?"

"No… well I guess technically."

"What!?"

I smile at him. "I punched him. In the face." His eyes dart to mine in shock as I hold up four fingers. "Four times." I show him my bruised and swollen right hand that I don't think he noticed and he puts them between his, pulling them to his lips. He kisses each knuckle before touching each of them.

"None of them feel broken. But we should get them checked out. Let me get you some ice."

"No wait." I tell him as I clutch him harder. "Don't go."

"How…?"

"He was a bartender at the bar."

"Did you see him first or did he see you first?"

"I saw him, and I panicked. Dropped a glass and it shattered and that's how I caught his attention. I tried to back away. I was just going to leave but then he came around the bar."

He stiffens beneath me and I shake my head. "He acted like he came in peace. He had his hands up… he didn't try anything. From an outsider's perspective, I just looked like a girl that punched a guy in the face for no reason… which is why the security tried to escort me out after I punched him a second time."

His lips find my shoulder and he presses a gentle kiss there as if he's urging me to continue.

"I snapped Christian. It was just like I had every memory coming at me at once, and adrenaline kicked in and I was suddenly this woman with superhero strength and I broke free of their grips and lunged for him. I knocked him to the ground and punched him twice in the face before they grabbed me again. I know the bouncers were about ready to call the cops, but then I started screaming about what he had done to me. They released me almost instantly. Kate kneed him in the balls and then we left. They asked me if I wanted to press charges and the statute of limitations technically aren't up yet but…" I shake my head. "I don't want to go through it."

"Anastasia…"

"I know, I just… it was so long ago, and it would be so difficult to prove. I haven't even told my parents. And to put them through that- to put myself through that. Especially if I was the only woman he'd done it to. And I'm in the justice field, to make this kind of splash… I don't want this to be what I'm known for."

"You wouldn't be… I'm fairly certain I'm a big part of your resume, don't you think?" He smiles perhaps for the first time since I got home. "He needs to pay for what he did to you Ana. Do you want me to make him?" He asks.

His words send a shiver through me and I can feel my blood run cold. "Christian... this is why I didn't want to tell you. No I don't want you doing anything. I want you to let it go. I refuse to let you go back there."

He looks at me as if he doesn't agree with what I'm saying. As if he's not on board with my plan to keep him out of jail.

"Promise me. Promise me you'll stay away. You won't go after him." Visions of him killing Jonathan with his bare hands flash through my mind. And then a scarier thought follows- the man I love being hauled off to prison a second time. A second time where the judge wouldn't be so lenient to let him out again.

 _No parole._

 _Life sentence._

 _Death._

"Christian if you love me at all, please..." His nostrils flare as he looks away from me. I can tell he's gritting his teeth and I press a kiss to his taut jaw. "I love you. I'm sorry I lied to you.. and drank too much."

"We are going to talk about that later, Anastasia." _That's fine. Frankly I would rather talk about that._

"Christian" I wrap my arms around him and press my face into his neck, feeling the tears slide down my cheeks as I prepare myself to speak the words. "I know you want to protect me from everything, I know you want revenge for me, but... if you do something reckless... if you go after Jonathan... you won't make it out of prison a second time. And if you do, you won't be alive to see it."

* * *

 **A/N: Somehow this chapter got to be 8700 words haha. So there will be a part 2 that will pick up right after this ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

C POV

Ana is pressed right against me, her warm tits flush against my chest. I can feel her nipples hardening and pebbling against my flesh and she must be slowly getting turned on because I feel her moistening my cock with her arousal. My mind is currently racing at the thought that she'd come face to face with her abuser last night, but I swell with pride over the fact that she seemed to handle herself. Her arms wrap tighter around my neck as she leans her head on my shoulder and presses kisses to all of the skin she can reach.

I'm not sure if she's trying to calm me down or rile me up (sexually) but I feel the rage slowly fading under her soft lips and tongue. "Don't you want to see your baby being born?" She asks me and I almost fling her off of me with how fast I pull back.

"What!?" I ask her, my eyes wide and confused with a hint of anger. _She knew she was pregnant and yet she got drunk? And attacked someone? And wasn't she on the shot?_

Her eyes match mine as she realizes what she's said. She shakes her head. "I'm not pregnant. But I can just as easily _forget_ my shot in a few weeks when I'm due for my next one." She cocks an eyebrow at me and I can feel myself harden in response to the meaning behind the look she's giving me.

"Are you ready to have a baby?" I clear my throat. " _My_ baby?" I can't stop the tremor that moves through me as I picture the woman in my arms, her belly round and swollen with the evidence of our love.

"I'll never be ready for you to go back to prison, Christian. And I know you'd never want to miss out on our babies life."

I swallow, hating that she has a point. "Don't get pregnant just to keep me from doing something…"

"Don't tempt me." She squeezes her legs around me tighter. "I want to have all of the millions of babies you want to knock me up with, one day. So no, now wouldn't be ideal, but I know how to keep you in check, Grey, so don't test me." A smile finds her face I think in an attempt to tell me she's joking but I'm not entirely sure. _She's right, if she were pregnant it would definitely make me think twice before doing anything again. Or at very least we'd be fleeing the second I did this time._

"In all seriousness, Christian, please don't leave me." She whispers so quietly that I almost miss it as her face has returned to the space between my neck and my shoulder.

I press a kiss to her shoulder and grab her ass, guiding her onto my dick. She's yet to come and I want to be deep inside of her when she screams out her climax.

Her moans break me from my thoughts that are still fixating on her carrying my baby. "Promise me." She whispers and I nod. "Say the words." She demands.

I stop moving her, my dick completely submerged to the hilt feeling every inch of her wet heat. Her soft folds resting against the base of my dick. I cup her face in my hands and press my lips to hers. "I promise."

"Promise what?" She urges.

"I won't go after Hopewell. I won't leave you." I tell her honestly. "I'll always be here." I grip the back of her head and bring her to my mouth, as I try to pour every ounce of love and devotion I have into it.

 _As much as I wanted Hopewell gone, I had to be there for her everyday. And I couldn't do that from Seattle Correctional Facility. Hell who knows if they'd even send me there a second time. I may be in for something darker and even more hopeless._

 _I didn't want to find out._

"I love you." She whispers against my lips and her words bring a flash of light to the darkness that has taken over my mind.

 _I wanted revenge for Ana… but my need to be with her, to feel her love every second, my addiction to her, my constant thirst for her, was stronger than my need for revenge._

* * *

My parole officer, who isn't much older than I am looks me over from across the desk in his tiny cubicle where we meet twice a month. He wasn't judgmental necessarily, but I often found condemnation floating over his eyes when we'd speak. Particularly after I'd left my house after hours to get Anastasia. I'd certainly gotten an earful for that.

"What, Phil?" I ask. We weren't friends by any means, but many parole officers try to be everything to their parolee- counselor, friend, big brother type, so on the first meeting he'd asked that I call him by his first name, foregoing all of the "yes sir, no sir" bullshit.

He shakes his head, but I can detect the smugness in his eyes. He studies me and I suddenly feel irritated over his silence. "You'd neglected to tell me that the woman that had you out past curfew was Anastasia Steele."

I swallow, wondering what I should say. _Could she get in trouble? No. She couldn't- right?_ "She's a friend." I say simply.

"Before you went to prison?"

"No. We became friends when we she started coming to see me in prison. We bonded." I shrug, as if it's no big deal. As if my relationship with Anastasia wasn't the most sacred thing to me. As if our bond was something as irrelevant as distant cousins or friends that got drunk together one night. Not the unbreakable bond a man and a woman share when they're everything to each other. I would rip anyone limb from limb if they even thought they could _try_ to sever said bond.

He taps his pen to his cheek and narrows her eyes. "Are you sleeping with her?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"You are my business, Christian. Everything you say or do or think in the next four months are my business."

"My relationship with Anastasia is really _no ones_ business. She didn't do anything wrong." I swallow. "Did she?"

"You tell me."

"Nothing… happened between us while I was on the inside if that's what you're asking."

"It wasn't. If something had happened we would know." I resist the urge to snort. _Did they know about the forbidden notes we'd passed back to each other for weeks? Did they know that she'd rub her pussy before seeing me? That she'd shake my hand with her arousal all over hers so the scent would linger on me for hours after she'd left the prison? Did they know I jacked off every night, whispering her name into the dark tiny cell?_ I had so many questions and Phil's face wasn't giving anything away. "To my knowledge, Ana isn't in danger of tarnishing anything but her reputation."

My brow furrows, my protective instincts kicking in as I let the words sink in that down the line this relationship with me may cause the legal world not to take her seriously. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think the people on her project are going to say when they find out that she's dating the man that they helped get out of prison? Her advisor? Her boss? Her peers? She may not get kicked off because I doubt there's really any precedent for this, but they're not going to be happy about it."

"They'll get over it." I snap.

"Will she?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at me. "This is her career. And I know I don't have to tell you what it's like to have everything you've worked for being ripped out of your hands. To have to start over on the bottom with a stigma attached to your name." _I felt his words in my soul. I could never go back to investment banking. At least not in Seattle. Maybe not anywhere. I was slowly figuring out how I was going to make something of myself._

Ana suggested that I write a book. It's a popular theme for those that were just released from prison, hell even for those still on the inside. I could tell my side, the side that wasn't the watered down version they'd sold while I was on trial. But the nitty gritty details, _shit maybe even the hush money Mia took._ I shake my head knowing that there's no way I'd ever release that information, knowing that it would inevitably hurt Mia and my mother, and while I was angry at them, I couldn't do that to them.

They may have turned their backs on me, but I'd never turn my back on them. It may seem that way to some- that I'd turned my backs on them in light of this recent knowledge of their betrayal but the truth was, their backs were still facing me, even after all these years. I'd just finally accepted it.

"Phil…" I trail off rubbing a hand behind my neck wondering if it was best if I told him the truth now. I stop before the words can leave my lips. "How did you even find out about us?"

"You've been spotted out with her a few times." "Her car has been seen at your house quite frequently. You've been seen coming out of hers a few times. They noted the light PDA."

" _They?_ You have people watching me?"

"The whole city is watching you, Christian. Maybe not your every move. Maybe they aren't camped outside of your house. But when you're spotted in public, people talk. And you're seen holding hands with a woman that wasn't at your initial trial, it causes question. Speculation." He shakes his head. "No one knows who Anastasia is in this situation because her name wasn't released with the parole hearing since she is only a student. So it's not as if they recognize her." I let out a breath, praying that I can keep this shit from touching Ana for as long as possible. "That being said, it's only a matter of time before this gets back to someone who does recognize her. The cops were able to ID her from that night when you went to get her. That's how I was able to confirm everything."

I rub my forehead, trying to will the headache away that could only be quieted by Ana's ass planted firmly in my lap. I needed to wrap my arms around her. Bury myself inside of her. Hold her in place and convince her that I was all she needed. That I would take care of her, no matter what.

 _I needed her._

But did she need me enough to give up her life? I spent a few hours a day lamenting over the fact that my life felt like it was over, could I be responsible for doing the same to Ana?

"So what are you saying? I need to break up with her?"

He clears his throat and pulls his tortoise rimmed glasses from his face tossing them on the desk. "Would you if I tell you it's for the best?" I don't say anything because I was a grown man and I wasn't about to lie to anyone over how I felt about Ana.

"I didn't think so." He answers for me. "Is it more than just… are you in love with her?" I go to answer when he puts a hand up. "Let me rephrase. Do you think you're in love with her? Out of some sense of loyalty because of what she's done for you? Because that's not love, Christian."

I feel my jaw tick and my fist flexes as I try to calm down. _Do not hit your parole officer, Grey. I fucking mean it._ My brain screams at me, but my rage is bubbling to the surface. With him basically saying my girlfriend will more than likely have a target on her back because of me and now as he questions my feelings for her, I was ready to punch something. "I love her." I grit out. "It's real."

He takes a breath. "Then, you have to get in front of this. Come clean. She needs to tell the people on her project. Hell maybe you should release a statement to the Seattle Nooz or the Times, people would eat this shit up. Ex felon fell for his lawyer type thing."

"She's not a lawyer."

"Semantics. Do you know how many women would cream their panties over a story like that?"

I blanch. "I don't want to know, nor do I care."

"I'm just saying, people love a good love story."

"I thought you just said that if we go public people won't take Ana seriously. So which is it? I'll do anything to keep her out of the line of fire."

"There's a fine line. But, people make all kinds of exceptions for love, Christian. If you were just fooling around, I'd say end it. But, if you're telling me this is the real thing. Sell _that._ "

* * *

I walk into my bedroom to see Ana standing in front of the mirror, turning to one side and then the other. She'd practically moved in over the past two months, keeping more of her stuff here than at her place. She shakes her head and pulls the dress off of her. I'd never known Ana to obsess over what she's wearing so I wonder what is making her fuss over her outfit choices. She moves out of the bathroom in nothing but her panties and a smile and my cock already starts to rise to the occasion.

"Hi!" She smiles, having not seen me staring at her this whole time. She moves towards me and wraps her arms around me, her naked chest pushing against me, making me wish that I was shirtless as well so that I can feel her warm flesh. She brings my face down to hers and places a kiss that's equal parts wet and loud. She scurries away towards my closet and I follow behind her.

"Don't put clothes on yet." I tell her as my eyes zero in on her nipples that I can see are hardening under my gaze. "You've been drinking?" I run my tongue over my bottom lip still tasting the alcohol. And not her wine coolers, but one of my beers.

"Yes. Just something to take the edge off."

"And why would you need something to take the edge off, Anastasia." I move into my walk in closet and stare down at her, worried that she's keeping something from me.

"My parents want me to come for dinner tonight." She winces slightly. "With you."

I take a step back, her words almost knocking the wind out of me. I did want to meet her parents. Well her father, and her mother now that she'd know who I was, but the idea of meeting them in less than a few hours coupled with the conversation I'd had with my parole officer has my heart racing. She takes a step towards me. "I can tell them you can't make it if you don't-"

"No." I tell her. "I do. I want to meet them, but I just wasn't expecting… _today._ "

"I know. My mom called me and said it was time for them to meet you properly before they showed up here. So I could either do it on my terms and show up willingly tonight, or theirs." She lets out a breath. "I chose the former." She bites her lip nervously before letting it go, but not before my cock had a chance to take notice. "Sorry." She says and I wonder if she's apologizing for agreeing to come to dinner without talking to me first, or turning me on when now really was _not_ the time.

"Are you nervous?" I ask her.

"A little."

"Should _I_ be nervous?"

"A little." She repeats with a chuckle but I can see the worry in her eyes. "My parents have been more reasonable since the day they put everything together, but seeing you… in person… I think they will just have a lot of _personal_ questions. They can be a bit…"

"Intrusive?" I finish her sentence for her.

She shrugs sadly. "Curious? Christian, I'm an only child and they're protective…"

The words piss me off and before I can stop them, the words I know I'll regret are leaving my mouth. "Clearly not protective enough."

The tears flood her eyes almost instantly and I'm already angry at myself for my words. "That's so shitty." She shakes her head and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Ana.. baby.. I shouldn't have-"

"You think?" She snorts as she turns back to her side of the closet that I'd emptied out for her clothes. She grabs a dress and walks past me, her frosty exterior almost freezing me to my insides.

I grab her arm, ripping her dress from her and tossing it to our bed before I hoist her into my arms.

"Let me down, you asshole." She pushes away from me and kicks at my shins twice before I lift her butt and force her legs around me.

"Stop fighting me." I growl at her. "I'm sorry." I push her against the nearest wall, pressing myself against her, holding her up with one hand under her butt, and my other on her jaw forcing her to look at me.

She tries to get out of my grip but the way I have her pinned against the wall, plus the fact that I'm five times stronger than her, makes it useless. She sags against me, knowing that there is no use. "Please let me down." She says, trying not to look at me.

"No." I tell her as I press a kiss to her jaw. "I shouldn't have said that." She's silent and her eyes close, assumedly because my hand is prohibiting her from looking away and she doesn't want to look at me. "Open your eyes."

"No." She whispers.

"Please." I beg her.

Her eyes flutter open and I can see the tears threatening to spill over her bottom lids and my lips are there instantly, kissing the tears that escape. "It angers me that they weren't there for you. That they- you- anyone wants to call them protective when they didn't know you were going through that. That they weren't _protecting_ you then. I know what protective looks like. _I_ am protective of you, Anastasia. I'll protect you from anyone, anything… even threats you don't even know exist. I'll always be two steps ahead of anyone who even thinks they can try to fuck with you. So for you to say that your parents need to protect you… from _me…_ " I trail off. "It pissed me off. Because no one can keep you from me. I'll protect you from anyone, Anastasia. Even _me._ "

She wraps her arms around my neck finally and pushes herself against me. "You can't use that as a reason to be combative with them Christian."

"Use what?"

"What happen to me. I know a part of you wants to blame them because…"she clears her throat, "because you blame your mother for not seeing it in Mia. And I get that… but.. They're my parents. I want you to be able to get along with them. I know you're angry at them for not protecting me better, but… it's in the past and there's no use in you being angry with them over it when you want to be with their daughter."

"I still think you should tell them."

"That's not your decision to make Christian." She shakes her head and kicks her feet a few times indicating she wants to be let down. She doesn't seem as angry or hurt so I oblige and set her to her feet. "I don't care how much they get under your skin, Christian. You can't tell them."

"I wasn't going to." I shake my head.

"You can't even allude to it."

"Why won't you tell them, Ana?"

"I already told you why. Because I don't want to put them through that. It's over, I'm fine."

"You are _not_ fine."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you need to talk to someone about this."

"So if I see a therapist, you'll get off my back about telling my parents?" She snaps, and I can tell she's completely over this conversation.

"I just think it'll be healthy for you. You walk around with this burden on your heart and I hate that."

"I told you."

"It's not exactly the same. A part of you, and maybe you'll never admit it, but a part of you resents your parents for not being able to see the signs. For not knowing, for not being _protective_ of their only child. For years they didn't know, or couldn't see it."

"I'm aware, Christian." She snaps as she pulls her bra on over her torso and I actually feel my dick deflate, as I see her putting her clothes on.

 _Not the time, Grey._

"That bothers you on some level. You yourself say you rarely even see or talk to your parents."

"Because I'm busy. Grad school takes up a lot of my time and now I have this guy that is permanently attached to the space between my legs so excuse me for not skipping off to family dinners more often."

My dick perks back up at her words and I move towards her. "You're so tense."

"Hence the alcohol."

"Let me take the edge off." I stand behind her and push her hair to the side, I lean down and kiss the space behind her ear. She's still in her bra and panties and before she can respond my hand has found the space between her legs. I slip my hand under her waist band and part her folds slowly to find her clitoris. I'm not surprised that she's not very wet after this conversation we've had so I pull my fingers out of her and hold them up to her face. "Suck, baby."

She doesn't hesitate to obey my orders and wraps her lips around my fingers. I pull them out slowly and follow suit swirling my tongue around my own fingers, tasting a hint of her arousal as well as the wetness from her mouth. I waste no time sliding my fingers back between the lips of her sex, spreading the moisture of our mouths everywhere. She whimpers in my arms and presses her head back against my shoulder, her eyes looking up at me as I continue my assault on her pussy. "I know you want to protect me from everything."

"It's not a matter of want, Anastasia." I dip my fingers into her pussy, hooking my finger to rub her g-spot and she moans. "I will protect you… with my life if I have to."

She shudders in my arms and pulls my hand from between her legs. It only takes a second for her panties to be sent down her legs and her bra unclasped. She lies on our bed, her legs completely spread as she spreads her sex for me. "I need you."

She's wet now, and my mouth waters, dying for a taste of her directly from the source, having just tasted a hint of her from my fingers. I don't hesitate another second before my mouth is at the apex of her thighs, my tongue swirling around her precious cunt. My hands reach under her bottom and I grip them hard as I ravage her pussy like it's my last meal.

I know firsthand that she loves when I fuck her this way. Not soft languid strokes, but rough, rapid ones where I don't even think about coming up for air. The times I completely immerse myself in her. Her essence, her juices, _her._ I eat her with an intensity that has her shuddering almost instantly, and then I keep going. Kissing and licking her through the violent orgasm that rips through her. I feel her clit pulsing underneath my tongue but I don't stop, knowing I won't be sated until I feel it at least two more times. _And then I'll fuck her with my cock._

"Christian." She moans, knowing what she's in store for her. "More… more." She whines as she pulls at my hair, but simultaneously pushing me deeper inside of her. "T-tteeth." She stammers out and I smile against her, hearing her voice what she wants. I nip at her clit with my teeth, sucking it into my mouth and nibbling gently and I'm greeted with an explosion of flavors flooding my mouth. I never knew that I'd be into a woman that so violently squirts, but every time I fuck Ana this way, I die for the fountain that flows out of her when she comes. I groan as I suck down everything her body has to offer. I pull back slightly and see the redness forming across her smooth pussy from my beard and I kiss the skin softly, giving her insides a rest from my assault.

I kiss her pubic bone, the top of her mound, the space on her thighs closest to her pussy. I lift her pelvis slightly and kiss the space just below her anus and trail kisses back up until I'm back at her clit. "Again?" I ask her, wondering what she wants despite the raging hard on I was sporting for her, I'd trade my orgasm for hers any day.

"Your dick…" she trails off. "Need you inside of me." Her eyes are closed, her nipples currently between her index and thumbs as she tweaks them and all I can think about is getting them in my mouth. I unzip my member letting him free and move up her body, to slide into her. Rarely do I fuck her without being completely naked but the need to penetrate her is so deep and consuming I don't think I could wait the thirty seconds it would take to remove my shirt and pants and briefs. _Hell I think my shoes are still on at this point. Not that I could give a fuck._ But I think the woman below me begins to care because I feel her clawing at my button down. "Off, offff," she whines as I feel her nails through the fabric. I lean back a little, and before I can even begin to unbutton them she rips it open sending the buttons flying in every direction. She wraps her arms around my back and brings me closer to her and wraps her legs around me, slowly pushing my pants down in the process.

"Fuck. Baby… what has gotten into you?"

"Harder." She grits out and I do. I pull back and slam into her so hard she moves up the bed and the frame shakes under the force.

"This is what you want?"

"Yes. Fuck me, hard. I need it. Please." The words leave her lips in staccato beats, like she can't catch her breath enough between the words. I feel her toes pointing and flexing every few thrusts letting me know she's nearing the edge. I reach underneath her and press a finger to her asshole, probing it slightly and it only takes one thrust inside of her for her to come like a freight train all over my cock. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck!" She moans her eyes squeezing shut, mirroring the squeezing all over my cock. "I love you. I love you. I love you." She repeats over and over as she comes down from her high. Her words coupled with her orgasm triggers my own and soon I feel myself pumping into her, rope after rope of thick cum deep into her womb.

 _Fucking mine._

I'm at a loss for words and almost out of breath when she opens her eyes and stares at me. "You are so incredible." She smiles. "I love you so much."

I roll onto my back and pull her to straddle me as I slip inside her again, switching positions. "I love you too."

* * *

We are standing in front of her parents house and neither of us have made a move towards the door since I helped her out of the car. She looks up at the house, but I don't as my eyes are fixated on the house next door. The Hopewell's old house.

"I should burn that house to the ground." I mutter.

"So now we're adding arson to the resume?" She narrows her eyes at me and my hand quickly finds her bottom with a smack. She was the only person who could get away with a comment like that, but it didn't mean she wouldn't pay for it.

I grasp my hand with hers, interlacing our fingers as we walk up the path and the few steps bringing us to the front door. She lets out a breath as she puts her key into the door and pushes it open.

 _Here we go._

The door opens and the smell of pasta surrounds me. I hear faint voices in the distance and before Ana can call out a name, I see Carla making her way towards us with her hands reaching for her. "Ana!"

"Hi mom." She says as Carla's arms slide around her.

"How is my girl?" She kisses her cheek and holds her at arm's length as if she hasn't seen her in years. "You look amazing. You're glowing.."

"Well I've heard that being in love can do that."

My eyes widen at her snarky comment that holds so much meaning and my hand that's still laced with hers squeezes slightly to match the skip in my heartbeat.

"So I've heard." Carla looks at me. "I had no idea when we met…" She swallows. "It's lovely to meet you again." She nods.

"Likewise Mrs. Steele."

"Carla, please. Mrs. Steele is my mother in law." She gives me a stiff tight lipped smile and it makes me wonder if the flighty woman with her head in the clouds would make her appearance at any point tonight. Or perhaps Ray had advised her to keep that in check.

We follow Carla into the kitchen and I breathe a sigh of relief that her father wasn't in here. _I'll admit it, I'm anxious about meeting him._ I'd come into contact with men more physically scary than him and yet I'm ready to lose my shit over the man that had brought Ana into the world.

I feel Ana's hand leave mine and a part of me wants to reach back for it, needing her warm hand encased in mine, but just as quickly as it leaves I feel her whole body pressed against me, her arms wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my chest.

 _Was she making a point? Or did she need me as much as I needed her right now?_ "Dinner is almost ready, would either of you like some wine?"

"I'm driving." I speak up. "I would prefer not to drink anything."

"Is that a condition of…" Carla trails off.

"Mother." Ana glares at her as I feel her stiffen against me.

"No. It's not, Carla. But I have your daughter with me and I would prefer to be completely alert while I'm driving with her in the car."

Carla seems almost taken aback by my words and Ana shoots her a look that I can read almost instantly. "If I have to deal with this, I'd certainly like a drink." Ana perks up and grabs the wine glass that Carla was in the process of pouring. She takes a sip and I watch as the liquid slides down her throat, fixated by her neck and how it moves when she drinks. I want to press my lips there and kiss and lick the skin there for hours. I settle for a gentle kiss on her lips, leaving me a small taste of the wine she'd consumed.

"It's okay, angel." I whisper in her ear. She visibly shudders and I watch the goosebumps break out over her skin and she pushes herself even closer to me.

"Do you want a tour?" She asks me and I'm about to jump at some alone time with her even if it is in her parents house when I hear a man's voice bellow throughout the room.

"There's my girl." My eyes flit to the doorway and I see Ray Steele walking through the room. He was shorter than I expected. A little shorter than me, and certainly less built. I'm immediately on edge the second he pulls her from my arms and wraps his around her.

"Hi Dad." She says with a small smile. I can tell she's just as uncomfortable as I am or maybe she's just sensing my discomfort because she pulls out of his arms and returns to mine. "This is Christian." She looks up at me with a smile and then turns back to her father. "My boyfriend."

"So I've heard." He looks me up and down and his eyes zone in on the hand I have wrapped around her waist. "Let's have a little talk, son."

"Dad…" Ana starts.

"What's the use in sitting down to dinner first? I'd rather get everything out in the open now and then we can relax."

"But…"

"Anastasia." He looks at her, and then at me. "You don't mind indulging an old man do you, Grey? Especially if you're going to be defiling my daughter."

Ana almost chokes on her wine beside me as his words ring through the air. "Defiling? Jesus, Dad. Crass, much?"

He looks at me. "My office, Grey." He turns on his heel and I look down at Ana who looks like there is steam leaving her ears.

She shakes her head. "It'll be okay, angel. I promise. I'm a big boy." I kiss her forehead and as I pull back she grabs my face and pulls me to her lips. We kiss like her mom isn't in the kitchen with us, my arms wrapped around her waist and hers around my neck. "Nothing changes between you and me." I tell her quietly.

"I love you." She replies. With one final gentle squeeze to her bottom, I release her and make my way to Ray Steele's office.

* * *

"Sit down, Mr. Grey. Shut the door behind you."

"You can just call me Christian." I tell him as I take a seat across from him.

"Would you like a drink? I've got some twenty year old scotch I only break out for special occasions."

"As great as that sounds, I don't drink when I'm driving, and especially not when I'm with Ana."

"Admirable."

"I try to be."

"Is that why you killed a man? To be admirable?"

"We're jumping right in there, then?" I ask.

"I don't beat around the bush."

"I did what I had to do."

"And an ass whoopin couldn't have done that?"

"With all due respect sir, no." _Does he know all of the details? Or is he just as deluded as my mother?_

"So what happens if my daughter leaves you?"

"What?" I ask, my palms starting to sweat as I think about the words still hanging in the air.

"She wants to end it. She's over it. Over you. Wants out. Sure everything is great now, you're in love, it's passionate, whatever." He waves his hand. "How do I know you're not going to do something to harm her if she breaks up with you. You're angry, you're still in love with her. How do I know you won't _do what you need to do_ then too? It happens. ' _If I can't have her, no one can'_ type _._ "

The thought makes me sick to my stomach. _He thinks I'd ever hurt her?_ "I'd never hurt Ana. Ever. I'd never harm a hair on her head."

"You have a violent history, Christian. Surely you can understand how a father may be skeptical to just hand over his only daughter."

"I killed my sister's abuser, Mr. Steele. I'm not violent."

"So you've never hurt anyone else?"

"No, I would never."

"Really? So you never did anything in prison? Didn't hurt anyone there?"

"That- that was self defense. I was trying to keep myself alive in prison. It was either hurt, or be hurt. I chose myself."

He strokes his jaw and eyes me over the amber colored liquid. "So you have a temper then."

"Not when it comes to Ana. Frankly sir, she calms me. And I could never raise my voice with her… at least not in a way that would truly scare her."

"You don't think you scare her?"

"No sir, I don't."

"Well it scares me… you dating my daughter."

"What do I have to do to make you less… apprehensive."

" _Stop_ dating her. Leave her the hell alone. She's young and trusting and naive… she doesn't need the big bad wolf stealing her innocence."

 _Her innocence was ripped from her long ago, asshole._ I hold the words in my mouth, squeezing my lips together as to not let them slip. _You promised Ana._ "I'm not the big bad wolf. I love your daughter, so much."

"You've latched yourself to her. Because of what she's done for you… you've brainwashed her, hell maybe you've brainwashed each other. But this isn't love. This is… I don't know some weird hero complex, codependency, fucked up sense of loyalty! I don't know what it is exactly, but something is wrong with it."

"So what, because I did a bad thing- though I would do it again...but because I killed someone and I went to prison, I don't deserve a second chance? I don't deserve to find love? Is that what you're telling me?"

"You don't deserve it with my daughter! Go find someone else's life to ruin. Someone else to bring down with you."

I rub my hand over my jaw, hearing the words that I assume everyone in Seattle was thinking. "I'm sorry you feel that way Mr. Steele. But Ana doesn't. She loves me."

"She's twenty-two, she doesn't know anything about love. Do you think if she were older and had been in a relationship before she'd even consider being with someone in your circumstances? She's going to ruin her life and she can't see the ramifications of being with a man like you. If she were older, she'd see that. But now all she can see is an older good looking man doting on her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear."

"It's not like that."

"What's it like?"

"I love her." I look down at my hands, suddenly feeling inadequate and unworthy of Ana's love like I'd felt so many times before.

"Then _let her go._ "

I look up at him and shake my head. "Never. Not unless she asks me to. I'm not going to let you convince me to walk away from her. I know that I'm not good enough for her, but lucky for me she loves me anyway."

He looks at me, anger written all over his features. "I don't approve." He shrugs. "So… Ana is just going to have to choose."

"What?" I look at him, my face riddled with confusion as well as anger and judgment. "You're going to make her choose between… you and… me?"

"I can't support this."

"You _can_ support your daughter."

"Not if she's hell bent on ruining her life."

"What kind of father are you?" I ask him. "How are you-" I fix my words, careful not to say anything that could be misconstrued. "How can you turn your back on her like this?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"She's a grown woman. Maybe I'm not the right person for her, but don't you think she should be allowed to figure that out? I'm not going to hurt her. I would die before I did that. If that's all this is about… if you're worried that I'm going to what- kill her?" I can feel my cheeks heating up in almost embarrassment as I have to explain to my girlfriend's father that I wouldn't end her life over a simple argument or over her ending our relationship. "I wouldn't. I want to be with her for the rest of my life."

He snorts and I clench my fists next to my sides, careful not to show how worked up his noise got me. _How dare he act like my feelings are a joke. That they aren't real._ "So you're going to what, marry her? What makes you think she even wants that? That she wants to take your tarnished name. You going to get her pregnant too? What happens when your kids come home from school after the other kids tease them because of what their parents have said about you? You going to put my grandchildren through hell because of your sins?"

 _I hadn't thought that far in advanced. What would the life of my future children be like? Would they be bullied because of what I had done? Would they be feared? Picked on? A loner? Would they even have any friends?_ My heart aches for my future offspring and it makes me wonder if I was better off not procreating.

 _See if Ana agrees to that._

I clear my throat to speak when he continues. "And furthermore, what kind of life can you give my daughter? Do you have a job?"

"I'm working on-"

"You've been out of prison for almost two months now, what are you doing for money?"

"I don't think that's any of your business." I tell him. I have nothing left to give in this conversation, he'd raised excellent points and I have nothing to combat them with other than the fact that I worshipped his daughter and I would love her for the rest of my life. _But that clearly wasn't enough._

"You're involved with my daughter, it's my business."

"Mr. Steele… I don't know what to tell you. I understand your hesitation to trust me, but I'm asking that you just give me a chance. I-"

"I'm not giving you a chance to fuck up my daughter's life. Or worse. No, I'll gamble with a lot of things. But not Ana."

 _Don't say it. Don't say it._ I chant in my head. I open my mouth to speak when I hear shuffling outside of the door and then Ana is crossing the threshold into the room.

"Mom stop it." She pulls out of her mom's grasp and I can see from the tears in her eyes that she was standing next to the door for longer than just a few seconds. "I HATE YOU." She screams at her father so loud that I swear I see the pictures on the wall shake. "I never want to speak to you again! Ever! You want to know who I choose? I choose him. I choose him and all of the babies I give him that you'll never meet. I would never let them meet a father as fucked up as you are." She growls at him and his eyes widen at her words. "He would never fuck up my life. He's made my life so much better since I met him, and you'd know that, if you even knew me at all!"

"Ana…" I say her name in an effort to calm her down.

"You shut up!" She yells at me and I wonder if she's so worked up that she's lashing out at everyone, because I'm shocked at her tone with me. "How could you let him say those things to you? Why didn't you say something? Anything? Were you letting him get in your head? Were you going to leave here believing that you weren't good for me?" The tears are flying down her cheeks. "Were you going to shut me out and make me think that I'd done something wrong? That you… that you didn't love me anymore?"

Her last words feel like a knife slicing through my heart and I take two steps pulling her into my arms and pressing my face into her hair as she begins to sob. "No. No. Baby… never." I whisper into her ear. "I just didn't know what to say… I… I would never give you up." I pull her face away from my chest, the tears flying down as the sobs continue to wrack her body.

"You said you wouldn't leave me, but your silence… it made it seem like…"

"I love you. I'm not going anywhere. _Ever._ "

"But-"

" _Ever."_

"I know you'd never hurt me." She shakes her head. "That you'd never lay a finger on me. I'm not afraid of you." She looks at her father. "He'd never ruin my life. He brought me _back_ to life." She clears her throat, and I know she's seconds from breaking down, her demons threatening to break out of her and into the light.

"Angel.." I whisper into her ear, taking her gaze away from her father. I wanted her to tell them, but not now. Not like this. She wasn't ready and she was seconds from losing it. She was angry and lashing out, and this wasn't the way to tell them. She turns back to me, her lip trembling and then she all but climbs into my arms wrapping herself completely around me. I wrap my arms around her not giving a care in the world as I walk with her out of Ray's office. The sound of a sniffle not belonging to Ana, stops me and I turn to see Carla with tears sliding down her face and Ray as if he wanted to breathe fire onto me.

"This is Ana's decision. I suggest you be there for her, _just this once._ " I don't glance back as I walk out of her parent's house, her body clinging to mine as if I'm her lifeline.

* * *

 **A/N: My felon :(**

 **Don't worry, Ana will make it all better. :)**

 **I did think about her revealing the truth in this huge blowout, but it didn't feel right. Soon perhaps.**


	14. Chapter 14

A POV

The car ride home was silent the only sounds to be heard were me every few minutes as I tried to sniffle the tears away. My phone hadn't stopped ringing since we pulled out of my parent's driveway, and I had sent them to voicemail every time. There were a million things I wanted to say to my parents, but I was angry, and I knew I needed to calm down before I ended up exploding the last ten years all over them.

 _As angry as I was, I wasn't sure they deserved that after keeping the truth hidden after all of these years._

My eyes flit over to Christian. His face is stoic, almost impassive as he white knuckles the steering wheel, I'm surprised he hasn't made any effort to touch me since we got in the car especially given that he had to basically beg me to let him go so that he could drive us home. I was almost inconsolable when we got to the car, and every time he tried to put me inside I only gripped him tighter.

I know he's got a million thoughts running through his brain as well, and I could only hope that none of them involved doing what my father wanted.

"We'll talk to them when the time is right," I say finally, having had enough of the silence. He looks at me questioningly, and after hearing the words out loud I continue before he can reply. "Our kids, I mean. We'll talk to them. And… explain. Or maybe we can move somewhere that you aren't known as well. Somewhere east. Maryland is nice. We'll get less rain and four seasons." I remember going to visit an aunt one summer near the Eastern Shore. _It was the time of my life, or maybe it was just because it was a summer away from Jonathan._

He doesn't reply to my comment so I turn to look at him. His jaw is taut, as if he's gritting his teeth and I can see his bicep bulging under his shirt, making me wonder just how tight he's gripping the steering wheel. "Maybe I should drive?" I chuckle. I was in no place myself to be particularly funny, but I could see the wheels turning in Christian's head, and I needed to pull him out of the dark place he'd gone to. _The dark place my father had sent him._

"Christian…" I trail off.

"Ana, stop." He finally speaks, the icy words dripping from the three syllables.

"Stop… what?" _Keep him talking Ana, don't let him retreat._

He shakes his head as if he doesn't want to answer, or maybe he thinks I should already know what the answer is. "You don't want to have kids with me." He blurts out and my face falls at the exact moment I feel my heart sink. "You _shouldn't_ want to."

"Who are you or my father to tell me what I _shouldn't_ want? I can make my own decisions and form my own opinions."

"I'm going to ruin your life." He says quietly, a look of sadness, softening the hardness of his features.

"No!" I shake my head, though I know he's not looking at me. "God no, never." I reach for his hand across the console and bring it to my lips, before pressing it to my heart. I hope he can feel it racing at the thought of not being with him. "Please don't say that." My lip wobbles slightly. "Please take it back."

He's silent again. "What are your advisers, the people that are on your project going to say when they learn about you and me?"

"Who cares?"

"They might! And you should! You don't want your reputation tarnished over a scandal with me."

"You're not a scandal, Christian…" I choke out, wondering where in the world this is coming from. _This cannot just be about my parents._ "Why are you saying this? Who said something to you?"

"No one. I just… I know what it's like to have everything you've ever worked for ripped from you over the choices you've made. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

"Well… I can assure you I won't make the same mistakes…"

"Anastasia, you know what the fuck I'm saying."

"NO!" I yell. "Not really!"

"I'm not good for you. You know I'm not. And in a few years, when I'm a distant memory, you'll wonder what the fuck you were doing messing around with a guy like me and making you a joke in the field you want to make your profession. You'll be a joke, Ana. Don't you get that? You'll get letters from inmates like me, wanting the _talents_ you bestowed upon my case. I can't do that to you. Ruin everything you've worked for?"

"You think… you think I'm a joke?" My eyes welling up with tears as I think about the man I love considering me just a dumb kid that got in over her head.

"No, of course not. But… they won't take you seriously. Being with me could severely tarnish your reputation."

"I don't care, Christian." I shake my head. "I think you're wrong, but let's say you are right. I don't care."

"In a few years, you might. In a few years, you may look back and think, _damn, my dad was right._ _I should have listened._ "

"Or I'll think, wow my dad's an ass, as I watch how amazing of a father _you_ are with our first born."

My words hit him hard as his shoulders slump slightly, a sigh leaving his body. "I'm going to take you home."

"No, thank you."

"That wasn't a question."

"You don't get to decide this for me. Or for us. You don't want to be away from me any more than I want to be away from you."

"I have some work to do, Ana."

"Like what? What do you have to do, that I can't be around?"

"Research."

"Researching what?"

"Can you just _try_ and let me get myself together, Anastasia? Jesus Christ. I don't need to tell you every little thing I do as I try and get my life back on track. If you must know, it's for a securities firm. The director owes my boss a favor, they agreed to a conversation."

I try to ignore the first part of his sentence and focus on the fact that he's getting back out there. That he could possibly be working again soon, which is something I know has been weighing heavily on him. "That's exciting!" I smile. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It would require me to move, I wouldn't be able to do this job remote. I've been dragging my feet on calling them back, hoping that something in the area would come up. But maybe this is my best bet. I can't go anywhere yet of course, but something to think about when I can cross state lines again."

"Move where?" I ask, a slight tremor moving through me, as I brace myself for the worst.

"Ohio."

My stomach flips. "And now you're so convinced that we shouldn't be together you're going to put half of a country between us?" I shake my head.

"This isn't about you, Anastasia."

"Then why are you waiting until now to fucking bring it up!? You certainly have great timing, if this isn't about _me._ "

"What do you want me to do, Ana?" He yells, as he pulls into my neighborhood. _If he thinks he's getting rid of me that easy, he's got another thing coming._ "Just… not work? Things cost _money_ you know, and despite my sister's _guilt_ money, I don't want a penny from her." I was mildly aware that he'd recently stopped receiving "help" from his sister. I wasn't sure how much she was helping him but given that he hadn't seen or spoke to her or his mother, it was safe to say that she wasn't contributing to the _Christian doesn't have a job fund._ "And yes I have access to my investments, but that will eventually run out if I'm not bringing in any income. I have to find a job, Ana and no one in Seattle will hire me."

"I understand." I purse my lips together, doing my best to not emasculate him further, if that's even what I'm doing. The car slows, and he parks in front of my house. "I'm not getting out."

"Ana…" he groans. "Can you please not do this right now? I've had a hell of a day."

"And I haven't?" I snap at him. "You just carried me out of my parents house while I was in hysterics! And now you're just going to leave me because your ego is bruised?"

He snorts. "Of course you wouldn't understand."

"I understand plenty."

"Earlier today, my parole officer told me that your relationship with me could end up costing you your career, Anastasia."

 _Why the fuck would he say that? What does he know?_ "What?"

"That's what he said. And then your father says out loud what probably everyone else is thinking when they see you with me. _Who's that cute girl throwing her life away for that murderer?"_

"Stop it." I growl at him. "Don't ever call yourself that."

"That's what I am though. In it's most basic form, circumstances aside, I took someone's life. I am a murderer. Just or unjust. That's what I am. I can't be president, I can't vote, or be a teacher, I actually can't do many things that involve children. Which is why you shouldn't want to have kids with me." He shakes his head. "People are afraid of me." He says quietly. "I went to an ivy league school, I belonged to a country club, I had an amazing job, I had a perfect life. And now…"

His words feel like a thousand knives piercing my heart. "I didn't realize your life was so horrible now." I don't look at him as the pink colors my cheeks. I know he's hurt and he's lashing out but don't make _me_ feel like shit over it.

"Ana, that's not-" he reaches for my face and I slink away as much as I can in the confinements of his car, not wanting him to touch me. He does anyway, gripping my jaw between his fingers and pulling my face to find his. "You know that you're the best thing that ever happen to me... in my whole life."

"I don't know, it seems like you're missing your old life, which didn't include me." I scoff, "I know it would be _perfect,_ if you could have your old life plus me, but Christian, life doesn't go the way we want it too all the time. Actually, it rarely does. You think that the thought didn't cross my mind, that the people on my project will judge me, or talk about me or hell, maybe cut me out completely? You think I'm not anticipating the conversation with my advisers where they ask me if ' _I'm taking my future seriously'_? You don't get to make the decision for me that I can't handle it. If you want out, fine. If you want to go to Ohio, fine. That's on you, and your decision. But don't hand me some bullshit like you're making these decisions for both of us. Because I don't accept." I stare at him but he continues to stare straight ahead. "This is exactly what I was talking about. I asked you… in my father's study. If you were going to let him get in your head. That you were going to make me think-"

"I do love you, Anastasia. This isn't about that." He interrupts me.

"Just that you're not good for me. So just _fuck you_ to my feelings, right? Never mind that I'm in love with you. That I would give up everything for you, if you just fucking talked to me."

"I don't want you to give up anything."

"But you. You're just asking me to give _you_ up."

"Ana…"

"What makes you think I couldn't go to Ohio with you? There are grad schools there. Probably better ones than I'm in here. And yeah, Christian, I hate to break it to you, but you're the shining star of my resume. And with my GPA, I could get into any grad school, like that." I say snapping my fingers. He doesn't say anything. "Unless… you don't want me to go with you."

"I wouldn't want you to uproot your life for me."

"It would be for _us_. And yes, I would. Because being with you means something to me." I look away from him and towards my townhouse. "It means everything."

"And I guess, I'm just thinking in a few years you might feel differently."

"No one knows what the future holds, Christian. I refuse to make decisions about my life because of what might happen in five years. I love you _now._ I believe I will for the rest of my life, but say for argument's sake that I don't. I still love you _now_ and it's not fair to punish me… or you for that matter over something that could happen down the road. What happens if we break up now, and then in five years we meet again and it's as if nothing's changed? We still love each other, and we still want to be together, that's a real thing that happens you know. And then we would have wasted all of this time."

"At least you would be out of school and established in your career."

"Is that what all of this is about?"

"The reputation in your career stays with you forever, Ana. Until you retire, or die and then long after if you leave some sort of legacy."

"I get you wanting to protect me, Christian. I get that but… you told me you weren't going anywhere… like an hour ago. And now you're leaving the state…"

"Nothing is confirmed."

"You lied to me."

"I didn't lie, Ana… I just… can't you see the impossible position I'm in?"

"Not really."

"Don't be a brat, Ana."

"Don't be a dick, Christian." I retort.

"I care about you more than I care about myself. The thought of not being with you…" he trails off giving me the opening I've been waiting for.

"Then don't think about that." I move so quickly that I don't think he realizes what I'm doing until I'm in his lap. I cup his face, rubbing my fingers along the stubble. "I love you and I'm not going to let you give me up over some fucked up sense of trying to protect me from myself or whatever you think this is. If you don't like your life Christian, then _change_ it. But I'm not going anywhere. I know you're used to people turning their back on you when things are hard or situations are difficult, but _I_ won't do that. I'm here. Let me be here." I'd hoped that I hadn't gone too far with that last comment, but the look on his face tells me that I hadn't made him mad.

"Ana…" his hands find my shoulders and he slides them up my neck and into my hair, pulling me down to his lips. Just before they touch, something I've been dying for since we got in the car, I press my hands to his chest, keeping us from the kiss that would probably end with him inside of me in front of my house.

"No. I can't talk you off this ledge every time someone gets under your skin, Christian. You have to trust me. And I have to trust you, and I can't if I think you're a flight risk any time someone questions our relationship. Mind you, the people that did so today were, one" I hold up a finger. "Your parole officer, which who gives a fuck what he thinks? He doesn't even know me. And my parents- who scarily enough don't know much about me either."

He nods, but from the position of our faces, his nose hits my lip every time he does so. I press a kiss to his nose and a smile finds his lips. "So I guess you're coming home with me then?" He murmurs against my cheek and I furrow my brow.

I pull away, so that he can see my face. "I don't know, ask me nicely."

"Please come home with me so I can make up for being a dick."

I cross my arms, and look up as if I don't know the answer. "How are you going to do that?"

"It'll involve my dick."

"Go on…."

"And my mouth."

"Keep talking."

"And pizza."

"Bingo." I press a kiss to his lips before scurrying to my seat. "Step on it, we left my parents before we could eat, I'm starving."

* * *

I'm sitting in Christian's living room in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair of my underwear as I go for my fourth piece of pizza.

"Where the hell do you put it all? I'm fairly certain you haven't set foot in a gym since I got out."

I shrug. "Twenty two. And sex burns a lot of calories."

"Well I guess I better give you a workout tonight."

My eyes light up as I drop the half eaten pizza on my plate, my appetite for food completely forgotten about, and suddenly feeling starved for something else. "Would be lovely!" I crawl into his lap and plant myself firmly on top of his erection I could see growing every time I moaned over my pizza. I plant my lips firmly to his, desperate for the connection that I knew was only moments away.

"Before we go upstairs…" he starts and I groan, not wanting to talk anymore about what we hashed out in the car.

"You're killing me. I'm all talked out. I want to fuck you. And then make love and then fuck again. Can't we do that?"

"Yes and we will. But I wanted to apologize for earlier."

"You already did." I tell him as I pull his shirt up and run my hands over his abs.

He grabs my hands and pulls them away from his torso. _Spoilsport._ "I didn't officially apologize. And you're right, I can't profess to protecting you always in one breath, and then wonder if leaving you is the best thing for you in the next."

"I don't need you to protect anything accept my heart, Christian. I've given it to you, it's yours. I'm just asking that you don't break it… please."

I think he knows that his words broke my heart earlier, so all he says as his lips descend on mine is "Okay."

* * *

"I know I hurt you when I said that bit about my old life. It wasn't perfect, Ana. I didn't have you…" he grabs my foot and begins to rub it as we soak in his tub after a particularly long and hard fucking. I'd refused to come, trying to prolong it as long as possible, when Christian finally had to pin me down and fuck me with his mouth, forcing the orgasm out of me that I was refusing to give.

"You can't backtrack now."

"You know none of that was about you."

"Well I am a big part of your life now, excuse me for taking offense to that _my life sucks now_ comment."

"I didn't say that."

"You alluded to it. By all means, should I call your ex-fiancee? I think she'd be thrilled to hear you were taking her back. And that could be a little piece of your old life."

I yelp as I feel him yank hard on my foot sliding me across the tub so he could pull me into his arms. I thought he was going to make it so we were face to face but he spins me around, sending water over the side of the tub and pressing his chest into my back as he wraps a hand around my throat. "You want to run that by me again?"

"You heard me." I gulp, not because I'm nervous over his hand being wrapped around my throat, but because I'm excited. _Squeeze harder, babe. I know you want to._

"What I missed about my old life had nothing to do with her or any woman. Don't say some stupid shit like that again."

"We're even then, because you've said all kinds of stupid shit today." I reach my hands up and place my hands on his, squeezing his hand harder around me.

"You wanna play?" He whispers in my ear and I nod, already feeling the light headed feeling that comes when we engage in mild choking. "Let me inside of you. Guide me into your pussy, baby."

I raise up slightly, to allow him to align himself underneath of me before I sink down onto his cock in the reverse cowgirl position, although he's sitting up. His squeezes harder each time I move up and lets go when I move down, creating a rhythm of building both tension and release. "Christian." I moan out as I feel like my soul is floating out of my body. I feel loose, relaxed. I feel at peace. I reach up, grabbing a fistful of his hair and I tug as he squeezes harder. "I'm going to come." The spots are moving into my vision, the fuzziness appearing in my peripherals. I'm very aware that his other hand that's not wrapped around my throat is now on my clit, rubbing me in perfect strokes as I slide up and down. "Are...close?" I'm not sure if I'm even speaking complete sentences, Christian's dick and hands, taking away all of my basic functions.

"Every time I get inside of you, I have to talk myself out of not coming right away." He says and somewhere in the deep crevices of my mind, I'm unpacking his comment, but right he sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher.

"Come." I whisper, my brain not knowing anything else except my body's immediate need for release.

"When you're ready, angel. I'm there with you."

I feel like I'm flying as my orgasm rips through me, my body splintering into a thousand pieces as he releases my throat. _And then I'm flying- higher._ When I thought my orgasm was over, the feeling of losing the pressure around my throat has me shooting towards a second orgasm as his fingers are still rubbing my clit. "I'm going to come again."

"I know. Take me with you this time."

"Come with me." I moan.

I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "anywhere," but it's quickly forgotten as I feel him expanding inside of me, a growl in my ear as he holds me still on his cock as he pumps into me, all the while rubbing my clit and pushing me closer to my second orgasm. "Christian- Oh God!" I screw my eyes shut, the flash of lightning cracking behind my eyes as I feel the spark shoot through my body. "Fuck." I whisper as I return to Earth, my body thoroughly fucked.

"You're incredible." He says as he begins to rub my shoulders.

I manage to pull out of him and turn in his lap, pushing myself up on my knees so that my breasts are even with his face. His lips waste no time capturing one of my nipples between his teeth and sucking on it. _Hard._ I yelp when I feel his teeth harder a second time, but I see the playfulness in his eyes. He pulls back, letting me fall out of his mouth and pushes my breasts together and proceed to run his tongue over both nipples. "You have such perfect nipples Ana. They are so pink… and they pebble whenever I look at them."

"Must be that Christian Grey effect."

"I love how well you respond to me."

"I have from day one." I say thinking about how wet I would be when I would leave our meetings at the prison. "You've always had an affect on me."

"Ditto, baby." He leans down and presses a final kiss to my nipple. "We should get out, the water is getting cold."

Ten minutes later, we're back in bed, still naked, our limbs intertwined. His chest is pressed right up against his back, with his arms wrapped completely around me. "I always want to do right by you, Ana. You know that." He whispers into the dark, the room pitch black, the only light, is from the moon peeking through the blinds.

I pull out of his arms and turn to face him although I know he can't see me. I feel around for his face and find it, and let me lips do the talking for me. Kissing his nose, forehead, chin, cheeks and then finally his lips. We kiss for I don't know how long, hours, minutes, seconds, but when we pull apart I feel wetness on my cheeks that's not from my eyes. I reach out gently not to poke him in the eyes and find his cheeks, the wetness evident. "Just love me."

"I do. But… I don't want to screw it up." He whispers.

"You won't."

"I did though. Earlier… I made you think…"

"I _never_ thought that. You may have thought it, but I didn't. I know you love me, but I also know that you feel like you have to do certain things because you feel as if you've made a hundred mistakes in your life. You think you're this tornado that is going to create chaos and turmoil on everyone you touch. But that's so not the case. You bring me so much peace, Christian. I wish I brought you the same." I run a hand through his hair and he wraps his arms around my back bringing me closer.

"You do, Ana. You know you do. All that shit earlier had nothing to do with my feelings for you. I was trying to be selfless for once. I thought I should let you go to give you the life you deserve. One free from my shit."

"You are the most selfless person I know, Christian. There isn't a selfish bone in your body." I tell him as I roll myself on top of him. I feel his cock rising to the occasion and grazing the entrance to my pussy. The precum mixing with the arousal still lingering in my pussy from the most recent love-making. "I can't wait to raise a family with you. And teach them to be just like their father." Despite the dark, I can make out his features, so I find his mouth easily, placing a kiss there feeling the smile on his lips as our mouths move together.

"I love you." He whispers as he wraps his arms around me. I'm still lying on top of him, our legs intertwined,

"I love you too, Christian." I tell him as I let the sound of his heart lull me to sleep. Right before I let sleep claim me, a flash of the one thing we didn't discuss creeps through my mind.

 _Ohio._

* * *

 **A/N: Sooo I'm supposed to be editing the new and improved Expensive Charlatan for publishing- (in case you're not on FB and didn't know, IT'S HAPPENING! Like soon, eeek!) But anyway, I started getting antsy and I missed these guys, and you know once I start fixating on something I gotta write it. So it's a bit of a shorter chapter, but just a little something since I didn't update last week. My updating schedule will be a little inconsistent just while I get through these edits, but then I'll be back to normal by mid April! :)**

 **Hope you enjoyed… so what are your thoughts? Are Christian and Ana taking a road trip once he can cross state lines?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi everyone! I'm baaaack, didya miss me? Hehe! Thank you everyone for your patience- Bittersweet Surrender (aka Expensive Charlatan) is with the editor!**

* * *

 _ **Christian**_

I feel myself being pulled from sleep as the sensation down below intensifies. _Fuck I'm hard._

 _Of course you're hard, Grey, you're wrapped around the sexiest woman that ever walked the Earth._ And this is true, when I fell asleep last night, Ana was actually on top of me, so I wouldn't be surprised if we had shifted in our sleep and she was rubbing against me somehow.

I reach for my dick, trying to calm it down as the blood rushes to it, when I find that hands are already there. Soft hands. Soft _wet_ hands.

 _Wake the fuck up, Grey. She's awake and she's already started without you!_

I sit up slightly to find Ana's hands wrapped around my cock and rubbing it through her folds. I wasn't penetrating her, she was merely rubbing me against her clit. My breath is caught in my throat as I watch the goddess on top of me, her head thrown back, tiny whimpers coming out of her mouth like she's trying not to wake me.

 _Oh my fuck._

"A-Ana." I manage to whisper, my body holding on by a thread watching her seemingly use my cock to masturbate.

Her head shoots up, her eyes finding mine and those teeth sink into those delicious lips of hers. _Fuck I want to taste them. I need that bottom lip in my mouth. Now._

"Morning." Her voice is low and seductive, the arousal running through her body evident.

"Couldn't wait for me to wake up, could you?"

"I didn't need you for this." She raises an eyebrow at me and my cock twitches at her sexy words.

"You didn't, huh?"

"Nope. Your cock listens to me just fine without your help."

"Well that's because I've trained it to know who it belongs to." I growl at her, flipping her onto the mattress under me. I waste no time sliding into her, my hand finding her clit beneath me. "If it senses you, it knows to react." I grip her jaw with my other hand, my teeth sinking into her bottom lip, like I've been dying to do for the past five minutes. I tug on the skin gently, leaving little love bites and she mewls underneath me. I slide my hands into hers, interlacing our fingers and putting them above her head as I slowly rock in and out of her. Her eyes flutter open, her piercing blue orbs stare straight into mine, and it feels as if she's set my entire body on fire.

 _How could I think about leaving her? I need her… more than my next breath._ My lips capture hers again. She's cautious, not kissing me with the same urgency making me believe that she could hear my most recent thoughts. My tongue probes her mouth, pushing through her lips and finding it's prize.

 _Come on baby, give it to me._ I feel her pussy clench around my cock, letting me know that she's close and I feel the familiar ache in my balls.

I pull away from her lips reluctantly. "Fuck, I'm going to come. _Hard."_

"Mmm yes." She moans, as her hands find my shoulders, as she attempts to anchor herself to me through our orgasms. Her nails drag down my skin, in that tantalizing way that makes even harder and I groan.

"I love when you do that. I love feeling your nails, baby." She presses down harder, drawing her hands down my back and to my ass, squeezing my cheeks. I feel her hands go lower and I tense slightly wondering what she's going to do when I feel her hand moving inward. I flinch slightly, halting my impending orgasm and she must sense my discomfort because she stops, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Can I be on top?" She asks, and I'm grateful that she's as committed to our climax as I am so I roll us over.

Within seconds of seeing her perfect pink nipples on display for me, I spill violently into her, calling her name out the entire way down.

* * *

"You've literally put your entire cock in my ass and your squeamish about one little finger?" She puts her tiny pinky up in front of my face and waves it around teasingly. We're facing each other, our legs threaded through each other as we wind down from morning sex, our post-coital bubble impenetrable.

"I've just never had anything there before."

"Nothing?"

"Nope. I never felt the need to let anyone explore back there. And I didn't trust anyone enough to go back there…"

"Well you trust me." She raises an eyebrow. "And I've heard it feels good for a man."

"From personal experience?" The thought makes me see red. The thought of Ana touching any man intimately at all makes me almost blind with jealousy.

"Simmer down, caveman. I've never done anything with a man's ass." She rolls her eyes before turning to her back. "Don't be such a prude." She giggles and although I know she's just trying to rile me up, it's taking everything out of me not to straddle her face and show her just how _prude_ I am.

I shoot her a look and she must hear my thoughts because her cheeks redden immediately. Before I can think she's on top of me, her naked pussy still wet from our orgasms, running out of her and onto my torso.

 _Fuck. That's hot._ I watch as the fluids leak out of her and onto me. _Marking me. Holy fuck._

I swallow, mesmerized by the scene in front of me when Ana's hands find my face, lifting her gaze to mine. "You can't look at me like that and _not_ fuck me again."

"You're getting insatiable." I smile, thanking God and whoever else that I met a woman that not only I loved with every fiber of my being but had a sex drive that rivaled mine.

 _This woman is going to stay pregnant when the time comes._

That's the last thought that rolls through my head as she sinks down on my cock again.

* * *

"We should probably talk about last night." Ana says as she takes a bite of her quinoa salad.

We are sitting outside at a restaurant in the square, the sun beating down on us and giving Ana a gorgeous glow. She was wearing a white sundress, her shoulders on display for the warm sun. _Note to self: have Ana reapply sunscreen after lunch._ "I thought we talked this morning?"

"No, we fucked this morning."

"That's so much easier than talking." I lean back in my chair, successfully stuffed after the hamburger I'd just put away.

"Christian." She puts her sunglasses on her head. "I'm serious. In four months, you can officially leave the state… are you going to want to? Even if you don't take this job in Ohio. Would you want to go somewhere else? I can't just up and leave you know, I have to give some sort of notice- to my school. To _Kate_. It's almost August, and if you're looking to move, I need to un-enroll in UW."

It had been two months since I got out of prison, two months of trying to get re-acclimated to life outside the four detained walls. Two months of not working. Two months of the most mind blowing sex of my life. Two months of spending almost all of my time with Anastasia Steele.

"I'll go with you… anywhere." She swirls her straw around her drink, her eyes staring down at it, as if she's wary about meeting my gaze. "But you have to talk to me. We have to communicate."

I rub my jaw, wondering how two rounds of sex this morning and lunch on a warm summer day has turned into this conversation. "I don't know, Ana."

She swallows and I expect her to drop it. "Well that's not good enough." She says, shocking me.

She shakes her head, her eyes darting up to meet mine, and although they're not cold, they're hard. "Clearly if I leave this to you, you'll make some crazy decision without consulting me and I'll wake up to you in another state without me."

"I wouldn't do that…"

"Oh?"

"No. Ana, I told you I was sorry for last night. I don't want to leave you." I correct myself. "I'm not going to leave you."

She narrows her eyes at me as if she doesn't believe me. And I don't blame her. _But doesn't she understand that I just want her to have the perfect life? I don't want my shit to taint her._

 _She's a grown woman, Christian, why don't you let her decide what she'll allow to taint her._ My subconscious yells. My dick jumps in agreement as if to say, _you are not giving up the best pussy I've ever been inside of for some bullshit sense of 'trying to do the right thing.'_

As if my brain, heart and dick are all in agreement, my legs begin to move on their own accord, getting up from my chair and kneeling next to her. She gives me a side eye and I know she's still slightly annoyed with me. I grab her hand and I can see her letting her guard down as she gives it to me. I bring it to my lips, nibbling gently on one of her fingertips causing her to smile.

"Angel." The one word falls from my lips and I see the goosebumps pop up on her skin instantly despite the warm temperatures.

"I love when you call me that." She whispers as she sees me taking in her reaction.

"I can't think of a better name for you." I tell her. _And it was true. She changed my life in so many ways, I've lost count._ "Do you love me?" I ask her, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her lips so I could be assured that she wasn't as annoyed with me.

"You know I love you."

"Eventually I will probably move. There's nothing here for me anymore. I'm barely speaking to the only family I have and… if I can't find a job here, what's the point in staying? Especially if…" I trail off. "You're willing to go with me."

"I want to come."

 _Let her!_ It seems my body is screaming at me.

"Come." I tell her and it's as if I gave her all the answers to life in that one word because the tears flood her eyes and make their way down her cheeks. And then she's in my arms, almost knocking me backwards.

"Take me home, _please._ I want to be alone."

* * *

A week later, Ana and I are at the grocery store, something that I never anticipated doing with a woman. Ever since that moment at the restaurant, things felt like they got even more serious between us, and suddenly I was doing all of these domestic things that I had never done before. I'm pushing the cart next to her as she's picking out something from dinner when I hear her name being called from behind us.

Ana's ears perk up and she turns to look behind me. She's not looking at me, but I can tell from her gaze that she's bracing for impact.

 _Shit._

"Sawyer. Hey!" She exclaims, and I can tell what she's doing. If she acts guilty, like she's doing something wrong, it'll be worse.

 _But what did she have to feel guilty over, Christian? She's shown you time and time again that you aren't her dirty little secret._

"Steele! Where in the hell have you been?" He jokes as I notice him hoist his beer into his arms and pull her into a somewhat of a half hug. I have to resist the urge to rip that arm off. _Keep your hands to yourself and off of my woman, asshole._ Her eyes dart to mine sensing the possessive beast wanting to be let out of his cage and finally Sawyer's eyes look at me, probably sensing it as well.

"Hey I'm…" his eyes widen in recognition before turning back to Ana and then me again. "Grey?"

"Good to see you again, Mr. Sawyer."

His eyes move back and forth between us again, before it settles on her and I see where his gaze is now fixating on. A particularly dark purple mark on Ana's neck that she attempted to hide with her hair. I had gotten a little overzealous this morning with my mouth, I try to hide the grin as I think about the one to match that's right on her pussy.

 _That's right asshole, she is mine._ I think, grateful that I'd had the foresight to mark my territory with my teeth this morning.

"Ana… ummm… what the hell is going on?" He asks. "You know what, can we talk for a second?"

No one escapes the growl that leaves from deep in my throat and Ana shoots me a look telling me she's got it handled. _Not good enough._ "There's nothing for you to talk about." I interject. "And anything you have to say to her, you can say in front of me."

He looks at me. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Well I was." I move away from the cart, putting myself between him and Ana, standing face to face with this man I wasn't totally convinced had a hard-on for my woman.

"Christian…" I feel her petite hand wrapping around my arm and then one sliding into my back pocket and giving me a gentle squeeze on my ass. I look behind me, and into her eyes and I can see what she's trying to tell me.

 _As hot as this is, and as hot as I know the sex will be because of this later, please just let me handle this. And you can leave more hickeys later._

At least that better be what she's saying. I step aside, removing her arms from me. "Five minutes, Sawyer."

"Have you lost your mind? What- how? WHEN!? Oh my God, do you know how bad this makes us look?"

"Nothing makes anyone look bad, Sawyer, relax."

"That you're fucking an ex-felon? One that we just got out of prison, I might add. Not only is that stupid for your career, but it's dangerous for your life! What are you thinking?"

"That's one, asshole." I bark at him. "Watch your fucking tone with her. You only _get_ one, by the way."

I sense the fear in his eyes and it unnerves me that he thinks I'd harm him. _Does he think I just go around killing anyone that pisses me off? I can't even put my hands on anyone right now without being hauled in for questioning for violating parole._

 _I'm not going to hurt you asshole, but I'll tell you the fuck off if you piss me off._

"Sawyer, I don't know what to tell you. I fell in love. We fell in love."

"Oh my God." He puts a hand over his eyes. "Is this why you're leaving the program? Why you've requested withdrawal papers from UW?"

"You know about that? I only requested them a few days ago. And nothing is official." _I hear the diplomacy but I know the truth. She was leaving Seattle, the second my four months were up and I could move. Her and I were gone._

"Yes, of course I do. The director is pissed. You bring a lot to the table. We need you Ana. We need you for next year. And it's your final year!"

"I know but…" she looks at me and gives me a smile. "Things change. Priorities change."

"So you're giving up your life to what- play house with him?"

"No, I'm going to apply to a grad school elsewhere. Or hell, maybe I'll go to law school."

"You don't want to be a lawyer!" He adds looking at me smugly as if he thinks he knows something about my woman that I don't.

 _I'm well aware about that asshole. I know everything about Anastasia Steele from her dreams to her passions to that tiny freckle she has on the top of her pinky toe. There was no part of her mind, body or soul that I didn't know inside and out. No part of her heart that I hadn't touched._

"Sawyer, this isn't a discussion or a debate. There's no vote."

"Ana he's… he's dangerous." He avoids my gaze, his voice quiet as he looks at her. "What if he hurts you?"

I don't even have a chance to speak before she's replying. "He would never hurt me."

"This is like some twisted Stockholm Syndrome."

"He didn't kidnap me Sawyer, you're being dramatic and frankly really rude." She rolls her eyes and I note that when she's not rolling them at me, it's hot as fuck.

 _Who are you kidding, even when she rolls her eyes at you it's hot as fuck. Even if it does make your palm twitch._

"I wanted to talk in private, your bodyguard here doesn't want to let you out of his sight, evidently." He says looking me up and down.

"I'll protect her from everything, even guys like you." I interject, wanting nothing more than to lift her into my arms and take her home to worship every inch of her.

"How long?"

"Not your business." She tells him.

"Does anyone in the program know?"

"Just you, now. Are you going to tell them?"

"I mean… if you're out here traipsing around with him in broad daylight, it's not like it's some big ass secret?"

She snorts. "Fine whatever, tell who you want. I don't care. It's my life. Not yours. Not anyone elses. He's important to me."

"Is this why you pushed for his case so hard? Did you know him before? That's a conflict of interest, Ana."

"Technically, there's no precedent that says that we can't choose someone that we know. But _no,_ Sawyer, I didn't know him before."

"I knew we shouldn't have been sending you to those meetings alone. An impressionable young girl to get caught up in some sweet-talking convict." He presses his hand over his eyes. "God he was probably eye fucking you from the moment he saw you. We put a buffet in front of a fucking starving man."

"It wasn't like that Sawyer…" she trails off, and although she's calm in her attempts to keep _me_ calm, I can tell she's getting agitated.

"What was it like, then?" He asks, the anger starting to seep into his words.

 _This nosy asshole needs to GO._

She bites her bottom lip, and not because she's turned on, but because she is _pissed_. "I pushed for his case because I hated what they did to him. I felt that the criminal justice system had failed him. His family failed him. His lawyers, everyone. I wanted to prove to the world and maybe myself that if a man defends a woman he cares about to another man that has taken everything from her, it's justified. Whether killing is wrong or not, that man deserved to die. You rape, you molest, you torture a child, you _deserve_ to die." She shakes her head. "Someone fucking agreed with me, because he's out now, isn't he?" Her voice is harsh, but shaky and I can almost hear her heart pounding in her chest.

Sawyer's eyes narrow slightly before he backs up a beat. "Why would you need to prove that to yourself?"

I can sense her tension instantly, and I wonder if she's regretting saying that in front of a law student. Someone who was programmed to take every word to heart. Someone who studied language and what every word means and how to decipher the meaning in words.

"Okay, that's enough." I speak, my voice even as I think Ana is shrinking into a dark place and I needed to get her alone _quick_ to bring her out of it.

"Did someone… did something happen… to you, Ana?"

She's literally shaking like a leaf next to me, feeling the wounds open and resurface. I immediately pull her into my arms pressing her head firmly into my chest and cradling her head away from Sawyer. "Go." I tell him as I feel her shoulders begin to shake in my arms.

"Ana I'm-" he starts and I shoot him a glare. "Sorry." I can see him contemplate reaching for her. "Take care of yourself."

"I take care of her just fine." I bite out at him, wanting him gone.

He nods once before he's gone, his tail trailing between his legs, looking back over his shoulder a few times. I press my lips to the top of her head. "I'm here. He's gone, baby."

She sniffles and nods her head before tilting her head up to look at me. Her gaze is watery and a few tears have slid down her cheeks. "It just slipped out. I…" she puts her hands over her eyes. "I should have known he would have read into that."

I tuck a hair behind her ear and rub my nose against her gently. She lets out a sigh of relief and a bit of contentedness which goes straight to my cock. "You make me feel so much better just being near you." She tells me, and that does nothing less for my hardening dick.

We're driving home, her hand permanently gripping mine as I drive when she groans, pulling my hand out of her grip.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." She shakes my head. "Just… apparently word travels fast."

My eyes widen, thinking that Sawyer had already told someone. "And you call that man your friend, Ana? Who the fuck did he tell?"

"Hannah and Andrea. Apparently he thought they could talk some _sense_ into me. That backfired, they're just asking me a million questions about how big your dick is." She snorts and I'm half pleased and half horrified by her comment.

"Is that what girls talk about?"

"Pretty much." _Damn, really?_

"Are you… are you telling them?"

"Why not. You have a fantastic dick, this is like bragging rights for a girl." She giggles. "Sadly I haven't measured. Can I measure when we get home?"

"You certainly cannot measure my dick so you can share with your friends." I chuckle, although the thought is hot. She's so proud of my cock that she wants to brag to her girlfriends about it. The thought makes me swell if pride even if it is rather personal.

"Fine. You're no fun." I was pleased that her mood had lifted since we left the grocery store leading me to believe that perhaps my proximity was the best thing for her. _But she still needed a therapist._

 _Have fun broaching that subject with her, Grey._

"How are you feeling?" I ask her and she sets her phone down to look at me. "I'm okay. It really just hit me out of nowhere, and usually I can control the waves as they roll through me but something about- I don't know being in public and around Sawyer- and you. It just affected me differently. I was also dealing with the fact that you'd aroused me with your protectiveness so it was just a lot of feelings all at once and my body couldn't handle it."

"My protectiveness aroused you, Ana?" I ask, a mischievous smirk finds my lips as I wonder how wet her panties will be when I pull them off with my teeth.

"God yes. You were so hot and possessive and I love that. I had never seen you… around another man before. That one time at Mia's party but… not like this."

"You are _mine_ , Anastasia. Of course I'll protect you."

"See, and that. _THAT._ " She emphasizes. "It feels like… I belong to you. You…" she bites her bottom lip and looks away. "Own me." She smacks her head. "I'm a terrible feminist."

"I believe the term goes much deeper than that, angel. And my guess is you would only like me to own you in the bedroom." I shoot her a look. "Especially because of all the sass you give me every time we are out of it."

"Because it's so fun to talk back to you." She giggles and her choice of words do nothing but make me hard all over again. "I'm serious, though. I never thought I'd want this. Crave this. Crave a man's… possessive urges. You're such a caveman sometimes and it turns me the fuck on."

The word fuck falling from her lips has me pulling off the road and into a parking lot that looks somewhat abandoned. It's four o'clock on a Saturday, and I'm about to whip my dick out so she can sit on it not wanting to wait the ten minutes we still have until we are back at my place.

"I need to fuck you." I tell her my seat sliding back so she can climb on top of me. Her eyes are wild with excitement.

"Now!?" She smiles, not waiting for my answer before she moves over across the seat, hiking her dress up and moving her panties to the side the second I have my pants unbuckled. She slides on me, sheathing herself all the way to the hilt before she's back up again.

 _Fuck, her pussy is so wet._

"Fuck, Ana." I reach around to grab her hips, keeping a steady rhythm as she slides up and down on me, riding me harder with each beat. "Fuck!" I growl as her words begin to play on a loop.

 _You turn me on._

 _Your possession turns me on._

 _It feels like you own me._

Ana's head that had been nestled against my neck, her lips sucking on the skin to give me a hickey that matched hers, pulls away to look at me. Her lips wet and red from the suction and slightly parted, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth. "You own me too, angel. Every inch of me belongs to you." I grip her jaw.

A little growl leaves her lips and it almost makes me laugh, that it's coming out of someone so tiny. "Mine." She grips my shoulders as her thrusts get more aggressive as she rides me up and down, harder and harder.

" _Mine."_ I repeat back at her just as I watch her fall over the edge, a scream leaving her lips that could probably be heard around the whole state of Washington.

* * *

 _ **Ana**_

My eyes look over the texts with Hannah and Andrea my eyes floating behind my head.

 **Hannah: Sawyer just almost ripped the hinges off our door! Wtf? You're fucking Christian Grey!?**

 **Andrea: (insert semi pornographic GIF of a woman spreading her legs.) HE IS HOT. Good for you Steele.**

 **Hannah: So…**

 **Ana: So what!? And what the hell did Sawyer say?** _If he told them any of his speculations I'll kill him. The last thing I needed was for me to become some giant stigma over a trauma I hadn't even really unpacked yet. A trauma my own parents didn't know about._

 **Hannah: HOW BIG IS IT?** I giggle to myself. _Big. Real big._ My eyes dart over to the man with the big appendage in question as he chops peppers for dinner. I cock my head to the side and stare at him dreamily as I note his concentration. He senses my gaze and looks up, shooting me a smile that I swear stops my heart for a split second. I look back down to prevent needing a defibrillator.

 **Ana: OMG. Guys, not going there.**

 **Andrea: Going there? Girl, Hannah and I are already there- waiting for you!**

 **Ana: Guys, focus. Who else did Sawyer tell?**

 **Hannah: I am focused. Focused on wanting to know the size of his *eggplant emoji***

 **Ana: I hate you guys haha**

 **Andrea: Okay, woman thinking her V aside, do you know what you're doing? Sawyer says he all but broke his arm off for even looking at you. He says you said that you love him?**

 **Ana: this is true.**

 **Hannah: Holy shit… and I also didn't know that you're withdrawing? What the fuck? What's that about?**

 **Ana: Guys we can talk about this soon, I promise.**

 **Andrea: Dinner and drinks. TONIGHT. We know Grey's address, we will come and drag you out of that bedroom, hose you down and kidnap you. We've barely seen you all summer and now we know why!**

 **Hannah: Although, if I had a guy like Grey, I'd probably stay inside all day with him too.**

 **Ana: Ugh, guys, really? Tonight isn't great.**

 **Andrea: Too bad.**

 **Hannah: His big dick will be there when you get home later!**

 **Ana: I hate you guys :|**

"My friends want to get drinks tonight." I roll my eyes as I look at Christian. "And by that I mean, they'll show up here, probably pick your lock and drag me out of here by my hair."

He chuckles. "What time?"

"Probably… after dark." I twist my mouth. "Also, they want girl time. And to grill me about you."

"And my big dick."

"Yes, most definitely about your big dick." I giggle. I bite my bottom lip, and lean over the counter hoping for a glimpse of the dick in question even if it is hidden by a pair of sweatpants.

 _Gray sweatpants to be specific._ My mouth waters despite the fact that I just had him less than an hour ago.

"You want to have sex don't you?"

I lean over again, putting my head in my hands innocently. "Please." I grin and he puts the knife down instantly, and begins to wash his hands. I'm sliding my panties down my legs in preparation when his doorbell rings.

"Your friends are here already?" He looks at me before looking down at his watch and I shake my head knowing that it wasn't them.

 _Well it better not be them. I needed more time alone with Christian before then._

He moves toward the door and I trail behind him wondering who would be at Christian's door in the middle of the day. He peeks through the tiny hole and lets his head fall back, before putting his arms against the door as if he's bracing for impact. I close the space between us, wrapping my arms around his back. "Who?" I whisper, hoping that the unwelcomed visitor on the other side couldn't hear me.

"Family." He says back.

I pull him away from the door when I hear Grace Trevelyan Hyde's voice as clear as day. "Christian!"

I wrap my arms around him, bringing his face to mine. "Want to go hide upstairs?"

He chuckles. "No."

"Do you want me to go?" _I couldn't read him exactly. But I wasn't sure if he wanted to handle his mother alone. Or if they would even want to discuss the things they needed to discuss in front of me._

"Absolutely not. You're the only thing that will get me through this."

"Okay." I smile, lacing our fingers together and holding them up in front of his face. He smiles before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

* * *

Grace Trevelyan Hyde and Mia Grey sat in front of us at the kitchen table as if they had so many things to say, the words bursting out of them, but not knowing how to say it.

"It's lovely to see you, Ana. You look beautiful as usual." Grace says finally, the first words she'd uttered after walking in after saying hello to us both and if we could _talk._

"You seem happy." Mia says, looking at Christian.

"I am, all things considering." He's found a spot on the table, and his eyes haven't left it and I'm hoping he's remembering happier memories that have happened on this table. Mainly all the times he'd eaten _me_ for dinner on top of it.

No one says anything when I decide to speak up. "Was there something that you ladies wanted to say?"

Grace takes a sip of her water. "Frankly we weren't expecting you to have company…" She looks at Christian. "We thought we could talk to you alone."

Christian snorts. "Heaven forbid I have one friend. One person that wants to be around me and enjoys my company. It must eat you alive that I don't need you. That I haven't reached out yet."

My heart hurts hearing his words and then I'm angry at Grace's insinuation. _What did she expect that he was just sitting in the house alone everyday?_ My mind wonders what Christian would be doing if he didn't have me to hang out with. I frown. _What does he do the few times I do other things?_

 _What's he going to do tonight when I go out with my friends?_

I look over at him knowing that tonight was no longer a good night to go out, but knowing that my friends would make good on their promise.

"That's not what I meant, Christian." Grace replies defensively. "This is just a family matter."

"Anastasia is my family now. You two no longer hold that name."

"We are still your family, Christian." Mia huffs. "You're taking this so personal!"

The hand that isn't interlaced with Christian's flexes slightly. _How dare she._ "I think he's well within his right to take things personal." I say on instinct. My eyes flash to his with a tiny wince.

 _Sorry._

 _Don't be, angel._

"You took hush money." Christian finally says looking at Mia.

"I already told you that's not what it was."

"Oh I'm sorry… "restitution", is just a fancy word for _hush money."_

 _Yes and no._ I think. _Although in this case, I would have to agree._

"That's not fair."

"No what's not fair is spending two years in prison, while you guys played house like nothing was wrong. Like I was the bad person. Like I was the thorn in the family's side. Like I murdered our stepbrother in cold blood for no fucking reason. "

"No one said that." Mia exclaims. "I never said that. I came to visit you every week. Multiple times a week."

"Out of guilt!" Christian roars. "Especially after you took a million dollars from the asshole's father that almost killed _you!_ "

I wince, hearing Christian's harsh words. I know he's mad at her, but those words slice through me just hearing them. I can only imagine what they're doing to her.

Her eyes well up with tears, sliding down her face and Christian shakes his head. "Save your tears, Mia. They don't move me anymore."

I look up at him, seeing a cold glare that I didn't recognize and I frown. "Mom's right, you are making this about you! You're angry that you did time for actions _you_ did. Decisions _you_ made." Mia yells.

"FOR YOU! For fucking _you,_ Mia."

"I didn't ask you to kill Jack, Christian." _Her words almost turn me to stone. From the conversations I'd had with Mia, she'd always been grateful for him taking matters into his own hands. She knew the torture would never have stopped and she feared for her life which was why she tried to end it. Now she didn't._

"I don't know how you could have really asked me anything given that you were being whisked off to the hospital after I had to stick my hand down your throat to get all the poison out of your system. I'm fairly certain you weren't able to ask anyone anything except for the people in psych at the hospital." He spits out.

 _Jesus this family is ruthless. I wouldn't last a day here._

"You're an asshole. I don't even know why I came here."

"I don't know either, you certainly weren't invited." He bites back.

"Okay both of you enough!" Grace chimes in. "This is not why we are here."

"Why are you here, mother? Anastasia and I have things to do."

"We wanted to apologize for making you feel like an outsider, for feeling as if we don't support you."

"You don't, though. Not really."

"You must understand the very difficult position that your… _actions_ put our family in."

"What?" He snorts. "Like the country club kicked you out? You're not welcome to play tennis with the Peyton's anymore? You were kicked off your bullshit board of stuck up housewives whose husbands all cheat on you for sport?" He shakes his head. "Have you ever thought that maybe those people all judge _Jack_ and not me? Maybe they judged all of us for not seeing what was happening to Mia. I didn't put our family in a difficult situation, mother. I _fixed_ the fucking situation. I'm sorry that neither of you see that I made the decision to put Mia's life over Jack's. Mia it's unfortunate that _you_ of all people don't support my decision."

The tears pour from Mia's eyes hearing his words spelled out in black and white. "I'm sorry that I am such a disappointment to this family that I chose you over Jack. That I chose you over.. Me." He adds and I sniffle, hearing his words and before I know it my vision is blurry with my own tears. "Hey." He lifts my chin to look at him and he gives me a smile before wiping under my eyes.

"Sorry." I whisper, I look at Mia and Grace who are both also trying to get themselves together.

"Don't be sorry." He wraps me in a hug, pulling me into his chest. "Do you want to go lay down?" He whispers in my ear and I shake my head, knowing that I should be the one being strong for Christian and not the other way around.

"No, I'm good."

He smiles and kisses my head before starting to rub my back gently. "You are sweet together." Mia says, and I wonder if she thinks that if I warm up to her, I can make her brother come around.

 _Possibly. But that wasn't happening._

"She was there. When everyone left my corner." He says. "She came and hasn't left since. Which is more than I can say for anyone that I've ever met in my life…." he trails off before turning back to them. "With the exception of my father."

I know deep down Christian still mourns his father so much and somewhere even deeper he fears that he would have been disappointed in what he did that landed him in jail. _We don't discuss Carrick Grey much because it only upsets him._

"I love your brother very much." I look at him trying to bring him out of the sadness of thinking about his father. "He means the world to me. I'm not all too happy with my parents right now either." I add. "Christian and I both have the world at our backs in different ways. But our love… it's greater than anything. With it we can conquer anything. I'm not going to leave him just because things get hard. Because I know it'll be harder without him."

Grace sighs. "Well, I am glad that you are happy now, Christian."

Christian narrows his eyes slightly before letting it go. "I'm probably moving." He nods his head. "When I can."

"Moving?" Mia asks. "Where and… why?"

"It's time." He tells them. I know why he doesn't tell them about the job. The last thing he wants is their _help._

"Are you going with him?" Mia asks me.

"I would follow him anywhere."

"Will you ever forgive… me?" Mia asks, her bottom lip wobbling slightly.

"Yeah. One day. Maybe." Christian gives her a slight smile and I admire his strength especially after some of the things they said to each other at this very table. "I do love you Mia. I don't regret what I did. I don't regret saving your life." He shakes his head. "I just wish it didn't feel like _you_ did."

* * *

The second the door closed behind Mia and Grace, I was naked and pressed up against the wall of the foyer, unable to even make it up the stairs before he was inside of me. He slammed into me once, his hand wrapped around my throat and his hand in my hair as he attacked my lips. He'd asked me if it was okay, begged me to tell him if I went too far. But I didn't. Despite his nails digging into my hips, his hand squeezing tightly around my throat, his teeth biting at every inch of flesh of my neck, I let him take his frustrations out on my body. _Twice._ And then he carried me to bed and worshiped every inch of me before losing himself inside of me once more.

 _I wasn't sure which part I loved better._

Now here I was back at my house for the first time in what felt like weeks as I was searching for a particular dress to wear out with Hannah and Andrea tonight. Christian is all but forcing me to go, assuring me that he would be fine for a couple hours despite the witches of Seattle that had flown in on their brooms. I'm surprised to see Kate at home when I walk in to find her and a guy with his lips attached to hers, half naked on our couch. "Shit!" I close my eyes putting a hand over my eyes. "Fuck, sorry I should have called!" I turn around and I hear scrambling and a giggle. "I just… came for a dress and my mail." I put a shield around my eyes and then I hear Kate again.

"You show up like twice a month of course I wasn't expecting you." I turn to see the shirtless man coming towards me.

"You must be Ana."

"And you must be…?"

"I'm Elliott. I've heard a lot about you." He smiles a charming smile, and I can already see why Kate dropped her panties for him. _He was just her_ _type._

"Oh… cool."

"So you really dating Christian Grey?" He asks, his eyes wide, but a bit of intrigue behind them.

"Kate!" _Blabbermouth!_

"What! Is it a secret?"

"Well… no.. but…"

"Hey, I'm not a reporter or anything. I just thought the story was cool. A love conquers all type thing." He puts his arms up in defense. He still has his hand out and I reluctantly shake it.

"Okay… Elliott… so how did you guys meet?"

They launch into possibly the most adorable meet-cute story of how they'd met at a club opening. _His club_ to be exact. Kate's firm that she was interning for was handling the PR and when they met there was an instant connection. They spent the entire night attached at the hip… and lip.

I smile all the way upstairs Elliott and Kate's energy infectious as I flip through the stack of mail that Kate had put on my bed. Through the promotional coupons and credit card offers one piece sticks out. My name written in all caps and no addresses or postage meaning someone must have slipped it in the mailbox. Curiosity gets the best of me, and although I was feeling a bit uneasy, nothing could prepare me for the words typed out on the piece of paper inside.

 **YOU. WILL. PAY. BITCH**

The wind leaves my chest in a gust of wind, the blood is rushing in my ears so loud that I've lost all sense of sound. My vision is getting blurry and I wonder if it's because of the tears, or if I'm about to black out from the panic attack that's coming on.

 _It's here._

 _And Christian isn't._

 _It'll be over soon. Just ride it out._ I tell myself. I hear myself mutter one word, before I'm out cold.

"Christian."

* * *

"Come on little lady, wake up. It's okay. You're safe." I hear his voice, and though it's not the one I was hoping for, it's something to cling to, my body coming out of the darkness and walking towards the sound of the soothing voice. "That's it, just follow my voice."

"Oh Thank God, she's waking up." I hear Kate. _I think it's Kate._ "Christian, she's waking up. The door is open just come up when you get here."

 _Christian is coming. Christian is coming. Christian is coming. It's going to be fine._ I try so hard to make it to their voices but I can't and sleep claims me once again.

I finally wake up, my eyes flying open and I gasp, feeling like it's the first breath I've taken in months. The air finding my lungs as I slowly breathe. I feel hands on my cheeks immediately. "You're awake." The room is still light but I have no idea what time it is. _Thank God it isn't dark yet, I know for a fact that Christian wouldn't have left my side for anything despite his curfew_. "Christ, baby. I love you. I love you. I _fucking_ love you." He brushes my hair away from my eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. I should have been here." He murmurs against my neck. His body surrounding my tiny frame and making me feel safe and protected.

"Did you see?" I whisper, my mind already retreating back to the dark place. I knew who the letter was from, having had only one enemy in my life ever.

"Of course. The police are on their way." His lips rest at my temple, before he drags them down my cheek, effectively calming my nerves slightly.

"How long have I been out?"

"About thirty minutes. They should be here any minute. The paramedics as well."

"What? Christian, I don't want to go to the hospital."

"If they say you need to go, you're going. Do not argue with me. You fucking fainted. And I couldn't bring you out of it for anything. I held you in my arms for a good ten minutes, not wanting to let you go before Kate forced me to lie you down. I tried so hard to bring you out of it, and you would. not. wake. up." He grits his teeth as he leans over to turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I wince at the blast of light before I focus on him. "You scared me."

" _That_ scared me." I say referring to the note.

"I know. I know, angel. And we're going to get to the bottom of it. We're going to get that asshole."

"But what can they do? It's just a note."

"The statute of limitations aren't up, Ana. You're _going_ to tell the police what happened. I don't care if I have to pull it out of you. He's threatening you now, and if you don't do something about it. _I fucking will._ It's your call, Anastasia. But one way or another, Jonathan Hopewell is going down."

* * *

 **A/N: just a brief PSA: Elliott and Christian are not related in this story.**


	16. Chapter 16

**C POV**

"And there was no return address on the note at all?" An Officer Jenkins, a tall man that looks as if he's had one too many donuts asks Ana as she trembles like a leaf next to me, I'm half surprised she's not sitting in my lap. I watch as his eyes keep flitting to mine. _Focus on her, asshole._

"No." She shakes her head, pulling her blanket around her more as if to shield herself from the questions.

"Miss Steele… why is it that you never told anyone about your neighbors abuse? Why now?"

"Because he's threatening her life?" I jump in immediately. _Why the fuck do you think? Now I see why victims are at times scared to come forward. Why Mia didn't say anything. Fear of judgment. Or worse that no one will believe you._

"Yes, and you say that you ran into him at a club in Portland?" His eyes move down to his notepad assumedly reviewing the notes over what happened when my girl kicked his ass. The police had only been here about thirty minutes and already I was getting the vibe that they were going to be less than helpful.

She nods again. "With my friend Kate. She's downstairs if you want to corroborate the details."

"There's nothing to corroborate, it happened." I begin to rub her back in circles, my pathetic attempt to soothe her, when I know exactly what she needs. _But I need her alone for that._ Why would you lie? Officer Jenkins, what is this?"

"Christian…" Ana trails off, like she knows exactly where I'm going.

"Frankly, Mr. _Grey_ , I'm not sure why you're here." He looks at Ana. "Miss Steele, can I speak with you in private?"

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my thighs and, running my hand along my face in frustration as I attempt to hold my tongue. _How far can I go without violating my probation? Because this guy is a pain in the ass._

I feel a hand on my knee calming me instantly and when I look up I see Ana's piercing blue eyes. "I'll be right back, alright?" She turns back to the officer who seems to be eyeing us warily. "Don't go anywhere." She adds softly as she slides her hand into mine and squeezes.

"Never." I squeeze back.

I watch as she follows the officer out of her living room where we'd been and outside, the door closing behind them.

 **A POV**

"What is your relationship with him?" Officer Jenkins nods towards the house. I've met him a few times in passing, but I'll have to admit my heart sank when Officer Peters didn't respond to the call. I knew him much better and he was kind and warm and had a much more positive disposition when dealing with victims.

"With who?"

"You know who, Ana." He narrows his eyes as he looks towards my townhouse. "You're involved with that guy? Ana that's not safe. He just got out of prison."

"I'm aware. I do believe I know him better than almost anyone. He's not dangerous. He's sweet and he cares about people. He cares about _me._ "

"Do you trust him?"

"More than anyone."

"Well I don't. And to be honest I think you're being a bit naive."

"That has nothing to do with why you're here."

"Oh? You haven't seen or talked to your old neighbor in years and as soon as that man is out and you're… romantically involved with him, suddenly you're getting death threats? Tell me you're not stupid. Tell me you're not seeing the connection?"

"I'm sorry, are you trying to insinuate that Christian… knows Jonathan? And they're what teaming up now to hurt me? Are you kidding me?"

"I'm just saying, everything feels a little _too_ coincidental."

"I don't believe this." I shake my head, my brain not believing what my ears are hearing. "No. NO. There is…"

"How does he even know where you live… Hopewell. How did he find you?"

"Obviously he started searching for me after Portland."

"Another coincidence. Running into him at some random bar in Portland. Or he's working with your boyfriend who knows where you live."

"STOP saying that."

"Ana, you study law. Tell me, objectively, wouldn't you be connecting these same dots if you were me? If you were _anyone_?"

I'm silent, not knowing what to say, because in other circumstances I may actually be drawing the same conclusions. _At very least I wouldn't be ruling out the possibility._ But this was different. _This was Christian._

"Miss Steele, I don't think you're lying about your past. And we will get him for that. But there's no real way of knowing that he sent you this." He holds up the letter inside of the ziplock bag. "There's no real way of knowing _who_ sent you this. Maybe he's not working _with_ Hopewell. Maybe they're enemies, and he's trying to frame him. Knowing that if he sent you this letter, it would spook you just enough to go to the cops."

My hands begin to shake, the tears burning my eyes as they slide down my cheeks. I shake my head back and forth. "Christian doesn't know him. He doesn't know Hopewell. There's no connection."

"I think you believe that." He nods at me as I look up. "But… would you bet your life on it?"

* * *

I stare after the police car long after it's disappeared out of my neighborhood my heart hammering, my brain still processing everything he'd said.

He thinks Christian… _knows_ Jonathan?

That he's helping him.

Or maybe that they are enemies of some sort and Christian was trying to put him away over some personal vendetta.

Either way he believed that there was a connection.

 _No way. It's impossible._

Officer Jenkins said he would be looking into Hopewell's whereabouts and would be in touch but in the meantime to keep my eyes open for anything out of the ordinary.

"You okay?" I hear his voice and immediately my skin heats up as I feel his body heat directly behind me. I wonder if he's wary about touching me because he doesn't wrap his arms around me. I turn around, the tears still in my eyes and before I can think I'm in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist as I grind my pelvis into his torso. I'm whimpering and rubbing against him like I'm an actual cat in heat and without thinking I reach for the hem of my shirt even though we are still outside in broad daylight. I want my clothes off and his skin pressed against mine when he stops me.

"Baby, baby, wait." He stops me as he moves us back inside, probably getting the feeling that I wasn't planning on waiting much more. I was mildly aware that Kate and Elliott were still in the house but I didn't care. "Maybe we should go to my house?" He asks as he carries me up the stairs.

"No. I want out of these clothes. I can't be in them another second." I finally manage my top over my head, and my hands find the front clasp of my bra, yanking it open and off of me.

"Fuck me. Ana." We make it into my bathroom, me still wrapped around him like ivy. He turns the shower on and somehow manages to get us in to the shower, him still fully clothed and my shorts and underwear still on. "What do you need, baby tell me."

"Naked. Need… to… feel… you." I manage out between breaths, my pelvis still grinding against him. The seam of my shorts is pressing into my slit and rubbing my clit through my underwear every time I grind harder against him.

"What happened? What did he say?" He asks me. "The Officer."

"Not now, Christian. Just fuck me. And make me forget today happened."

"Ana…" He trails off, halting my movements and stopping me from continuing to essentially hump him.

"Dammit, Christian. Not now!" I dig my nails into his shoulders, trying my best to tell him what I need.

Something must snap inside of him, or he must realize now wasn't the time because in a second his demeanor switches. His mood suddenly darker as he sets me to my feet and boxes me against the wet tile. "Watch your tone, Anastasia." He says through gritted teeth and my clit pulses in response. He's breathing hard through his nose and his eyes are dark, almost black. "I fucking care about you. When you're away from me, knowing that you're still breathing is the only thing that keeps me fucking sane." I can feel my heart beating wildly in my chest hearing this intense confession of love… and maybe something bordering on obsession. "No one has ever possessed me in such a way." He slams his fist against the tile next to me and I jump. "So don't you dare yell at me when I just want to fucking help you."

I whimper suddenly feeling like shit for yelling at him when I feel my lip trembling. He takes my chin in his hand and squeezes it hard. "Don't you fucking cry. Now I am going to fuck you. For my pleasure. Not yours. And then I'm going to make you tell me why you're so upset, because you can't hide _anything_ from me, Anastasia. I don't care if I have to tie you to the bed and deny you any and all potential orgasms for the rest of the night. I watched you try to rip your clothes off in the front yard to get closer to me. He said something. And I want to know what." He growls and I can't help my body's reaction.

 _I can't tell if he's actually mad or he knows this is what I want. What I need. I need his anger, his control, his aggression._

"Take what you need from me. Please." I whimper. I pop the button of my shorts open and he slides them down my legs with ease despite the fact that they are soaking wet and sticking to me. He's kneeling in front of me having tossed my shorts toward the other end of the tub and presses his face into my sex, sucking on the slick flesh through my underwear. I imagine my lace white underwear are practically see through now and within seconds they're scraps of wet fabric in his hands.

He's still completely clothed as he kneels before me, tonguing my pussy like he never has before. His beard is a little longer than usual, and the tiny sharp hairs are almost stabbing my insides as he pushes his face hard and deep into me. Despite the prickles, dragging across my clit every few moments I feel the familiar tingle in my toes start to move up my body. My hands move to his hair, scratching his scalp just as I always do right before I come when he stands, lifting me into his arms and pressing me against the wall.

"I was- so close. You stopped." I whisper as I let my head fall back and his tongue finds my neck, catching water droplets with his tongue.

"I already told you. Your little outburst is costing you an orgasm. Good girls shouldn't throw tantrums like that."

"I'm not… I just…"

"Quiet, Anastasia." He tells me as he grinds his crotch into my pussy. His jeans are rubbing against me at just the right angle. I wrap my arms around his neck as I rock against him. My teeth graze his ear and he groans. "Take off your pants, Christian. Please. I need you inside of me."

"You aren't calling the shots here, _blue eyes_."

The words instantly send a spark to my sex, but just as quick my mind reverts back to when he used to call me that.

 _Prison._

 _Christian in prison._

And then just as quickly, it's as if I can see Officer Jenkins staring at me, judging me. Warning me.

 _Would you bet your life on it?_

I squeeze my eyes shut. _Yes. Yes! I would. Christian would never hurt me. Never. He loves me._

 _I love him._

 _Would you bet your life on it?_

"Oh my God, SHUT UP!" I scream, my eyes screwed shut as my head is resting on his shoulder. They immediately fly open when he stops thrusting his hips into me and pulls me away from him.

I swallow hard, not knowing how I'm going to get out of this. "That wasn't- I mean I wasn't talking to you."

He sits me down instantly, his eyes worried and hurt as he takes a small step back away from me. "Since when can't you talk to me?"

"I can… I-"

"Obviously not. I thought I could fuck it out of you but I can't touch you like this."

"Wh-what?"

"You don't trust me."

"What? Of course I do."

"If you did, you'd tell me what was going on up here." He presses his fingers to my temple gently and drags them down my face.

My teeth find my bottom lip as I feel the tears forming and I'm trying my best to remain calm. I let out a breath.

"Baby, talk to me. Please." He urges, the desperation evident in his voice.

"It's not… it's just this Jonathan stuff." I wasn't ready to tell him what Jenkins said. I wasn't ready to tell him that his words affected me more than I'd expected.

 _I didn't believe it._

 _I couldn't believe it._

 _But… did I bet my life on it?_

Did Christian single me out because of my past? Did he know about me long before I knew about him?

 _No,_ my heart says.

 _But… was I one hundred percent sure?_

 _No._ My mind thinks before my heart has the chance to react this time.

 _I did believe that he loved me now… but was there an agenda- before?_

"I won't let him hurt you, you know that right?" His hands find my cheeks, cupping them gently. "I won't leave your side until that asshole is behind bars. "I'll never leave your side, Ana." He kisses my forehead, pulling me into his arms and for the first time ever since Christian and I have been intimate, the feeling of his arms around me scares me just a little.

* * *

"I think I'm going to stay here tonight." I tell him as I pull the sweatshirt over my torso and the shorts up my legs. I brace for impact, already preparing for the explosion.

"The hell you are. He knows you fucking live here. And I can't stay here with you." Christian was as naked as the day he was born, all of his clothes currently in the dryer after he'd taken a swim in my shower with all of his clothes on. It would be dark soon and Christian would need to leave to go home, and I realized that maybe space away to clear my thoughts was exactly what I needed.

I couldn't think when him and his cock and his scent were all over me. I needed perspective and I needed to be away from him to do that.

My parents, Sawyer, Kate, hell even Andrea and Hannah all had something to say about my choice of lover, and it was easy to tell them to back off. But now someone was threatening me.

 _Ana this is all just a coincidence. You think that he got out of prison and is now feeding Hopewell information on you?_

 _I didn't say that!_ My mind screams.

 _You're letting that dickhead police officer get in your head._

 _Well them and everyone else._

I rub my head as I try and quiet the voices. _Shit I really was losing it._

"Ana." His voice rings through the quiet room. "Come here, baby." My legs move on their own, climbing into his lap and letting myself be calmed by the sound of his even breathing. He lifts my chin upwards to look at him. "You can't hide from me, Angel."

"I just think…"

"This isn't up for discussion, Ana."

"What are you going to drag me there by my hair?"

"If I have to." He raises an eyebrow at me.

"I'll be fine here."

"No, Ana."

"You can't force me."

"Watch me." He grips my chin hard. "What is this? This isn't you." He lets it go. "You and I both know that what we have… it can protect us against anything." He rubs his nose against mine and I push away slightly moving out of his arms. "My love for you will keep you safe."

"Who would have thought after everything you'd turn into such a romantic." I tease him and his face darkens slightly.

"What does that mean?"

I turn back to him and cock my head to the side. "Nothing. I just… you were such a caveman at first and now you're so mushy." I smile, but he's still making that face. _Did I hurt his feelings?_

"Did that asshole cop give you a hard time about… me?"

"What?" I fold my arms over my chest to try and keep them from shaking. To keep _him_ from seeing that they're shaking.

"You heard me." His voice is low and gravelly and if this were any other circumstances, I'd already be on my knees in front of him.

"No, Christian. He was talking about Hopewell."

"Bullshit, Anastasia. What did he say?"

"You're being paranoid. You think everyone has something to say about you."

"Everyone _does._ And you're lying… right to my face!"

"Just because I want to sleep in my own bed, I'm a liar?"

"No you're a liar because I can see it written all over your face! You're keeping something from me." He accuses, as he stands and my eyes immediately go downwards. "Don't you dare look at my dick, Ana."

I swallow as I try to look everywhere _except_ down. "Well can you cover it up then? It's distracting." I roll my eyes as I walk towards my bed and hand him a pillow.

He holds it in front of his crotch and stares at me. _Hard._ "If you're so hellbent on staying here, I'll stay here with you."

"What? Christian, you know you can't do that."

"Well if my girlfriend doesn't give a shit about her safety, someone has to."

I frown, hearing his harsh words. "That's not fair. I give a shit, I'm just not going to let him control my life. You're my boyfriend not my fucking bodyguard."

"You're right, not all bodyguards would give their life for you."

My heart skips a beat hearing his words and my legs practically give out, as I set on the bed, crossing my legs and putting my head in my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting like that when I feel the bed dip and he's next to me, his pillow still resting across his lap. "I'm so tired."

"I don't know what's going on with us, but… I don't want to be away from you tonight. _Please._ I walked in here, to find the woman I love passed out cold and a threatening note next to her. I know you're shook up, Angel. But so the fuck am I. Please don't push me away. I love you and I want to protect you and I can't if you're not with me." He sighs. "In three months if we're still here and you randomly want to sleep away from me, then you can, because at least I know I can get to you if I need to. At least I can sleep outside your house if I'm worried."

I sigh, suddenly exhausted.

 _You know you're scared._

"Fine. I'll go get your clothes and then we should go." I say leaving the room and heading down the stairs.

* * *

I'm sitting in Christian's bed, completely clothed despite the fact that my body has been humming ever since I walked into his house an hour ago. We've barely said much to each other, Christian finally giving up after I'd been giving him all one word answers.

He's in the shower without his clothes this time, and I wonder if he was hoping I'd join him. I hear the shower turn off, and I immediately scramble under the covers and dim the lights, turning over on my side away from his. I hear him rummaging around in his bathroom for a few moments and the door opens, the steam billowing out into the room and his body wash infiltrating my nostrils.

 _Fuck he smells good._ My pussy and hormones practically scream at me.

 _Not while you're like this, Ana._ My brain tells me.

I shut my eyes, my body completely rigid as he sits down on the bed. I'm too scared to open them for fear that he can see my eyes but then I feel his hand on my back. "Now you're pretending to be asleep?"

I let out a breath, knowing I've been caught. "I'm just too tired for sex."

"You're too tired for me to hold you, too?"

I can't stop the tears from leaking from my eyes as I hear his words, but I don't say anything. Actually I hold my breath, so that I don't sniffle or hiccup.

He sighs.

"Okay then." He says quietly before he turns the lights completely off, shrouding the whole room in darkness.

I've been staring into the darkness for the past hour, and my body knows that the man in bed with me is still awake as well. "Please don't hate me." I whisper.

I hear him shuffle slightly and I wonder if he was facing away from me and now he wasn't. "I don't. I could never hate you."

"I hate me."

"Why?"

"For not going to the police sooner."

"Is that what Jenkins said? Did he make you feel bad for that? He's a fucking asshole, Ana-"

"No." I stop him. "He didn't. But I should have. I should have told my parents. A teacher. Someone."

"Victims have all kinds of reasons for not wanting to come forward. Mia thought no one would believe her. She was scared because he was our stepbrother. She didn't want to be the reason the family broke up because she knew how happy our mother was with his father. She had a shopping list of reasons, but none of them mean more than your safety and peace of mind."

"I know."

"Do you want me to be there with you when you tell your parents?"

 _I haven't even figured out how or when to tell them and after my last visit home, the last thing I wanted to do was subject Christian to them again._ "You want to go to my parents house again? After last time?"

"I don't give a shit about your parents, Ana. I care about you. This is about you and what you need from me. Whatever you need."

 _Tell him, Ana._

 _Is that what's wise? For you to tell him that you're having reservations?_

 _For him to feel like he can't trust any of the people that are actually trying to help? Even if he did put ludicrous ideas in your head?_

 _Ah, so you know it's ludicrous._

 _You know that the idea of Christian hurting you is complete bullshit._

I clear my throat. "Yes." I say out loud, both in response to the words in my head and his question about whether he should be there when I tell my parents.

"Okay." I hear him turn back over on his side and my heart sinks, knowing that I did this to him. My rejection of his affection makes him wary about touching me. The thought makes me sick.

"I'm so sorry." I turn over and face him, despite the fact that the room is dark and I can still make out the white t-shirt he's wearing. He turns onto his back, his face staring at the ceiling.

"Something's different between us and I don't know why." He says softly. "Did I do something?"

"No." I whisper, my heart hurting that he thinks that there is anything _he_ could do that would push me to behave this coldly. My heart forces me towards him and then I'm in his arms, my head resting over his heart and my arms wrapped around him. My leg threads between his and I stroke his chest gently. "Promise me something."

"Anything." I can feel him starting to rub my head, stroking my hair gently before letting his fingertips ghost down my back.

"Promise me, no matter what. You'll never hurt me. Even if you're mad or… I don't know you feel like you have to. Just promise me that."

"What? Ana… what does that even mean? You know I'd never hurt you."

"Just… promise." I whisper, my body finally feeling comfortable enough to sleep.

 _Because you're finally where you belong. In his arms. Stop fighting him!_

"I didn't think I had to but… I promise." He finds my forehead and presses a kiss to the skin, and just before he pulls away I feel something wet on my nose. "I swear, Ana."

I know exactly what the wet on my nose is and it alerts me that I probably just broke the heart of the man I love.

* * *

I wake alone in bed, my mind on high alert as Christian isn't next to me. I sit up, rubbing my face when my eyes immediately move to the corner of the room when I sense movement.

Christian is sitting in the chair, staring at me, his eyes almost piercing my soul. "What are you doing?" I ask him.

He rubs his hands together before he stands up and makes his way across the room. His hand finds my face and cups it gently and my body automatically fiends for him. I push my face further into his hand and present my lips for him when he gives me a small smile. "I'm going to go for a run. I'll be back in a bit. When I get back, I'll take you home if you'd like."

"Wait… what?" I ask him, not sure where this is coming from. I know I hurt him but I know his feelings about protecting me haven't changed.

"I know you want some space. I can come pick you up later before it gets dark. I would prefer if you continued to stay with me, but I understand you may want some space during the day."

"Christian-"

"Ana, don't patronize me, you fought me so hard last night. I'm giving you what you want."

 _It's not what I want! I'm just…_ I let out a breath, still unsure of how to get my feelings out in the open when he disappears from the room without another word.

A few minutes later, I watch from the window as I see him moving down the street, his long limbs traveling much faster than when he runs with me.

 _He slows down his run for you so you can keep up._ I don't know why the thought hits me so hard but it does and soon I'm in a fit of sobs that I can't even control. I grab my phone, not surprised by the number of texts from Hannah and Andrea after I basically blew them off last night.

I ignore them for the moment, calling the only other person in the world who knew what was going on other than Christian trying to calm myself down as the phone rings. "Hey. How are you? Are you okay?" Kate says immediately when she picks up the phone. "Christian texted me last night when you guys got to his place, but then I didn't hear from him again. He said you're taking it hard. And you're quiet."

"You- you've talked to Christian?"

"Yes, he thought we should exchange numbers."

"But you don't even like him."

"That's not true. I was just a bit worried given his record. But… my doubts have been crushed. That man worships you. Shit, I'm only half convinced he won't go back to prison for you."

"Don't say that!"

"Sorry, won't speak that into the atmosphere. But seriously, Hopewell better watch his back."

"The cop yesterday suggested that Christian was in on it." I blurt out, my knuckle finding my mouth as I bite down so hard, I know there will be teeth marks for at least a day.

"He said… what?" Her voice is low and I hear a door close, leading me to believe that Elliott may be around and Kate needed some privacy.

"He speculated that this all felt too coincidental. That it's possible that Christian was in on it with Hopewell. That he knew him. He thinks it's weird that all of a sudden after years, now I've had a run in with Hopewell and he knows where I live. Because… Christian does."

"That's bullshit. You don't buy that, right?"

"No. But… he asked if I would bet my life on it. That's what I'm doing, by staying with Christian. I'm betting my life on the fact that there is no connection between them."

She blows out a breath. "Jesus, Steele. I didn't even think of that."

"Me either. Like is it weird that we ran into him in Portland? I haven't heard from him in years."

"Yeah… I… wow…" she lets out a breath. "Shit I need a drink. But you trust Christian. Implicitly, right?"

"I do… I think… I mean yes. But why do his words keep floating around my brain?"

"God, it's a conspiracy theory if I've ever heard one."

"His other hypothesis is that maybe they are enemies or something and Christian is now trying to frame him."

"You mean like… _he_ wrote the note?"

"Exactly. Like it would scare me enough to go to the cops and to set all of this in motion to put Hopewell in prison."

"Holy shit. But you left with him last night, so you have to trust him on some level. Or else it would be pretty stupid to let yourself be alone with him. Also, wait so… the cops think what, Christian will try and get you alone and then that's it? You've been alone with him for the better part of three months?"

"Nothing makes sense, Kate. And believe me, I know that Jenkins is probably just another nosy passerby like everyone else who feels so entitled to their opinion over my relationship with Christian."

"Okay, be straight with me. I know things have been tense with us over Christian in the past, but tell me the truth. Don't listen to the thoughts in your head because this isn't something you can use logic over. You can argue two sides to anything. What does your heart tell you?"

I let out a breath, closing my eyes and just letting myself feel.

My mind drifts back to one of the times at the prison, before we'd really begun flirting, before the eighteenth century sexting and love notes. Before he was out.

" _Miss Steele." Christian nods as I sit in front of him. His eyes scan my face and his gaze immediately drops to my lips when he sees my teeth sunk into the bottom one. "How are you?"_

" _I think I should be asking you that."_

" _You seem a bit… agitated."_

 _I frown, wondering how he can feel the waves of tension over what happened with my co-workers. Jealousy was all that it was. Jealousy that I was chosen to take on these visits alone because the director found me the most capable and knowledgeable._

" _I'm okay." I smile. I've always been told I have a great poker face, so it's a bit unnerving how well he knows me._

" _You sure?"_

 _I nod._

" _I mean I know I'm not a therapist or anything or maybe even anyone you'd want to confide in but you can talk to me… if you want."_

 _His words, and the look in his eyes makes me want to tell him everything._

 _I lick my lips before I drop my gaze to my lap. "Some of the people on the project are just a bit jealous of how much access I have to… you. And just everything with your case." He furrows his brow slightly. "They're arguing that this is a two person job."_

" _No." He says immediately and my eyes widen slightly. "I trust you. And I don't trust many people. I get a say don't I?"_

" _Your feelings are taken into consideration, yes."_

" _You're all I need."_

 _His words shoot a feeling straight to my sex and I think even he's taken aback, hearing the meaning in his words. "I just mean, I don't want another person in here." He leans forward, his index finger grazing my pinky finger just slightly. "I wouldn't trust my life with anyone but you."_

I almost drop the phone as I'm brought back to the here and now. _He bet his life on it._ "You there, Steele?"

"I love him… so much. And… oh my God! What have I done!?" I put a hand over my eyes, as the tears pour from them. "I hurt him, so much! Kate, he's never going to forgive me."

"Okay, deep breaths. Yes he will, but you can't talk to him while you're this hysterical. Where is he now?"

"On a run."

"You need to shower and get yourself together before you tell him all of this."

"You're suggesting I tell him what Jenkins said?"

"Yes. I am."

"But…"

"You have to be honest with him, Ana."

"But that will just hurt him."

"He doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks… just you. And if you've been acting like the ice queen since you guys left, that's probably hurting him far more than anything you could relay from Jenkins."

I clear my throat as I look out the window seeing him jog back towards the house. "He's coming back."

"Talk to him, Ana. Tell him you love him."

"Okay."

"It's going to be fine. He loves you."

"I know."

"So, maybe one Saturday, we can all… you know do something. Like brunch… or… I don't know mini golf."

"You know I hate mini golf."

"Fine, no mini golf. But… Elliott mentioned like a double date or something."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he said he knew of Christian… I guess in his previous life." She chuckles. "They went to the same golf course."

"Oh."

"He said they maybe they could go sometime."

"Are you asking for me to set my boyfriend up with your boyfriend on a date?" I giggle.

"Shut up, let me know, okay?"

"Sure, Kate. And… thanks."

"Alright, now go fuck that man into next week."

"Here's hoping he even wants to." I say as I hang up just as Christian walks in, the sweat pouring from him. I lick my lips, wanting to taste the sweat from his skin. "Can we talk?"

"I'm going to go shower and then we can go." He tells me, walking into his bathroom. I frown and run after him before he can shut the door behind him.

"Can I shower with you?"

He turns around to look at me and raises an eyebrow. "I didn't think you wanted to be near me like that."

"I always want to be near you." I tell him as I move towards him, wrapping my hands around him. "Shower with me."

He swallows, but doesn't speak another word, just nodding his head once as he turns his shower on. Within seconds we are in his shower, and I've pushed him onto the marble seat in his shower, my wet body straddling him. I grip his face, keeping our eyes locked before I press a gentle kiss to his lips. I pull back just enough so that our lips would graze every time I spoke. "We need to talk."

He nods.

"I love you." I tell him immediately. "What I have to say has nothing to do with that. Even despite how I behaved yesterday, I never doubted my love for you. It was never about that. If anything, my mind and heart have been at war for the past twelve hours. But it was never… about what I felt for you."

He narrows his eyes and nods again.

"I wasn't sure if I did… if I could… bet my life on it. Bet my life that you… would never hurt me."

His eyebrows furrow confusedly and I put a hand up, telling him to let me finish.

"But I can. I trust you so much. Probably more than I trust myself. I made a mistake." I look down between us, his flaccid dick hanging between his legs even as my naked pussy is pressed against him. "I let someone get in my head, I-"

"Jenkins." He adds.

"Jenkins." I confirm.

"Jackass."

"Be that as it may, you can't retaliate. If you see him again, you have to let it go. You can't say anything to him. You're going to be hurt and angry and I know your instinct will be to beat the shit out of him, but you can't. And you have to promise me that you won't."

"I don't have any interest in going back to jail for hitting some dumbass cop, so we're good." He shakes his head and I nod.

"I'm holding you to that, Grey."

"I've never lied to you. I've never broken a promise to you. And if I recall, the only promise I told you that I'd ever _consider_ breaking was that I'd kill for you."

I take a deep breath and he cocks his head to the side looking at me. "Whatever it is, I'm not mad at you, Angel. I just want you to talk to me. Let me fix it."

His words are my undoing, washing over me like the warm water of the shower. _How could I have doubted him. How! How was I not 100% sure from the beginning?_ "I love you so much."

"I love _you_ so much." He tells me, bringing my lips to his. He pulls back slightly, our lips still close when he whispers. "I thought you were going to tell me it was over."

"You and me?" I squeak.

He nods. "When you shut down on me like that… I… I knew if you were scared, you'd open up to me. I knew if you were angry, you'd want me to fuck you until you felt better. But you were quiet, and you wouldn't let me touch you. I just- I didn't know what you were thinking. I couldn't read you. And then you didn't want to come home with me and I-"

"I was scared." I tell him and a frown crosses his face.

"Of…? Me?"

"Not… exactly."

"What… does that mean?"

"Jenkins… alluded that…" the words are caught in my throat and despite the heat of the shower, the goosebumps pop up all over my skin. I push myself closer to him, wanting his body heat to warm me. "Hold me, please." He presses his lips to my shoulder, and wraps his arms around me keeping me close to him. I press my hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat under my palm. It's thumping wildly in his chest, and I know I need to spit it out.

"Christian…" I whisper.

 _Thump thump thump_

"I don't believe it…"

 _Thump thump thump thump_

"But he thought, maybe you were working… with him…"

He tenses instantly, and I squeeze my eyes shut and grip him tightly in case he was ready to explode and I know he won't while I'm clinging this tightly to him. "Don't hate me, don't hate me, don't hate me!" I cry, my muscles so tense and taut I feel like I might snap.

"Angel." He whispers in my ear and I relax. _This is good. This is calm._ "Breathe, baby."

"I am!" I manage to say, even though I was in fact not breathing.

"In and out." I feel his chest against mine taking deep inhale and exhales and I begin to follow his lead. "Guide me inside of you." I hear in my ear and I pull away seeing the look of pure love on his face. He gives me a slight smile, but I know him well enough to know that he's hurting.

I do as he asks, sheathing myself all the way down his shaft. In this moment, I'll do whatever it takes to make him feel better after my horrific words. "I'm so sorry. I let him get in my head and…"

"You believed it?" I feel deliciously full as he asks me this question. I try to look away when he grabs my face and pulls it towards his. "Look at me. Did you believe it?"

"No." I shake my head. "I didn't. But… that's why I said what I did. He asked if I would bet my life on it." I look down sadly. "At the time, I didn't know that I could."

"What exactly did he say, Ana?"

I tell him everything, all of Jenkins' hypothesis' and when I'm done, my pussy is still wrapped around him, my body still flush against him. "Say something."

"And now?"

"And now what?"

"What do you think about all of this now?"

"I think… that you're still the best thing that ever happened to me. That I love you… more than anyone in the whole world. That you would never hurt me. I don't believe it for a second. I don't think I ever did. I'm sorry I freaked out, Christian. My mind was just… fucked up yesterday."

"I get that."

"Do you?"

"Do I get that the woman I love thinks that I'm working with the man that tortured her all of her childhood? No. Ana I went to jail for killing the man that did this to my sister. Do you really think I'm capable of hurting any woman? Do you really think I'm capable of hurting the woman I want to make the mother of my children?"

"No! And… I thought about all of that."

"So then you just thought that I sent the letter to scare you into putting him in jail. Like I would exploit your fear like that."

"No… Christian. I didn't think any of these things."

"No, you just let someone put those thoughts in your head. And you fixated on them. You wouldn't let me touch you!"

"I wasn't afraid of you."

"If I didn't have the past I did, would you have even entertained the thought?" He asks and my blood runs cold.

"Christian-"

"No, Ana. Answer me. If you and I just met at a grocery store, or coffee shop or some bullshit dating app, tell me, would you even think twice about telling Jenkins that he was out of his mind?"

I'm silent, not wanting to lie to him when it's obvious he already knows the answer. "Everyone else in my life treats me like an ex-con, Ana." He pulls out of me and stands me up so he can make his way out of the shower. "I never expected that from you."

* * *

I sit in the shower for a few more minutes as the tears slide down my cheeks.

 _Fix it, Ana._

 _NOW._

I get up, turning the water off, that was beginning to cool. I pull my robe around me that Christian had bought for me as he did so many things so I didn't have to bring everything over from my place. I open the door to see Christian sitting on the bed, his towel still wrapped around his waist, his back to me as he stares at the wall. I almost run towards him, and lower myself to the floor in front of him. I put my hands on his knees, and move my head to try and catch his gaze as I see him staring at the floor. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake… I… let other people make me question you and me and our love and I hate myself for that. But… please don't shut me out."

"Oh, like you did yesterday?"

"I know, I was wrong."

"I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. But you know I care what you think."

"I know. I just didn't think it was fair to keep this from you."

"I'm glad you told me. I'm glad to know the woman I love has doubts about me. It makes me feel great that she thinks I'm working with her abuser."

I push myself to my feet and climb into his lap. "Make love to me."

"Sex isn't going to fix this."

"Please. You need this and so do I."

He cups my cheek, rubbing his thumb over my lip. "I would never hurt you."

"I know that."

"I want to marry you, Ana." My heart skips a beat. "Make you my wife and the mother of my children. You told me we could have those things. That I could have them with you…"

"You can. You're the only person I want those things with." I reassure him. _Does he think that I don't want those things anymore?_

 _Well you did kind of imply that in so many words… what woman wants to marry a man she thought MAY or may not be in cahoots with a man potentially stalking her?_

"You said you wanted to leave Seattle with me."

"I do. I _am_!"

"I have something for you." He tells me as he moves me off of him slightly and gets off the bed and towards his closet. When he comes back he has something in his hand that I can't quite make out. As he gets closer, I realize what is is and my heart stops.

 _Is that… ?_

"This is yours. If you want it." His eyes look up at me. "I had this whole big plan once my probation was up, we'd go somewhere for the night. Spend the night drinking too much at dinner, dancing, making love at a hotel well into the morning. And then when you were still love drunk and sleepy, I'd slide it onto your finger and ask you to be with me forever."

The tears stream down my cheeks as I realize that this man bought me… _a ring._

"My dad gave this to me years ago. And told me when I'd met the right woman this was for her. He'd given it to my mom, but she gave it back when they got divorced. I'd had the settings replaced but the diamond was nice, so I kept that." I frown realizing that he'd been engaged once before.

"Leila didn't deserve this. I bought her a different ring." He snorts. "Which she kept of course. I guess a part of me knew that she couldn't have this. No… this was always meant for you, Ana."

My words are caught in my throat, a hand across my chest as his sweet words swirl around me.

 _Yes! Oh my God, a million times yes._ "Yes!" He hadn't officially asked me, but the word was bursting out of me like an explosion.

"I'm not asking you now." The smile on my face immediately fades.

He sits next to me, the small red velvet box sitting in the palm of his hand. "I want you to really think about this. Whether you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Because the rest of your life is a long time if you're already having doubts. If you're already letting people get in your head. If you think I could possibly hurt you. I don't want to marry a woman who… who won't bet her life on me. I know I was engaged before, and she so clearly wouldn't. But _you_ changed that, Ana. You showed me what it was like love someone unconditionally to… _set your soul on fire_. So now, I can't go back from that. Not anymore."

"Christian you do. And I would bet my life on you, in a heartbeat. I told you, it was just a scary thought, I wasn't thinking clearly. But I know that you'd never hurt me. I just…"

"I know, and I'm not even mad at you for that. I get reservations. I've been trying to tell you for months, that it was normal. I'm not suggesting we break up or take time apart or any of that. I'm just asking that you really think about what it is you want. And what you want for your future. Because you're my future. But… that only works if I'm yours as well."

* * *

 **A/N: Guys, don't kill Ana. Try to put yourself in** **her shoes…**

 **But haaaay there's a ring ;) Btw do you know how hard it is to keep coming up with new proposals? haha**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: You guys had a lot of opinions on the last chapter! They made for interesting reads. A lot of you wanted to see Ana grovel. I see where you're coming from, but I still stand by my girl's freak out. Hope you like the follow up!**

* * *

 **C POV**

 _If you could only see the way she loves me_

 _Then maybe you would understand_

 _Why I feel this way about our love_

 _And what I must do_

 _If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says_

 _When she says she loves me_

The words of Tonic blare in my ears as I pound the pavement at the ridiculous hour of four am. I was still keyed up from the day before, and Ana's revelations. My heart was still racing as I essentially poured it out to her in response, showing her the ring I'd planned to give her, my best defense mechanism without showing her how gutted her words left me.

 _She actually thought I could hurt her?_

The rational part of my brain could see past her fear, past my hurt and the obvious miscommunications between us.

 _She was scared. Shook up. She'd just received a threatening note from a man that spent half of a decade tormenting her. He'd left marks on her precious skin. Touched her. Damn near broke her._

" _You brought me back to life, Christian."_ I shut my eyes briefly, her face flashing into my mind as the guilt runs through me. _I shouldn't be angry._ I'd barely talked to her in the last twenty four hours, only feeling truly intimate with her just before sleep when she cuddled up against me.

She'd tried to talk, but I haven't been ready to hear the words. _I'm sorry, I love you, I was stupid to let them get in my head._

The truth was she wasn't stupid. Ana was level-headed. Smart as hell and looked at things from a hundred different perspectives- something that was required for her study and her potential line of work. That's what hurt. It wasn't just emotions she was acting on. It wasn't just her heart. It was her mind.

 _You know she wasn't using her heart at all. Her heart didn't believe it. Her heart knew you truly loved her._

My feet slow to a stop, my hands finding my thighs as I begin to breathe deeply, the sweat pouring from my temples and trickling down my face. I lift my shirt, wiping my brow and turn around. My eyes find her instantly, a few yards behind me, her chest heaving as if she'd been running, but she'd slowed to a walk. Her eyes are fixated on my bare torso, her lip between her teeth.

 _Had she been following me this whole time?_

 _Fuck. And I was all but sprinting. I try to keep a slow pace when she's running with me, I wish I had known._

I close the space between us, and lift her chin to look at me, my eyes doing their best to stay off her lean body. The sports bra she's wearing that showed off her toned stomach and the tight leggings that showed her sexy womanly curves. I wanted to cup her bottom and squeeze her cheeks in my firm hands.

"You've been following me this whole time?" She nods, her gaze wary and nervous. "Ana it's early, and I had headphones in."

"So?"

"I wouldn't have known if you'd fallen or… someone tried to bother you."

"I was keeping up and I have strong lungs, I could scream over your music." She smiles and I don't miss the tingle in my cock thinking about her screaming.

 _Screaming while I fuck her._

 _Screaming while I pound into her mercilessly._

 _Screaming as I nibble on that special spot between her legs._

"That's not the point, Anastasia. Someone could have done something to you. Grabbed you. Taken you. Why are you so hellbent on putting me in an early grave?" _What if that asshole was following her? He could have snatched her right off the street._

I was well aware that I may have been overreacting, that I was being paranoid. But then I remember that fucking note.

 **You. Will. Pay. Bitch.**

"I'm not!" She shakes her head, the tears flooding her eyes. "I'm sorry, I keep making you upset, I just-" she starts and immediately puts a hand over her eyes. "I keep screwing everything up."

"No." I tell her as I tuck a stray hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. "I just would have gone slower. I didn't know you wanted to run with me. I would prefer to run behind you next time."

I rest my hand on her back as we start the three miles back to my house. "I'm proud that you kept up." I smile at her.

"It wasn't easy at times. You're a fucking machine."

"Thank prison, I guess." I shrug and she stops walking putting her hands on her hips and I raise an eyebrow at her, knowing that I was about to get an earful of sass. I cross my arms at her, daring her to go too far.

"Stop that." She snaps.

"Stop what?"

"You know what."

"I was making a statement. Prison got me in the best shape of my life."

She sighs defeatedly, the fight leaving her eyes as she lets her arms drop. "We should talk." She says as she falls into step next to me.

"We've got time." I tell her, if we're not going to run the three miles back, we certainly have some time especially if we're going at this speed as Ana's shorter legs and slower pace will slow us down.

"I don't want this to be the end of us." She whispers and when I look at her, her cheeks are red, and I see the tears building in her eyes.

"It's not." I tell her immediately, wanting to do anything to get that painful look off her face. "I get where you're coming from… in theory."

"I know that I reacted pretty poorly to everything yesterday. I don't have an excuse, I'm not going to try and justify it. I have nothing to say for myself… I was just hurt and scared and confused. I wasn't thinking clearly." She looks up at me, her feet stopping on their own accord. "How could I be thinking clearly… it's… _you_." The tears are back with a vengeance, slipping down her cheeks in rapid succession. "You're not a bad guy, Christian. You didn't do a bad thing. There's not a bad bone in your body. And I made you think…" she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around herself as her legs wobble under her. I half wonder if she's got the strength to keep herself upright, exhausted both emotionally and physically so I pull her into my arms, lifting her off the ground.

"We can finish talking at home."

"I can walk. We're three miles from home."

I roll my eyes at her, finally landing on her and she gives me a small smile despite her tears and her hands find the back of my neck, playing with the hair there. We are silent for a few minutes, the only sounds are the birds beginning to chirp their alerts that morning was upon us. "You need a haircut."

"Not the priority." I tell her.

She pulls my hair slightly. "As much as I like having all of this to pull on when you go down on me, this is a little long." Her hands find my jaw and she pulls slightly on my beard. "This can stay." She bites her lip as she traces my mouth with her fingers. "I love this."

My eyes find hers, her fingers still resting on my lips and all reason goes out the window. We're not far off the trail, and before Ana can ask what is happening she's back on her feet, my body flush against hers, my chest pressed against her back. "Hands on the tree."

"What?"

"Put your fucking hands on the tree, Anastasia. Don't make me ask you again."

I can't see anything except the sweat glistening on her skin. Her teeth biting down on her lip. Her ass in those leggings.

This is why I was about to fuck Anastasia against a tree in the middle of a running trail in Seattle.

I pull her leggings down to her ankles, and I kneel behind her pulling her silk panties down with them. I run my tongue up the back of her leg, finding her ass and sinking my teeth into the cheek. She yelps in response and I stand, wrapping her ponytail around my wrist and hauling her back towards my chest. "Are you going to be a good girl and stay quiet?"

"Y-yes. But Christian, here?"

"Yes, Anastasia. _Here._ "

"Now?"

"Give me your trust, Anastasia. Do you think I'd let anyone see you?"

"This is public indecency. And you're on probation." She states half-heartedly. I laugh.

"You should have thought about that before you gave me "come fuck me" eyes while you stared at my beard like you wanted to feel it between your thighs."

She swallows. "I figured it wouldn't work. That you were too mad at me."

"I can still fuck you while I'm mad at you. Bend over." I tell her as I lower my shorts slightly, pulling my heavy cock out of them and rubbing it against her smooth ass. For a brief moment, I think about sticking it there. But I decide against it, when she bends over and the smell of her cunt fills my nostrils, combined with the scent of the early morning dew.

 _Fuck._

I don't have time to worship her like if we were at home, so I slip inside of her instantly and she squeezes. _Hard._

"Fuck, Angel. You feel so. fucking. good." I grunt in between my aggressive thrusts. Both of her hands are against the tree, her fingers digging into the bark. Her head is down, staring at the grass beneath us. "How does it feel, baby?"

"So good." She says so quiet I almost miss it. _Not good enough._

I slap her ass, hard. My palm stinging from the force. "What was that?"

"So good!" She says louder. I can feel her body letting go as she pushes back against me, and I think she's forgetting where she is. _Where we are._ Her moans are getting louder, and I can hardly think over her _Oh God's_ and _Christian, harder!_

"You like this, Angel? Me fucking you in public? Anyone can see you like this? Anyone can see me fucking you. Your legs spread, you bent over as I fuck you against a tree, you dirty girl?"

"Yes!" She groans.

My hand finds her ponytail and I yank it harder than I intended. "Wrong fucking answer, Anastasia. No one can see you like this. Do you understand me? No fucking one. Your body is _mine._ "

"Yours!" She balls her right hand into a fist and slams it against the tree and I know that her hands will probably be scraped up after this. And despite my animalistic instincts coursing through me that caused me to take her almost brutally, I wince thinking about something scratching her delicate skin.

She must be so far past caring the state of her hands because I see her biting down on her lip so hard I wonder if she'll draw blood, her eyes squeezed shut, and I'd bet every dollar to my name her toes were curling inside her tennis shoes.

"You're going to come, Angel?"

"Yes, God. So hard!" She screams.

I'm no more than a beat behind her, which is why I don't advise her to keep her voice down. "Let me hear you. Let everyone hear you baby. Scream for me as you come all over my cock, angel."

"YES!" Her orgasm rips through her hard and fast, her body shaking in my hands, her head dropping and for a second I think she's going to collapse so I wrap my arm around her waist to keep her from going face first into the tree. _God I would never forgive myself._

I slip out of her in the process and just when my balls decide to unleash the seed, a growl releases from me announcing my climax as I shoot ropes of cum all over Ana's lower back, her ass and the back of her thighs. _Fuck._

I pull back watching as my cum trickles down her legs. "Shit."

"It's okay." She whimpers, knowing what happened, _feeling_ my warm cum coating her slick skin.

"No, I'm saying _shit_ as in, this is the hottest thing I've ever seen."

My eyes watched transfixed as a stream of cum nestles it's way between her ass cheeks. I'm grateful I haven't touched the tree at all because my hand finds the space between her legs, working my cum into her folds and her ass. I pull my shirt off, and use it to clean the residue from her legs and ass after I'd rubbed enough of it into her skin. I pull her pants back up and spin her around, cleaning her hands of the dirt of the tree with my shirt.

She swallows hard her eyes roaming freely over my chest. "You're going to walk through the neighborhood… _shirtless?_ "

"I needed to clean you up."

"Yes but… I've seen the way some of the ladies look at you." She blows out a breath, her cheeks puffing out.

"Is that so?" I raise an eyebrow at her. I wasn't stupid, I'd seen their hungry gazes. Some of the women in my neighborhood were so desperate for a taste of the big bad wolf that lived down the street. _Probably due to one too many taboo romance novels._ I felt their eyes as I ran the familiar route. Seen them stop in their tracks as they collected the newspaper in the morning or piled their children into their minivans. Some even ogled me openly in front of their husbands. "Feeling territorial, angel?"

" _Mine_." She tells me.

"I've never been anyone else's." I tell her as I scoop her back into my arms and carry her the rest of the way home, her head resting against my bare chest, and her lips dragging over the sweaty skin every few seconds.

* * *

We are sitting at my kitchen table, freshly showered after our sweaty, sexy run. A towel is wrapped around her head, keeping her wet hair off her skin. Her face is completely void of makeup, her lips pink and swollen from how hard I'd attacked them in the shower, not having tasted her lips during our first sexy tryst.

She plays with her lips, and I smile as I imagine they're a bit sore from my incessant biting. "Should I kiss them and make it better?" I smirk at her and she shakes her head.

"We should talk. Not sex."

"Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" I ask, knowing that Ana was usually on my dick the second I even alluded to fooling around.

"Fiancee." She says raising an eyebrow at me.

"I haven't asked."

"Yes you have."

"I already told you yesterday I wasn't asking."

She frowns. "So you don't want to marry me now?"

"That's not what I said. I merely said I haven't asked you yet."

"I know there's a ring… meant for me."

"Was I on one knee?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No but…"

"Did I ask 'Will you marry me?'"

"Well…"

"Yes or no, Ana."

"You're being a dick." She slams her hand down on the table. "I said I was sorry, what do you want from me?"

"I want to know that you're not going to let some asshole cop get in your head about us! I want you to fucking trust me, Ana! I want you to know that I love you more than life itself, and that I would _never_ hurt you!" I move to my feet, the chair skidding behind me as I prepare myself for what's to come.

"I DO! Jesus Christian. This isn't about you. This is about me! This is my shit. I fucking told you! I told you I was fucked up. I told you there was something dark inside of me. Months ago. That people didn't get me and-"

"Bull shit, Ana. Don't twist this shit around."

"I'm sorry, how am I twisting anything? Did you get a note earlier this week threatening _your_ life? Sorry did I miss something?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

"Don't be an insensitive ass!" She stands to her feet and stomps, her chest heaving as she moves toward me. "I didn't mean to hurt you!" She points her finger at me, stabbing my chest hard. "I love you, you asshole! But you don't get to just act like my feelings are completely unjustified. Cut me some fucking _slack_ Christian. I trust you more than I trust anyone. More than I trust my own fucking parents!"

"About that-" I start and she interrupts me.

"Stop talking." She puts a hand up. "I made a mistake. But excuse me for being kind of out of sorts. Sorry for not thinking clearly what with thinking that Hopewell wants to put a bullet in my brain." She growls.

"You think I'd let that happen!" The words come out louder and harsher than I intended, the visual of Ana lying dead somewhere slices through me. I move towards her and despite her moving backwards to get away from me I pull her into my arms.

"Christian stop…"

"No. Fuck no. You can't run from me. Ever."

"You're so mad at me. And I'm sorry, okay! I am SORRY! But I don't need this right now, Christian. I am SCARED!" She shakes in my arms, burying her face in my neck. I move through the kitchen towards my living room, and I sit on the couch rubbing her back as she sobs in my arms.

"I'm not mad at you. I'll protect you, Ana. Don't be scared, baby." I whisper in her ear. My hand strokes the back of her head as she continues to shake. "I'll never let anything happen to you."

"You can't- you can't be with me every second. I'll start school and then-"

"He's going to prison, Anastasia. I promise you that."

"And if he gets out?!"

"We won't be here, remember? I'll take you away so far, that he'll never find you."

"You don't know that…" she sniffles.

I hold her face between my hands, rubbing the skin under her eyes. "Angel, I swore I would keep you safe, and I will."

* * *

 **A POV**

My eyes, hidden behind dark sunglasses flit one house over as I stand in front of the house I grew up.

 _And the house where my innocence was ripped from me._

His hand laces with mine and squeezes. "I'll be right here every step, Angel." He whispers in my ear, his lips pressing a kiss to the skin right behind my ear. I shiver instantly, my body responding to his touch despite the anxiety ripping through my body.

 _I can do this._

"Say it again." I whisper.

"Nothing is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. But you have to do this. You have to be strong. You have to let these demons go, Ana."

"They're going to freak." My lip trembles as I think about having to tell my parents about my past. Having to tell them the truth about what happened in my childhood. What happened right under their noses.

"Yes."

"My mom is going to lose it."

"Yes."

"My dad will…"

"None of this is your fault. Do not share their guilt."

I nod, hearing his words. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Hey." He stops me, pulling me into his arms, his lips sealing over mine. His hands move into my hair, lightly scratching my scalp, and gently tugging on my ear which always turns me into a puddle of need. I moan, as his tongue finds mine, moving in perfect rhythm with mine. His hands move out of my hair to cup my cheeks. I think he's going to pull away but he continues kissing me like he never plans to let up.

 _I love you._

 _I'm here._

 _I'll never leave you._

I can almost hear his thoughts with every stroke of his tongue. He pulls back finally, his gray eyes shining with love, pride and adoration and then I'm in his arms again, his arms squeezing me tightly.

"I'm sorry, angel."

"For what?" I ask, as I press my face into his chest.

"That you even have a story to tell."

* * *

"I thought you were never speaking to me again." My father says as he raises an eyebrow at me. My mother sits next to him on the couch and she smacks his arm.

"Raymond." She looks at him and then at me. "We are happy to see you, honey." She nods at the man next to me, who's lap I'm practically sitting on. "Christian, it's nice to see you as well."

He nods back, a word not passing through his lips. "Mom… dad… there's something we should talk about."

"Oh...kay?" My father looks back and forth between us.

"There's something… I mean something happened…" I look down, my eyes unable to look at them as I prepare to say the words.

"I knew it. What did you do to her!?" My father interrupts and my eyes fly from the floor, the fire shooting out of them almost instantly.

"What?! No… oh my God for the final fucking time. Christian is a part of my life. Deal with it. Or don't whatever. But _he_ is the best thing that ever happen to me. And honestly, after I tell you this, it can be the last we ever talk in life to be honest. "

"Ana you don't mean that." My mom says and I shake my head.

"No I do. I don't need this shit. You're not going to tell me how to live my life. Who to love, who to marry… No."

"We just want to make sure you're not making a mistake-" My mom starts.

"It's not. And we are so far past the point of why I'm here. We are not here to talk about myself and Christian. Christian is only here because he's the only person who knows this, and… I didn't know I could get through telling you without him. Because that's what happens when you love someone. You need them. You lean on them for strength. And I do _need_ him."

Neither of them speak a word, and I'm actually shocked that my father didn't have something smartass to say in response. My mind begins to race as I prepare myself to speak the words.

"Take your time, angel." I hear him murmur and it's as if the reassurance of his mere presence instantly calms me and slows my thoughts.

"I don't want you to think that what I'm about to tell you makes you bad parents." I say slowly. "I know that's where your mind is going to go. Because I think that's a natural thought…" I bite my lip as I do my best to steady my breathing. "I was- molested." My eyes are still looking down so I don't know my parents reactions but I hear a sniffle immediately and when I look up the tears are moving down my mother's face.

"No." She puts her face in her hands. "NO! No. No." I see my father grip her hand. "Who- I'll strangle them with my bare hands. When!?"

"From the time I was about twelve until I was seventeen."

"TWELVE!?" My mother shrieks as she stands to her feet. "Ana…" She's at my side in an instant and pulling me into a tight hug. "How!? How did we not see this!?" She looks at my father. "Five years!?" She pulls back and holds my face in her hands. "My sweet baby. Who could hurt you!"

My father hasn't said anything, he just stares at me, his eyes wide, the pain evident on his face. "Who?" He finally speaks.

"Dad…"

"Who, Ana. Tell me sweetheart, I swear… I'll…" He looks at Christian and then back at me as if everything was clicking but also not wanting to say the words in front of him.

 _I'll kill him. I'll kill the man that put his hands on you._

"Jonathan Hopewell."

"WHAT!?" My mother stands to her feet. "WE USED TO HAVE THEM OVER FOR BRUNCH!" She shakes her head. "Honey…"

"There's more…" I tell them, wanting to get everything out in the open.

"It wasn't just sexual abuse but physical too… just enough to not leave a mark so you'd never know." I let out a breath trying to take it one sentence at a time, drawing strength from the person next to me. "He threatened to do worse if I told…"

"Why did you never tell us? After the first time! We would have protected you, Ana. We would have made sure he was put away. At very fucking least we wouldn't have stayed living here." My father shakes his head, his head falling into his hands.

"I feel like someone has just taken a knife to my heart." My mom says. "How could we not see the signs?"

"This is why Ana said you can't blame yourself." Christian says, his voice quiet but even.

"How can we not! We are her parents and we were supposed to protect her, and we failed! Ray, we failed our baby." She turns back to look at me. "How do you not hate us!?"

"I had to let go of the hate years ago… or it would have consumed me. Killed me."

"Have you talked to anyone? A shrink? A counselor? Someone at school?"

"Just Christian…" I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back. "Kate knows now too in light of recent events."

"Recent events?" My mother asks.

I sigh, knowing that my parents are going to completely lose what very little sanity they have left when they hear the rest of the story. "I ran into him. When I went to Portland with Kate a few weeks ago."

"WHAT!?" They both shriek. "What happened? Were you there?" My father looks at Christian.

"No… I can't… I couldn't go." He clears his throat and my father nods in understanding. "I would have gone if I were permitted. Trust me, I wasn't keen on the idea in the first place."

"I kicked his ass." I added.

"You should have killed him." My mother growls. She looks at Christian and winces. "Sorry."

I almost chuckle despite the circumstances at my mothers comment, the giggle fluttering in my stomach. "I must have gotten him fired because I was screaming at him at his job about what he had done to me. Or I don't know, maybe now that he knows where I am, he's decided he wants to continue what he started all those years ago… because I got a note two days ago."

"A note?" My father asks.

"A threatening note. Telling me that I was going to pay."

"We're going to the police." He says instantly.

"I already did. I fainted when I saw it. When I woke up, Christian and Kate had already called them. I gave them my testimony, and I filed a restraining order."

"So…?" He asks.

"So what?"

"What happens now?" My mother interjects.

"Nothing. They're looking for him to bring him in for questioning. But I mean they can't exactly prove he wrote the note. But, the statute of limitations isn't up on what he did to me. So he's probably in hiding right now. The police said they'd call me when they brought him in."

"I'm calling his parents." My mother says.

"Mom…"

"No. They're going to tell me where he fucking is."

"I'm sure the police have already talked to his parents."

My mom looks at Christian. "Are you staying with her?"

I smile slightly, relieved that my parents realize that Christian would do anything to protect me. "She's staying with me. I can't… leave my house after dark."

"Good. Ana you stick with him." My mother points at Christian.

"Oh now everyone's got a different tune." I roll my eyes.

"You're damn right, I have a different tune. You can stay with him or you can stay with us. But I don't want you staying at your house if he knows where you live! As a matter of fact, is it safe with your roommate there? Maybe she should stay somewhere else as well. This man is clearly a horrible person and very unstable and who knows what he's capable of!"

"I'll talk to Kate, but I think she's been staying with friends the last few days." _Aka Elliott._ She was a bit shook up that he knew where I- and thereby also she lived.

My father rubs his jaw and shakes his head. "This isn't good enough. I want to know what the police are doing." He stands up, running a hand through his hair. "I'm going down there."

"Dad…"

"Now." He looks at Christian. "Are you coming?"

"Dad, Christian doesn't need to be there when you cause a scene. I'm not entirely sure you won't burn the station to the ground. And I'm trying to keep my boyfriend _out_ of trouble."

"Ana…" Christian looks at me before looking at my father. "I'll bring the matches."

"Christian!" I look at him as he stands up to follow my father out of the room.

"You should stay here with your mother. With the doors locked." He tells me.

"Can I talk to you alone?" I ask him as my mother moves out of the room, more than likely to talk to my father. "Don't do this!" I tell him instantly. "Stay with me."

"Ana…"

"Don't go causing trouble, please!"

"Someone has to fight for you, Ana."

His words reverberate through me, swirling around me and moving straight to my heart. "And I know you've taken on the job. But I love you… and I can see things escalating…"

"I don't give a shit about that asshole Jenkins."

"Yes you do. You hate him for what he said to me. What if someone else says something while you're down there! So help me Christian, you _cannot_ go back to prison."

"I'm not… I won't…"

"You have a temper! And I can only imagine what it will be like over this… over _me._ "

"I promise, I'll keep it in check. Ana if I get myself in trouble that means… I won't get to hold you, kiss you, make love to you everyday. So for my own selfish reasons alone, I'm going to try and stay out of trouble because frankly not being able to see you everyday would kill me."

"Me too." I whisper as I wrap my arms around him. "Thank you for being here. You really are… the best thing that ever happen to me."

He rubs his nose against mine. "So are you, angel. You're my whole life."

I'm about to speak when my father enters the room, his voice bouncing off the walls. "Anastasia, you're coming too." I frown upon hearing his words.

 _The police station was the last place I wanted to go._

"I don't think that's the best idea." Christian interjects immediately.

"Why?" My father asks, and I'm actually surprised that he wants to hear Christian's reasoning.

"I just don't want to upset her."

"If you go without her, it'll upset her more. You'll be calmer if she's there. My daughter already hates my guts, she'd really never speak to me again if I couldn't keep you from getting thrown in jail. Hell I'm not even 100% sure I won't."

"Oh God." I rub my head. "Mom!"

"Ray, no one is going to jail. We are going to be calm!"

"The hell we are. I want some fucking answers. I want Hopewell in jail or in the ground." My father growls and my heart sinks knowing that Christian would totally lead that crusade. I push the thoughts out of my mind momentarily.

"You… you guys totally believe me?" I whisper, my voice shaking as the words leave my lips. The thought that had stopped me from telling them for so long. That stopped me from telling anyone. _That no one would believe me._

"God, Ana. Of course we do. I just wish you would have told us sooner. We would have protected you. We would have stopped it. What kind of parents wouldn't protect their child?" The tears are still streaming down my mom's face as she touches mine, her knuckles rubbing my cheek. "Christian…" she chokes out. "I am so- sorry for how we treated you." She lets go of me and wraps her arms around him pulling him into a hug. "You were there for our daughter when we weren't. And for that I am so grateful." She pulls back to look at him. "Christian, you are… you're a good man. And we misjudged you. I am sorry. I hope that you can forgive us."

"I appreciate your apology, Mrs. Steele. I certainly understand your concerns about my intentions with your daughter. But I hope you can see how much I love her. That my intentions are pure and that I would certainly never hurt her."

"We never should have insinuated that." She shoots a glare at my father and shakes her head.

"We can continue this later, I want answers. _Now._ " My father says as he moves towards the door. "You going to follow us there?" He looks at Christian and despite how things started, I feel like I see the beginnings of my father coming around to the idea that Christian would be in my life. _Forever._

 **A/N: Next up: Fireworks.**


	18. Chapter 18

A sense of deja vu washes over me as we walk up the steps to the Seattle precinct. With each step I'm reminded of another time I was walked up these same steps. Only this time I'm not in handcuffs.

My hands are free and interlaced with the woman I love more than anything. Her hand squeezes mine every few moments alerting me of her nerves as we trail behind her parents who were all but sprinting. I wanted to be moving at the same speed but Anastasia was literally dragging her feet and I know she needed me close to her.

 _Hell I needed to be close to her._

"What are you thinking about?" She asks, her voice no louder than a whisper as we make it to the top of the stairs. I look down at her, her bright blue eyes wide yet cautious as if she knows what I'm thinking.

"Just… being brought in…," I watch her face fall slightly, the pain in her eyes a perfect pair to my thoughts. "I remember it like it was yesterday. All the sights, sounds, smells… the precinct smells like pine and coffee." I wrinkle my nose as if there was a pine tree and an open canister of Folgers coffee right next to me. "Sometimes people say they can't remember the specifics. That being brought in for booking feels like one surreal blur. But I remember everything. How can you forget? Some things you just can't erase no matter how much you try to block it out. No matter how much it hurts to think about."

"Christian…" she starts and I shake my head at her, not wanting her pity.

"No." I give her a look that says not to go there.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say."

 _She was wrong. I knew what she was going to say. "I love you, no matter how badly I need you, you don't have to come in there with me. I don't want you to deal with the pain of remembering." She was dealing with her own pain and all she wanted to do was shield me from mine._

 _I was a dick._

"I'm sorry I said all of that. This isn't about me." I squeeze her hand, reassuring her that I was here for _her._

"I want you to be able to share these things with me." She squeezes back.

My eyes scan all of the windows on the first floor, settling on the glass door where I can see Ana's parents speaking to the officer in the main lobby. Carla has her hands in the air, almost hysterically and Ray has his hands crossed over his chest, his body taking a combative stance.

Ana's eyes follows mine and she groans. "Don't think about them, are you ready to go back in there?"

It was true, I hadn't been back since the night I was arrested. All of my meetings with my parole officer have been at a different location. I hadn't set foot in this station in two years.

I'd never set foot in this place _willingly_.

And now I was.

She squeezes my hand breaking my thoughts when I notice Ray gesturing towards us. "Come, Anastasia."

I feel her grip my hand and pull back slightly. "Hey." I look at her, my eyes asking the silent question of what she needs right now.

 _Whatever it is, she can have it._

"If we're going to do this… just…" she bites her bottom lip, her eyes flitting away from mine and taking the building from top to bottom. "Don't leave me alone in there, k?" Her eyes move back to mine and I can sense her nervousness instantly.

"Never, angel." I pull her hand to my lips kissing the skin and I wonder if her request is because she recognizes that I need her by my side just as desperately.

* * *

APOV

There's a chill in the air I didn't expect. A huge contrast to the hot summer day, the central air flowing through the room sends a chill down my spine and goosebumps pop up all over my body. My eyes sweep over the room, jumping from one man in uniform to the next, as they land on my parents who are making their way towards us. We meet them halfway and the words that leave my dads mouth shake me down to my core. "We found him."

My heart immediately starts to hammer in my chest, and I forget that my hand is still interlaced with Christian's because I attempt to ball my hands into fists.

Christian lets my hand go and pulls me into his chest, wrapping both of his hands around me. "I don't want her here when they bring him in. I don't want her anywhere near that fucking psychopath." My ear is pressed right up against his chest, and I can hear that his heart is starting to accelerate as well. I wrap my arms around his waist, squeezing him to me in hopes that if I hold onto him hard enough, nothing will ever tear us apart. I happen to catch a glimpse at the Officer that they're talking to and I note him regarding us closely.

"Can you not focus on them and answer his question? I don't want my daughter here either when that maniac gets here." My father snaps and I almost feel bad for the Officer in question because he begins to fumble with his papers, clearly nervous and judging by how young he looks, perhaps a touch inexperienced.

"I'm sorry, I can't say for sure."

"Well how about you find us someone who _can_ say for sure." My father growls at him. My father wasn't necessarily tall or burly but he is ex-military and that showed in his stature. He was scary in his own way.

He's barely taken two steps when Officer Jenkins makes his way into the lobby area. I tense, feeling Christian's body go rigid immediately. "Christian, no." I mumble as I press my lips into his chest so no one hears me. He looks down at me, pursing his lips and I believe he's gritting his teeth to prevent from saying anything. "I need you with me. Always." I tell him, and his body seems to relax slightly in my arms. "Behave."

"Miss Steele."

"Officer." I nod.

"You have quite a fan club with you here today."

"My parents, and of course Christian- my boyfriend." I add for good measure. I wasn't about to let him get in my head again, and I wanted him to _know_ that.

"What can I do for you?"

"Someone said you found that fucker Hopewell? Why wasn't my daughter notified? She has a right to know. Not to mention wouldn't she need to ID him?" My father begins firing off questions rapidly.

"We know what he looks like, we have quite a few recent photos from the internet, and we only are required to alert Miss Steele, once we actually apprehend and bring him in."

"Well why the hell haven't you done that?" My father raises his voice and I can sense that Jenkins is getting a bit irritated with my father's tone. "Why haven't you brought him in?"

"We are working on it."

"When?" Christian asks. "He needs to be off the street. What if he's doing the same thing to other women? Men don't just stop preying on women. Especially if they're never caught. They just move on to other women. It never ends, Officer."

"And you have… personal experience with this?" He narrows his eyes at him and I can't stop the growl that escapes my lips.

"Watch it." I tell him and Jenkins' eyebrows raise ever so slightly, more than likely surprised that I called him out on his inappropriate insinuation.

"Miss Steele, we were going to call you, just as soon as we brought him in. We've only known of his location for a few hours and he's crossed not only state lines but country lines as well."

"Canada?" I ask. "He's in Canada?" That's the only place he could have gotten in such a short period of time.

"Must have figured we were onto him. So, that makes things a bit more tricky, but we are working with border officials."

"So what does that mean? We just have to wait until he traipses back into Washington on his own terms?" My mother asks, her voice raising to the point of almost shrieking. "That's unacceptable!"

"We have eyes on him, ma'am."

"But you can't do anything." Christian interrupts.

"What are you expect us to do, wait? Wait for him to come back and send her another threatening note?" My father's voice is low and dripping with condescension.

"We have her restraining order and her testimony on file." Officer Jenkins nods and I have to wonder who I pissed off up there to have this insensitive jackass as the one in charge of my case.

"What good does that do if he gets to her before you get to him?" Ray roars to the point that everyone in the lobby area turns to look at us. My cheeks redden slightly as I feel the eyes on me. As I sense the eyes staring at my father. As I sense the ones on Christian- a man that everyone in the station knew well.

"That will never happen." Christian immediately perks up, shooting a warning look to first my father for going there and then to the Officer warning him that it better _not_ come to that.

"If you're going to insist on causing a scene, please follow me into a more secluded room." He says as he leads us out of the lobby and away from the prying eyes and ears of the twentyish people moving around the space.

Jenkins follows us in and drops a manilla folder down on the desk. My father and mother sit in chairs in front of his mahogany desk and Christian and I sit in two seats next to the door, as far away from the contents of that folder as possible. I want so badly to sit in Christian's lap, but I decide that now was probably not the best time for our PDA.

"What would you like me to say Mr. Steele, Mrs. Steele…" he looks behind them at Christian. " _Mr. Grey._ Do you want me to tell you the truth? Or would you like me to sugarcoat it?" He crosses his arms and leans forward.

I swallow, knowing the truth, but also knowing that my parents and Christian aren't going to like what they hear. _I knew how this worked. I studied law. Sadly, I knew how these cases ended. Especially after so many years._

"The truth of the matter is, your daughter is the only person who's committed any crimes here. She admitted to assaulting Hopewell in Portland. There were witnesses. And while I believed he deserved it, this is still America, and under a certain thing called Due Process in the US Constitution, Hopewell is still technically innocent."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." My father's hand slams down on the desk as he roars. "You're going to let the statutes of limitations go up, fucking around and waiting!? Arrest the bastard."

"Watch your language, Mr. Steele." Jenkins barks.

My father turns around and looks at me. "Can I go to jail for swearing at a cop?"

"Well technically-"

"Yes or no, Anastasia."

I roll my eyes. "No. But keep the f words to a minimum." _No need in riling this jackass up even more. God, I missed Officer Peters. After, Jenkins showed up at my house, I'd done some research and learned that Peters was out on Paternity leave for a few weeks as his wife had just given birth to twins._

He turns back around. "I want to know what it is you're doing? What are you doing to ensure my daughter's safety?"

"We can put some surveillance in place, but if you're asking for around the clock protection, a car outside of her house… that is not something we typically do. We can make sure that someone rides by her house a few times a day, but… I am under the advisement that Miss Steele is not staying at her place."

"For reasons I'm sure you can understand." I interject.

"At this point, it is Anastasia's word against his and without any proof beyond that word, it is unlikely that Hopewell will do much time especially if he has a lawyer with even half of a brain. The abuse of her past aside, there is certainly no proper evidence to convince a jury to believe that he wrote that note."

The tears roll down my face hearing the words I already knew, but it's ten times harder hearing them aloud.

 _More than likely Hopewell would walk free. And that's if it even made it to trial. If there wasn't enough evidence to bring charges…_

 _What happens then?_

"So that's it?" Christian whispers, his voice quiet and respectful as I imagine he's trying to keep the rage coursing through him in check.

 _Please don't snap. Please don't snap. Please don't snap._

"Nothing is _it_ , Mr. Grey. I told you that's where we are, and I gave you some hard potential truths. But we are still taking Miss Steele's allegations very seriously."

"You're saying there's a chance he can walk free? He'll come after Anastasia." His hand squeezes mine and I can almost hear his thoughts in just that tiny contraction of his muscles.

 _And then I'll have to kill him._

"None of this is good enough. I refuse to leave this police station without answers. You can't just tell us to "sit tight" while the man that tortured my child for years just hangs out in Canada eating maple candy! What kind of shit is this!? What kind of game are you running!?"

"What part of we have no jurisdiction in a FOREIGN country, are you not getting Mr. Steele? We all want justice for Ana, but there are also rules."

"Rules are meant to be broken."

"And while I believe that you all subscribe to that belief," Jenkins says looking in a circle, his eyes zeroing in on Christian, "we do need to follow protocol."

"I want to speak with your supervisor." My father says and I resist the urge to groan. _This felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake from._

"Jenkins…" I rub my head as I stand from the chair.

"Ana," Christian says as he pulls my hand so that I'll sit back down as I'm sure he believes that this conversation is not over.

"You have a daughter, right? Seven years old?" I rub my hand under my eyes as I collect the tears that have formed. "I know how the law works, I know how all of this works. But I also know that you don't completely buy my statement. It was all in the first question you asked when we were alone. 'Why didn't you tell anyone?' You asked me. Do you know how much that statement reeks of judgment? I'm sure I'll be asked that question a million times on the stand, by his lawyer, hell probably even the prosecuting attorney. _Did I like it? Was it some sick game we played? Were we in a relationship and he broke my heart and now I wanted revenge so I constructed this "story" about him abusing me?_ There's a reason why I kept this to myself for so long. Because I knew…and I was scared." I swallow and look back at Christian who looks as if his heart is breaking inside of his chest. "But then you meet people. Brave, heroic, people that do what they have to do to, they make those tough decisions that are for the common good of everyone. They change people's lives for the better in the blink of an eye." I turn back to Jenkins. "Maybe you don't believe me. But I just want you to put… your daughter in my shoes. Imagine she comes to you one day and tells you that a boy down the street put his hand down her pants. Then what? Are you not going to believe her? Or are you just going to assume they were _playing_? Or are you going to tell her to keep quiet because it will be that boys word against hers? What if he kicks her off the swings when she's seven, pushes her face down in the dirt when she's eight, spits on her when she's ten? Or worst, what if she keeps all of this from you and then breaks down when she's older? What if she never tells you but the pain of his torture is too much to handle and she gives up?"

"Now wait a minute-" Jenkins interrupts, his face paling as my words wash over him.

"I get that there's protocol and there's laws in place for a reason… but I think it's time that you chose what side of the law you want to be on. _Who_ you're fighting for and not _what_ you're potentially fighting against. Your job is to bring justice not doubt." I turn to look at Christian. "I think we should go." I turn to my parents. "You're welcome to stay and beat this dead horse, but I'm tired, and I want to go home."

* * *

"How are you feeling?" My eyes are straight forward, almost unblinking as we pull into his driveway, only the faint sounds of John Legend can be heard over the gentle hum of his engine.

I swallow hard, my mind still racing over what happened at the police station. My heart still pounding so hard.

I turn my head, realizing I had yet to answer his question and I frown when I realize he's no longer there and it makes me wonder how long I had been spaced out when I hear my door open and I'm suddenly in his arms being carried out of his car and up the stairs to his front door.

"I can walk." I tell him, though my voice lacks conviction, as I'd used all of my energy earlier today.

"I think you're in shock."

"I'm fine, Christian." I shake my head, hoping, praying that I can make myself believe the words that I'm speaking aloud.

He sets me to my feet, his grey eyes are sad, almost worried, like if he doesn't keep his eyes on me I'll disappear. I reach up, pressing my hand to his cheek, trying to relieve the tension that is so evidently coursing through him. "My angel." He whispers before he turns his cheek and presses a kiss into my palm. Removing my hand from his mouth after a few gentle kisses, he pulls me into his arms and wraps them around me. I melt into his arms, allowing his body to act as my safe haven.

 _I never felt as safe as when I was in his arms._

He lifts my chin and then his lips are on mine, not aggressive or overpowering. This wasn't a kiss of possession. This was gentle, loving and worshipping. This was the kiss he gave me when he wanted me to know how much he loved me. He nibbles gently on my bottom lip before letting his tongue soothe the skin where his teeth had left marks. Soon after, his tongue finds mine, rubbing against it in long, languid strokes.

 _It was a kiss that made me weak in the knees._

 _It was a kiss that made my skin tingle._

 _A kiss that made my panties wet._

His hands make their way up my body, gliding over my face and into my hair, his hands running through my tresses and holding my head as his fingers got tangled in my locks. "I love when you play with my hair." I whisper against his lips, reluctantly forcing his tongue away from mine.

"I know. It's why I do it." He tells me as he rests his forehead against mine. "You still haven't told me if you're okay."

"Yes I have."

He pulls away, one eyebrow raising slightly as if to say _mmmhmm._ "Like you mean it." He doesn't wait for my response before moving into his bathroom. I don't follow until I hear the sounds of water running. I stand in the doorway to see Christian filling his tub with my favorite lavender bubble bath.

He holds his hand under the water testing the temperature. Feeling comfortable with the temperature he shakes the access water off and and gives me a look that warms me all over. He cocks me towards him with one finger and it's as if my pussy is in control of my legs because I don't think my brain has fully registered that I'm moving yet.

He slides the hair tie off of my wrist and pulls my hair into a bun on the top of my head and presses a kiss to the side of my neck that sends a tremor through me.

His hands move to the hem of my shirt and he gently lifts my shirt off of me, his fingertips tracing my sides and causing my heart to flutter wildly. He moves so that we are face to face. "It makes me sick what he did to you." He murmurs. "I almost went ballistic hearing what you said."

"I'm glad you didn't." I could feel his tension, while I was speaking, could sense that he was worked up as I gave the most mild testimony I could recall. _He had done all of those things, although I was much older than seven, eight and ten. He had._

He leans his head down and peppers kisses starting at my wrist up to my shoulder and back down again, letting my fingers slide into his mouth. He lets them go with a salacious pop before he's on his knees, helping me out of my high waisted pants. He slides them down my legs with ease and pulls them off along with my sandals. His large warm hands slide up the backs of my legs slowly, his fingertips stroking the skin as he travels up my body and lands on my bare ass cheeks. He plucks the string nestled between them once, twice, three times before he slides that down my legs as well. I look down at him, and he looks up at me, eyeing me nervously.

"I wish I could erase that pain from your memories. I would do anything to do that. To make you forget."

" _You_ make me forget." I press my hand to his face again, gently stroking the stubble and rub my thumb over his lips. "You know a kiss will make us both feel better."

I know that sex wasn't always the answer, but it was the connection that both of us craved. It was the connection we needed. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes leading me to believe that he has other plans that don't involve his tongue sliding through my folds.

"Let's wash this day off of you first." He stands and unclasps my bra, leaving me completely nude in front of him as he leads me to his tub.

"You aren't joining me?"

"No."

I frown, my eyebrows furrowing much lower than what is probably necessary as he laughs aloud. "Don't look at me like that. You're a horndog, you know that?"

I stomp my foot, putting my hands on my hips. "I get it from you."

"I believe that. I take full responsibility for creating a monster."

"I wasn't suggesting we fuck, but I do like getting wet and wild with you. Come on it's been a tense day, don't you want to get in here with me." I flutter my eyelashes at him and he chuckles, before he shakes his head.

"In you go."

I roll my eyes and allow him to help me into the tub before I sit down into the bubbles, submerging my entire body into the hot water and my eyes flutter closed. "Hmmm" I moan, letting out a sigh of relief as the scent of lavender fills my nostrils.

"I think I want a tub with lower sides." I hear him say and my eyes open wondering what that has to do with anything.

"What?"

"For when you're pregnant."

My eyes widen for a minute wondering if he had something to tell _me_. I laugh at the ridiculous thought. _How would he know I was pregnant before I did?_

My eyes flit from side to side as I try to do some quick math in my head as I have heard of men knowing before their women that they were pregnant.

I read in some smutty romance novel that a man knew because of how often his mouth was between her legs, his hands would rest on her stomach and then one day it didn't feel the same. " _I spend a lot of time with your body, I know when things feel different."_ He'd told her when she wondered why he wasn't shocked by her pregnancy reveal.

My hands automatically go to my stomach underwater and begin to feel for anything out of the ordinary. _Is he telling me something?_

"I wasn't saying you were pregnant now, Ana." He says, noticing my movements. "I'm just saying for the future… for when we move. As much as I like this tub, I don't like how high you have to lift your leg to get in and out of it. It makes me nervous. Especially if I'm not home to help you."

I lean over the side of the tub, leaning on my elbows and press my lips to his. He's sitting on the floor next to the tub and his elbows are resting on the side of the tub as well. "I feel like we should talk about it…" he says after a few minutes of silence.

I sit back, leaning against the porcelain. "Talk about what exactly?"

"You know I won't let him get to you."

"I know." I smile, knowing in my heart of hearts that Christian would never let any harm come to me.

"Do you feel safe? Here? With me?"

"I feel safe _anywhere_ with you."

He nods. "What do you think about a dog?" He asks and I whip my head to look at him.

"A say what now?"

"A dog… you know as like an extra layer of protection."

"Oh my God! Yes! Please! I saw this really cute french bulldogs on pinterest, they were so cute! Please, Christian. I want a puppy!"

"What part of extra layer of protection? What the hell is a yappy dog going to do except annoy the hell out of me?"

"Please please please can we get a puppy?" I press my hands together and stick my bottom lip out in a pout. I cock my head to the side and bat my eyelashes at him.

"No, Ana."

"But big dogs are scary."

"No they're not, and they'd be trained for protection."

"Until one day he thinks we're the enemy and turns on us. If you get a rottweiler or something, I'm moving out." I shake my head, remembering the huge dog that used to live in my neighborhood. _He was scary as hell!_

"Fine, can we meet somewhere in the middle?"

"What's the middle…" I raise an eyebrow.

"I'll come up with something."

"You really want to get a dog now and then drive it across the country in two months?"

"I want some added protection for you now, Ana."

"But I rarely leave your side now."

"Fair." He rubs a hand through his hair. "I'm probably not going to sleep until he's caught."

"Christian…"

"What? I'm going to be a nervous wreck."

"They have eyes on him. They're following him! They're not going to let him get close to me."

"I would just feel a lot better knowing he wasn't out there. I would feel better knowing he was dead to be honest."

"Christian!"

"I know, I know." He rubs his face. "I'm not going to kill him."

"I don't believe you, you know."

"I mean if the opportunity presents itself, I will probably take it. But no, I won't go looking for him. But if somehow he ever lays another hand on you, all bets are off."

I groan, leaning back. "See you're so tense, this is why you should have joined me."

"I'm tense for obvious reasons."

"I know, but we can't let that control our life. Shouldn't you be less tense about that, and more tense about asking me to marry you?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

 _The truth was: I was in shock. I hadn't unpacked everything that happened at the police station and I knew the second I did, I would be a wreck. Holing myself up in Christian's house and refusing to leave for fear of the outside world. I was allowing myself to laugh and joke now because I knew tomorrow would bring anxiety, dread, fear and overwhelming panic. Hopewell was still out there. What was his next move? What was he doing in Canada? Hiding? Plotting? Was he coming for me? Did he want to kill me?_

 _Or worst- would he try and kill Christian to get to me?_

* * *

 **A/N: I know this chapter was a bit shorter than you're used to, but I know it's been a while and I wanted to give you guys something! I already have plans for the next chapter, which FINGERS CROSSED I can have out by the end of the week. ;)**

 **Also, ICYMI: Bittersweet Surrender (aka The Expensive Charlatan) is LIVE! Check it out if you're interested! Posting links on here is a bitch, but just search the title and my penname: Q.B. Tyler :)**


	19. Chapter 19

My eyes fly open as it feels like someone's hands are wrapped around my throat- and not in that sexy way that Christian does it. _No, someone is trying to kill me._ I shoot up straight gasping for air, the tears forming in my eyes as I realize that it's just a dream. The tears start to pour from my eyes, the sobs wracking my body when I feel his arms around me instantly.

"Fuck. I was gone for five fucking minutes." He growls as he pulls me into his lap and attempts to kiss the final moments of my nightmare away. "Angel, I'm here. I'm so sorry." He presses a kiss to my forehead and I look up at him. I notice the dark circles under his eyes and it feels like a punch to the gut.

 _Christian was barely sleeping… because I was having nightmares._

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, the guilt of what I'm doing to the man I love almost overwhelming me. It had been one week since we'd been to the police station and Hopewell was still at large. He was still in Canada, and everyday that went by that he wasn't caught made me even more nervous and Christian even more anxious to go after Hopewell himself.

"Why are you apologizing?" His face finds that spot where my neck meets my shoulder and I can sense him inhaling my scent. " _It calms me…"_ he told me when I asked what he was doing. " _And it calms you too."_

"You've barely slept all week. You're basically on twenty four hour Anastasia watch and I know this can't be easy on you either."

"Keeping an eye on you is my number one priority. And you're not sleeping well either, Angel."

It was true, I had been in and out of sleep for the last week, only getting about two to three hours of sleep before the nightmares showed up and Christian spent the rest of the night chasing them away. We'd done everything. Late night television, movies, more Scrabble than I thought was possible, we'd started reading together- something that was more erotic than I could imagine. He'd even gotten me drunk once hoping that the whiskey would put me into a liquor induced slumber. And of course, just before dawn, we'd make love as the sun rose over Seattle.

 _But I was exhausted._ My eyes flutter closed as he lies us down, me in his arms, his hand stroking my shoulder as his lips find their way into my hair. "Please get some sleep." I tell him quietly. "I promise I'm okay." My hand finds his chest, rubbing it in slow clockwise circles, and feeling the beat of his heart under my palm. I look up at him moments later when his hands slow to find that he's already asleep.

I can't even stop the smile that finds my face.

I barely slept all night, fearing that I'd slip into another hellish nightmare and wake up the sleeping man that was clinging to me in his slumber. I wanted him to sleep for more than a few stolen moments, I wanted him to sleep through the night. And so I read, I downloaded _Angry Birds_ and _Candy Crush_ and crushed random strangers on the internet at _Words with Friends_. It wasn't until eight am, approximately seven hours after Christian had fallen asleep with his head on my chest did his eyes pop open. He looked around, his eyes darting from left to right as if he wasn't sure what time it was or what day it was for that matter. His eyes finally find mine and he seems to be just as confused that I'm up, flipping through last month's _Cosmopolitan_ magazine.

"What the hell?" He sits up, digging the palm of his hand into his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Around eight. How did you sleep?" I smile, and then frown slightly. _Maybe I should have made breakfast._

"Like the dead." He rubs his forehead. "Jesus, I haven't slept that hard in a while." I wince, hearing the implication, though I know it wasn't meant to be a dig at me. He must hear my thoughts because his eyes immediately dart to mine and he leans down, collecting me in his arms and presses a short kiss to my lips. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." I give him a small smile, looking up into his clear grey eyes that are full of love for me. He leans down rubbing his nose against mine.

"You didn't have any nightmares though? I'm so glad you got some rest too." He moves off of me and props himself up on his elbow to look at me, his hand stroking my cheek gently.

I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to tell him that I've been awake for the past seven hours so I do the best thing that I can think of. I climb on top of him and shoot him a sly grin. "I want you." I whisper as I begin to rub myself against him. I was wearing nothing more than one of his t-shirts, my panties and a smile as I begin to rub myself up and down his crotch that was covered with a pair of sweatpants. I balance myself, placing my hands flat on his chest as I begin to dry hump him through our clothes.

"Fuck, Ana." The voice comes somewhere deep in his throat, and as if on command there's a gush in my panties.

"You make me so wet, Christian." My head which has been thrown back as I ride him through our clothes, falls forward, my hair framing my face, locks eyes with him. His eyes are black now, almost feral as his hands grip my forearms, raising his hips to grind into me just as I slam down on him.

"You're going to make me come all over myself, Angel. Just your sexy body rubbing against me is enough to make me lose it."

"Should we lose the clothes?" I ask, as I lean down and press a hot kiss to his naked chest. My pussy literally feels if it's on fire, the tingling sensation shooting through me as my orgasm builds within.

"No, I want to make you come like this. I know you're close. And then I'll fuck your sweet cunt."

I swallow, hearing his sexual words just as I was on the precipice of a soul shattering orgasm. "Will you lick it first?"

"Fuck yes." He whispers just as I fall over the edge, shuddering out my release and moaning his name the entire way down.

* * *

It's later in the day when Christian walks into his kitchen where I'm seated and working on my applications for a few grad schools in Ohio. Most of them were willing to accept all of my credits, but still required that I apply like a regular applicant. I look up just as I see him dropping his phone from his ear and he sits down next to me, a smile pulling at his lips. "How do you feel about spending the weekend somewhere?" His lips break out into a breathtaking smile and my heart skips a beat.

"How? I mean, I thought..." _How could he leave for the night, let alone a whole weekend?_

"Under these circumstances…" he trails off. "I just want to keep you safe. I don't know if you'll truly feel safe anywhere, even with me by your side, but you're not sleeping well, and I'm hoping that maybe a change of scenery will help."

"Christian…" I trail off. "I don't want you doing anything reckless." The last thing I want is for Christian to sneak out and the next thing I know, they're hauling the love of my life back to jail.

He tucks a hair behind my ear. "Baby, I asked for permission. A weekend. You and me. I've booked us a room in the Heathman." My eyebrows furrow wondering how he made this happen. "Can you just let me worry about that?" He sighs when he notices that my expression hasn't changed. "After three months I applied for them to lift my curfew on the weekends, I was approved." I eye him warily, wondering why this is the first I'm hearing of it. We are halfway through his fourth month and he's never told me anything about this.

"Okay.. when?" A smile finds my lips, the excitement coursing through me that Christian and I get to spend the weekend holed up in a hotel. _Hopefully it's not too expensive._

Two hours later, Christian and I are being escorted in the back of an unmarked police vehicle to the Heathman.

"We couldn't have just driven ourselves?" I whisper to him. The car is dead silent as an officer in plain clothing sits in front.

"You got a problem with the police escort, Steele?" He chuckles. I feel Christian tense next to me and just as he goes to reply I hear a voice from the front. "It's just safer this way."

"Safer?" My eyes widen, wondering what in the world that meant. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Angel. They just knew I was a bit tense and didn't want me driving." I stare at him, wondering why he's lying straight to my face. "It's a condition of them lifting the curfew." He adds, and though that story is slightly more believable, I'm still not buying it.

* * *

 **C POV**

The car slows to a stop and I watch as Ana hops out of the truck and bounces excitedly on her heels. I smile as I pull our bags out behind me. "Can you go and check us in? I have to talk to the Officer for a moment. The room is under Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Banks." She raises an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes. "I didn't want to use my name, alright?"

"Fine, Mr. Banks. I could get used to sharing the same last name as you." She winks before she sashays away and I can't escape the stirring in my pants that her words mean.

I'm staring after her when one of the officers clears his throat. "So you know the rules, right?"

"Yes. But did you have to make the comment about why you were driving us?"

"What difference does it make?" He asks and when I'm silent, he crosses his arms. "You didn't tell her?"

I look behind me quickly, just to ensure Ana wasn't still there. "I'm going to!"

"Why the hell does she think you're here?"

"For relaxation."

"How did she think we let _you_ out?"

"Good behavior?" I shrug.

"Your curfew being lifted after six months is contingent on the good behavior. You surely don't get this luxury after only four."

"Look _she_ doesn't know that."

"So you're just keeping her in the dark about her safety? That Hopewell has crossed back into the United States?" He scolds as he crosses his arms, and shoots me a stern look.

"And that YOU guys lost him? That you have no idea where he went? That he all but vanished into thin air? That on top of everything he knows who I am _and_ could easily find out where I live? Yeah let me just drop that bomb on her."

He's quiet, but his eyes are cold. "You step one FOOT out of this hotel and we are hauling your ass back to prison, you got it, Grey?"

"Find the man terrorizing the woman I love." I growl, not caring about his bullshit threat. I almost broke my phone the way I'd gripped it in my hands when Ray called me to tell me they'd notified him that not only was Hopewell back in Seattle but that they'd _lost_ him. _How the fuck did that even happen! You had eyes on him? You fucking swore!_ I screamed into the phone, not giving a fuck that I was speaking to that asshole Jenkins. _What if he finds her before you find him?_

It wasn't until they'd found an abandoned car just inside of the border to Canada that was registered to a Jonathan Hopewell with a note inside, did I truly lose it.

 **GREY. CAN'T. PROTECT. HER.**

That was the day I stopped sleeping.

"I know your instincts are to find him and tear him limb from limb. But you have to let us do our job, Christian."

"Then _do_ it." I growl at him, before I grab our bags off the ground and make my way inside the hotel.

I scan the perimeter of the lobby looking for Ana, frowning that I don't have eyes on her. _Why the hell did I send her in here alone?_ I know I'm being somewhat irrational— there's no way that he knows we are here and in the hundreds of rooms, even if he did figure out we were staying here, he'd never guess the room number. There were cops watching my house, her house as well as two cruisers parked outside of the hotel. But the feeling of not knowing exactly where she is makes me insane.

I make my way to the concierge desk. "Hi my… wife I believe checked us in? Mrs. Banks?"

"Yes of course, we sent her up. And we have the strawberries and champagne you requested as well. Happy anniversary, sir. Please let us know if there's anything we can do."

"Privacy." I tell him. "No wake up calls, no knocking to refill towels. I just want to be alone with my wife. I'll call you when we need food, when I do, I want a woman to deliver it. One woman, the same one each time." Again, I was paranoid, but all I could see was Hopewell posing as a member of the staff in order to get to us. _Fuck I watched too many movies._ But I figured at least a woman I could rest assured wasn't Hopewell. And if she was working with him and tried to cross me, well Heaven help her, because she'd be no match for me. "Other than that, we don't exist her, and I don't want to be disturbed."

"Of course, Mr. Banks, we understand. Room 706."

"Great." I tell him as I grab the key that Ana had left for me.

I'm on the elevator, pacing back and forth as I think about how I have to tell Ana that Jonathan was just roaming the streets of Seattle looking for us _both._ Not that I cared about me, I'd give my life for her in a heartbeat. I'd fight to the death for her.

 _Maybe he'd kill me, but I was taking him with me when I went._

My blood runs cold thinking about possibly leaving Ana on this Earth without me. I feel a burst of anger thinking about how devastated she'd be losing me.

 _She would be crushed._ A flash of her in inconsolable sobs flashes through my head. Her screaming for me as they pronounce me dead. The elevator dings breaking me out of my thoughts and I'm on the move towards our room.

I let out a breath once I reach our door, my hand rubbing over the numbers as I press my key card into the slot. I open the door and it's dead silent. I wasn't expecting a bunch of noise but I certainly thought there would at least be the sounds of her shuffling around. My eyes find the floor and I see her shorts lying there. I move a few steps to find her shirt and then her panties. A trail of Ana's clothes leading down the short hallway and around the corner to find an all white huge king bed.

Perfectly made.

 _Well where is my girlfriend whom is apparently naked?_

I don't hear the sound of the shower running and when I peek my head in the bathroom I see that she's not in the tub. I drop our bags next to the desk and do a once over of the room, my hands starting to sweat as there are only so many places she could be hiding.

 _She's not taken. She's here somewhere._

 _She's not taken. She's here somewhere._

I peek under the bed and stand up, a hand pinching the bridge of my nose. "Baby, can you just come out, I'm not in the mood for this game." A slight tremor runs through my hands as I'm desperate to feel her soft skin. I move towards the closet tucked in the corner of the room. I've barely twisted the knob when a blur of tits and hair come barreling out and into my arms, climbing me like a tree. Her lips connect with mine as her legs wrap around me. "Fuck." I groan as the force backs us up against a wall.

Her kiss is wet and wanting, and I feel her teeth bite down on my bottom lip more than once before she slides her tongue through my lips, tangling with mine. Her hands run through my hair, tugging on the strands and pushing herself harder onto me. Her ankles lock behind my back, opening herself up as she rubs her pussy against me. I can smell her womanly scent wafting up and my mouth waters at the smell of her.

"I love you so much." She moans into my mouth. "I am going to fuck you all over this hotel for the next three days." She squeals as she hugs me tighter, pressing her lips to my neck before nibbling on the skin. I grab her ass, cupping each cheek as I walk us over to the bed. I go to lay her down but she clings to me, not wanting to let me go as she continues to pepper kisses up and down my neck. She pulls back and looks at me, the emotions swimming in her eyes and seeing her eyes turn that shade of blue makes me feel like there's a vice grip around my heart.

"What is it, Angel?" I ask her softly, my hand drags down her cheek and her eyes flutter closed.

"You're not telling me something." She whispers and I feel my stomach flip. "And I have a feeling it's something bad."

I look at her, my mind, heart and dick all at war with what to do next. "Can we talk about this later? I need you first, Anastasia." My voice is low and raspy, my need for her overwhelming my ability to speak clearly. My dick is pressing against the confines of my jeans, the zipper feeling like small knives against me. "I'm so fucking hard, I'm going to split you open, Ana."

Her eyes light up, her eyebrows shooting to her hairline and that delectable bottom lip of hers makes it's way between her teeth. "That sounds fun." Her eyes dance wildly and I feel her kicking against me so that I'll let her down. She bounces on the bed, and spreads her legs for me as she watches me pull off my clothes. I pull my shirt over my head and unbuckle my jeans in record time, my dick desperate to get inside of it's home. I discard of my underwear, as I kneel on the bed between her legs. She smiles up at me and in a flash I see my whole life in her eyes.

My eyes trace her face and move down her body, fixating on her stomach that I want full of my baby. _I want to get her fucking pregnant now._ "Anastasia." I growl.

"Christian?" Her chest moves up and down rapidly, her body responding to mine as the lust courses through me.

"I want a baby." I tell her, as I continue to fist my dick in my hands, jerking myself off as my eyes roam over every inch of her. "Your baby. My baby in your belly. _Now._ "

She gulps. " _Now?"_

"Right. Fucking. Now." I tell her, my body suddenly wanting nothing else than to put a baby inside of her. "You are mine."

"Yes." She whispers.

"I want everything with you, Ana. Marriage, kids, _everything._ " My mind drifts back to the first time that we had had the marriage talk. How adversed I was to it, because of how burned I'd been by Leila. Now, I want it all, starting with running with her down the aisle.

"Are you asking?" She asks, her voice small and quiet as her body trembles underneath my gaze.

"To marry me?" I raise an eyebrow. "Asking indicates I'm giving you a choice."

I hear a sharp intake of breath. "Christian…" She breathes it out, and I take a minute to take in her physiological reactions. Her body is flushed, her nipples are puckering under my gaze and the space between her legs is glistening with arousal. Her chest is heaving and the goosebumps are popping up all over her skin.

"Your body seems to be telling me _yes._ "

Her eyes well up with tears and she shakes her head, the words escaping her. "Y-yes. God yes. I want-" she stumbles as I drag my cock through her folds.

"Tell me what you want, Angel."

"I want you." She squeezes her eyes shut. My cock is pulsing in my hands, the orgasm already brewing at the base of my dick, just by being one inch inside of her.

"Fuck, I'm already about to come inside of you."

"You're barely inside." She mewls, her body moving around under me.

"That's what you do to me, Ana. Just looking at you makes me ready to explode." I pull out of her, rubbing my cock against clit slowly, watching as she unravels. Her eyes have opened, exposing herself to me. Her vulnerability, her ability to be open with me, to show me every part of her has me barreling faster towards my orgasm. "I will never let anyone hurt you. I don't care what I have to do, Ana."

"You can't leave me." Her pussy clenches and my cock jolts in response. I tap myself against her, spreading her orgasm all over my cock. I'm transfixed when I look down and see her arousal all over my dick.

"I'll never leave you." I whisper, my eyes still staring at where we are connected and just like that as if my words are her undoing she _explodes._

"FUCK!" She screams as she writhes beneath me. I push into her, feeling my orgasm spurred on by hers and begin to fuck her with wild abandon. Her legs move around me, as my lips attack hers.

"Say yes, Ana." I growl at her. "Tell me you'll be mine forever."

"Yes. Forever!" Her eyes are only half open, her pupils dilated as she stares at me through hooded slits as her orgasm finishes. The look in her eyes, the flash of pushing a veil over her head, the flash of a positive pregnancy test and finally looking down at her and our baby all flood my brain making me almost incoherent as the feelings of devotion for this woman unfurl in my chest and manifest in the form of a roar so loud that it shakes the bed frame. My hand is resting on her shoulder, with one hand behind her neck as I slow my thrusts. She looks up at me, the tears having started down her cheeks and her bottom lip wobbles.

"What-what are you trying to tell me?" Her words hit hard, punching me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me as I realize how well she needs me, how well she knows that when I fuck her this way it's when I'm terrified for her- _for us_. When I feel out of control and use her body to ground me. When I can't put into words how I feel. It's how it's always been. I fuck her this way to say the words I can't speak aloud. The words of my heart and my soul.

I fall to my side in an exhausted heap and reach for her, pulling her on top of me and cup her face in my hands. Her legs are straddling me, her pussy hovering a few inches above my cock, a feeling not lost on me. "Not now." I whisper. "Later, I promise."

"Should I be scared?"

"No." I tell her honestly. "I have everything under control."

"Let me share the weight, Christian. Please." She pleads. "I can see how worked up you are. Even in my arms, you're so tense."

"I resent that." I murmur as I begin to massage her scalp, hoping that it will calm her and more importantly, distract her. "I'm never tense when you're in my arms."

"I know what you're doing."

"Uh huh." My lips nibble at her earlobe. "And what is that?"

"Trying to- ah!" She cries out when my cock moves slightly and rubs against her clitoris. "Distract me!"

"Is it working?" I smirk, as I maneuver her onto my cock, forcing her onto my member. "Ride me, baby." She sits up straight and my hands find her perfect breasts, rolling her nipples between my fingertips torturously slow. "Fuck. You are gorgeous."

She flashes that smile at me. The smile that tells me she loves me, that she trusts me, that she can't see anything but me and us and my heart skips a beat watching that small dimple peek out that only shows up when she looks at me this way.

My hands trail down her body, and they absent-mindedly find her stomach, stroking the skin there, and I shut my eyes, picturing a bump there. "I would love to have your baby." She whispers and my eyes shoot open just as her hands move over mine, holding them in place.

"You- you would?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Now."

"Ana, I know what I said but if you want to think-"

"I don't need to think. I want this. I need you to put your baby inside of me." My hand rubs her the skin around her belly button and before I can even think about what I'm doing, I've flipped us so that she's underneath me. I pull out of her and kneel between her legs, my lips finding her stomach, peppering kisses along the skin I was previously touching. "My angel." I murmur against the skin. Her hands are in my hair, stroking and scratching gently as I press kisses to every inch of her belly. I dip my tongue in her navel, swirling it around the small divot. I hum a few beats to a familiar song that I've heard Ana sing a few times and I hear her chuckle.

"So you're a Beyonce fan now?"

I look up, her blue eyes, bright and shining with love. "The lyrics are… fitting. For you."

" _Everywhere I'm looking now_

 _I'm surrounded by your embrace_

 _Baby, I can see your halo_

 _You know you're my saving grace_." She sings softly.

I'm overwhelmed with the need to be inside of her, hearing her speak the words that I feel for her every second. I move up her body, sliding into her slowly, pressing my lips to her ear, speaking the next lines so softly.

" _You're everything I need and more. It's written all over your face. Baby, I can feel your halo. Pray it won't fade away."_

* * *

It's later that night and Ana is still asleep, making me wonder just how little sleep she got the night before. She'd fallen asleep in my arms shortly after the third time we made love, the tears leaking from her eyes and her nose pressing into my chest as she'd taken several deep breaths. I'd asked her what was wrong and she simply shook her head and looked up at me, her eyes watery and full of sorrow.

It was like she knew. She knew what I had to tell her. And she knew that me being scared to tell her- to speak the words meant that she had a reason to be worried. _I'd fucked it all up while trying not to fuck it up._

I look out the window, that has the perfect view of the Seattle skyline and I watch as the sun sets behind the buildings. The orange and yellow hues give the room a warm glow and I look down to the woman in my arms pressing the millionth kiss to her forehead in the span of twenty minutes.

I'm torn between waking her up to make love to her again and letting her sleep so that she doesn't have to think about the storm that was circling around us. The sound of a vibration pierces the silence of the room and my eyes dart to my phone that was charging next to us. When I see that it's not the source of the noise I set out for Ana's phone. Her parents both knew that she was safe here at the Heathman with me but I hadn't told them what room we were in.

 _No one but the police knew that. Everyone was on a need to know basis. And when it came to Ana's safety, only I needed to know everything. Parents or not, they'd failed to protect her the first time, I was making the calls this time around._

"Hey Kate."

"Oh My God, where is she!?"

"She's asleep. She's fine."

"A cop just showed up at Elliott's. I can't go home?" She sounds almost frantic.

"I would advise against it for now." I whisper, so as not to wake Ana.

"Why are you whispering?"

"So I don't wake Ana."

"They said that you aren't staying at your house either? That he knows your involvement with Ana?" _Fuck_. I am so glad that I intercepted this call, imagine if Kate had just broken this news to her, thinking she knew.

 _Which is why you need to fucking tell her!_

"No, we're at a hotel."

"I didn't think you could leave the house?"

"Well considering we're being watched here too, they gave me a pass. They're worried for both Ana and my safety, I guess."

"Shit, well can you have her call me when she wakes up?"

 _Maybe._ "Sure, Kate. Thank you for calling and checking in. Are you staying safe as well?"

"Yes, I've been staying with Elliott, and since Hopewell knows what I look like, and may have put his ability to bore children in jeopardy, I've been awarded a shadow as well. There's a cop parked outside of Elliott's building as we speak."

"Where does he live?" I ask.

"Escala."

I nod, remembering how I lived there in my early twenties when I was drowning my spirits in pussy and whiskey. I was climbing up the ranks at my firm and I was _the one to watch._ Everyone wanted to be me- or fuck me. Once I'd grown into what I felt was a full adult, I'd left Escala, bought my townhouse and asked Leila to marry me. _I was ready to be an adult._

And then everything changed in the blink of an eye.

I find myself wanting to get back to that part. A well paying job, a good house and the woman in my bed that now would only be Anastasia Steele, but a part of me wonders if I'll ever be able to get that part of my life back.

 _Too much has happened now._

"Alright, well you two stay safe. And we'll be in touch."

"Okay, keep my girl safe, Grey."

"It's the only thing I'm concerned with at the moment."

We hang up, and I climb back into bed with Ana wrapping my arms around her and pulling her back against my chest. She snuggles back against me and lets out a sigh that goes straight to my cock. I press a final kiss to her cheek before I'm asleep as well.

I'm not sure how much time has passed but when I open my eyes, Ana is staring at me. She's laying on her stomach her head turned towards me as she lies her head on her hands. "Hi."

"Hi yourself." I move so that I'm on my stomach as well and I turn my head to face her. "How long have you been watching me sleep?"

"A while. Your brow was furrowed the whole time." She imitates me as she presses a finger to my forehead. "You're so tense."

"I know."

"Tell me why." I let out a breath and turn my head into the pillow. "Hopewell has done something, hasn't he?"

I pull my head out of the pillow and I look at her. "Ana."

"Dammit, Christian, tell me!" She sits up, wrapping the sheet around her and looks down at me. "For Heaven's sake, I dealt with this for years without any help from you or the police or anyone! Trust me, I can handle whatever it is you have to say."

"You think that makes this any better?" I growl at her, as I sit up next to her. "Hopewell is a threat, Ana."

She snorts. "Yeah, no shit."

"This isn't the time for your smart ass mouth, Anastasia. This is serious."

"Well how would I know that? You won't tell me anything! Last I heard, he's still in Canada, and we couldn't do anything."

"Yeah, well he's not anymore!" I snap at her and instantly I feel like shit, my hand moving over my mouth as I can't believe I let the words slip like that.

"Wh-what?" She asks, her eyes wide with fear.

I let my head drop as my hands find hers and pull them to my lips. "He's crossed back into Seattle."

"But then that means-"

"They can't find him now. They- they lost him somehow."

"Is that…?"

"That's why we're here. We're… hiding." I can see the questions in her eyes so I continue. "He knows who I am to you. He left another note… saying that I couldn't protect you."

"Oh my God."

"He's wrong. I can-" I watch as her face turns white as a ghost and she bolts from the bed, sprinting into the bathroom. Within seconds, I hear her heaving her guts out. I'm behind her in an instant and she throws her hand up stopping me.

"No!"

"Yes." I tell her as I kneel behind her, taking her hair in my hands. "Let it out, Angel."

She purges the contents of her stomach at least three more times before she stops, and rest her back against the tub with her head in her hands. "I brought this shit into your life. I put you in danger."

"Angel-"

"No! You could die because of me. What if he-"

I hand her a glass of water. "I'm not going to die." I tell her as I sit next to her and help her slowly drink the liquid. "Nothing is going to happen to me."

"You don't know that. You don't know what he's capable of!"

"You don't know what _I'm_ capable of." I tell her. _Well actually she does._

"I am so sorry I got you involved in all of this."

"I didn't have a choice. I've been in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you. And the minute you decided I was worthy of you, I've been involved."

She sniffles. "You've always been worthy of me." She hiccups before taking another sip. "So what happens now?"

"They've got the entire department combing the streets of Washington for him. Your house, my house, your parents, Elliott's, I think they even have a cruiser at my mother and sister's house. He's eventually going to make a move- and then they are going to catch that son of a bitch."

"So are we here until then?"

"I don't know. We are taking this one day at a time." _I don't want to tell her, that I'm funding this little introduction into what is essentially the witness protection program because I know she'll throw a fit about me spending the money. But she has to know I'd spend every last dime I had if that meant keeping her safe. The police department wanted to put her in this Safe House, but it also meant that I couldn't be with her because it was Woman's only._

 _Over my fucking dead body. Literally._

There was only two ways that I would let her go somewhere without me for an extended period of time and that was if Hopewell was behind bars or in the ground. Until one of those things happened, I went where she went.

"I never should have attacked him in Portland." She says sadly. "Right now, we could be at your house preparing to move to Ohio. We wouldn't have this shit hanging over our heads. We wouldn't be… hiding to protect ourselves."

"Who's to say he wouldn't have eventually come after you again?"

"I guess, I can't say for sure, but I certainly hadn't heard from him until I made that show at his job. He's probably pissed I had him fired."

"And that's an excuse to threaten your life? Ana, come on. Hopewell has probably been following you for years. Probably knew you'd be in Portland and showed up thinking he could catch you with your guard down, being drunk and with another female. He didn't know you had me in your corner." I smirk at her and press my lips to her cheek. "He didn't know that my bark is bigger and badder and my bite is ten times worst." I growl and she gives me a weak smile.

"My protector."

"I need you to trust me, okay?"

"I do. It doesn't mean that I'm thrilled at the idea of _you_ putting your life on the line for me. Him saying that you can't protect me is basically him saying that he's going to go through you to get to me, and who knows what he'll do!"

"I don't think it'll come to that, okay? The police are more than aware of what I'm willing to do for you. It's actually kind of a problem." I chuckle. "It's like no one is saying what they're all thinking. That's another reason that they let me hole up here with you. They figured it was a way to also keep an eye on me, so that I didn't do anything. He's not going to be able to get to me without giving up himself, because I've got all the eyes on me right now."

"Silver linings, I guess." She says. "Keep you out of trouble." She smiles again, and I'm pleased to see that she's calming down slightly.

I put her face in my hands and press a kiss to her forehead. "I know this is all scary. Believe me, Ana, I'm scared too- Scared that someone thinks that they can take you from me. That after everything, I could potentially lose my best friend. And we've barely had any time together. We haven't traveled the world. We haven't been to Greece. You promised we'd go to Greece, remember? We haven't started a family. We haven't _lived._ I want to live the rest of my life with you. Which means we have to defeat this- together. And I know you're scared. But what we have together… is stronger than any fear."

She shakes her head before climbing into my arms. "You always know just what to say. I love you so much." She whispers as her head rests on my shoulder.

* * *

We climbed off the floor and back into bed sometime later after she'd brushed her teeth and we'd showered, cleaning the day off of us. The room was quiet, only the sounds of our breathing could be heard in the pitch black room. I wasn't sure if Ana was asleep, but I was wired. Wide awake, my eyes unable to even blink I was so keyed up.

"Ana." I whisper into the dark and I feel her shuffle against me.

"Yes?"

Her warm body presses against mine and I begin to stroke her back. "I brought your ring."

"It's mine now?"

"It's been yours. It's always been yours."

"Do I get to wear it now?"

"I would love that."

"You were supposed to ask me when I was half asleep and love drunk."

"Okay, should I wait?" I feel her shuffling next to me and then the light is on illuminating the room.

"No, ask me now." She sits up, her naked body completely on display for me. Her eyes are wild with excitement and her smile lights up the room even more. I lean over the bed, reaching into my bag and pulling out the familiar small velvet box.

"Angel."

"Christian."

"My blue eyes." I whisper and she giggles as her cheeks turn pink. "I love you more than anything. More than I thought it was possible to love another human. You've given me so much that I'll never be able to repay you for. You've set me free in so many ways and all I want is to be able to do the same for you."

"You do." She interrupts me and I nod, even though I don't totally believe her. _I wanted her free from the constant torment of the last ten years._

"I know you've seen this already and it's probably a bit anticlimactic but, I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And while you don't have a choice…" I raise an eyebrow at her cheekily. "As a formality, I'll ask… will you marry me?"

She smiles and then her face falls sadly and I wonder what about this moment would cause her to make that face. "No…" My eyes almost bug out of my head hearing her words and then within seconds, as if she can't keep it together she bursts into laughter.

"Just kidding, just kidding! I didn't mean that. I just wanted to see what that would feel like since you said I didn't have a choice." She giggles before she's on top of me, attacking my face with kisses. I let out a sigh of relief after her "no" had given me a brief heart attack. "I love you, I love you, I love you! Of course, I'll marry you. Tomorrow. Let's get married tomorrow."

"How about we wait until all of this shit is behind us?"

She pouts. "But… I want a ring on your finger too. My ring. I want _my_ ring on _your_ finger." She raises an eyebrow at me and I have to laugh hearing my possessive words thrown back at me.

"Why Ana Steele, where did this possessiveness come from?"

"Oh, I think you know." She smiles as she climbs into my naked lap and wraps her arms around me. She holds her hand out for me and I reach for the box and pull out the ring, sliding it onto her finger. She stares at it for a moment before her eyes dart to mine, her eyes filling with tears. "It's so beautiful."

"It's been waiting for you. It hasn't belonged anywhere but your finger."

She rubs her right index finger over the stone. "I haven't belonged anywhere but right here with you. Thank you, for showing me what it feels like to be so loved and cherished and protected. It's you and me, forever." She whispers before she grabs my hand and brings it to her lips.

"Forever, baby. And we're just getting started."


	20. Chapter 20

An intrusion down below wakes me up from my deep sleep. A deep _peaceful_ sleep brought on by Christian's proposal. A smile finds my face as I'm pulled out of the last few moments of sleep by the stretching of my pussy. My eyes fly open only to be met with gray eyes boring into mine and his cock pushing in and out of me. His hands are on my hips, gripping me deliciously tight as he thrusts into me slowly but steadily. My mouth drops open just in time for his lips to be on mine, capturing my moan and sliding his tongue through my lips. His kiss is aggressive yet passionate and I can taste that he's brushed his teeth making me slightly self-conscious that I haven't done the same having just woke up ten seconds ago.

"Christian, let me—" I half-heartedly protest as I try to wiggle out from underneath him. I wasn't keen on the idea of him letting up, but I wasn't sure I tasted particularly wonderful.

"Stop moving and let me fuck your pretty pussy." He growls and my clit pulses instantly. My insides quiver with need, spurred by him digging his nails into my hips. _God that's hot._

"But—"

"Stop." He orders and then his hands are on my cheeks, his lips back on mine as he fucks me with an urgency that I wasn't new to but, certainly wasn't expecting first thing in the morning. "I would die if anything happen to you." He stops thrusting, but stays inside of me, his dick pulsing against my walls as I think he was on the precipice of an orgasm. "Tell me you'll let me protect you. No matter what."

"Christian…" I trail off, wondering what exactly that ominous statement meant. "We talked about this. No killing for me."

"I know but…"

"No buts." I warn him.

I wrap my legs around him pushing him deeper inside of me and hoping that it's the push he needs to start thrusting again. He must get my hint as he begins to start fucking me again. "But, I love you." He tells me as he looks at me, his eyes showing me just how nervous he is about how all of this is going to go. "I'm scared shitless I'm going to lose you."

It's the first he's ever said anything like that and it shakes me to my core. He never shares things like that, my guess is as way to keep me from panicking. "Christian…"

He rests his forehead against mine. "Angel." His eyes close as he continues to push, his heavy breathing falling on my face. His pace picks up, fucking me harder with each stroke.

"I'm okay, I'm here. Look at me." I cup his face, desperate for him to look in my eyes and when he does I see the fear he's been hiding ever since I told him about Hopewell.

 _I try to tell myself that it doesn't scare me too._

* * *

"Do you want to have dinner downstairs?" Christian asks me as we mindlessly watch TV later that night. My head is resting on his chest as he twirls a strand of my hair around his finger over and over. I look up at him curiously. "I've just never been able to take you to dinner. To properly thank you for getting me out of prison and all that." He shoots me a smile that warms my body and I fight the urge to move up his body and press my sex to his face.

I sit all the way up, my brain finally registering what he said. The strap of my spaghetti strap top falls off my shoulder and as if he's been trained his eyes snap to my bare skin. "Even if you hadn't given me the most amazing thank you of my life which would be you and...," I pull the blanket back slightly and glance at his naked cock which jumps in response. "I do have what I believe to be this insanely expensive ring on my finger and your promise to be with me for the rest of my life." I purse my lips together. "I think we can call it even."

He chuckles. "It might be kind of fun?"

" _You_ want to leave the room? I'm half surprised you aren't trying to keep me on lockdown until you know for sure he's not out there."

"We are safe here." He tells me as he rubs a hand down my face gently. His thumb rubs my bottom lip and I kiss the pad before sucking it into my mouth. His eyes darken and then I'm being hauled into his lap. "You want to play?"

My eyes widen with excitement as I wonder what that means specifically. My sex tingles at the prospect of getting a little kinkier than usual. "What did you have in mind?" My voice is breathy and I feel him rising beneath me in response.

"Later. I want to feed you first." He pecks my nose and I frown at being turned on only to be left high and dry. _Well not exactly dry._

"Tease." I huff as he gets off the bed. He chuckles as he opens his suitcase. "Besides I didn't bring anything for dinner. I figured a weekend with you in a hotel room didn't require much clothes."

"I brought you something." He smirks at me as he brings out a black sundress and flats. I raise an eyebrow at him as he gives me a sheepish grin having known exactly what I want to wear.

"I should have you pick out my clothes every morning." I say with a giggle as I hop out of bed. "Fine, I'll go shower."

I'm no more than a step inside the bathroom when he's behind me, grabbing my naked ass and squeezing hard.

"Oh, I thought you wanted to feed me first." I tell him as I head into the marble walk-in shower.

"Slight change of plans." He growls in my ear. " _I_ want to be fed first." Without another thought, I'm hoisted into his arms, a squeal leaving my lips as his lips attach to my nipple, flicking the peak with his tongue as he pushes me into the shower and starts the water.

* * *

We are seated in the restaurant, in a booth against a wall in the corner so _Christian could see all entrances and exits_ much to the hosts confusion. He merely shot him a look and said to make it happen before he'd scurried off to secure our table. So now we were sitting in a half booth in the corner, Christian practically on top of me, his hand stroking my thigh every few seconds.

"I thought you said weren't worried?" I ask him, as he scans the room for what seems to be the millionth time. "We could have just ordered room service." I rub his hand that's currently got a vice grip around my thighs.

"It's okay. But I still want to remain vigilant."

I roll my eyes as I look back towards the menu. "Well eat up, because if we are playing tonight you're going to need your strength." I chance a peek at him from the corner of my eye and I see the hungry gaze he's giving me.

His lips come towards me, and then they're at my ear. "Take off your panties."

"What?"

"Your panties, take them off and give them to me… or would you rather I did it for you?"

"Like right… here?"

"Right here, baby." He whispers in my ear before sucking my earlobe into his mouth.

"Christian, I-"

"Hi, I'm Allison, how are y'all doing tonight?" A perky blonde woman with hair much too shiny and a shirt much too tight bounces over to our table. She smiles at me before looking at Christian who's finally taken his eyes off of me and her eyes widen in response. She swallows hard and her cheeks turn bright pink before her lip becomes trapped between her teeth."

 _Oh please._

"Hi, I mean wow, I mean… can I get you guys something to drink."

I feel a growl forming low in my throat and a low chuckle comes from next to me. I resist the urge to shoot him a glare when I hear him speak. "My wife and I need another minute, can you give us a bit, Allison?"

She clears her throat before nodding her head several times. "Yeah, I mean yes, sir." I watch in amused horror as she curtsies before scurrying away. I'm staring daggers after her before my face softens slightly in secondhand embarrassment. "Did she just… curtsy?"

"God, you're sexy when your jealous." He growls in my ear and peppers kisses down my neck. His hand has found it's way back between my legs and he skims my covered slit with his index finger. "Off."

My eyes flutter shut, my body overcome with lust by his words in my ear and his ministrations down below. He shifts my panties to the side and finds my clit instantly as if he knows my body by heart, stroking it once and I convulse. "Christian…" I look up at him as he stares down at me, his jaw taut and his eyes full of heat.

"I want to throw you on this table and have _you_ for dinner." He growls and my mouth drops open, not because I'm shocked but because the thump in my sex makes me gasp. "Seriously. I would lay you on your back, spread your legs as wide as they can go and feast on your cunt."

"Oh God." I moan as he runs his finger up and down my slit _again._ I'm about to suggest maybe we cancel dinner and he can do just that upstairs when Allison comes back around. She clears her throat and I look up at her and I notice she has decided to take her hair down and unbutton a button on her already tight shirt. Her eyes are trained on him in an almost dreamy like fashion but I know he hasn't noticed because I can still feel his gaze on the side of my face.

"Are you ready to order, would you like something to drink, sir?" She bites her lip, again.

I cock an eyebrow at her before raising my left hand dramatically and tucking my hair behind my ear and then balling it into a fist under my chin revealing my engagement ring. She clears her throat, having zoned in on the stunning piece of jewelry on my left ring finger and I give her a smug grin.

"Alice, right? I think we'll just stick with water for now." I say motioning towards the glasses in our table filled with water. "We need to stay _hydrated_." I scrunch my nose slightly, a wicked smirk playing on my lips and her eyes widen.

"All-ison. Right. Yes. Well just, let me know about… food."

I turn to look at Christian as she leaves again and the look on his face is priceless. He looks back towards our waitress who'd all but fled from our table after my sexual euphemism before giving me a panty-dropping grin.

 _Oh fuck. I really am about to take these off._

"Well alright." He picks up the glass in front of him and chugs half of the glass of water before setting it down and winking at me. "For the record…" he rakes his gaze over me and slides his hand between my legs again. "It turns me the fuck on when you're jealous. Not that you have a reason to be but it makes me hard as fuck watching your possession of me."

"You belong to me."

"Yes, I do." He nods.

"It pisses me off watching girls unashamedly flirt with you right in front of me. Like hello. Did you see she unbuttoned her shirt and took her perfect blonde hair down?"

He frowns. "Our waitress is blonde?" He asks and I shoot him a look of annoyance.

"Oh you really want me to fuck you right in this booth don't you?"

"Please."

I roll my eyes as I pick up a piece of bread seated in the center of the table. "Can we just eat so we can get the fuck out of here and back to bed?"

"And here I thought you'd be excited about dinner in a restaurant." He rolls his eyes before turning to his menu. "What kind of girl are you?"

"The kind that's obsessed with your cock and wants to make use of the retractable shower head in our bathroom. I checked, there are seven speeds on that thing." I flash him a sexy smirk before biting down on my lip.

"Seven huh?" I notice him adjust himself under the table and I giggle, knowing that I'm starting to affect him. "You know I'm not keen on the idea of not using my cock or fingers or tongue to get you off but… I wouldn't mind watching."

"Or _you_ could use it on me."

"No I think I'd rather watch. Watch you get the pressure just right." He leans closer and rests his lips on my shoulder. "Watch as the warm water jets out of the spoke and into your pussy. The beads of water stimulating your pretty pink clitoris, getting it ready for me. I want it to be nice and warm so by the time I suck it into my mouth it's hot to the touch and you're ready to cum all over me."

"Fuck." I breathe out. "Touch me. Touch me please."

He spreads my legs slightly before he plucks my underwear against my wet sex. "Fuck you're drenched."

"I know." I moan. "Please."

He plucks them again letting them snap against me and I yelp. "Touch my clit again."

"Are you going to come if I do?"

I nod, my eyes fluttering shut as I anticipate the delicious release that's just a beat away. "Yes."

"Hmm, maybe I want you a little needy."

My eyes shoot open. "Wh-what?"

"Maybe I want you climbing the walls ready to get back upstairs so I can have my way with you. Maybe I want you worked up."

"Christian, this isn't funny." I whine.

"You know…," he starts. "I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be this anxious to get off in public."

"See what you've done to me? This is your fault."

"I take the blame." He chuckles as he brings my hand to his lips.

"If you don't do it, I'll go to the bathroom and handle it myself."

"You better not." He warns.

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Oh?"

"No, Anastasia. I also don't want you out of my sight."

"I have to pee."

"The hell you do."

"I'm serious."

He takes a sip of his water glass. "Hold it."

"But…"

"Or I can take you back to the room."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm being ridiculous? I'm not about to let you give me an anxiety attack because you want to tease me by going to masturbate in the bathroom. No." There's a hint of teasing in his voice, but I can tell he's serious.

 _Guess no orgasm right now._

I huff. "Fine."

I feel his smile against my face and then a kiss. "Don't worry, I'll dick you down really good, later."

I don't even try to hide the smile that crosses my face.

* * *

We are on top of the world as we walk down the hallway towards our hotel room. We'd finally broken down and had a bottle of wine and then proceeded to have two of the best steaks I'd probably ever had. Now I was ready for dessert. Christian had ordered two lava fudge cakes with _extra_ whipped cream for us to eat in our room _alone_. And I could already picture just what we were going to be doing with them.

He opens the door and ushers me inside pressing a kiss to my lips as he pushes me against the doorway. "So should we shower before the food sex? Or wait until after?"

"Before please… and after."

"I like the way you think Miss Steele."

"Soon to be Grey." I smile and I don't have a chance to blink before I'm being lifted into his arms.

"Say it again."

"Mrs. Grey…" I giggle. "That's me!"

"God, fuck yes it is." I frown slightly and his face matches mine. "Why the long face?" He presses a kiss to my forehead and then rubs his nose against mine. "Should I be worried that this conversation is causing it?"

"No… I just… can we not get married until Hopewell is caught?"

"Ana…"

I kick my feet slightly and he sets me to my feet, allowing me to continue into the room. "You're on high alert right now. You're so tense except for when you and I are alone in this room." I sigh, knowing he wasn't even this relaxed at home. "And that's only after we deadbolt the door. You're not going to be comfortable letting me go pick out a dress by myself and do all of the bride things."

"I can go with you-"

"To pick out my wedding dress? Pass."

"It's not bad luck. I don't believe in that."

"It's tradition. The groom can't see the bride before the big day."

"Fine, I'll wait in the car."

"That's what I'm saying, and eventually you're going to start working and I go back to school, you can't be on twenty-four hour Ana watch forever!"

I can see him getting anxious, his hand finding his beard as he begins to pace the floor. "It won't take forever."

"You don't know that? What if they can't find him? What if he's on the run forever?"

He swallows, his nostrils flaring and I have no idea what he's thinking but he looks positively irate. _I know it's not necessarily at me and thus it's turning me the fuck on._

He takes a step towards me when there's a knock at the door. I move towards it to open it, when Christian is almost frozen in place. I don't make it three steps before his hand has wrapped around my arm and he's hauled me backwards into his chest. "Christian it's just the room service."

"I don't give a fuck, sit down." He points at the bed and a fire is set ablaze between my legs. _Yes, sir!_

I scurry to the bed, pulling my dress over my head in the process and I lay on my stomach, swinging my feet behind me as I hear him collect our desserts from the room service. I hear him lock the door and then he's back down the tiny hall and in the main area of the room, staring at me with a salacious smirk.

"We are about to ruin these fucking sheets." He smiles as he rolls the table next to the bed.

* * *

An hour later, I am covered in chocolate and whipped cream. My cheeks, my neck, down my torso, specifically my nipples, my stomach, my thighs and my pussy. I sit up on my elbows, "make sure you get everything out of there, I'm not trying to wake up with a UTI or whatever the fuck." I giggle as he presses his lips back to my mound and continues to lick his way to my heart. _I swear that's what he's trying to do._

Despite the towels we put down on the bed, we've spilled a good amount of chocolate and whipped cream on the sheets and I wince wondering what they're going to say. "Don't worry about it, it's a hotel, baby. I'm sure they've seen it all." He moves up my body, wrapping my legs around his waist. His face is smeared with chocolate that trails down his neck and onto his chest and I suck on the skin of his bottom lip, moaning at the flavors of chocolate and Christian. "We should get to the second part of dessert." He raises his eyebrows at me and I giggle remembering his need to watch me fuck myself with the showerhead.

"I'm ready when you are." I whisper just as he pulls me off the bed and carries me into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, we are finished cleaning the sticky substances out of every crevice of our bodies. I blush when he cleans the whipped cream from between my cheeks and I let out a breath remembering his tongue there clearing out the sweet substance. _Fuck, he was kinky._

 _Says the girl that did the same to him._

I shut my eyes, feeling his lips on my neck. There was no part of my body or his that was untouched by the other. And it made me drunk with pleasure thinking about how open we are with each other. I turn in his arms and wrap mine around his neck. "God I love you."

"I love hearing you say that." He whispers against my lips just before he slides his tongue through them. He gives me one final kiss before he takes a step back and grabs the showerhead, bringing it down from it's place and handing it to me. "I believe I was promised a show?"

"I don't get why you don't just do it for me." I roll my eyes as I grab it from him. I turn the nozzle to the pressure I want and prepare to get this show on the road so that we can get back to the _Christian makes Ana come_ show _._ I move around the shower and sit on the seat and he eyes me curiously.

"You've seen me have an orgasm right? Since when have you known me to be able to keep myself up right?"

He chuckles and crosses his arms, leaning against the wall in the shower as I prop my feet up on the bench exposing my sex to him. He licks his lips instantly and I glare at him. "Don't start unless you plan to lick something else with that." A sexy grin finds his lips and he shakes his head.

"I really have rubbed off on you."

"Yes, now hush, I need to start."

"Oh my apologies. Should I talk dirty to you?"

I twist my mouth. "Yes, let's do that."

"Alright, put it inside of you. Guide it onto your clit, baby."

The setting, is one that pulses, and it's the perfect amount of pressure every other second as I rest it on my clit. I let out a sigh as he moves closer to me. "Does it feel good, baby?"

"So fucking good."

I curl my toes, my body succumbing to the pleasure between my legs. My eyes roll back as my clit begins to tingle under the warm water. When I open my eyes, Christian is in front of me, his dick a mere inch from my mouth. I look up at him and his eyes are almost black. "Keep going." He growls.

I nod as I begin to move my hips in time with the water. "Oh fuck."

His hand finds his cock as he begins to stroke himself. "You are so fucking beautiful. God, tell me what you're thinking about."

"I thought- I thought you were supposed to be talking dirty to _me._ "

"I can't concentrate." He takes a step back, fixing his gaze on the space between my legs as he jacks himself harder. "Fuck." He groans as I notice his cock getting harder, the veins popping out and I long to run my tongue along the purple and blue trails. "You're going to make me come."

"Come wherever you want." I whisper.

"Anywhere?" I raise an eyebrow at him, as a shy smile finds my face and he shakes his head. I'd asked him one night if he'd had any interest in coming on my face, after one particularly aggressive porn that we'd watched together. He'd simply told me he had no interest in doing that but that everywhere else was fair game. I wasn't keen on the idea anyway, but I'd been with Christian long enough to know that anything we did in the bedroom could never be construed as disrespectful even if they weren't particularly gentlemanly.

I feel my orgasm building. "I'm thinking about you… running your tongue through my folds from behind, and then… moving upwards." I breathe out. "I love getting dirty with you. I love everything you've opened my mind up to. You've turned me into this sexual creature and I love it. We have this insane sexual chemistry and sometimes I can't breathe when I think about it." I bite my lip as the familiar tingle starts at the base of my spine.

"Are you coming, baby? I know you're close."

"God, it's starting." I lean my head back as I turn the speed of the pressure up higher. "Oh my God! Christian!" I moan out, as my eyes snap shut and move faster against the spoke. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" My eyes pop open just in time for me to feel jets of a thicker stream coating my chest and my name being grunted out.

His chest is heaving as he rubs his cock as it softens, and I've let the showerhead fall out of my hand, though it's still shooting against my sex. We are staring at each other so hard, our hearts racing and our breaths still haggard. I jump off the bench and into his arms, kissing him like my life depends on it. He places one hand at the back of my head, pushing me harder against his lips as he bites and sucks on lips and tongue. I feel his cock jolting against my sex and I don't know how this man can go over and over again, but I just thank God, that I was blessed with a man with such an aggressive sex drive.

 _God the second I got pregnant, I was going to stay pregnant._

 _Probably until I know longer could._

The thought of a million little Christians running around makes me positively giddy. I giggle in his arms and he looks at me oddly. "Care to share with the class?"

"Just thinking about how many of your babies I'm going to have. I'm guessing the second I get pregnant, I will be for the rest of my child-bearing life."

"Accurate."

"God, they're just going to be walking out by the end."

He throws his head back in a laugh and shakes it before rubbing his nose against mine. "God, I love you." He tells me as he carries me out of the shower.

"I love you too."

"We are going to be so happy together. I am going to make you so happy." He whispers in my ear and I nod before pressing a kiss to his neck.

"You already do."

* * *

A loud blaring noise yanks me out of sleep, causing me to sit straight up in bed. I press my hands to my ears as the fire alarm resounds throughout the room. Christian bolts up next to me his eyes darting around the room before back at me. "What the fuck?" He asks.

We are both naked, having passed out in each other's arms after probably the fifth time we made love and we both hop out of bed, collecting our clothes and pulling them on. "Shit, is there a fire?"

Christian peeks out the window and then back at me. "I don't know. Fuck. Baby we should go." He puts his phone to his ear, my guess is ringing the front desk, to see if they knew if it was just a prank or a test gone wrong or anything. "Fuck, no one is answering. Baby, let's go. Just in case." I pull a sweatshirt over my torso, and shorts as well as my tennis shoes and pull my wet hair that was currently knotted from not drying it after the shower into a messy bun. We are in the hallway when I remember.

"Shit, my phone!"

"I have mine, come on." I hurry behind him, our hands intertwined and I'm grateful that we've been running together so I keep up easily. I frown as I don't see anyone else in the hallway. "Shit, how long did we sleep through the alarm?"

"No idea." He says as we burst through the stairwell and begin to fly down the seven flights. He presses his hand to the knob and the door before we go through the lobby door on the ground floor. "Stay behind me." He lets out a breath when he realizes it's not warm. I nod and he presses a kiss to my forehead. "It's going to be okay."

I nod again. "I trust you."

He gives me a small smile and we move out into the lobby. It's pretty empty with the exception of a few people moving towards the exit, their hands over their ears. We see a bunch of people outside, and just before we step onto the concrete, I grab his hand pulling him back. "Wait the cops…" I swallow. "We should find them, so they don't think we are trying to run or anything."

"They would be stupid to think that. They know I want to keep you safe, and trying to flee would be stupid when I have no idea where Hopewell is."

"Come on folks, outside. There is a small fire, that started on the second floor west wing." A fireman tells us. My eyes widen. We were in the east wing, which is probably why we didn't feel anything, but that is pretty scary. "Not much damage, and we got it contained. Not to worry, we'll have you back inside within the hour." He says pushing us out. We head straight for a cop, and I feel slightly uneasy that it is not the one who drove us here, and the second we are within sight he grabs Christian and pushes him hard against the car, grounding his face into the metal.

"No wait!" I tell them. "There was a fire, we aren't out here for any other reason. We were sleeping! Stop treating him like this!"

"Hush, we still need to check him."

"He's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, what the fuck could he have?" I argue with him as he pats him down.

"Baby, relax." He tells me and I stomp my foot at him. "Stop treating him like-"

"He's a criminal?" The officer looks at me. "Calm your ass down, before I send you to wait somewhere else."

"No." Christian says, his voice even.

"I didn't recall asking for your opinion. I don't know how you got your hooks in this pretty little thing anyway." He snarls.

My lip trembles and Christian's eyes look into mine and he shakes his head once.

 _I'm sorry._ I mouth at him.

 _It's okay._ He lifts his chin slightly and gives me a smile, telling me to keep my chin up.

Another officer comes over in the meantime. "He giving you trouble?"

"Nah, his girlfriend has a mouth on her though."

"No, she's okay." Christian speaks up immediately, probably wanting to keep them from removing me.

"Didn't I say to keep it shut? I don't understand how you're out just walking around after two years. And out and about when you're on probation? I don't know who you've got in your pocket, but I don't buy your golden boy bullshit. You are a criminal, Grey. A fucking _murderer._ "

"Don't say that!" I exclaim. "He's a good man. Better than you." I stomp my foot.

"Anastasia, stop it." Christian growls at me just as the officer comes towards me. "Stay away from her." He growls and the cop, who's nametag I can now see reads Officer Roe turns around.

"You think I'm going to hurt your little fucktoy? Please. My job is to protect women from evil men like _you_. Trust me, she's probably safer without you."

I shake my head. "No. I'm supposed to stick with him." I point at him. "The police are well aware."

"Hmmm, well, until you go back inside, you can go wait with Officer Charles, since you can't be respectful."

"No!" Officer Charles wraps his hand around my wrist. "No, I'll be quiet, I swear!"

"Too late, princess. Go. Your felon will be right here."

"This isn't really necessary," Christian starts. "She's going to be quiet now, right, Ana?"

"Yes, I will."

Officer Charles shakes his head. "No, I think some space is just what you two need."

"Wh-what?" The tears form in my eyes as I look back at him and then at Christian who's eyes match mine. Scared, worried eyes and I hate that they aren't able to calm me.

"No, you can't make me." I cry as I run towards him, and wrap my arms around Christian's torso. "Please!" I look up at him, terror coursing through me for a reason I can't quite understand. Maybe Hopewell being out there really was messing with my brain. Or maybe I was feeling uneasy as these were cops that didn't seem to understand. Or maybe there was something else lurking within that made me nervous, terrified even.

"Baby, be strong for me. I promise as soon we can, we're going back upstairs and I'm never letting you out of my arms again, alright?"

I look up at him. "This doesn't feel right." I whisper. "Something's wrong."

His eyes flit behind us to the officers that were inches from ripping me from their body. "Take my phone."

 _The look on Christian's face told me he had the same feelings._ I reach into his pocket as quickly as I can before they pry me from his body, grabbing his cellphone and slip it in my pocket as Officer Charles drags me away. "Let's go."

* * *

We are on the other side of the parking lot, away from all of the lights and noise of the firetruck and ambulance when he opens the cop car for me. "Get in."

"Umm… no thank you. I'll stay here."

"What did I say?"

"Are you arresting me for something? For being slightly hysterical for your mistreatment of my fiance?"

"You're marrying that asshole?" I hold my hand out for him to see. "Your funeral." He snorts as he shuts the door. "Fine, stay out here for all I care."

"Why are we so far away from everyone? I want to go back." I dance back and forth between left and right foot. A dark feeling coming over me as I realize we are basically alone. _Something is not right._

"We can when everyone goes back inside." He says and a chill comes over me despite the warm temperatures.

 _Run, Ana._

* * *

CPOV

My hands are still on top of the roof of the car, my forearms resting there when I turn to look at Officer Roe. "Where did your partner take Ana?"

"Oh Charles? He's not my partner." He takes a hit of his cigarette. "He's new. Started a week or so ago."

I look around, my eyes searching for a cop car. "Where did they go?"

He shrugs. "How the hell should I know?"

"Because you need to know where the person you're here to protect is! You know she's being targeted by a man that used to molest and beat her. Why do you think she's here?"

"Kind of ironic that she hooked up with you then?"

My eyes snap to his in a murderous rage and I have to will myself to calm down. _No Christian._ "I resent that. I would never lay a finger on her or any woman. I love her."

"She's too good for you. Too pure and innocent. She reminds me of my daughter. I'd have a fit if she ended up with someone like you."

"I'd have a fit if my daughter ended up with someone like me too. That's not the point. The point is I need you to know where my fiancee is."

"Fiancee huh?"

"Yes. Please. I know you hate me, or don't respect me but she's afraid and she needs to be with me."

He sighs before tossing his cigarette. "Fine." He presses the button down. "Officer Charles, copy." I frown when I don't hear anything back. "Officer Charles?" He looks at me and his eyebrows furrow and I'm seconds from ripping him limb from limb if he doesn't tell me where the fuck she is. _Five minutes ago._

"Charles, DO YOU COPY?"

* * *

A POV

I'm shaking, my heart is beating a thousand beats per minute and it's so loud, I can hear it in my ears. I open my mouth to scream when the gun points at me. "Do it, and I'll shoot." My chest moves up and down, rapidly as I snap my mouth shut. Jonathan Hopewell stands before me, having just shot Officer Charles in the back and I will myself not to look down. _I've never seen a dead body before._

"Sorry, Chaz. You were collateral damage. Dirty cops are hard to find these days, I swear. But sometimes you just gotta find the one with the right price." He points at me. "Now, come."

I don't move, my feet frozen in my spot as I pray someone- _Christian_ comes looking for me. I hear Officer Roe, speaking through his walkie talkie and I go to say something when Hopewell rolls his eyes. "You have to push the button, princess." He takes the walkie off of him and turns it off before tossing it somewhere behind him. "And were you really going to speak, after I told you not to? God, I wanted to have some fun with you first, but if you're going to be a brat, I'll just shoot you now and get it over with."

I gulp, the tears streaming down my face. "The-the fire alarm?"

"Oh, yes sorry. Did I ruin your little honeymoon? Shame. God, you guys were so gross in that restaurant." My eyes widen. _He saw us? He was there?_

As if he hears my questions, he continues. "I've had eyes on you for a while, honey. Longer than you know. I was coming for you years ago, but then you went into social justice and you always had cops hanging around. It was so annoying. And then, you hooked up with Grey, and he never let you out of arm's reach. Portland was going to be the show. But you made such a fucking scene." He rolls his eyes. "God you were always so dramatic." I look away from him, my eyes frantically searching for help, or something- anything I could help myself with. He takes a step closer. "Wanna go for a little ride?" He smiles and I don't say or do anything, my eyes cold and my heart still racing as I wonder if I'm about to die.

"God, and now you're not a virgin and I can have some fun with your sweet little pussy first."

"N-nno." I whisper. "I-I- please don't hurt me." I shake my head. "I never did anything to you. I don't deserve this." The tears roll down my cheeks. "I never deserved it."

"Awww, please don't hurt me." He mimicks. "You're pathetic." He takes a step towards me, and before I can think he's hit me with the butt of his gun, knocking me to the ground. I shriek once as my back hits the ground and I bang my head on the concrete. My head gets fuzzy and spots appear in my peripheral but I will myself to stay awake, knowing that I'm fucked if I pass out.

 _You're fucked either way._

 _Christian, help me… please!_ I try to connect with him as best as I can, knowing that he can feel me even when I'm not with him

 _Stay awake for me, Angel. I can't be there with you. But you know I'm always with you._ I feel his fist on my face as he hits me again.

 _Please!_

I feel hands pulling on my ankles and dragging me and the concrete sends my sweatshirt up as he drags me, and I feel myself being cut and scraped by the ground on my back.

 _Fight. Angel._

My eyes fly open and I kick him hard, a scream leaving my lips so loud that I know Christian would know it anywhere. "Let me fucking go! Help!" I scream out.

"You fucking bitch!" He grabs me by my hair, holding me up and punching me hard again in my face. I howl in pain just as he holds my arm up and snaps it. I scream again, and then I hear people in the distance coming towards us. "Fuck." I'm in so much pain I can't even cry as he points the gun at me. "Well I guess this is where I have to say goodbye." He cocks the gun, and I say a small prayer as I prepare to meet death.

"DROP IT!" I hear someone scream just as the pain sears up into my brain, pushing me towards a blackout as my body tries to cope with the trauma.

"Christian." I mumble. "Christian…" My eyes are fading fast, as I move in and out of consciousness.

"I will shoot her." My eyes open again, but the way I'm laying I can't see what's behind me. I turn my head to the side, pressing it into the concrete and I make out a familiar figure running towards me.

"No."I groan, as I realize it's Christian running towards me. "Baby stop." I mumble, the last of my thoughts floating away. "I love you." I whisper. The last thing I hear before sleep completely takes me is two gunshots ringing through the air.

* * *

C POV

I hear a blood curdling scream that makes my heart race and everyone goes quiet despite the roar of the guests still outside waiting. "Th-that's Ana." I tell Officer Roe. "You have to go find her. We have to go." I begin taking off towards the noise, when I feel his hand yanking me back.

"No. You wait here. I don't need you killing someone on my watch." He growls. "Get your ass in the car."

"PLEASE." I plead with him. He doesn't say anything, and I'm panicking over how much time has gone by since I heard her scream.

 _Ana, I'm sorry I'm not there. But fight for me baby. Whatever it is. I'm coming for you._

"GO." I scream, as I let him force me into the cop car. I let out a scream as I pray that he gets to her soon. _Did Hopewell find her? Oh God. Oh my fucking God._ My mind and heart are both racing, as a million different scenarios run through my brain. I don't know if it's the adrenaline or sudden superhero strength or what, but before I can think, I've kicked my foot clear through the back window. I reach my hand out of the window, trying my best to avoid getting scraped up by the broken glass and open the door before I take off towards the source of the scream. I've run no more than a quarter of a mile, to the other side of the hotel, where it's completely deserted. I see Hopewell and I see red as I see a gun pointed at Ana who's lying on the ground, blood around her head, and her arm bent in a way that doesn't look natural. I'm almost murderous as I move towards them slowly. I see Officer Charles lying in a pool of blood next to her and I'll be damned if she's next. Officer Roe is pointing a gun at him, requesting back up. And I take off towards her, knowing that if he decides to shoot, it'll be me and that will give Officer Roe time to take him down. There was no way he was shooting her.

 _Over my dead body._

 _Literally._

"Don't you fucking dare." He growls as he points the gun at me. He doesn't hesitate to pull the trigger, clipping my shoulder, just as Officer Rose fires his gun, piercing him straight in the chest. I ignore the gunshot in my shoulder, the pain almost mind numbing but my mind only focused on Ana. I make it to her, putting her head in my hands, the tears rushing down my face as I hold her in my arms without touching the right arm that I know is broken.

"Angel, he's gone. He's gone baby. I'm here. Wake up for me, please!" The sounds of sirens are in the distance and I feel a hand on my good shoulder.

"They need to patch you up, son. And they need to get her on a stretcher. Come on, stand up."

"I can-'t leave her on the ground. She needs me… and I couldn't keep her safe…" I manage to get up.

"That was…" he clears his throat. "On me." I look up to see Officer Jenkins. "But Officer Roe, will be thoroughly questioned as to why you two were separated in the first place. I was called in due to the fire alarm and to be honest… I was worried this somehow would end up affecting you and Ana. Call it police intuition. I just wish I could have gotten here sooner."

I am too emotionally distraught, holding a bloody Ana in my arms, I can't even be angry or question how he got here so quickly. "Please help." I cry as I rub her face, the blood from my shoulder trickling down my arm. I kiss her face and there's a bruise on her lip and one forming under her eye and I alternate between kissing both.

"Sir, please step out of the way." An EMT says.

"No… no…" I shake my head back and forth, a catatonic state almost coming over me. "Need to be with Ana…"

"It's okay, sir, just come on, we need to get you stitched up too."

"Victim, young early twenties, brown hair-" one starts and I shake my head.

"Not a fucking victim!" I scream. "She's alive. She's going to be fine." _She has to be. We are getting married._

"Yes, but you may not be, if we don't get a look at your shoulder." One of the EMT's pulls me away from her unconscious body and I swear it takes two of them to hold me down, and I half expect them to sedate me.

"No… ANA! Let me be with her. She needs me… She… We...She's my angel." I whisper.

"She needs you to be alive when she wakes up, sir. Now, come with us. You're both going to the same hospital. Everything is going to be okay."

"The officer said you essentially took a bullet for her?" Another one asks.

I don't answer, I just watch as they lift her onto a stretcher and rush her towards the ambulance.

"Can I ride with her?" I look up at them, their faces becoming slightly fuzzy as I think the adrenaline is wearing off and the fact that I was shot is replacing the superhero feeling.

"No sir, we have another one for you."

"But…"

"No." They tell me, and I don't even have the energy to fight as it's slowly leaving my body.

"He's fading, we need to get this man to a hospital, he's losing a lot of blood!" I have a slight feeling of being lifted and rolled somewhere before darkness finds me.

I send a prayer upwards for Ana to be okay, for her to be staring down at me the second I open my eyes telling me how much she loves me.

Then I send a second prayer that if Ana's not okay, _I don't wake up._

* * *

 **A/N: I thought about ending this chapter here. But, I figured y'all would track me down and hurt me. Idk why though, you know A or C deaths are not my lane! Nevertheless, call it a gift!**

 **Chapter 21 Teaser**

A POV

My eyes fly open as panic sets in. I dart my eyes from left to right and when I sit up there's a searing pain going up and down my body. I look down and note the cast on my right arm and my head feels like someone used it as a punching bag. I put my left hand over my head and I wince at the pain, as I feel the tubes going up my nose. "Oh my God, my baby!" I hear and then my mother is sitting on the bed next to me, holding my left hand and putting it over her heart. "I love you so much. Oh my God. Thank God." She presses her hand to her cheek before looking up to the Heavens.

"Ch-Christian." I choke out, but my voice feels like I spent an entire day swallowing rocks and gravel. It itches and it's sore and all I want is a gallon of cool water to soothe it. But I needed to know where Christian was first.

"He's okay, baby. He's fine."

I let out a breath. "Where… I need to see him. Please. Please, I'm begging you." I know I blacked out, but I remember him running towards me. I also remember there being gunshots. More than one. So either he shot Hopewell. Or Hopewell shot him. _Either way I needed him._

"Please." I beg my mother. "You don't understand. He saved my life."

"Oh sweet girl." She cups my face. "I know." The tears are flying down her face as she presses a kiss to my forehead. "The officer told us… We are forever in his debt."

"He doesn't want your debt, he wants _me._ "

She nods just as a Doctor walks in. "Miss Steele, welcome back! How-"

"Where's Christian, I need him. And spare me the formalities. I will rip these IVs out if I have to. Take me to him." I grit out, knowing that they're about to give me some bullshit reason as to why I can't.

"Ana…" my mother starts.

"NOW!" I scream. "Oh my God, he had to see me like this? He needs to see me too. He needs to know I'm okay. Don't you see what happens when you separate us!?" I yell at both the Doctor and my mother.

"You are not strong enough to be up walking around right now." The Doctor informs me and it makes me wonder briefly about the extent of my injuries past the broken arm and bumps and bruises.

 _Not the priority. I was alive, that was enough. Now where is my man?_ "Then bring him here!"

"He shouldn't be either."

"How long has it been since I was brought in?"

"You were brought in late last night. It's been about five hours." My mother says.

"Just let us get you to about eight or nine hours and then you can see him, I promise." The Doctor reassures me. "You just woke up, and we want to make sure you don't have any head trauma. We called for another CAT scan. We'll take you up shortly."

"But… Christian is okay?"

"Yes." He says as he slips back out of the room.

I turn to my mother. "Is someone with him? He shouldn't be alone."

"Your dad is over there, actually." I whip my head to my mother.

"Wait, really?"

"Yes, he's been here, but when Christian woke up he said he didn't want the hospital to call anyone. He just kept calling for you."

"Can't you see he needs me?" I whisper as the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. "And I need him."

"I know. So your father went over to sit with him, I told him I would let him know the second you woke up, and to tell Christian too."

"Did you?"

"Yes, I told him."

"What did Christian say? Can we call them? FaceTime? Mom, stop fucking around. I want to talk to my fiance."

She gasps, the tears flooding her eyes and I realize my slip and my eyes dart to my hand. "Oh my-" My heart races as I don't see Christian's ring on my finger.

"I have it."She says reaching into her purse. "When I got here they had given me your things. Imagine my shock when I saw this in there." She whispers as she holds out my engagement ring. The ring I had only had for one day. A ring I swear I am never letting leave my finger ever again. "You're engaged?" She whispers.

"Yes." I nod, the first smile finding my face since I wake up as I remember that Christian and I were getting married. _Christian was okay, and we were getting married._

"Oh my God, honey!" She smiles back, as the tears fall from her eyes.

"I need him. Please… bring him to me or take me there. Please mom, I'm begging you. I could have lost him." I shake my head.

"Honey, I promise you the second I can, I'll take you to Christian."

 _He's alive. Christian is alive._ My mind begins to chant in efforts to calm me down. _It's going to be fine._

My eyes fly open as another thought crosses my mind. _Was Hopewell alive?_


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Make sure you've at least read the teaser at the end of chapter 20 before starting this one :)**

C POV… a few hours prior.

A fire blooming in my chest forces my eyes open. I'm desperate to speak but it's as if I can't get any air into my lungs. _Where is she? WHERE?_ Panic sets in as my eyes dart around the room dying for any kind of clue that will tell me where Ana is. My hands go to my IV, prepared to rip them out of my arm so that I can find her when a nurse comes in.

"Mr. Grey, no!" She screeches as she moves closer to me and wraps her hand around my wrist, stopping me from removing the needle from my arm.

"Take me to her." I snarl. I don't give a fuck that she's trying to help. I don't care if it's against policy. I care about one thing only— _Ana._

She clears her throat and I can see the pink coating her cheeks and I wonder if despite my anger she's affected by me. _Now is not the fucking time._ "Mr. Grey, I assume you mean Miss Steele?" Her voice is meek and timid and I try to reel my temper in so that I don't explode all over this poor woman who's just trying to do her job.

"Yes, my fiancée now take me to her, or I'll find her myself." _So much for reeling it in._

She swallows as she begins to fluff my pillows, avoiding eye contact in the process before taking a few steps away from my bed. "Please don't try and remove your IV, you lost a lot of blood and we are just trying to get you better."

 _Well, you asked for it._ "What part of I don't give a flying FUCK don't you get? I want to see the woman that could have died in my fucking arms." The words take my breath away, and I close my eyes, willing my heart to stop racing before I give myself a heart attack. "She is alive, right?"

The young nurse gulps. "I don't think I'm at liberty to discuss—" I shoot a glare at her that I haven't used since I was on the inside. The look that told you I was not one to fuck with and you were dancing with the beast.

 _And you did not want to fuck with the beast._

She seems to choke on her spit before nodding her head vigorously. "Sh—sh—she's fine. She will be okay." She shakes her head. "She's alive."

I let out a breath, my shoulders sagging as I fall back into the pillows. "Don't come back in here unless it's to move me to her room, or you're bringing her here. I mean it." I shoot her a look that she seems to understand because she nods once before scurrying away like the room was on fire.

I close my eyes, letting the words of the nurse float over me. _She's fine. She will be okay. She's alive._

 _Shit! I should have asked about Hopewell. I'm sure they'll have some bullshit diplomatic answer for that too. There's no way he could be alive right? He took a bullet to the chest._

 _But what he was wearing a bulletproof vest? You don't shoot a cop and attempt a kidnapping without some sort of protection, right? I remember seeing him hit the ground but after Roe shot him all I could focus on was Ana._

Even the entire ride here from the hospital I was basically a wild animal. Feral almost. It wasn't until I felt a prick in my arm did I feel my body start to slow. A hum flooding my senses making me feel as if I was moving in slow motion.

 _I'd been sedated._

I'd woken up one other time to a bunch of doctors fussing over me as I laid flat on my back. I reached my arm up, desperate to feel something, anything and I vaguely remember hearing "you're going to be fine, sir" before sleep claimed me again.

My thoughts are interrupted by a tall blonde man with green eyes and a muscular build walking through the door with a stethoscope around his neck. "Mr. Grey, welcome back. You gave us all a little scare back there." He looks tall, taller than me perhaps, and I'm above average height.

I don't say anything as he makes his way to me and holds a light in front of my eyes. "Can you follow the light for me?"

I don't know what it is but he pisses me off and I find myself getting more than a little irritated if this douchebag pretty boy Doctor has even breathed the same air as my girl.

He pulls the light back and looks at me before crossing his arms. "Nurse Lacey said you were a little…" he raises an eyebrow at me and I raise one back daring him to go there. "Concerned about Miss Steele."

My features soften dramatically just hearing her name. _If you're nice to them, they'll let you come visit me._ I can hear her voice in my ear. _I miss you and I'm scared, please just be nice._

I clear my throat, preparing myself to swallow my pride and essentially kiss his ass. "I'm sure you can understand my slight… hysteria given that I held her unconscious body in my arms after I'd just witnessed a gun being pointed at her."

"Understandable." He rolls over a stool from the corner of the room and sits. "It was through and through, so there was no bullet to remove and there wasn't any nerve scar should be minimal and if you're concerned we can set you up with a plastic—" he starts.

"I'm not concerned." Frankly I couldn't give a fuck about the scar. Especially if it turns my fiancée on. _Girls do love a bad boy. And what's badder than a gunshot wound?_

"You were very lucky. It could have been a hell of a lot worst. If you had taken just another step… or he aimed just a few inches over..." He slaps his thighs before standing and nods, figuring that he probably doesn't need to go down this morbid road with me. _It's all I've been thinking about. What if I left Ana alone? Scared?_ "Is there anyone we should call? Parents or… I know you have a sister…" he says which I assume is a Freudian slip because he begins to stammer. "I mean— well…"

"No one." I bark. "As a matter of fact if anyone calls for me, don't tell them anything. Anastasia is the only one I'm authorizing you to speak with about me. Everyone else, give them your doctor patient confidentiality bullshit spiel."

"Understood." He moves towards the door. "Get some rest, Mr. Grey. The sooner you get a little stronger the sooner we can get you to Miss Steele."

My eyes widen, finally someone telling me just what I need to do to get to my woman. He's barely out of the door before I shut my eyes willing myself to sleep.

* * *

My eyes feel heavy when I wake up again, making me wonder if the adrenaline was the only thing keeping me awake before. I feel like I've aged five full years and my body feels weary and like I've gone several rounds against a heavyweight boxing champion. I rub a hand over my eyes as the sun streams into the room and I squint when I feel it on my face.

"Shit. Sorry son." I hear mumbled from the couch, though my eyes haven't completely focused on the figure. When the source closes the blinds, making the room slightly darker, I realize it's Ray Steele.

"Ray?" I begin to cough and he pours me a cup of water from the pitcher next to my bed.

"Don't die, _now_." He gives me a small smile and I can't help but return it. "You… saved her. You saved our girl." He isn't looking at me, his eyes are fixed on the ground and I can see the exhaustion all over his face. "She would be dead if it weren't for you."

"I wasn't going to let anything happen to her, Ray. Surely you've figured that out by now." I lean back, letting my head rest on the pillow.

"I don't mean just last night. Ana told the police that he admitted to stalking her for years." His scared eyes find mine and I see the emotion he's trying to hide as the tears swim in his eyes. "She was a social justice major and it meant she spent a lot of time with the right side of the law. Police and lawyers and… it spooked him."

My heart begins to pound in my chest thinking that maybe if she'd gone into marketing or literature she'd be dead now. _She's safe, Christian. She's safe._

"He went on to explain that after you two became an item that it made it harder to get to her. Because you never let her out of arm's reach."

"Fuck." I whisper.

"So that's what I'm saying. You saved her life. Countless times. Just by… being near her." He clears his throat. "And I said such awful things to you… I insinuated that.."

"Water under the bridge." I cut him off before he can go on a tangent recalling all of this fucked up things he's said to me _and_ to Ana regarding her relationship with me.

"Well I'm sorry." He regards me for a second. "Ana says you aren't really close with your folks but—"

"My dad is dead." I blurt out and I don't know why. Maybe because I'm still slightly out of it. Maybe because this is Ana's dad. Or maybe I'm feeling vulnerable as Ray Steele is seconds from breaking down in front of me. "He died when I was in college. My mom and stepdad are far from proud. But Carrick— that's my dad. He was proud of me."

"I'm sorry about your dad…" he's silent. "Was he sick?"

"Yes." I don't say much else and Ray nods again.

"Never gets easier, does it." His face is bleak, making me wonder if he's in the club too. The dead dads club. The club you can't be in until _you're in._

"Can't say that it does. Ana makes it easier. She makes everything in my life easier." I tell him honestly. "I asked her to marry me."

"So I heard. You can't ask an old man for permission first?"

A chuckle leaves my lips. The first in I don't know how long. "I wasn't so sure you'd say yes. I knew you were warming up to me but… if you said no, I knew Ana would struggle with that. I would still ask, she'd still say yes and then you'd be pissed."

He huffs and I smile. "Still would have been nice to be asked."

"Fine." I roll my eyes. "Can I marry your daughter?"

"No." He snaps. I roll my eyes again and I see the smile tugging at his lips as he looks at his phone. "She's awake."

"Are…" I sit up and try my best to see what he's seeing on his phone that told him Ana was awake.

"Her mom just texted me. She threatened to rip her IV out to get to you."

 _Well aren't we a pair?_ I think as I remember that I threatened to do the same. "I would do anything to see her. Please, Ray."

"I'll see what I can do." He stands up and makes his way to the door. He turns to look at me and gives me a sad smile. "You're a good kid, Grey. I would be happy to have you as my son in law. I'm sorry it took me so long to see that." He doesn't wait for my response before he's out the door, and I hope when he returns he has the other half of my heart with him.

* * *

A POV

I cross my arms over my chest, a growl threatening to escape my lips as this stupid fucking Nurse Lacey tells me I _still_ can't see my man.

"Miss Steele…" she trails off.

"Why are you so hellbent in keeping us apart?" I look at my mom, the tears swimming in my eyes as they urge _her_ to do something.

"Nurse… surely you can understand that my daughter just wants to see him. And he wants to see her as well." I pout as I think about the fact that my mom has now seen him too. She warned me that he's in a sling and that every time he moves he winces slightly. My arm was a pretty clean break, requiring only a cast after they reset the bones in my arm and they've put my arm in a sling as well for the time being.

 _The couple that wears slings together, stays together?_ I giggle at my own humor before remembering that I'm supposed to be pissed. I glare at the nurse and she sighs. "The doctor said after eight or nine hours. It's been seven. I know you're anxious but he was considered critical condition when he was brought in and we are just now moving him out of the ICU. He's still groggy and he's been in and out of sleep a few times. With all due respect you Miss Steele, this stress isn't good for you! Your blood pressure has been high ever since you woke up and—"

"Yeah no shit!" I exclaim and my mother begins to stroke my hair. "Just go…" I sigh as I turn my head away from her.

Another woman comes in as Nurse Lacey leaves, her eyes warmer than anyone that I'd seen since I've been in here. Her hair is pulled into a bun behind her head and she's wearing pink scrubs with tiny teddy bears on it. She gives me a smile and sits down on the stool next to me. "Hi Miss Steele, it's nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Greene."

* * *

C POV

I've been wheeled out of the intensive care unit just moments ago, and I already feel happier to be out of that dreary wing of the hospital. _And this means I'm one step closer to seeing Ana._ My eyes immediately find a bouquet of flowers on the window sill and I frown slightly wondering who they are from. I pull myself out of bed and reach for the card in the bouquet of orchids, lilies and roses.

 _ **Thank you for everything.**_

 _ **Ana shared the good news!**_

 _ **Welcome to the family.**_

 _ **Love, Carla/ Your Future Mother in Law**_

I can't help the smile that finds my face as I read her card again. _Good news._ I'm pleased that Ana is strong enough that she's shared the fact that we're engaged with her mom. I set the card up in front of the vase, my heart slightly warmed over the fact that at least _someone's_ mother seems to like me.

I hear a gasp behind me and the sound of a door closing behind me. My skin begins to come alive and despite my injuries, one part of me that is definitely _not_ hurt, wakes way up. I turn slowly, my mind and body trying to prepare itself for what is coming at me.

I wasn't sure the extent of her injuries, but my heart drops when I see her standing before me. She's wearing a blue gown, that I hope to God is closed on the backside. Her arm is in a cast and a sling just like mine, but what guts me most is the bruises on her beautiful face. There's a purple bruise on her cheek, her lip is split and she has a black eye marking her flawless skin.

"Ana." I manage to whisper. I'm almost afraid to touch her. My need for her is too great, that I'm worried I'll hurt her when I'm this desperate for her. All I want to do is climb inside of her and take up permanent residence there. _Fuck I need her. So fucking bad._ Her hair falls around her shoulders, wavy and gorgeous and I just want to run my fingers through her silky hair.

"Should you be out of bed?"

I move towards her slowly and she does the same but when she gets to me she stops. "I just want to jump in your arms."

"No." I warn her. "Behave. I don't want you hurting yourself even more…" I eye her curiously. "How are you here? Just… walking around by yourself?"

"I snuck out." She giggles as she takes a step closer to me. "I couldn't take it another minute. I needed you more than I needed my next breath."

"Ana… angel, are you okay?" I reach out to touch her, but I let my hand fall, just before my hand makes contact. I want to touch her so bad, but if she's only here for a moment, I don't think it's a good idea. The second I get her in my arms, I'm not letting her go. And I'll beat the shit out of anyone who tries to remove her. _One good arm and all._

"Yes, and they said once they moved you out of ICU, we could see each other and then they went back on their word and I wanted to see you." She stamps her foot and I take another step closer to her. _Be careful, don't fucking attack her no matter how bad you want to._

"The second these slings are off…" I trail off. "I am going to rip you apart, Anastasia." Her cheeks redden and she gives me a devilish smile. "But for now, we have to be good. No hurting either of us."

"Right. But… you did save my life and all…more times than you probably even know... so I was thinking like… maybe one little kiss wouldn't hurt?"

I raise an eyebrow at her, knowing that one little kiss between us after the day we've had is a slippery slope. But the second her warm body presses up against mine and her good arm wraps around my neck, bringing me down to kiss her I am lost. I groan the second our lips touch, our tongues rubbing against each other. She moans and whimpers against my lips and I swallow them whole. I hear her sniffle and when I pull apart there are tears in her eyes.

"Baby, why are you crying?"

"I thought I lost you…" she trails off. "When I heard the gunshot." Her lip trembles and she looks away from me, and I watch as the tears slide down her cheeks. "Thank you."

I don't even bother telling her she doesn't need to thank me. She knows she doesn't and yet I can feel the gratitude radiating off of her. "I told you I would die for you, Ana. I meant that." I tell her honestly.

"I know…" She sniffles, as she wipes her tears. "I know." She looks up at me. You're my actual hero." My heart lurches in my chest hearing her say those words. Mia had said that to me a few times, but I never really believed she felt that way. Hearing Ana say it… makes me overwhelmed with love for her. _More than I already was._ "You saved me…" she twists her lips slightly before turning back to me. "Both of us."

I frown slightly, thinking that it's an odd way to put it, but I don't think anything of it. I move towards the bed and pull the blankets down. "Come sit with me. I don't know how long we have."

"Christian." She whispers, and she doesn't move from the spot as if her feet are rooted there. "They found HCG hormones in my system. Like very high levels of it."

"Oh my God, are you okay? What does that mean? Is it bad? It doesn't sound good." I'm immediately back at her side, framing her face to get her to look at me. Trying not to touch her just went out the window at the idea of her not being okay.

She giggles and the sound is music to my ears _and my dick_ but it doesn't change the fact that she has some odd hormones I wasn't familiar with.

"Ana, talk to me baby. Is something wrong?"

"No…" She moves around me and sits on my bed and pulls me towards her. "When I said you saved both of us…" she holds my hand in hers and kisses it gently before pressing it to her stomach and mine flips, as I'm putting together what she's telling me. "High levels of HCG are common in… pregnant women."

My eyebrows almost shoot to my hairline and I know my eyes are as wide as saucers. "Are you telling me…"

"We're having a baby, Christian. I'm six weeks pregnant."

* * *

I'm still in shock as Ana sleeps beside me, her head resting on my shoulder. _But good shock. Ecstatic shock. So shocked, I want to scream from the rooftops that this woman was mine. That I had my ring on her finger and my baby in her belly and no one could take her from me._

I was going to be a father. A father to Ana's baby. My dick jumps for the millionth time today just as a sigh leaves Ana's lips. We've yet to do anything remotely sexual as the Doctor came in shortly after she told me, finding us in another heated lip lock as the tears fell from both of our eyes. When they tried to remove her, I all but growled at them and haven't released the vice grip I have on her since.

They finally relented once I made it obvious that in _no way_ , shape or form would Anastasia Steele be out of my line of sight again and then I proceeded to tell them to leave us be and that was that.

I saw the look in her eyes that came from me going totally alpha on the doctor and I was just about to suggest some light playing when her mother and father came flying in, who were of course over the moon about the baby. Well Carla was… Ray was playing the classic " _I can't believe my baby girl is having sex"_ father.

It took me about two hours to get rid of them and by that point Ana was struggling to keep her eyes open, and by the time the door had closed behind Ray and Carla, Ana was asleep.

I on the other hand was wired. It had long been confirmed that Hopewell was dead, and I can only hope that he's rotting in hell as we speak. I rub a hand over Ana's face. For the first time in days her face looks so peaceful in her slumber. No worry lines, no anxiety etched on her face. I flex my fist, suddenly angry all over again by the bruises on her face and the white cast on her arm. You would have thought Ana was a child with that thing, gushing over the fact that she never had a cast in a bright pink or purple color when she was younger like all her friends, and although this was white, she was anxious to get people to sign her cast. _Well just me. She wanted me to sign her cast._

I trace my finger over my signature on her cast, and then hers that is signed with bright pink sharpie on mine. She snuggles closer into my shoulder and pulls the blanket up closer to her chin. It's her right arm and my left arm that are in slings so it lets us at least hold hands between us.

My mind begins to drift over everything that's happened over the last two years and I never in a million years did I think going to jail for murder would lead me here.

The ultimate peace.

 _Finally._

* * *

My bottom half wakes up before my top half, my dick straining against my briefs as it feels something rubbing against it. My eyes fly open, having forgotten for a brief second that I was sharing this tiny hospital bed with my favorite human. When my eyes open, they immediately find Ana who is straddling my thighs.

"Hi." She smiles. _Fuck, she's so beautiful_. My heart skips a beat and my cock jumps again, causing her to giggle.

"What are you doing, bad girl?"

"I just thought… I could sit on it for a little."

"Anastasia…" I groan, knowing that I want nothing more than to have her sit on my dick for the rest of her life.

"Please." Her lip juts out and she rubs herself again against me. I look down to see that she's lifted my hospital gown and hers, leading me to believe that the only things separating our parts are my briefs and her panties. Except… I can feel her wetness leaking onto me. _Fuck she's soaked._

Her lips are parted and her head is thrown back as she begins to rock against me and a familiar scent finds my nostrils. "Anastasia."

"Hmmm… ohhh" she moans as she must hit a spot that she likes.

"Are you rubbing your bare cunt against me right now?"

She doesn't open her eyes, she just traps her bottom lip between her teeth and nods. "Yup." She pops her p. She opens her fist, that was balled up and reveals a pair of pink underwear. I reach for them, wanting to smell her essence when she reaches back. "Nuh uh."

"Nuh uh, what? Either give those to me or sit your pussy on my face."

Her eyes fly open and she stops rocking for a second. "We can do that?" She looks like a kid on Christmas morning. Her eyes wide and excited and ready to open her presents.

"We probably shouldn't… but fuck you smell so good."

"I've showered with a lot of help." She giggles. "And my mom brought me clean clothes."

"I have not showered…" I groan, thinking about how disgusting I must be. "And who the fuck helped you shower?" I growl.

"I don't care and my mom and that bitchy Nurse Lacey."

"Ah, she hates you too, then?" I ask.

She huffs and crosses her hands as best as she can. "I wanted to see you and she was making it difficult."

"Nothing could keep me from you, Anastasia." I growl, thinking that if she hadn't have shown up at my room, I was going to sneak out of my room to find her.

"So wait, we're getting off topic. Can I sit on your face or no?"

* * *

"You got us in trouble." I grumble next to her as we're being lectured for safe behaviors, and apparently Ana straddling my face in a cast while she tried to suck me off using her one good hand is _not_ safe.

"Doc, surely you can understand." Ana raises her eyebrows at me. "I mean look at him. He's fine. And I happen to know that he has a really big-"

"ANA!" I look at her, my face laced with horror that he was going to go there. _Okay, fake horror. Really I was mostly amused that she was about to tell this douchebag how big my dick was and how much I used it on her to make her violently come._

 _Just in case he got any wild ideas regarding my woman._

"Heart. Obviously." She rolls her eyes and I wonder if maybe the events of the last few days were making her a little loopy, coupled with the mild pain meds the doctor gave her when he found us in that compromising position.

"Mr. Grey, Miss Steele, am I going to have to separate you for the remainder of your stay with us?" He taps his foot and stares us down with a hint of humor in his eyes.

"I'd like to see you try." Ana grumbles. "Do you want to end up in one of these too!?" She points at our slings before putting her fist up and the doctor actually chuckles before shooting me a look as if to say: _Is she always such a spitfire?_

I side eye her slightly before turning back to the doctor, who before just now, I kind of hated. _Yep._ I tell him with my mind.

"Look, I can't promise, that I won't put any more of his appendages in my mouth. But I can promise that I won't try and hold myself up while I'm doing so. There's tons of other positions we can do that in. No sweat." She says wiping the imaginary sweat off her brow.

"Baby." I growl in her ear and she doesn't even bother to look embarrassed. "What, he's cool!" She looks up at me and points at him as if he can't hear us.

"How strong are those meds you gave her?" I frown, as I turn to look at him.

"We did up the dosage slightly, because it was the first round we'd given her since she woke up." He shakes his head as Ana swings her legs back and forth and runs her finger tips up and down my thigh. "They won't affect the baby, but my guess is it's exhaustion coupled with the medication making her a little _off_."

"You're cute." She giggles, and for a second, I think she's talking to the doctor but when I snap my head to look at her, she's staring up at me like as if I've hung the moon. "I love you."

"Okay, you need some sleep, angel." I look at the Doctor. "Knock it the fuck off with the meds. I don't want her out of it."

"She's going to be in excruciating pain the next few days if we don't give her something."

"And you're sure it won't affect the baby?" _Baby. I can't believe we made a baby._

"At this stage, no. And it's only for a few days. If this goes unmedicated the pain she'll be in can affect her blood pressure which is _not_ good for the baby."

I look down at her who's still staring up at me before turning back to the Doctor. "Don't be mad at us."

"I just want you guys to get better, and frankly get out of my hair." He chuckles and Ana huffs.

"You're going to miss us when we're gone."

"Somehow I doubt that. No more of that in here. I mean it. Grey, I'm counting on you. Or I will send her back to her room."

"Fine."

"You can't tell us what to do!" Ana snaps her fingers sassily at him but he ignores her as he walks out of the room shaking his head. "I thought he would never leave! Let me on top." She says as she tries to move.

"No, Ana."

"Oh that's cute. You think you can say no to me?" Her voice is breathy with a hint of seduction, but mostly it just makes me laugh that she's _trying_ too hard to be sexy.

"Anastasia, if you get kicked out of my room, I'm going to spank your little ass pink the second we get home."

"Oh promise?!" Her eyes shoot up and she claps her hands a few times.

"With this hand." I gesture to my arm in the sling and she frowns.

"But that will hurt you." Her lip trembles slightly and her eyes are brimming with unshed tears.

"Exactly. Now lay your ass down, right now."

"Hmph." She grumbles from next to me, muttering under her breath about my dick or maybe I am a dick.

"What was that?" I put my ear next to her mouth and she's suddenly quiet.

I look down at her as she lays on her side, before laying on mine so that we are facing each other. "I can't believe he walked in."

"It's fiiiine, you act like we were naked. It's not like he saw much. Well maybe he saw more of your dick. But my gown was covering most of me."

"Thank fuck, I don't need that Doctor Pretty Boy seeing what's mine."

"He's not pretty. _You're_ pretty." She sighs as she lays on her back. "I can't wait till these fuckers come off and we can reunite properly. I want to touch every inch of you with every part of me."

"Well I'll be out of this before you will." I motion towards mine.

"Six weeks! Stupid. But I hear you have to be in here a week, and I can bust out of here tomorrow." I freeze, thinking about Ana being out of my sight and she must feel my rigid posture. "I'm not leaving. But at least, I can get out of this itchy robe. Besides, someone has to be here to help you shower. I'm surely not going to let Nurse Lacey see you naked." Her brows furrow and I swear I hear a growl escape her lips.

Neither of us has said anything for a few minutes when I break the silence. "Are you excited about the baby?" I ask her.

"Am I!" She smiles. "This is what we both wanted. You and me and we can start fresh in Ohio with our family and I can't wait, Christian. I am so ready to start our life together, finally." She beams at me as her eyes begin to flutter closed. "I'm so excited to share my life with you, Christian Grey. You have no idea."

"I think I have some idea." I whisper as I finger her engagement ring.

* * *

 _ **Six Days Later**_

Ana bounces into my room the day I'm discharged with a smile so big she could light up the whole town of Seattle. "You can come home with me!"

"So I've heard." Ana stayed with me the first two days, but after that, they told us that I couldn't have any visitors after hours. Ana threw a FIT, and I was only a beat behind her but the Doctors weren't letting up. Ana was back the second I was allowed visitors and stayed with me all day. _Teasing me_ in those tiny as fuck dresses. _Like the one she's in now._ I resist the urge to rip the dress from her body and kiss her every inch of her, making her body come alive under my lips. _Fuck I missed her_.

I couldn't wait to get her home and naked, thankful that I no longer had a sling on. My arm was still sore, but it could have been a lot worst. The wound was mostly superficial and for that I was truly thankful. There wasn't a ton of nerve damage, making it so I only needed the sling for a week.

I haven't shaved at all this week, Ana deciding that it was something she didn't _need_ to help me with because she wanted to take her _Mountain Man_ for a spin.

 _Her words._

I was happy to oblige given that every time she saw me, she blushed bright pink like she was picturing all of these dirty fantasies.

 _I know because I made her tell me what she was thinking._

" _I guess beards do it for me." She shrugs. "I mean you had a beard a lot of the time you were… yaknow." She shoots me a knowing glance._

" _I always have some slight stubble, Ana."_

" _I know but there's something about all of this." She tugs on my facial hair. "I love it."_

" _Well, your wish is my command, Angel."_

And sure enough as soon as she sees me dressed and out of the hospital gown she bolts for me. I scoop her into my arms, careful not to jostle her too much and plant a kiss on her. "Oh good, you are bringing your gown too." She says as she motions for my bag of things.

"Too?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah I brought mine home. For doctor patient stuff." She shoots me a look that I know all too well and I can safely say I was absolutely ready to go the fuck home.


	22. Chapter 22

C POV

 ***BOOM***

The sound of gunshot going off makes my heart race a mile a minute and then I'm taking off. Like a horse in a race after the shots are fired. I'm tearing through the woods, ignoring the branches hitting me in the face and the ones scraping my legs as I move quicker. I don't know why exactly I'm barefoot, but I feel the soft Earth under my feet, the dirt slowing me down but knowing I need to move faster.

 _She needs me._

 _They need me._

A scream that I feel reverberated through every bone of my body shakes me to my core. _No no no. Where is she?_

 _I'm coming baby. I swear._

I stop in my tracks, hearing a scream coming from the completely opposite direction. I spin in a circle before taking off in a different direction. _Where are you baby?_

The sound of a baby crying in the distance stops me again. _Where?_ I try my best to slow my rapidly beating heart that feels like it might explode from my chest in any moment. _Focus Grey. She can't be far. She'd never stray too far from me._

"CHRISTIAN, HELP!" I hear her voice ring through the air and I'm taking off again. _I swear to God, if he laid a finger on her._

I manage to make it to the source of the noise and there's a dark figure hovering over her. I can't see the face, I can just see _her_ face, staring at me.

Blank. Vacant. Lifeless.

 _I was too late._

"Ana!" I scream and the figure vanishes almost into thin air taking her with him.

"NO!" I run to the spot and drop to my knees. "Where is she?! ANA!"

"Da-da!" I hear from behind me and I see a small toddler making his way towards me. His eyes are almost a direct reflection of mine with copper colored hair. He's in my hands in a second and for a brief moment I'm calmed by his presence. For a split second, his eyes take away the pain of seeing his mother disappear in front of my eyes.

"A son?" I croak out and I press lips to his forehead and hold him close to my chest. "I love you so much."

"Da-da. Mama." His eyes well up with tears and I feel what's left of my heart breaking inside of my chest seeing his watery eyes.

"I don't… where is she?"

He looks around, like he might be able to find her and I follow his gaze around the woods. I'm praying that the woman I love might manifest in front of me and my heart sinks with every passing second. "Son, I-" I look down and I panic when I don't see him in my arms. I spin in a circle, wondering where he's gone and a scream leaves my chest in a roar.

"NO!"

* * *

I sit up straight in bed. I'm sweating so bad, I'm drenched and I've sent the covers flying off the bed. I put a hand over my heart and immediately look to the other side of the bed, preparing to pull Ana into my arms and let her chase the demons away just as she always does when I see she's not in bed.

I feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. I try to tell myself that it was just a dream. That Ana is fine, that our baby is still safe in her stomach. That it was just a horrible nightmare. But my mind isn't having it. My eyes need to see her. My lips need to taste her. My heart needs to feel her.

"ANASTASIA!" I don't even try to hide the fright or anxiety in my voice and I hear a crash downstairs and then someone coming fast up the stairs. I contemplate standing but I have a feeling I could collapse at any second. My body is wound so tight, that the second I see her, the relief might take away my ability to stand up straight.

She's flying through the door within a second and then she's in my arms, wrapping her body around me. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was making breakfast and I didn't think you'd wake up yet." She presses kisses to my neck and cheek before she cups my cheeks and presses her lips to mine. "I'm sorry. I'm here. I'm safe. The baby is safe. We're fine."

I don't say anything, I just let out a deep breath and press her harder against me. My dick hasn't quite caught up with my mind. "You… you disappeared." I choke out. "You both did. He…"

She gasps in my arms and backs up slightly so she can look at me. "Who is he?"

"Our _son_."

She looks down at the space between us and I follow her gaze to her still flat stomach. We've only been home from the hospital for a few weeks making her no more than two months pregnant. We have no idea what she's having yet, though I suppose she's thinking now that it's possible that my dream was some kind of premonition.

 _God I fucking hope not, if it was going to end with being forced to live my life without her._

"He looked just like me." I continue. "You disappeared… you… died…" I stammer. "I couldn't get to you in time and-"

"Hopewell is dead, Christian. I'm safe. Nothing can hurt me. You protect me so well." She rubs my back and I instantly feel calmer. "You're going to be such a good dad to our baby."

"Please." I whisper in her ear.

"Please what, baby? What do you need? Tell me. Anything you need, it's yours."

"You." I tell her as I raise my t-shirt and pull it over her head leaving her in just a pair of panties which I slide to the side and sink my fingers into her wet warmth.

She whimpers and shifts in my arms, forcing my fingers over her clit. "Does that feel good?"

"God yes." She gets out of my arms and yanks her panties from her legs and pulls me down on top of her. I'm still naked from our activities the previous night. She now has a soft cast on her arm, making her range of motion much greater as she's almost completely healed. I settle between her legs and press my dick against her soft folds, dragging it through the slit collecting the moisture that my minor assault had called.

"You're already so wet. I barely touched you." I growl before I tap her clit a few times. I drag my dick over the sensitive button, rubbing against her and she whines.

"Inside, Christian. Please. Inside."

"Never leave me." I tell her. "Please, I can't do it without you."

"I'll never leave you." She puts a hand to my face and strokes the beard that I've let grow out even more since she got home from the hospital and realized that she _loved_ my mountain man look.

She strokes my beard, tugging on the hair and I press my lips to hers as I slip inside of her. I'm seconds from exploding the second I slip inside of her so I don't thrust yet. I rub my fingers over her clit, trying to get her there when she lifts her hips. "Move Christian, please!"

"You… I can't yet." My brain to mouth filter seems to be off, probably due to Ana squeezing my dick.

"Yes you can, Christian. Come inside of me, please. I _need_ it."

I'm not one to deny her anything so I let myself release. I shudder on top of her, letting the feeling of her hands on my biceps and her pussy around my dick take me to new heights. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Ana, God damn." I drop my head to her neck for a second to collect myself before I begin to thrust again. I feel myself softening inside of her so I pull out and watch as my orgasm leaks out of her. "Fuck. I love seeing my cum inside of you and then flowing out. It's so hot." My eyes are fixated on the space between her legs and when I open the lips of her sex I see her quiver.

I press my fingers to her swollen clit and she pushes me away. "That was for you, I'm okay."

"Hush." I growl at her. "I need your orgasm just as bad as my own." I rub her, flicking my clit with my thumb as I fuck her with three fingers. "Fuck you're beautiful."

"Christian." She moans as she puts a hand over her mouth, biting down on her finger and I smile at my ability to make her build quickly. "I'm so close."

"I know you are, Ana. Come for me, blue eyes." I whisper as I lean over and kiss her pretty perfect lips gently.

"God yes." She moans as I see her at the peak. I always know the seconds just before she climaxes. Her feet stretch to perfect points, her legs completely straight and taut, almost as if she's bracing herself. Often times if her hands aren't busy touching me in some way she balls them into a fist and if she's not kissing me, she bites down hard on her lip. Right now she was doing all of the above. "Christian… Oh my God, right… THERE." She screams as she shatters around my fingers, raising her hips in time with my fingers like she's fucking my cock. She rides out her orgasm on my fingers and when I pull out my fingers are drenched with both her orgasm and mine and I hold my hand out for her so she can lick my hand clean. She pulls me down to the bed and climbs on top of me and lies down. She rests her head on my chest and our legs intertwine. "I'm here." She whispers as she draws shapes onto my chest and I do the same against her back.

 _I love you_ , she writes into my skin and I tell her the same on her back.

"Are you hungry?" She asks and immediately my dick jolts against her leg and she giggles. "For food, fiend. I was making breakfast."

"Is it edible?" I ask, wondering if I completely ruined breakfast when I screamed the house down.

"Yes, I had just taken the last piece of bacon out of the pan when you called for me. I haven't started the eggs yet but you can have that while I finish.

"Can't I just have you for breakfast?"

"Hmmm, maybe after. But your spawn needs to eat. And so do you." She giggles and immediately the thought of my son being hungry makes my cock deflate. _You sure it's a son?_

"Shit, he's hungry? And I just took you like a fucking animal." I sit up with her in my arms and wrap them around her. "I'm so sorry."

"No don't be. I'm okay. And I always love starting my day with an orgasm. It's fine, Christian, I swear." She strokes my face before climbing out of my arms and pulling on her discarded t-shirt and a clean pair of panties. She holds her hand out for me to come with her and I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before obliging her request.

 _I would follow her anywhere._

* * *

"You want to tell me what it was about?" Ana asks as we sit at my table. I bite into a piece of bacon and freeze mid chew before letting it slide down my throat. "You have to talk to me, Christian. It's bad enough that you're even having these nightmares." I would say at least twice a week, I wake up screaming for Ana. This was the first time, I had a dream about my unborn child as well. Needless to say, I was shook.

"Not really."

"Christian, you won't talk to me. You won't see a therapist. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm fine."

"The hell you are." She stares at me. "You dreaming about me dying isn't _fine_."

After the first nightmare, that scared me so bad, Ana actually woke me up with tears in her eyes. She said that I was screaming for her and not to hurt her. That was the first time we'd both cried while we made love. It was scary but she forced me to tell her what it was about. The next morning she all but begged me to see someone but I refused.

 _I didn't want anyone._

"I've seen shrinks before. They're all quacks."

"Therapists in prison aren't the same thing, Christian."

"Aren't they? Everything comes back to my choices that led to my little court sponsored vacation." I snort as I pick up our empty plates and move towards the sink. She moves behind me and tries to help but I shoo her away. "Go sit down, Ana." I point back to the table and she pouts.

"I don't have anywhere to sit." She pouts and I know what she's referring to and more importantly what she's doing. She knows she can get me to do almost anything when she's sitting in my lap. I shoot her a look that tells her I'm onto her and she sighs. "Well will you go with me if I go?"

"Of course I will. But I don't want any questions directed towards me. I mean it."

"That's fair. But I do think it will help you to open up to someone."

"About what?"

"Everything, Christian. You've had a really… tumultuous few years. And now you have a baby on the way. I know you're happy about the baby. I know you are, but you're also anxious and nervous and it's eating away at you whether you want to believe it or not. It's not… natural some of the things you've witnessed. Thinking your sister died, thinking _I_ died. Those things fuck with a person, their psyche- their heart, their mind."

"Ana stop." I growl at her as I slam the dishwasher shut. "I don't want to fucking talk about it."

"Well that's too bad. You _need_ to. You aren't talking to your family, and I'm not saying you have to, but the residual anger and hurt towards them also affects you. You can't carry all of this shit all on your own."

"Oh, you mean like how you did?" I snap at her. "How long did it take for you to open up about Hopewell? Maybe if you had sooner, he wouldn't have been stalking you for years. He wouldn't have… hurt you. He could have fucking killed you. Or killed our child."

"That's unfair, Christian. _And_ different. Telling people would have sent people on a witch hunt. A witch hunt that might have ended with him coming after me like he promised. I was scared to tell anyone and then when I got older, I thought I could just put it out of my mind. I realize now that it wasn't the right decision. But this is different. I'm merely asking that you talk to someone about your _feelings_. I'm merely asking for your fucking peace of mind and so you can sleep through the goddamn night." She snaps back and the tears well in her eyes, which feels like a punch in the gut. She begins walking away from me when I grab her arm before she gets too far.

I pull her into my arms and pull her hair from the confines of her ponytail so I can play with her hair. "I'm sorry I said that." I scratch her scalp and she whimpers.

She tries to pull away so I drop one hand and wrap it around her waist keeping her pressed against me. "Stop that."

"Forgive me." I grab her earlobe with my mouth and nibble gently on the skin.

She sighs and looks up at me. "You know I can't stay mad at you when you do that."

"I know." I grin and kiss her lips. "I shouldn't have said that." She nods and I lead her to the table and pull her into my lap. I kiss her shoulder before I look up at her. "How about this… I'll go with you and if I feel compelled to talk or disclose anything, I will, okay?"

She nods and rests her forehead against mine. "I just want you to be happy. Completely happy. And for you to do that, you have to let go some of this pain and anger you have on your heart."

"You make me happy, Ana."

"I know I do. But I want you to be happy outside of your relationship with me. I don't want your happiness to be contingent on us."

* * *

My leg bounces nervously as Ana and I sit across from a guy that is probably only a few years older than me. I'd rallied for a female therapist, mostly because I was a possessive asshole and I didn't need Ana developing any kind of complex for the therapist that supposedly had all the keys to happiness.

" _You're being dramatic, Christian." She'd told me as she read over the credentials for a Dr. John Flynn._

" _You couldn't find a woman?" It didn't help that this man wasn't totally bad looking either._

" _You can't be serious. You're jealous of our therapist?"_

" _I'm just saying. He's not a bad looking guy."_

" _You're insane." She said with an eye roll._

" _If he looks at you one wrong way, we're out of there."_

" _Fine, caveman."_

Ana peeks up at me and her left hand finds my right. We're sitting as close as possible as we can despite the large couch and I think if she was sure he wouldn't judge us, she'd be sitting in my lap right now.

"So, it seems you've had a pretty crazy few months. Both of you. Where would you like to start?"

Ana smooths down her pants, and I'm glad I made her change from the skirt she had on earlier as she keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs nervously. "Ummm… well… I'm not sure. I mean… Hopewell is dead, but I still feel him around. I still expect for him to pop out of nowhere and that's scary."

My head jerks towards her instantly. "What?" I ask her. _I had no idea she was still afraid._ "You're scared? Why- why didn't you tell me? What can I do? What can I do to fix it, Ana? Tell me, please." I plead with her and the defeated look in her eyes makes my heart sink.

"It might not be something you _can_ do, Mr. Grey." The Doctor interrupts. "She may not even know. Some feelings can't be controlled. It's something deep in your soul. Are you having nightmares, Miss Steele?"

"No." She shakes her head and I let out a sigh of relief. I'd feel like the world's shittiest fiance if I didn't know that, and yet I had been overwhelming her with my nightmares. "It's a conscious feeling and frankly I don't know that it's better than subconscious thoughts that occur deep in my sleep."

"Have you thought about meditation? Deep breathing exercises? I know that you met with a shrink while you were in the hospital for the basic psych evaluation following all traumatic experiences such as the one you were involved in. Did they recommend anything?"

"Besides some anti- anxiety medications that I really can't take right now, no."

"Ah yes, the pregnancy. Was that planned?" He asks and Ana shakes her head though she stops halfway through.

"Well… we certainly weren't taking any necessary precautions." Her cheeks color and I fight the urge to kiss her senseless. "We are very… active." She giggles and I'm shocked at her openness with this complete stranger.

"I see, and you are both happy at this recent development?"

"Ecstatic." I tell him and Ana looks at me before back at the doctor and shakes her head.

"Agreed."

"That's great news. Congratulations. And, you're also engaged?" He points at Ana's finger with his pen.

"Yes." I answer.

"Have you set a date? Do you plan to wed before the baby is born?" Ana nibbles on her bottom lip before looking up at me.

"I don't know. What do you think?" She asks.

"Whatever you want. The sooner the better."

"I don't want to be super pregnant… so I guess that means sooner or we wait until after the baby is born."

The idea of waiting another seven months before she takes my name, makes my stomach churn. "Before that, Ana. I don't want to wait until after the baby is born. Besides, I want us to have the same last name on the birth certificate." I tell her. I hadn't thought I would be someone that would feel this level of possession over her and our baby but I'm not all that surprised.

"Have you thought about getting married privately maybe at the courthouse so that for all intents and purposes you would be married and then you could do something more elaborate later?"

Ana bites her bottom lip and I have to say that the Doctor may actually have a good idea. "I wouldn't mind that. Ana?" I look at her and she purses her lips before looking at the doctor.

"Miss Steele, is there something you'd like to say?"

"Well I just…" she mumbles and for a second I wonder if this is her way of telling me that maybe she doesn't want to marry me. That she loves me but maybe that was the extent of it.

"What is it, Ana? Do you not want to get married?"

Her eyes widen. "Of course, I do. How could you ask me something like that?" I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. She looks away from me and plays with her hands. I grab one of them and bring them it to my lips.

"What is it, baby? Tell me."

She looks at me, and not at the man across the room. "You're not talking to anyone in your family. And I just thought...maybe you want to try and make amends… so they could be there. I'm not saying you have to. I just thought maybe you'd regret not having your family at our wedding. Or when the baby's born. They don't even know we're pregnant. Or engaged. Or really what happened that night."

This is true. I'd been ignoring both my sister and my mother's attempts to get in contact. Mia showed up at my house a week after they had gotten wind of what happened and I proceeded to hand her ass to her for thirty five minutes for showing up unannounced before Ana pulled me into the house and allowed me to fuck her until she couldn't walk to let out my tension.

"I won't regret it." I answer and Dr. Flynn's nosy ass chimes in.

"You aren't speaking to your family?"

"No. They're the worst."

"I see. Are you referring to your sister, mother and stepfather?"

"Fuck my stepfather. He's not even in the equation."

"Why is that? Do you two not get along?"

"His son raped and tortured my sister repeatedly, and then I killed him what the fuck do you think?" My hands begin to shake as I remember what started all of this and in response, Ana moves even closer to me if that were possible. She slides her thumb back and forth over my hand.

I expect him to ask more about that can of worms I just opened but he nods. "Were you close with your father? I see here that he passed when you were nineteen?"

I stiffen and Ana immediately looks up at me. I feel her tension and I know it's because I've never really discussed Carrick Grey with her. "Do you want me to go?" She asks me and I think in this moment I fall even more in love with her. I know she wants to ask and for me to open up more about my dad but she's always been so understanding at my unwillingness to talk about it.

"Absolutely not." I pull out of her grip and wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her temple. "You're my strength, always. I'm sorry I've kept this part of myself from you."

"It's okay. I knew you'd talk to me when you were ready."

"I want you to know every part of me. Even the parts that are too painful to talk about."

She nods and keeps her eyes trained on me even as I turn back to Dr. Flynn. "My father and I were very close. He was my best friend."

"How old were you when your parents divorced?"

"Twelve. My mom married my stepfather when I was fourteen."

"And you took that hard?"

"Yes. Unbelievably. I was that kid that held onto hope that their parents would get back together. I held onto that hope for two years. Wishing for it on birthdays and Christmas… I think I asked Mia to write it in her letter to Santa. I wasn't going to do it, because I knew I was too old to believe in Santa. But Mia was younger and I thought _well just in case._ I threw pennies into fountains, broke wishbones, wished on stars. Everything and anything that I thought would make my wish come true. When my mother married Jack and him and his dick of a son moved in I basically moved out." He shrugs. "I was still so young but as I got older I'd learned that my father still loved my mother. That the reason they split up was because my father had been unfaithful. He begged her to take him back but she couldn't get past it. I didn't learn that until I was nineteen." I lower my head as I think about the hardest words of my life and how to phrase it.

"I was home from college for Thanksgiving. I'd learned the truth on accident. I was looking for something in my dad's study and stumbled on their divorce papers that cited infidelity as the reasoning. I don't know how much I yelled that day. I screamed and threw shit. All this time, he'd been the reason why our family fell apart. I told him I hated him and stormed out. He called and called for days. I ignored him and went back to school. I knew I would eventually forgive him but I needed time and space. A week later he died." I hear a gasp from next to her and I can't even look at her because I know she's seconds from crying. "He was so healthy. He worked out, he ate healthy, he didn't smoke and only drank socially. He ran marathons for crying out loud. He had a heart attack because I broke his heart."

"Christian…" She hiccups next to me and then she's in my lap holding onto me for dear life. "No you didn't." She whispers against my neck. "He knew you loved him. He knew, baby. I swear."

I had never shared this with anyone. Not even my mom or Mia, my mom doesn't even know that I know. And as much as she grates on my nerves and now we're barely talking, I respected the shit out of her for never revealing my father's indiscretions to myself or my sister. Even when I basically told her, I wanted to live with Dad, even when I blamed her, thinking she broke up our family. Even when I told her I hated her. She'd shouldered the blame from their divorce and allows me to think my father was perfect.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell him I loved him. That I forgave him." Ana is all I can see, as she's completely blocking the view from the therapist and only for that reason do I let the tears fall.

She pulls me into her arms and I cry into her chest for I don't know how long. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispers against my head. I feel her cheek resting on the top of my head as she strokes my back. "Let it out, baby. I'm here. It's just you and me."She whispers. This goes on for I don't know how long until everything falls silent. She pulls back slightly and I look up at her. Her eyes are red and glassy and I know she's seconds from falling apart, but she's staying strong for me. She wipes at my eyes and leans down to kiss me. When she pulls back, I hold her against me, sliding my tongue through her lips once and tasting my salty tears mixed with her flavor. "Do you want me stay here? Or can I move?"

"Stay. Please." I whisper against her as my hands rub her back. She turns slightly and I can see that the therapist has left the room and she turns back to me.

"I guess he wanted to give us a minute." She lets a breath out. "Christian." She rubs her hands down my face, her soft hands calming me.

"The thought of any of our kids ever saying the shitty things I said to my dad that day… it guts me. I've been so shitty to so many people in my life. I'm a terrible fucking person. Why do you even love me?"

The look on Ana's face almost destroys what little bit of sanity I have left today. "Oh my God, you can't really think that? You're a wonderful person. You were angry and upset. You had no idea. And there are so many reasons for heart attacks that have nothing to do with diet or exercise or other vices. And you had been away at school… maybe he had picked up other things. He was a lawyer, he could have been stressed, there are so many other factors."

"I know I can't blame myself. But I can't help it. I went to his grave every chance I could after he died. I begged for forgiveness. I begged for the feeling that he could hear my words. I got super religious for a while. I prayed to everyone and anything begging for peace. The guilt wracked my body and I just wanted a moment where I didn't feel like I killed my father. I was such an angry person when that peace never came. Hell maybe it's what led to my reaction over Jack. I hadn't dealt with my father's death. He tried to kill my sister and I just _snapped_. All of the feelings just bubbled over and I exploded." I sigh and look up into the eyes of the only person that I felt really understood me. "My father would have loved you."

"He would have loved me because _you_ love me. He would have been happy to see that you met someone that makes you happy."

"I hate that he'll never meet our kids."

"I know." She ruffles my hair and scratches my scalp. "I hate it too. They would have looked up to him just like you did."

"I hope he knows… in whatever afterlife. I hope he knows how much I love him. That I'm sorry for the things I said."

* * *

The rest of the session passed by pretty quickly. Dr. Flynn eventually rejoined us and asked me a few questions here and there but I think he could tell I was drained. He told us we'd reconvene the following week but that he commended me for being honest about something that obviously still weighed heavily on my heart. Ana is driving as I still felt a little too skittish to drive- something she noticed before I could even suggest she drive. I had successfully ripped my own heart right open and Ana was trying her best to fill in the hole.

"Are you hungry?" She asks as we drive home. "I could go for chinese."

"Whatever you want." I tell her as I pull out my phone and pull up the app to order her favorite.

"When is the last time you've been to your dad's grave?"

I don't look up from my phone. I don't know where this fixation with making sure Ana was eating came from, but any time she mentions food it seems to be all I can focus on. _I would hate for her or our baby to ever be hungry._ "Before I went to prison."

"Have you thought about going again?"

I clear my throat and shift slightly in my seat as I place the order. "I wish I could but I can't...yet. My father isn't buried here."

"Oh. Where is he?"

"Northern California where he was born. Which isn't necessarily far, but I can't cross state lines."

"Oh, wow… well in October once you can go.. Do you want to? Before we move?" I look over at her. It's insane how well she knows me. How well she knows what's in my brain. Visiting my father was on my list of things to do the second I was allowed to. I'd been thinking about it since the second month I was locked up.

I nod. "Yes. That would be great."

"I can go with you… if you want."

"I want." I clear my throat. "Thank you. For making me go… I'd never said those things to anyone and it felt good to say them aloud."

"Thank you for sharing those things with me. Thank you for trusting me."

"I trust you more than anyone." I tell her as we pull into my driveway. My eyes are still trained on her that it escapes me that there's a car parked out front. I open Ana's car door to help her out when I notice movement in the corner of my eye and I immediately pull her behind me. "Baby, go wait in the house."

"God, I'm not going to hurt her, get a grip, Grey." I can't stop the growl that leaves my lips as my stepfather makes his way towards us. Ana is still behind me because I can feel her grip on my arm and I think she's worried what will transpire between us while my emotions are at an all time high.

"What do you want?" I ask him. I haven't seen or spoke to him since Mia's birthday and I was perfectly content never speaking to him again.

"We need to talk, Christian."

"About what?" Ana's hand leaves my arm and slides under my shirt to rub my back gently.

"Can I come in?"

"I'd prefer you didn't." I cross my arms in front of me.

"God you're a fucking prick. You'd think you'd have just a little bit of compassion for anyone. But you're just as cold as you've always been."

I feel her stiffen next to me and I don't have time to speak before she jumps in. "Don't talk to him like that." She barks at him and I swear I can see her sharpening her claws.

"This doesn't have anything to do with you." He tells her.

"The hell it doesn't. If you don't know how to speak to him with some fucking respect then you can get the hell off his property." She puts her hands on her hips and despite the fact that we're standing in front of my step-father, my dick wakes up wanting to feel her body against it.

Jack Sr.'s jaw ticks and I can tell he's gritting his teeth. "You need to call your mother." He turns his attention back to me. "Or your sister. Hell both of them are beside themselves because you won't talk to them."

"That seems like a personal problem for them."

"Don't you care what you're doing to them?" His voice is smug and I wish I could knock it off him.

"Like they cared what they did to _him_?" Ana's voice pipes up again and I swear I can see the fire in her eyes.

Jack looks at Ana again before turning back to me. "Your mother cries herself to sleep night. Your sister has lost at least ten pounds. They're hurting, Christian. They think you hate them." I feel a twinge of guilt and my heart hurts in my chest hearing his words.

"I don't hate them. But I just need space."

"They're your family."

" _Ana_ is my family now."

"And that's all well and good but-" he starts when he starts to fixate on Ana. I look at her wondering what he is staring at when I follow his gaze to her left hand. She notices it too and slides her hands into her pocket. "Did you get married?"

"No. We're engaged."

"Since when?"

"A few weeks."

"And you didn't find that necessary to tell your mother? God first you're shot and hospitalized and then this?"

"I'm not speaking to her, or Mia. I'm sorry that they feel guilty for how they've treated me, but that's not my fault. I didn't wreck this relationship."

"You're right, you've done nothing wrong. You're just absolved from all responsibility. You just had no hand in ripping this family apart."

"I didn't want to be a part of your bullshit family."

"You don't have a choice."

"The fuck I don't. And if we're really just going to talk about people that ripped this family apart, I'm fairly certain a younger version of you set all the plans in fucking motion."

"Don't you dare stand there and talk about my son. You should still be rotting in prison for that, you fucking asshole."

My heart is hammering a mile a minute, and Ana must sense that I'm ready to attack because she pulls me backwards, _hard._ "You need to leave." She says as she stands between us. "And never come back." Her eyes are wild and angry and her hands are balled into fists.

He sighs and narrows his eyes at me over Ana's head. "You need to make amends with your mother and Mia, Christian. Not that I give a fuck about your feelings, but you'll regret it if you don't. You'll regret it if something happens to one of them and you're left with all of these unresolved feelings. I know you hate me. And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but you don't hate your mother or your sister. Blaming me for what happened is one thing, but blaming _them_? That makes you even more selfish than I thought." His words eviscerate me and they slice through my heart. _But I'm also pissed at his implication._

"Selfish!? You paid my sister that your son raped and tortured for _years_ , hush money and she fucking took it. They acted like I was this horrible person for rectifying the situation when my sister tried to take her own life. Your son almost killed her and he would have succeeded had I not stepped in. And you're telling me I'm selfish because of my feelings over it? I spent two and a half years in jail and she let you cover everything up with a million dollars like it was nothing."

"You killed someone, Christian! You killed my fucking son. Two and a half years is nothing. Reasons or circumstances aside, you took someone's life and you had to pay the price for that." He roars and I look around, hoping that none of my neighbors are outside and witnessing this heated discussion. "I'm done arguing with you about this." He says taking a step back. "You're slowly destroying your family and you don't give a fuck. _That_ makes you selfish." He doesn't say anything else as he walks back to his car, a black shiny Maserati. He drives off into the distance and Ana and I stand in silence for I don't know how long.

"Thank you." I say finally. "For saying what you said."

She looks up at me. "I'm never going to let anyone speak to you like that. I'm sorry, I didn't do better about hiding my ring. I forgot…" she tells me as we finally make our way inside.

"Don't be sorry. He can tell my mother for all I care. I'm sure she'll send her usual congratulatory flowers. Maybe a bottle of champagne." I sit down at my table and push back slightly so Ana can sit in my lap. She obliges and leans her head down on my shoulder.

"You're not selfish." She whispers and it's the most comforting thing I've heard all day. "You're the most selfless and caring man I've ever met. No one thinks your selfish. Do you hear me? _No one."_

I hear her words in my soul and while I believe them, the feelings of the day are still swirling around me. I'd already lost one parent who thought I hated them. What if the same happened to my mother before I had a chance to make amends? What if something happened to my sister? What if either of them died with the pain of my anger on their heart? I barely survived the guilt surrounding it happening to my father. I wouldn't survive it a second time.

I look up at Ana, the understanding written all over her face as she knows what I'm about to say. She nods once. "When you're ready."

"Tomorrow." I tell her.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: *This picks up the morning after the last chapter, so read that if you need a refresher/ you haven't yet!***

C POV

" _You should still be rotting in prison for that you fucking asshole."_

" _You're slowly destroying your family, and you don't give a fuck. THAT makes you selfish."_

I'm staring at the ceiling, having barely slept a wink after successfully fucking Anastasia to sleep letting the words of my stepfather swirl around me. Ana snores next to me softly and I turn on my side to move closer to her. She's on her side facing me and I move as close as I can to her, feeling the tiny puffs of air on my face as she breathes in and out. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me and her body conforms to mine instantly and she sighs with almost relief as if somewhere in her subconscious she knows what's been missing for the good part of the night.

I stroke her hair softly and let my lips rest on her forehead. Going to my parents house today was not something I was thrilled about doing, but I figured maybe it was time to clear the air. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt my mother or my sister. And if they were truly in pain, I suppose I could lessen their burden. Make no mistake I was still pissed and things weren't going to be fixed in a day, but I couldn't have another family death on my conscious even if it wasn't technically my fault.

The wounds from yesterday's therapy session haven't healed, and I spent half of the night feeling like I could bleed out thinking about my father. _I missed him so much. And now I was going to be a dad. He would have been so proud of you._

 _I am proud of you, son._

I hear the words in my heart and I can't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes as hope blooms in my chest that he really can hear my thoughts.

I sniffle and it must wake the sleeping woman in my arms because before I can turn to look at her, sparkling blue eyes come into view and her hands are resting on my cheeks. She doesn't say anything, just climbs on top of me and presses her lips to mine with a searing kiss. Her tongue probes my mouth, and I open for her instantly, already feeling her kiss away the pain. She pulls away after a few seconds and gives me a smile that makes me feel like everything will be okay.

"Morning, handsome."

"Hey." I reply, feeling the emotions of the last twenty four hours sitting in the back of my throat. I had never been much of an emotional person… minus that incident of killing my stepbrother. Rarely had I let my emotions control my reactions. I wasn't a cryer except for in extreme circumstances like death, and I had locked those feelings about my dad away in a box labeled "Do not Open." But I opened them, and now my feelings were all over the place.

She rubs her nose against mine and tucks her face into my neck. I was well aware that she was straddling me at this point, her naked body resting on top of mine and my cock was definitely starting to take notice. I reach around her and grab my cock and as if she can feel what's about to happen she slides back on it, like she knows where it is as easily as I do. She sinks down and she's already wet, warm and wanting and I let the groan escape my throat.

"Anastasia." I moan as she moves up and down on me.

"You didn't sleep much, did you?"

I pull her away from my neck. "How did you know?"

Her hands which are still on my face stroke the skin under her eyes. "You have bags and your eyes look tired. Christian, why didn't you wake me?"

"You need sleep, angel."

"I need you more." She sits up and begins to ride my dick, hard, sliding up and back down on my cock every few moments until she finds a rhythm. My hands find her hips, gripping them tightly and when the tingle in my balls starts I find myself digging my nails into her skin. She gasps, feeling what I assume to be the pierce of my nails but I don't let up as I see the lust in her eyes penetrating me.

"Fuck, I'll never tire of this." I grit out as I prepare to blow my seed inside of her.

"Me either." Her hands find her perfect tits, pulling her nipples between her fingers and my mouth waters for a taste of those rosy pebbles. I lick my lips, wanting a taste. _Needing_ it more than my next breath. But I don't dare reach for her knowing that I need her orgasm just as desperately and by the way she's looking at me I know she's no more than a few moments away.

"Come for me, baby."

"You first." Her teeth find her bottom lip and she bites down and I lose it. I come with a roar inside of her, shooting ropes of cum inside of her. I feel like I'm coming like I haven't in weeks because the orgasm lasts for I don't know how long and when I look down I see my seed overflowing out of her pussy and onto my skin. "Oh my God, that's so hot. I think I could come on that visual alone." She's staring at where we're connected, the white substance a mess between us, and I push her onto her back.

"Not good enough." I begin fucking her harder and deeper as I lift her leg over my shoulder so I can hit that spot that only this position allows. I watch as the eyes flutter into the back of her head and before I can reach down and run my tongue over her lips she's screaming out my name.

"Shit shit shit!" She cries as her eyes squeeze together and she presses a hand across her mouth. I feel her pussy quivering around my cock, her walls constricting and squeezing my cock as she rides out her orgasm. Her eyes flutter open just as she finishes shuddering out her release beneath me. Her eyes lock on mine, and the tears flood her eyes making me wonder if she's actually upset because she is so in tune with me or _because she came that hard._

When a smile finds her lips, I know it's the latter.

"Again!" She squeals as she pushes me onto my back.

* * *

I don't know how long we've been sitting at the bottom of the long driveway up to Hyde Manor but I feel like it's been hours.

"You ready?" Ana asks softly? She'd opted to drive, knowing that I was distracted and also because she was sure that being around Jack and my mother would surely drive me to drink. It was surely the reasoning behind the two beers I had at home before we left.

"Promise me, Anastasia. No matter what…" I trail off, not knowing exactly I wanted to say but hoping that Ana understands on some level.

She grabs my hand and brings it to her lips, kissing each knuckle softly. "You can't be having doubts about me."

"No… but… they're going to make me out to be some kind of selfish monster." I rub my forehead, the beers mixed with the feelings of facing of my mother, Mia and probably Jack Sr giving me a massive headache. "Fuck. Maybe I am a selfish monster."

"You're not." I hear whispered. She holds my hand over her stomach. "Neither of us think you are. You're not selfish and you're not a monster. You're kind and loyal to a fault. You're a hero, Christian… to so many people, whether they want to believe it or not. Whether they accept it or not. You're a good person. The best, I've ever met. I hate that they make you feel like this." My face turns towards hers just as she looks away and tries to stop the tears from falling down her sweet face.

 _My Ana._ A small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. A mouth that was dying for a taste of hers. "Come here, baby. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying." She still isn't looking at me, but I see her hand rubbing at her eyes. "God they suck so much. _They're_ the selfish ones. Why are we even here? You don't want to be here. All they've done since I met you is treat you like shit." She huffs and although the words sting, I know she's coming from a place. That she's just as protective over me as I am of her, and she just wants to shield me from the bullshit.

"I should clear the air, before we move and they're out of our lives…" I trail off. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of coming here, but they should at least know that there would be a baby.

That I was leaving the state next month officially.

 _That I was happy._

But I wanted to make sure before I left that _they_ would be happy too.

"Come on. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get you back into bed."

She looks at me, the stars so evident in her eyes it makes my heart skip a beat. _Ana doesn't think you're selfish. She thinks you're perfect. And her opinion is the only one that matters._

* * *

"Christian!" Large tears are flowing down my sister's face as she rushes into my arms and wraps her arms around me. "Are you okay? Oh my God, I can't believe…" she sniffles and holds me at arm's length. I take a minute to take in my little sister. Jack was right. She had lost weight. Her face was skinnier, her fuller figure, had lost some significant fullness. Her brown eyes were tired and weary with bags underneath them. I take her into my arms and give her a hug, squeezing her gently before pulling away from her. "You look good. Your shoulder is healed? What happened?"

"We aren't here to hash out the details of what happened that night. We are all fine and it's not up for discussion." I tell her. Ana and I are both dealing with what happened that night in different ways but both of us usually need to be naked right after taking that trip down memory lane.

"Ana…" she wraps her arms around her and I can see her eyes trying to look at her hand. I roll my eyes assuming that Jack Sr. told them about our recent engagement. "You look so beautiful."

"Yes, we're engaged, I assume Jack told you?" I tell her and Mia's gaze immediately flits to her hand and holds it up to look at the ring.

"This is so beautiful… Christian… is this…?" Mia starts.

"Mom's ring? Yes. Dad gave it to me and I gave it to Ana, but I had it redone. The setting is the same though."

"Oh my gosh, Mom will be so happy."

"I didn't do it for Mom." I grunt out. "I did it because our father wanted the woman I loved to have it."

She furrows her brow before nodding once. "I miss him too Christian."

"You don't act like it." I shrug, and I immediately regret being so dismissive of Mia's feelings. I knew she missed our dad, she just adjusted to it better than I did. Or maybe she didn't have time or the energy to really deal with his death what with being tortured everyday by our stepbrother. I feel Ana squeeze my hand, in what I assume is an attempt to bring me back from the edge and I sigh. "I'm sorry I said that, Mia."

She blinks away the tears that have formed in her eyes. "You really hate me, don't you?"

"I wouldn't be here if I hated you. If I hated you, I wouldn't care that you'd lost weight. That you weren't handling it well that we weren't speaking."

Mia looks like she wants to say something when my mother comes moving down the steps, perfectly made up like she was hosting a dinner party and not potentially having a deep family talk. "Christian!" She puts a hand over her chest as she makes her way towards me and flings her arms around me. "My baby boy."

"Mother." I say, as I wrap my arms around her in a hug.

She pulls away and I'm slightly stunned to see the tears forming in her eyes. "I can't believe…" I watch as she dabs at the wetness. "They wouldn't let me see you. Or visit…"

"I wasn't there long. Only about a week, and…" _They were strict about my number of visitors, and there was no way I was sacrificing time with Ana for anyone._

"But you're better now? You're both better?" She looks at Ana, before pulling her in for a hug as well.

"Yes, thanks to Christian. He saved my life." Her words are quiet and I can still hear the emotion in them. I pull her slightly out of my mother's grasp so I can hold her in my arms and calm her nerves. I rub her back gently and I can feel the tension leaving her body.

"Well come sit, come sit. Would you like something to drink or eat?" She asks us as we move into the parlor.

"No…" I look around grateful that Jack wasn't here and that it was just the four of us.

"Jack said you have… some news?" My mother says and I see the smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"Ana and I are getting married." The smile finds my face the second the words leave my mouth. It's the first time I've smiled since I set foot inside this house, no doubt because of the words I just uttered. _Anastasia would be my wife. The mother of my children. My forever._ I shift in my seat, trying to will my cock from trying to break out of the confines of my pants to get closer to it's home.

"That is marvelous!" My mother claps her hands and reaches for something on the table in front of us. "I've taken the liberty of putting a few things together. The club is open starting next May, but if you want to use them, we really need to get a move on reserving. Tell me dear, do you have a rough estimate on how many-"

"Mother, enough." I bark at her, feeling Ana tense slightly at all of these questions being thrown at her. "Do you really think…" I chuckle, as I wonder how it's possible for someone to be _this_ clueless. "You think I want to get married at _the club? His_ club _? Your_ club _?_ Are you out of your mind? Anastasia and I are planning to do something small and simple. Just her and I." And this was true, Ana and I had talked extensively about our upcoming nuptials.

She'd told me once upon a time she'd dreamed of a big wedding with flowers, and a huge cake, and her father walking her down the aisle. But now… " _Dreams change, Christian. You're my dream now."_ She'd told me with tears in her eyes as the water from the shower we were in rained down on us. " _You and me and Greece… that's what I want."_ After telling her that there was no way in hell I was waiting two years to marry her, we'd decided that something small was all we wanted for now, and then we'd go to Greece the second I could.

"What the heck, we can't come?" Mia asks. "But… this is big. You're getting married!"

"Again, this is not why we're here. I'm here, because Jack made it seem like you weren't doing well. That you wanted to talk to me. But if you're just going to question _my_ life choices, then Ana and I can leave."

"I should have known you'd be combative." My mother says as she crosses her legs. "I just wanted to help."

"And I appreciate that." Ana interjects. "I just… I don't want all of the excitement." She bites her bottom lip and looks up at me. "I just want him."

* * *

An hour later, I watch from the kitchen as Ana and Mia walk around the pool outside, Mia talking a mile a minute about if there was _anything_ she could do to help. We hadn't told them about the baby, it was still relatively knew and I figured two huge bombs that we'd dropped was enough.

"I can't believe you're moving." My mother says as she makes herself a vodka martini. "Drink?""

"No… I…" I start, preparing to say that I was driving when I remember this is why Ana drove. "Sure, I'll have a scotch."

She begins preparing my drink and hands it to me after a few minutes. "I see the way you look at her."

"What about it?"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? It's been all of five months and now you're marrying her and…" she pauses. "Moving across the country for her?"

"Are you concerned she wants me for the money I don't have?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No. I just… she's so young, Christian. She's what twenty one?"

"Twenty-four. And her age is irrelevant. You see the way I look at her. But do you see the way she looks at me?"

"With stars in her eyes, yes. I see that. I just want to make sure you aren't making a mistake."

I snort. "I've made a ton of mistakes in my life. Trust me, Anastasia Steele is not one of them."

"So you're moving next month then."

"That's the timeline. Ana is already going to be a semester behind because we aren't moving at the beginning of the semester. But she'll start in January."

"What are you going to do for money? Can you support her?"

"Yes. The job I'm taking pays… well." I hadn't anticipated a baby in the mix which would make things a little more difficult. Ana suggested not going back to grad school until after the baby was born, but I didn't want her to do that. I wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. And she had worked so hard the last two years, I know she wanted to graduate. It would be difficult, especially with a new baby, but I know she could do it. She would give birth in the summer of next year, and by the time fall rolled around for her final semester, we'd be somewhat acclimated. _Hopefully._

"Where are you going to be working?" I hear his voice and my face turns to see my stepfather walking through the kitchen with that arrogance I hated.

"Jack." I nod once. I really didn't have the energy for him today, so I hope he takes that as a sign not to talk to me.

"Ohio is quite a long way."

"Well, I think I've had about enough of Washington. There's not much for me here anymore." My eyes move toward the window and I see that Ana and Mia are sitting on the patio facing the pool. I wish she could see me, feel me, feel that I was ready to fucking go. When her eyes don't meet mine, I turn back to my stepfather to see him regarding me.

"And you trust that moving with Miss Steele is the right decision?"

"I don't know what you're insinuating, but I wouldn't go wherever it is you're trying to take this conversation." _Do these people forget I took a bullet for her?_ "Heaven forbid, someone might actually love me and want to be with me despite my choices."

"Forgive us for being… insensitive. I'm just… surprised…." my mother trails off.

"What you're mother is trying to say, but won't because she's afraid to hurt your feelings is most women would have some… reservations about being with a man that was in prison for murdering someone in cold blood."

My hand balls into a fist at the same moment I hear my mother gasp. "Jack. That is not what I was implying."

"This is why you asked me over here? To just… poke the bear? That is what I am to you right? The violent ticking time bomb that might blow again? Ana should be afraid of me? Is that what you're saying? That I might hurt her one day?"

"I know you love her, I don't think you'd hurt her." My mother answers quickly. "I just wanted to make sure she was with you for the right reasons."

"Again, other than being in love with me what reasons would she have?"

"You did take a bullet for her, son."

"So? What you think Ana is with me because I protect her? Because she feels safe with me?" _I know she feels all of those things, but I also know she loves me. God, why am I even defending myself to these people._

"I was more wondering if maybe she was using you for her own personal gain." Jack interjects.

"What? What personal gain?"

"Do you know what a book what do for Ana's career? For her life? A tell-all book about what it meant to be with you? What the last six months have been like? I can already see the headlines on every newspaper and magazine from here to New York. "Grad Student Describes her Fantasy with a Felon." He raises an eyebrow at me. "TV spots, book deals, you name it. You can't be that naive to think that they haven't already been coming out of the woodwork asking her. You think people haven't contacted her for her story?"

My mouth goes dry and I wince when I finally gather enough moisture to swallow. It feels like glass shards are sliding down my throat so I take a sip of the scotch in my hand and let the cool liquid take away the sting of his words.

"Jack, stop it. Ana loves Christian." Grace says.

"Possibly." He shrugs. "And hey maybe, this will help you guys with money for a while. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Maybe she's not going to sell your story to the highest bidder and leave you. Maybe she'll sell the story because she's proud of it and wants it to be told. I can't believe you are looking at me like you're so surprised."

"Ana would never deceive me." In my heart of hearts, I know that, but hearing this deception spelled out so viciously feels like I've just been walking around blind the last few months. "And you're a heartless bastard for suggesting otherwise. This is why I can't stand your ass." I growl and he takes a step towards me.

"Watch your fucking self, Grey."

"No, I'm over this shit. I'm over you and this family. I'm over what having you in my life has meant for me the past fifteen years."

"Back at you!" He yells. "You think I've loved having a bratty fucking stepson like you? So disrespectful, so ungrateful. I told your mother we should have sent you to boarding school."

"Shit, I wish you would have sent me and Mia both, maybe she wouldn't have spent years being tortured by your psychopathic ass son."

"Don't you dare speak of him." He grits out, just as I hear the door open and Ana is by my side, sliding her hand into mine.

"Let's go, baby." Her hand rests on my chest and she rubs it gently as she looks up at me. "This isn't going to be good for anyone."

"No." I tell her. I look at Jack, feeling the anger of the last fifteen years pouring out of me. "Or maybe you just wanted to send me away because then that meant that your son had around the clock access to Mia." I growl.

"Christian…No..." Mia starts before she flees the room in tears and I hear her darting up the stairs.

"Baby…" I hear from next to me and I can hear the tears in her voice.

"Stay out of this." I tell her, not even recognizing my voice in this moment. "You know what I think? I think you were in on it. That you knew… every sick disgusting, depraved thing he did to my baby sister… you knew…"

"Stop it." Jack growls, taking a step closer to me. I see my mother in the corner, her face as white as a ghost, and the tears pooling in her eyes before flying down her face.

"You got off on it." I continue, egging him on.

"ENOUGH." He screams.

"You got cameras around this fancy place? Maybe you put them in her shower? In her bedroom? So you could have some extra footage of just her? You made sure my mother was gone, you made me so miserable I couldn't be here..."

"Get the FUCK out of my house!" He bellows and I feel Ana pulling on my hand away to get us away from Jack who's moving closer to us. But I don't care. I don't give a shit. I want the truth.

"You should have gone to prison." At this point, I'm blind with rage, and all I can see is red. "You should rot there for eternity, you heartless bastard." He starts to say something when I take a step closer. "You paid my fucking sister off because of what your son did to her. You say it's for "restitution?" Bullshit! You paid her _not_ to take the stand when it could help keep _me_ out of prison!"

"YOU DESERVED TO GO TO PRISON YOU PIECE OF SHIT." He moves so that we are nose to nose. "YOU KILLED MY SON!"

"Stop it, right now." My mother says as she tries to pull Jack away from me.

"My son didn't deserve to die at the hands of you!" He growls. "HE had a bright future! He didn't deserve to be gunned down by some fucked up asshole with daddy issues!"

"Don't you fucking dare." I snarl.

"You think Carrick Grey was so perfect? In all the years I've been with your mother, I certainly didn't stick my dick in any other woman. I certainly didn't stick it in _fourteen_ other woman." He snarls. His face is angry, and his voice is dripping with malace.

My mother gasps. "Jack Harrison Hyde, how dare you!" my mother shrieks and pulls him away from me. "That was NOT for you to share and certainly not with _my_ son."

"Four-fourteen?" I stammer out. _I knew about one… but… fourteen? There's no way_. "That's not true. There's no way."

"Didn't know your father was a serial cheater, did you?" He looks at Ana and gives her a small smile. "And he's just like his father you know."

"GO." Grace screams at him, and points at the door.

His face falls slightly, and I think although he doesn't give a shit about me, he does feel bad for hurting my mother. _I think._ Not that it stops me from wanting to punch his face in for what he said to Ana. _How. Fucking. Dare. He?_ I'm on the move after him, when I feel hands wrapped around my bicep. Two hands. _Two different hands._

"I'm not letting you violate your parole over him." Ana says. I look at her and then at my mother who has my other arm.

"She's right." She nods at Ana… and my gaze finds hers, remembering the last thing that he said before he left the room.

She shakes her head. "I don't believe that for a second." She says as if she can hear my thoughts. Her hand, the one wrapped in the soft cast, finds my face and she rubs my cheek. "I love you and I know you love me."

I nod once, hoping that she can feel just how much I love her. That I would always be faithful to her. "Why do you stay with him, mom? He's the devil."

"He's not like this. You two… you just bring out the worst in each other. Christian, he didn't know about Mia… I know that."

"How?"

"Things… a lot happened while you were gone. I left Jack for a while… I served him with divorce papers… We went to therapy and we talked...a lot. I know you think he's a horrible person. I get that. But I love him. He makes me happy. I hate what happened to Mia. I hate myself for not seeing it. For not being there for my daughter. But I don't hate Jack. I can't hate him. If I didn't see it, how could he? I've learned to separate…Christian. And you have to as well."

I drop to the seat at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands. I feel Ana next to me and her head resting on my shoulder and instantly I feel calmer. "I had no idea about Dad…"

"I know."

"Well… I knew he cheated, but I figured it was only one."

She gasps. "How? Who told you?"

"I found out. We argued." I raise my head, the tears threatening to fall. "We argued and then he died."

"Oh Christian…" She murmurs and for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel my mother's warmth. A genuineness I haven't felt in so long as she hugs me and rests her cheek on my head. "It's not your fault. None of this has been your fault. You were… you and Mia both were dealt a shitty hand, and I'm sorry for… being that dealer. I haven't been the best mom and I'm sorry for that. Really, I am. I know it's not something we can fix overnight but I would like to try. Or at very least… maybe…" she trails off. "I can come to Ohio and meet the baby when it's born?" Ana and I look at each other before darting our gazes to my mom and she smiles.

"Wait… what?" I ask.

"Give me a little credit, huh? I've had two children. You keep touching your stomach, and he keeps looking at it… and you… like you might break."

"I always do that." I tell her. _Did I look at Ana any differently? I feel like I always look at her like she's the most precious thing in the world. Like if I stopped looking at her she'd disappear. Like one day I would wake up and this was all a dream and I was back at the Seattle Correctional Facility being eyed by George._

 _Shit I've come a long fucking way._

"I know what a new mother looks like. You're glowing." She nods at Ana.

"Thank you." She smiles.

"How far along?"

"About four weeks." She nibbles on her bottom lip and all I want is to pull it between my teeth and kiss her nervousness away.

"Are you excited?"

"Unbelievably." Ana says, her face glowing brighter than I'd seen today.

"We both are. I can't wait to meet him or her." I stand and pull Ana to her feet. "We should go."

"No… you don't have to, sweetheart. I'm going to talk to Jack about what he said. That wasn't right. And I'm sorry for not being more supportive and for what I said earlier." She looks at Ana. "My husband didn't have any right saying that to you. I'm sorry."

"I don't need anyone to tell me that Christian would never cheat on me. I know he wouldn't. He's the love of my life and I know without a doubt that I'm the love of his." She beams up at me and stands on her tippy toes and presents her lips to me. I press mine to hers before kissing her forehead.

My mother walks us towards the door, her arm looped through mine. "You deserve to be happy Christian. I'm glad you found your happiness." She kisses my cheek before engulfing Ana in a hug. "Sweet girl. You take care of my son."

"Always."

* * *

"You've been quiet since we got home. Do you want to talk about it? I'm glad that you didn't rip my arm out of it's socket trying to go after Jack." She jokes as she holds her arm up. "This one has been through a lot already this year." She giggles and I shoot her a look, telling her that I wasn't in the mood. We're sitting at the kitchen table having just finished dinner when she climbs into my lap. "Don't look at me like that."

"How are you feeling?" I ask as I rub her belly gently. I rest my hands on her bare skin, stroking the area about her belly button.

"Fine. I should be asking you that question."

"Jack is the worst."

"That does seem to be the general consensus between you and I. But Christian, you have to let it go. Please. For me? I'm not suggesting that you just forgive and forget, but just… your mother is happy and loves him and despite the fact that he is a huge dick, he hasn't done anything…to give your mother a reason to leave him. If she hasn't by now you have to just accept the fact that he'll be in your mothers life."

"He asked if you were writing a book… or memoir… about your time with me."

She looks at me, her eyes wide as she cocks her head to the side. "Wait, what?"

"He alluded that you were essentially playing me… for a story. And that you'd sell it to the highest bidder and then leave once you've made your career."

She blinks her eyes a few times before bursting into a loud laugh. "Stop. Tell me you didn't believe that. Tell me that you know that what I feel for you is real." She shakes her head. I wasn't sure how I was expecting her to take that, but her I'm glad to see it doesn't phase her. _Because she loves you, obviously._

I nod my head. I knew the second he said it, he was trying to rile me up. Whether it stung or not, I knew Ana. "I know it's real."

"Good. Don't make me have to kick your ass for believing any stupid shit, Grey." She holds her fist up and I kiss it.

"You know, pretty soon you'll have this name too." I smile at her and she does a little dance in her seat which also happened to be my lap which made my cock stand at attention. "When? How soon can we make this thing official?"

I grin at her. "Tomorrow, too soon?"

* * *

 _ **One week later…**_

"Oh my God!" Ana stands on the steps of the courthouse, her hand in mine as there's a million reporters outside all wanting the inside scoop regarding the ex-felon who got his happily ever after. I pull my new bride into my arms and dip her, before planting a not suitable for television type kiss on her lips causing the crowd to go wild.

Despite Ana's wishes for it to be just us, we did invite her parents and Kate, my mother and Mia to witness.

One thing that did come out of going to Hyde Manor last week was the idea that maybe selling our story _together_ to the press wouldn't be the worst idea. We did have a baby on the way, a bit of extra money wouldn't hurt.

It only took twenty four hours for the story of the ex-convict and his grad student… grad student that had successfully gotten him out of prison and their romance to go viral. _Nationwide._

Within two days, we had emails, calls, fan mail, news vans from at least four different stations camped outside of my house, all dying for the scoop. They wanted to know everything.

 _Jack._

 _Hopewell._

 _And everything in between._

It had been a bit of a circus since but we were handling it. _Sort of._

"Kiss her again!" Someone in the crowd calls.

"Miss Steele, did you take his last name?" Someone else asks.

"Is there a baby in the future?"

"Have you talked about kids?"

"Where are you going to live?"

"Is it true you dropped out of grad school?"

All of the questions are being fired off as we push through the crowd with security on both sides of us. We are being escorted to my car and as soon as we are inside, Ana lunges for me. "Ana, Ana baby… wait. My windows aren't tinted, they can see inside, you know."

"So let's give them a show." She giggles before she plants her mouth to mine. "I love you, husband."

That word falling from her lips makes me hard as a fucking rock. _I need her. Now. Get home._ My cock screams. "Fuck. I need to get you home now, _Wife._ "

I pull apart from her and pull away from the courthouse and make the thirty minute trek back to our house, both of us almost silent as we take in the magnitude of what we did. "Are you glad we did this?"

"Absolutely." I tell her. "I've never been happier."

"Me too. I loved your vows. They were… beautiful." She tells me.

"I'm glad you liked them, Angel."

"You're a true romantic, Christian Grey."

"Only with you."

" _You both have prepared vows? Normally I read the standard vow exchange, but go ahead." The officiant points at us and I look at the woman who I've fallen so hard and fast for as I prepare to speak._

" _Anastasia… My sweet Angel, you came into my life like the answer to every single prayer I've ever had. I had no idea that you'd be the answer to so many of the questions I had. So many of the problems I've faced, you've fixed merely by being in my life. From the moment, I read your first letter, I was drawn to you. To your energy. You wanted to help me." I swallow, feeling the tears in my eyes as I try to confess to this woman how deep my love runs for her. "You wanted to save me. You did save me. You saved my life, Ana. In so many ways. When I eventually got out of prison, I would have been an angry, reclusive man with no friends or family or no one to turn to. You showed me compassion, you looked at me like I was more than just the man who'd been in prison the past two years. You saw me for me. I've never been loved as hard as I have by you and for that I'm thankful to have been shown what that feels like." The tears are moving down her cheeks so I reach out to wipe them. "I love you more than anything in the world, Ana. I promise to honor and cherish you for the rest of our life. In sickness and in health, good times, bad times, and everything else in between. I promise to protect you, always. You and the family we build together. You are the other half of my soul. Thank you for finding me and loving me… even when I didn't love myself. I can't wait to start this life with you, Blue Eyes."_

 _She giggles through her tears as I slide the ring on her finger. I bring her hand to my lips, desperately wanting to kiss her perfect mouth but settling for her hand and feeling the ring that showed the world she was mine under my lips._

" _Christian Grey, the man that changed my life in the blink of an eye. I don't think you'll ever full grasp just how much I love you. You have changed me in so many ways for the better. You saved_ me _from so many things, Christian. You taught me to trust people and love in spite of the pain. You got me to open up about things I hadn't told anyone. Your love did that… your love for me has protected me in so many ways." She hiccups and wipes at her tears. "Physically and emotionally. I'll never be able to repay you for all of the things you've done for me. And I know you're thinking that I don't need to." True. I think. "But I do. And I'll start by loving you everyday for the rest of my life. By honoring you, and being your partner in sickness and in health in this life and the next. I love you and I plan to spend the rest of our lives showing you just how much." She slides the ring on my finger and stares at me, like she's ready to kiss me_ now.

 _I'm vaguely aware of all the sniffles and tears that I know are happening around me. But I can't take my eyes off the woman in front of me._

" _By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."_

 _Bride has barely escaped his mouth before my mouth is on hers and every person in the courtroom cheers. Loudly._

 _My tongue finds hers despite the fact that we aren't alone and she slides her tongue against mine. She moans in my mouth, a tiny whimper that only I can hear despite the white noise around us. For this brief moment, we're in our own bubble, and I wish we didn't have to break it._

" _I love you, Mrs. Grey." I whisper as I rest my forehead against hers._

" _I love you, Mr. Grey, forever."_

" _And Baby Grey." I tell her against her lips as to not alert anyone else about our little secret._

 _ **The Seattle Times**_

 _ **A Different Kind of Fairytale**_

 _ **Monday September 29**_

 _When Christian Grey was sent to prison two years ago for murder, never in a million years did he believe that two years later he'd be getting married, having found the love of his life- get this, on his winning "Dream Team" that had successfully gotten him out of prison, seven years early. Grey wed WSU grad student Anastasia Steele this Saturday September 27 at the Justice of the Peace in Seattle Square. The couple looked so happy and in love and they couldn't keep their hands (or lips) off each other._

" _I've never seen Ana this happy ever!" Her best friend, Kate Kavanagh says. "She's glowing and so beautiful. I wish nothing but the best for the lovebirds."_

 _The Seattle Times caught up with the couple before they tied the knot and will be running their interview next week after their television interview runs on Channel 6, WUSA._

 _Stay tuned._


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I know you guys are about ready to kill me haha. Sorry! It's been a crazy two-ish months. But I released TWO more books since September! I know that a number of you aren't on Facebook, which is where I try to keep everyone informed. I've put an author's note at the end of this that kind of tells you where my head is at and where I stand with writing fanfiction.**

* * *

A POV

Tucking a nervous strand behind my ear I feel a hand smacking mine away. "Don't touch." Lisa, the woman who was in charge of my hair for WUSA Channel 6 says as she runs her fingers through my curls. "Such pretty hair."

Marisol, the lady in charge of makeup, rubs a blush brush over my nose, taking the final bit of shine away. "The camera is going to love you. You're so beautiful."

"Isn't she?" The words are low and gravelly and have a direct line to my clit. My stomach flips and I wonder if it's the baby inside of me reacting to their father's voice. Our eyes meet as he walks through my dressing room and instantly I feel like I could melt under his warm stare. He kneels in front of me and runs his hand up my stocking clad leg. I'm wearing a flowy beige dress that hits my knees and now all I can think about him running his mouth over every inch of my legs.

"You look handsome." I tell him. He's wearing a black suit with a black shirt underneath it and it's making my panties wet and making me wish I could tell Lisa and Marisol to get lost so I can have some alone time with my man.

 _As a matter of fact..._

"Do you guys mind if we have a second alone?" They shoot each other a knowing look before looking at me.

"You all go on in twenty and I am _not_ redoing your makeup. You have lipstick on, Mrs. Grey."

I can almost hear the growl from hearing her use my new name. I laugh to myself as I think about the fact that I'll definitely be needing my makeup touched up. "Five minutes." I hold up my hand and they make their way out of the room.

"Mrs. Grey." His lips find my shin and he trails his lips up to my kneecap.

"Christian…" I giggle.

"They didn't say anything about _these_ lips." His hands are on my thighs and he groans when he realizes I'm wearing thigh highs. "Oh fuck. Even better." He groans before he pushes my panties to the side.

"Christian...now?"

"You need to come and I need to make you come. _Hush._ " He holds my dress up around my waist and presses his lips to my pussy, rubbing his tongue through my folds that were already wet with arousal.

"Fuck. Baby, I need your cock." I lean my head back and grab his head, tugging on his silky locks and sliding my legs over his shoulders.

"Later. If I get inside of you, you know we won't be ready in twenty minutes. I just need a taste to tie us over." My orgasm is on the tip of my tongue and I already feel it ripping through me. "Tell me you love me, Anastasia. _Now._ " His hands dig into my thighs, his nails digging into my flesh and it's a delicious feeling between pleasure and pain.

"I love you. I love you. I love yooooou." I moan out over and over as I feel myself falling over the edge. My body shakes under the power of his tongue that's flicking my clit in quick rapid succession. I sink into the chair as my accelerated heart rate begins to slow and my breathing returns to normal. He looks up at me from between my legs and the bottom half of his face is glistening with my arousal. I bite my bottom lip and his darken in response.

"What do you want, Mrs. Grey?"

"Take your dick out." I blink my eyes several times before fixing my gaze on his crotch as he stands up in front of me.

"I can't fuck you. I didn't fuck you this morning and I won't have my fill in twenty minutes." He growls. I knew he'd be pissed about that, but I spent most of the morning with my head in the toilet due to morning sickness and wasn't exactly feeling up to sex. _Now, I was ravenous and I wanted him all over this dressing room._

"Let me taste your cock, then."

He groans and rubs a hand down his jaw, wiping me from his face. He runs his tongue over his lips for what seems like the tenth time in the last minute, and watching that pink muscle dart out is doing nothing but making me horny _again._ "Anastasia…"

"I refuse to leave this room until your cock has been inside of me." I raise a hand to stop his potential snarky comment. "Not in my ass."

"We haven't done that in a while." He unbuckles his pants and lets them slide down his muscular legs, revealing black tight briefs that highlight his cock. My mouth waters at the sight and I swallow down the excess spit. I lower myself to my knees along with his briefs, sucking him into my mouth the second his cock is in view.

 _Marisol is going to have a fit._

* * *

Sure enough no more than ten minutes later, Marisol was scolding me about where the hell my burgundy lip stain was, and why I had a ring around my mouth. Christian coughed to hide a chuckle as most of that burgundy lip stain was _all_ over his cock. Marisol, who noticed that Christian didn't have _any_ lipstick on his face must have figured out where it had gone as well. So with a scowl and _a lot_ of makeup remover and concealer she redid my lipstick.

"Don't touch her lips, Mr. Grey."

"I don't accept that shit." He snorts as we walk down the hall hand and hand. And just to make a point he stops in his tracks, pulls me to his chest and plants a wet kiss on my lips.

"You're actually impossible." Marisol says with a stern look behind her wide rimmed glasses. But if I didn't know any better, I swore I saw a smirk in there somewhere.

We make it to the backstage area, just as the news reporter is introducing us to the camera. It's not a live interview, but they were trying to get everything in one take for authentic purposes which was fine with me, I knew I was going to be emotional hearing things played back to us. We'd agreed that nothing was off limits, and that WUSA would be getting the exclusive look into our lives, past and future.

 _Yep, we were revealing the baby news here as well._ I was going into my second trimester and although I wasn't showing all that much, we knew they were going to ask and neither of us thought we could get through the answer with a straight face so we figured, _to hell with it._

Just as Jackson Mills introduces the newly _Mr. and Mrs. Grey_ , I feel his hand on my back and then we're moving past the blinding lights and the seven different cameras surrounding the love seat where we would be seated. I sit down, and Christian sits right next to me, his hand slipping into mine and bringing my hand to his lips. On the outside, I smile and give him a sweet look, but on the inside, I'm screaming with glee, and giving the middle finger to all the women who'd spent the last two weeks drooling over my man. Christian was currently on the receiving end of _all_ types of fan mail. Some were sweet, and some were downright nasty. Words and pictures that even made me blush… Those were the ones that made me take him into our bedroom and make him remember just who he belonged to.

 _A part of me wondered if he loved getting those particular pieces of mail because of how I reacted to it and what followed._

Jackson starts and I take a minute to look him over. He's wearing a black suit, with a white shirt underneath it and a red tie. Round frames sit in front of green eyes and perched on top of a perfectly straight nose. A dimple pops out every time he speaks, revealing straight and blindingly white teeth that he probably has bleached every six months like clockwork. He was perfect for television. Charming and just the perfect amount of cheesy. "Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey. Thank you so much for sitting down with us today and letting us chat with you."

"No problem, thank you for having us." I catch a peek at Christian out of the corner of my eye, and it's like he's totally in his element. Calm, cool and totally in control. He squeezes my hand and I can feel him reassuring me in just that gesture. _You okay?_

I squeeze back. _Yes._

"So, let's jump right into this, shall we? For those that are just joining us, Christian Grey was convicted of murder in the second degree of his step-brother. Mr. Grey, tell us a little about what the initial trial was like?"

I shift closer to him on the seat and bring his hand into my lap and squeeze it gently, a move not lost on at least two of the cameras who I can feel zooming in on our hands. I rub my fingers over his knuckles and he squeezes back. "Well, you know, it wasn't my finest hour." Christian grimaces. "It's a situation that nothing can prepare you for. You don't know what to do or what to say until it's happening. It's the heat of the moment and your mind is screaming and everyone is looking at you and talking at you… _not to you_ , but _at you_ and all I knew about being arrested was don't say anything until you have a lawyer. Don't say anything until you have a lawyer." He swallows. "But I didn't know how my sister Mia was doing. I was such a wreck, thinking she'd died. I was screaming that the police needed to be checking on her. That they needed to leave me alone, and she was the focus. _He'd killed her._ All of that was just the nails they needed in my coffin. I was basically confessing to it without realizing it, and by the time I got to the police station, they'd already decided I was guilty. Everyone decided I was guilty. The whole thing was surreal, and you feel like you're an outsider looking in. I was this law-abiding, tax-paying, never had so much as a parking ticket citizen and then here I was being booked for murder. Mugshots, fingerprints, invasive cavity searches, the works. I probably sat in a room with cop after cop for three straight days." He rubs his forehead and sighs. "No one can be prepared for that. It's inhuman. Unnatural."

I can practically see the words "Award Winning Interview" written all over Jackson's face as he stares at Christian with stars in his eyes before he nods. "And the trial?"

"The trial felt like a circus. I don't think my lawyers knew what they were doing." He shakes his head. "Actually scratch that, they didn't know what they were doing." I take a sip of the water in front of me to swallow that pill I knew to be true. _His lawyers were the fucking worst._

"I didn't take the stand." He continues, "and I should have. At the time, my sister was undergoing extensive psychiatric treatment and she was not fit to take the stand although I think it might have helped. People thought I was this violent man that was a danger to society." He shakes his head. "I was just a big brother that got rid of the violent man that was a danger to my sister." He swallows. "He would have killed her and I never would have forgiven myself. It was instinct. You pull your broken sister off the floor after witnessing the most horrific moment of your life, you don't think, you _act._ And I acted. I don't know a big brother, or father or husband or any man that wouldn't give his life for the girl he loves."

I don't even try to stop the tears from flooding my eyes but it's no use. I feel them trickling down my cheek and I dab my eyes with the tissues they'd strategically placed in front of me. They'd warned Christian that I would probably cry and that he couldn't pull me into his lap and I couldn't bury my face in his chest. We needed to keep things somewhat professional, which means I couldn't curl up against him and let him take the pain away.

It didn't however, stop him from running his knuckles down my cheek and wiping the water that was just below my eye.

"So you're in prison, and then you meet Miss Steele?"

"No, _Mrs. Grey_ " he corrects, "didn't come until later. We corresponded via letters and emails until I would say a year and a half into my sentence. Even from those letters and from never seeing her face, I think a part of me loved her. Her words had this vibe that I had never felt before. It was like I'd read her letters and she would wrap her arms around me and whisper 'just hold on a little while longer.' I've always been a good judge of people and I just knew she was one of the good ones." Our eyes meet briefly and he smiles. "The best one."

I smile before turning back to Jackson. "And Mrs. Grey, you felt similarly?"

I blush slightly. "I'm not going to say that I didn't find him attractive from the jump. Because no one would believe that. I can remember what people were saying about him when he was initially convicted. Women all over the country were swooning over this protective, alpha gorgeous man that stood up for someone who felt that they had no hope. That helped get someone out of this dangerous and potentially tragic situation. Research shows that one in three women experience some sort of sexual violence at some point in their life and one in five women experience rape. Those women were among those watching his story, watching the court system fail him. Watching them fail his sister." I take a deep breath. "I'm one of those three women and I remember thinking before I was even in grad school because I was a senior in undergrad at the time, that this was seriously… _screwed_ up." I feel Christian tense next to me and then his arm is wrapped around me and pulling me almost into his lap.

"God, I love you so much." He leans in and whispers in my ear. "You never cease to amaze me." I blush, not because of his words, but because we are both wearing mics, so despite him trying to be quiet, everyone will hear that.

"You know your affair is being called 'a different kind of fairy tale'," Jackson starts as he watches our interaction. "When did that begin?"

"Instantly." Christian says, his eyes still fixed on me. "She was it for me from the moment I laid eyes on her, and every moment up till now has been me convincing her that I'm it for her." _Cue every woman's ovaries bursting, including my own. Even our baby does a flip inside of me._

"Christian…" My eyes rake over his, heated, wanting, desperate for him and he reads the look in my eyes because he shoots me one back that sends a zap to my core. A look that read _Later. Holy fuck, I will have you later. Every position possible._ He promises with his eyes. I turn back to Jackson who's still looking at us like we're his ticket to the good life in LA. "He says that, but I was into him far before he was into me."

"That's a lie." He growls and I roll my eyes again.

"Okay we were into each other from the jump. _Happy?_ " I shoot a look at my husband and he squeezes my hand again. It wasn't a reassuring squeeze but a _you're going the fuck over my knee the second we're alone_ squeeze.

 _Yes please._

"None of that mattered though. I managed to put my feelings aside," _kinda_ my subconscious perks up as it remembers our sexy messages we'd exchanged or the fact that I used to finger myself before I had meetings with him so I could rub my orgasm all over him. Christian must be remembering that too because he shifts in his seat and I know him well enough to know that he's trying to relieve the ache in his cock. "Because I wanted better for him. My team agreed. They were totally on board, and he was the perfect candidate. He was local and his case was still in the news from time to time. So many people were divided on where they stood but at the end of the day, more people than not believed that Christian was a good man and didn't deserve to be in jail for the next decade. He wasn't a danger to anyone other than the one man that had spent the better part of fifteen years torturing his sister."

"But it's been stated that you sort of led this _Dream Team_?"

"Yes, my number one supporter." Christian interjects. "I know the paper didn't report her name because she was only a grad student, but from the beginning she was the only one I trusted and after spending two years in prison, I didn't trust many people. Hell I _still_ don't."

Somewhere in my periphery I see them signaling towards Jackson and he looks at the camera. "We're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back with these two where we'll hear about Mrs. Grey's past with her own demons and how her knight in shining armor rescued her from them."

"AND CUT! Great shit, J." Someone tosses him a bottle of water and he gets up and walks off leaving me and Christian.

"Your knight, huh?" Christian pulls me into his lap and runs his hands down my legs. "Little do they know you slayed your own dragons."

"I think I had some help." I giggle but it's silenced by his mouth on mine, his tongue probing my lips. I open my mouth and he slides his tongue inside, finding mine and stroking gently. I know how to read every single one of Christian's kisses. And _this_. This was a kiss that made me feel safe, protected, loved and worshipped and a telling of all the things he was planning to do to me the second we were alone.

"I love you." I murmur against his lips when I pull back. I rub my thumb against his lips and he smiles when he realizes he now has a coat of my lipstick on his face.

"Alright, we're getting ready to come back. You guys are doing great." Jackson says as he sits back in his chair. "Ana, if you need to cry, don't feel that you need to hold back, and Christian I know that you're trying to keep your hands to yourself, but I'm not my producer." He shrugs before he pulls the bib off that they gave him to protect his clothes while I assume he was eating and drinking. "This could be a huge win for all of us, don't be afraid to milk it." He winks and I roll my eyes.

Christian and I share a look. _Milk it? Is he for real? This is only our real lives here._

I giggle and Christian rolls his eyes but seems to be happier that he can be a bit more hands-on.

"5-4-3-2-1," someone calls and just like that, we're back on.

"For those of you just tuning in, I'm sitting down with newlywed Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele Grey. In case you've been living under a rock the last few years, Christian Grey went to prison for murdering his stepbrother after years of sexually, physically and mentally abusing his sister. Before we took a break, we were just starting to get in to Anastasia's story." He turns to me. "Now you had a similar background to Christian's sister, correct?"

"Yes." I nod. "It took me a long time to be open with anyone about this. For so long, I kept it to myself, and then Christian… when we met, it was like he knew. He could see right through me and knew I had demons, there were monsters hidden beneath my skin, in my eyes… he knew the signs." I bite my lip and I can feel the tension radiating off of him. "I told him pretty early on in our relationship and…" I pause, wondering how to phrase the words. "It stunned me how he reacted. It's like, nothing mattered accept keeping me safe. I never feel as safe as when he's by my side. And maybe that makes me weak or dependent on him but… he saved my life so many times, I would be crazy not to want to stick to him like glue." I smile at my light hearted comment and I hear the chuckle from next to him. "In all seriousness, women want to feel protected and safe and cherished. We want to feel that someone is looking out for us so that we don't _always_ have to be looking over our shoulders. We want someone we trust to watch our backs so we don't have to every second…. And Christian is that person for me."

The rest of the interview flies by and I manage to keep it together and only shed a tear two more times specifically when we talked about Hopewell, and that fateful night when I thought I almost lost the love of my life.

"So, on a happier note, you two are writing a book together, right? How's that going?"

Christian and I exchange a look before turning back to Jackson. "It's… how you'd imagine writing a book with your spouse would be." I laugh and cross one of my legs over the other and tuck a hair behind my ear.

Christian pinches my side playfully. "I resent that, Ana loves my creative direction."

I roll my eyes as I think about how he wants to document pretty much every sex scene there ever was. _Explicitly._ And by explicitly I mean he wants to put " _I ate her pussy until she screamed bloody murder. Oh shit, is that an in poor taste pun?"_

"Yes, it's a real treat." I giggle. " No, Christian and I are on the same page for the basics, but yes we do have some creative differences that we have to compromise on."

"Compromise?" Jacksons asks, clearly probing for more details.

"Yes, we have a way of coming to a decision together." I explain.

"Yes, a way that has proven effective over many generations." Christian looks at Jackson and they share some sort of bro code look.

The interview comes to a conclusion, and Jackson seems to be wrapping up the hour when he stops and shoots us a look. "Now, I know you have an article running in the Seattle Times tomorrow, but I was hoping you'd give us a scoop if there was anything else you'd want to share?" He raises an eyebrow and I wonder if he somehow knows that we're expecting.

I look at Christian, shooting him a questioning look and he leans forward and cocks an eyebrow at Jackson. "You want to know if I've knocked my woman up?" I giggle to myself and roll my eyes at Christian's somewhat crassness. "Anastasia? You wanna field that one?" He asks before sitting back in his chair.

Jackson's eyes find mine and they widen as he leans forward, his hand secured under his chin and a look that says "well on with it."

"We are expecting our first child." I smile as the tears well in my eyes. "And we couldn't be happier about it."

He claps his hands together. "Well I'll be damned! That's fantastic news. Congratulations to you both!" He turns to the camera and smiles. "Well that's all we have for you today, join us tomorrow, same time same place, and be sure to catch their article in the Times tomorrow morning and their upcoming book _Fantasy with a Felon,_ that will hit stands this Christmas. Thanks and goodnight, folks." He shakes our hands before saluting the camera.

"You guys were amazing. This might be my Pulitzer. Holy hell, what an interview." Jackson stands up and shakes Christian's hands. He goes to hug me when even _I_ hear the growl in Christian's throat and opts to shake my hand. "Thank you so much, both of you."

"Thank you for having us." I smile as Christian wraps an arm around my waist, keeping anyone else from trying to hug me.

* * *

 _One month later:_

"I can't believe you're leaving." Mia pouts as she drops onto the chair in the kitchen, one of the last few pieces that haven't been packed into the moving truck. Christian and I were leaving for Ohio tomorrow and we couldn't be more excited for this next chapter of our lives. Christian barely let me do anything to prepare for the move, knowing that moves were particularly stressful and not healthy for expectant mothers so I barely even threw socks into a suitcase.

"You'll come visit? And meet the baby?" I ask.

"Oh my God, of course. I was just waiting for the invitation!"

"Well you have it, anytime."

"Well not… anytime." Christian says as he walks through the room. "Call first." Despite the cool temperatures of October, he was wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts, the sweat dripping from his brow and down his neck and making me the horny pregnant woman I currently was. My mouth drops open and my eyes widen as I rake over his body from his feet to his eyes and then back to his feet. I let out a breath and then my bottom lip has found it's usual spot between my teeth. I gulp, trying my best to create moisture in my mouth but it's gone dry.

Christian responds to my look instantly and crosses the room with only a few steps, pulling me into his arms and planting a delicious kiss on my lips. "Come." He growls and then I'm being pulled up his stairs and into the bathroom, uncaring that Mia was calling after us.

"Christian… we just left Mia." I giggle.

"I don't give a shit. You can't ever look at me like that and think that I won't drop anything… _everything_ to fuck you."

"Good to know." I raise an eyebrow at him and he raises one back.

"With great power comes great responsibility, Mrs. Grey. Use it wisely." He jokes, but something tells me he wouldn't care when I decided to exercise my "power" so long as it ended with him inside of me. I sit on the sink and spread my legs, grateful for the dress I'm wearing and pull my underwear to the side. I have a tiny bump, one that Christian can't stop kissing, and sure enough, he's on his knees peppering kisses over my stomach the second he touches me.

"Well since I'm down here." He runs his tongue through my sex and flicking my clit once before he stands up.

"Tease." I grumble.

"Do you want my tongue instead of my cock?"

"I want both."

"We don't have time for both, angel."

"Make time." When it comes to me, Christian had time for everything and I knew it.

"You're drunk on that power, huh?" He jokes and I nod.

"You made me this way."

He drops to his knees again, pushing his face into my sex and exploring my folds with his expert tongue. The sounds that his mouth and my pussy create are among my favorites in the world, second to the sounds Christian makes when he comes. I lock my legs around his neck and hold him in place as he continues his assault on my sex.

"Oh fuck, I'm going to come. Jesus, Christian, I'm there." I lean back slightly, putting one hand behind me for leverage and one on his head, pulling on his hair as the beginning of my orgasm begins to flood my body. "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" I cry out, as a bright light flashes behind my eyelids as I come hard all over his face. I can feel the fluid leaving my body in a gush and I know Christian is relishing in what he's learned to make my body do every time.

He stands up, drops his pants and is inside of me before I've even fully come down and is hammering into me with rapid thrusts. "Holy fucking shit, Ana." He growls and when I look up I see my orgasm glistening on his face. "You're going to fucking drown me one of these days. But what a fucking way to go." He smiles before he kisses my forehead, a sweet gesture coupled with the sexiness of this moment which has me barreling towards yet another orgasm. I'm building fast and I feel my sex clenching around his cock.

He lifts me off the sink and pins me to the wall, allowing my legs to go around his waist. "I need that pretty pussy to come all over my cock, Ana. Squirt again for me, baby."

I wrap my arms around his neck and press my face into the skin, licking a line from behind his ear to his shoulder. "I want your cum inside me. I want it to sit there for the rest of the day. Fuck." I groan. "I love having you inside of me."

"A piece of me is always inside of you." He grunts. "I love that you have my baby in you."

"Oh God, me too!"

"I'm going to have a baby in you for the next ten years at least. I hope you're good with that."

And because I'm desperate for an orgasm, and a bit drunk on Christian Grey, I nod. "Yes yes, fuck, baby. Whatever you want." I scream as I feel my sex pulse, my clit enlarge and his dick explode inside of me like a firework. I'm a beat behind him, the release charging through me and shooting through my body and out every extremity. My eyes which were squeezed shut, finally open and meet his gray eyes.

Eyes that have been staring at me the same way for the better part of this year. "God, you're perfect."

"Back at you, husband."

I feel his cock jump inside of me, hearing me call him that. He groans and lets his head drop to my shoulder. "Fuck, _wife_."

I giggle and press my lips to his sweaty temple. "I love you."

"I love you too. You ready for this next adventure?" He asks as he slides out of me and pulls my underwear up, securing his semen inside of me for now.

"Absolutely."

* * *

 **Author's Note, and it's a long one!**

 **For those curious about my recent period of no posting:**

Fanfiction changed my life. For the better. Absolutely. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. The versions of Ana and Christian that I've seen constructed over the years have shaped who I am as a writer, and hell probably as a person. The writers on here have a way of digging so deep into our souls. It's so far past BDSM, past penetration or laters baby's and lip biting. I've laughed, I've cried, I've thrown tantrums of epic proportions when chapters were ended on cliffhangers and I had to wait for the next update with bated breath.

To all the writers on Fanfiction, I love you. We're connected in a way that people don't understand. I've learned that as I've started to open up to people in my real life about what I've been doing with all my free time the past four-ish years. Writers give you a piece of themselves every time they post anything. Fanfictions or original works. Or maybe original works that were fanfictions first. To the writers, that inspired me to write my first fanfiction, writers like Lilian121 and SusieCC and NuWriter and AMickey4 (College Neighbors wouldn't exist without you.) and CandieFloss and ACNetzel- writers that have long retired from the FF game, thank you! And there are so many more but these are just off the top of my head.

To all the readers on here, readers that I've become what I hope to be lifelong friends with. Readers that comment and message and send me pictures and other inspo on the regular. Readers that I've met in real life. Readers that made my slow transition to original work so incredible. I'm humbled by you everyday. There's a special place in my heart for you. Thank you for telling me I could do this. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for those that held my hand and then let go when I needed it.

All that being said, there comes a point in all writer's lives- particularly ones that write fanfiction where it becomes hard to share their time between muses. I've said two things multiple times. One being that if I could publish with Ana and Christian's names, I would. And two that I would continue to write fanfiction so long as I enjoyed it and it didn't feel like a chore.

Writing fanfiction now feels like a chore. It feels like the homework I have to do before I can go outside and play (with my originals.) And then every day when someone messages or asks about when I'm going to update (with love of course, and it makes me happy to know that you love them so much don't mistake what I'm saying), I feel like I'm letting everyone down. It's just hard. There aren't enough hours in the day. I have a full time job. And friends that basically have to pry me off my computer these days. And then when all of that is over, I still have to make time to sleep.

This isn't me saying that I'm done with fanfiction right this second. But it is me saying that the time is coming. This is also me saying that the stories that I have left on fanfiction will stay there.

But this is something I might actually want to turn into a career. And for that, I do have to pull back from fanfiction.

There's a magic around Ana and Christian that nothing I write could ever replace. Seeing different names changes that magic. I get it. I'm not upset about it. The number of Twilight fans who read MOTU but never read FSOG is probably insane.

I love Ana and Christian and they'll always be a part of me. And I've agonized over this day since the last movie was released. It's just getting to be that time. I do plan to finish this story (I'm thinking one-two more chaps is all I need to tie it together) and Life After Harvard- well I don't know what I plan to do with that. But that's why I said this isn't the end now. I know I need to tie up some loose ends.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. And thank you for everything!

 **All the love,**

 _ **QueenBee03/ Q.B.**_


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